* * * *
Border was heading out for an early run. He was having trouble sleeping and heard Malayna walking around and then head into her studio. She was having trouble sleeping, too, and the muffled sounds of her screams had him on edge.
He knocked on the door and walked in, finding her staring at an empty white canvas with tears rolling down her cheeks. He swallowed hard.
“Malayna?” he whispered. She hadn’t even heard him knock or enter the room. He watched her use her palms to wipe her face and she wouldn’t look at him.
“Border, what are you doing up?” she asked but remained staring forward.
He walked closer. “I couldn’t sleep, and thought I would go for a run.”
She turned to look at him, her eyes red-rimmed and glistening from tears. She looked lost in the baggy blue hooded sweatshirt.
“This early?” she asked him.
He walked closer and then bent down.
“You had trouble sleeping, too. I heard you,” he said and her eyes widened. She went to move and he grabbed her arm. She stopped and turned to look up at him.
“I heard you walking around and head down here. You look so tired, Malayna.” He held her gaze and watched the tears fill her gorgeous blue eyes then pour from them.
“I can’t take it, Border. I try and try so hard to not let the nightmares, the fear get to me. It’s been more than a month. I want them to stop. I want to forget what happened.”
He felt terrible for her. She was a victim, and none of them knew exactly what Vlladim and Cornikup did to her for three years. He knew what it was like to be a victim, to be a prisoner and get beaten down, and he didn’t like to talk about it either.
“I see you placed a new canvas up there. Did you have something in mind that could help take away the fear you’re talking about?” he asked.
She wiped her eyes and looked up at the empty canvas.
“To be honest, Border, I was thinking of trying to remember any positives about the place I was held prisoner.”
His chest tightened. He felt out of place, and like he was the worst person for her to confide in. Out of all of them Krane was the most understanding and calm.
She looked at him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that and made you feel uncomfortable. I’m just frustrated, I guess,” she said and stood up. He stood up, too, and kept a hand on her waist. She was very close. He could smell her shampoo and feel how thin she was, but up top her large breasts pressed against the hooded sweatshirt.
“I’m not uncomfortable. It’s just that I don’t really express my feelings well. I have my own issues, like most people do and well, I keep them inside.”
“Then we’re a lot alike. Well, at least I used to not let out any emotions. I couldn’t or I would suffer for that,” she said and her eyes filled up again. She went to turn and he couldn’t let her. Instead he wrapped his arm around her waist and held her close.
“Don’t let them win. Cornikup is dead and Vlladim will be caught. You have a full life to live. You’re only twenty-one years old.”
“Twenty-two in two weeks,” she added.
“Really?” he asked, not knowing that.
She nodded.
He stared down into her eyes and he was overwhelmed with feelings of protectiveness for her. He’d never wanted to take away someone else’s pain like he did for Malayna.
“You’re so beautiful. You can do anything you want to do. You have the world at your feet, especially with a father like Nicolai.”
She looked down and pressed her hands against his chest. She played with the front of his sweatshirt.
“I’m not normal, Border.”
He squinted at her.
“I’m tainted by violence and pain. I’m older than twenty-two mentally, emotionally. I feel weak.”
“Because you fought to stay alive.”
“Because I was forced to obey the commands of two men who wanted revenge against a father I didn’t even know existed. I gave all my fight, my patience, and my control for three years. I feel spent, tired, weak, Border. I can’t even stop myself from remembering the pain, the abuse, and the treatment. I’m haunted by them and I fear it will be forever.”
He pulled her closer and pressed her head against his chest.
“It doesn’t have to be, Malayna. Listen to me. I know all too well the fear you have. I’ve experienced violence, imprisonment, and abuse firsthand. I’ve done things, been a victim of things I wouldn’t even know where to begin to explain to you. I learned that it’s better not to ever forget, so that you can never become that victim again. You need to empower yourself, Malayna. You need to find the good feelings, the ones that overpower those bad ones and eventually those nightmares will disappear. Just know that you’re not alone. You have your father, Nalia, her men, and Karlicov, too.”
“What about you, and the team?” she asked.
His heart pounded inside of his chest.
“I’m here with you now. The others are, too. We’ll help you any way we can.”
“Maybe I can help you, too? You know, to forget the bad things.”
He was touched by her offer.
“I’m scarred too deep for healing, Malayna.”
“I don’t believe that’s true. I think you just need to have someone who shares the same fears and emotions like you do. I already feel a lot better talking with you, Border. I’m going to take your advice and focus on the positives and stop giving so much energy to the fears.”
She leaned up on tiptoes and kissed his cheek. When she didn’t pull back right away and he stared at her lips, he felt compelled to kiss her. But that decision would cause a whole lot of trouble. She held his gaze and didn’t move back. She was giving him the opportunity to kiss her but the fear that she was so young bothered him.
“Well, I should get moving and you should start painting. I want to see some color on that thing when I get back,” he said and stepped away from her, releasing his hold. He instantly felt the emptiness inside his heart. Her eyes held his gaze.
“Okay, Border, but maybe next time we wake up really early, I could go with you for that run,” she said and he gave her a wink and then headed out the door. He hadn’t expected to see Star standing there with his arms crossed in front of his chest and one of his eyebrows raised.
“What were you doing?”
“Talking.”
“You nearly kissed her.”
“She’s pretty hard to resist.”
“Well, resist her. We can’t give her what she needs. We’re too banged up and way older than her. She’s twenty-one years old, practically a baby. Nicolai won’t approve.”
Border glanced back at the studio and then to Star. “A baby? Not even fucking close. Maybe Nicolai would approve. We spent the last three years searching for her in between missions.”
“Perhaps you’re misconstruing a responsibility with someone who became an obsession to find? We’re soldiers, and we put our eyes on the mission, the target, and we accomplish it and move on. This is no different,”
Border glanced back at the studio then at Star.
“She makes me feel different.” Border pulled up his hood and headed down the hallway and toward the back door for a run. But before he turned the corner he saw Star staring at Malayna as he stood in the doorway.
* * * *
Star stared at the back of her as she stood in front of the plain white canvas. She wore some sort of tight spandex pants that hugged her thighs and she was barefoot. The dark hooded sweatshirt was baggy on her, but not quite long enough to cover her ass. He knew from watching her that she had one hell of an ass for a woman her age. He bit the inside of his cheek and felt his cock harden. What the fuck was wrong with him? She was wearing a goddamn hoodie, he couldn’t see her face, her long flowing hair, and he was lusting for her? She wasn’t even his type. Not that he had a type. He fucked women whenever he had the urge to. Exotic women. Sexy, experienced women. Women who jumped at the opportunity to b
e in his bed long enough to get fucked by him. None of them meant shit. He always left right after. Never cuddled, never stayed for breakfast or to get their numbers to hook up again. He liked it that way. No attachments, no bullshit, no concerns that if someone from his profession came after him that he would need to worry about some woman. A liability. A power to be used against him.
He felt the twinge of something at his thoughts. Was that guilt? Uncertainty? He clenched his teeth and cursed under his breath before walking back to his bedroom. How could one tiny, beautiful girl make him want to change and want things he thought he would never ever want? Fuck.
He slammed his door closed and paced the room. That was when he realized why in fact Border was running every morning since they got here to watch over Malayna. Border was feeling it, too. He wondered if Lucca and Krane were attracted to Malayna, and then he shook his head and slammed his hand against the wall by the bathroom door. “We can’t let this happen. She’s sweet, a victim, and could still be in danger with Vlladim missing and on the run. Nicolai has us here to protect her and that’s exactly what we’re going to do. Protect her and nothing more.” She was a job, a mission still, and he would make certain his team understood that.
Chapter 4
Malayna was laughing so hard she held her arm around her waist and then fell to the mat. Her laughter was infectious to his ears, her beauty so perfect she didn’t need an ounce of makeup to enhance anything. Krane lay on his back after slipping and falling trying to show her a defense move while Lucca helped.
“You’re such an idiot. You fall for that every time, Krane,” Lucca teased and then plopped down onto the mat next to Malayna.
She was making it a habit of coming into the gym Nicolai had set up in the basement. It was a full exercise area with treadmills, weights, a martial arts mat, and a flat-screen TV. They had asked her several times if she wanted to learn some moves and she would tense up and then usually leave. Today she stayed the longest and he was compelled to try and teach her some things.
“Why don’t you try it on Malayna? It would be a great move for her to learn,” Krane said to Lucca.
Lucca winked at Malayna and reached his hand out for her to take. “Come on, chuckles. I’m going to teach you a few moves.”
She shook her head.
“Come on. Today I’m not taking no for an answer,” Lucca said then pulled her up by her hand and made her stand in front of him.
“Okay, so I want you to hold your hands out like this.” He started to show her and she shook her head and turned away.
“Malayna, you’ve been watching us for two weeks. You’ve had to have picked up on a few things. Now this will be good for you to know. You’re Nicolai’s daughter. You’ll need training eventually. Why not learn some things now?” he said and then Krane noticed Star and Border standing there listening and watching. They both looked pissed off. They hadn’t wanted her in the gym with their brothers. They saw how close Krane and Lucca were getting to Malayna and they weren’t happy. Star kept reminding them that she was a mission, a responsibility and obligation to a Russian mob boss they needed to show respect to. She was more than that.
“I don’t want to,” Malayna said shyly.
“It will be good for you to learn,” Krane added.
“Why do I need to? I don’t like violence. I don’t like fighting,” she whispered.
Krane could understand that. She was a victim. They assumed she had been abused and what they found out from Nalia was that Malayna was treated like a pet and a slave. She had to be obedient to her captors and that thought sickened him.
“Violence is inevitable, Malayna. You don’t want to ever be a victim again. Although you’ll always be surrounded by some sort of security there’s always a chance there could be a lapse in that security and you could be forced to defend yourself until help arrives,” Lucca added then lifted her arms into a position to defend against a strike.
She put them back down. “I don’t like violence,” she said again.
“Leave her. She’s not strong enough anyway. She hardly eats. She can’t even keep up on the runs you’ve been trying to take her on, so just let her be,” Star stated firmly from the doorway.
Malayna swung her head around to look at him and when she turned back she looked pissed off. Krane was shocked.
“Show me,” she said.
Krane couldn’t help but to be amazed by her spunk. For the last two months she’d shown more of her personality. She showed a defiance to Star and even to Border that most people would have suffered a great wrath against them for. Not Malayna. She got under their skin, made them bite their tongues and do things, react to her in ways that only Krane and Lucca could see because they were so close to their brothers. Here she was trying to show a backbone against Star’s confrontational words.
She kept countering Lucca’s moves, though he was going so very light on her. She was thin, still trying to recover nutritionally, but she was strong willed and determined. There was a fight in her and that fight could be seen in her eyes until Star walked out of the room. The moment he and Border left, she stopped fighting and fell to the mat, panting for breath.
Lucca looked at Krane and winked before he sat next to Malayna and smiled at her.
“You’re more than capable of learning. You would be good at it, but you have to want to do it for you, not for us, and not to piss off Star and Border.”
Her blue eyes widened and she pushed herself up to a sitting position. He couldn’t help but to glance at her top and see how the V-neck dipped low enough to see her abundant breasts. He practically licked his lips at the sight. She was petite, sexy as damn hell, and so beautiful he just wanted to wrap her up in his arms and cradle her and keep her safe and secure. But that wouldn’t be fair to Malayna. He was older, battered, and scarred from the life he led and she was perfection, youth in the finest form, and suddenly he felt like he wasn’t so perfect after all.
“I’m not—”
He raised one of his eyebrows up at her and she stopped trying to deny it.
She looked at Krane, who handed her and Lucca bottles of water before he joined them on the mat.
She took a sip then looked at both of them. She glanced back toward the doorway and then whispered but her tone showed the effect Star and Border had on her. “They make me angry, especially Star.”
Krane chuckled. “The commander can have that effect on people. It’s normal.”
“It upsets me, Krane. He treats me like I’m ten years old. I’m not and he constantly puts me down.”
“He doesn’t put you down. He’s challenging you to build up that self-confidence and to become independent.”
She swallowed hard. “You think I’m weak, too, don’t you,” she said to both of them and sat up.
He remained lying on his side and watched her. He couldn’t help but be aroused by her beauty and by that bit of fire in her blue eyes. Malayna had a fight in her that showed off her maturity and something he couldn’t quite put his finger on.
“No one is saying that,” Krane said to her.
“I can see it in your eyes, in the way you pussyfoot around things, and I truly do not appreciate it. You two are important to me.”
“We are?” Krane asked her and Lucca swallowed hard.
“I don’t feel safe or even too confident around other people, but I feel safe with you,” she admitted.
Lucca reached out and caressed her cheek with his knuckles.
“It’s normal to feel that way.” He pulled back. “We helped to get you out of danger and remained with you until you were reunited with your father.”
She looked away and shook her head. “It’s more than that,” she whispered and Lucca panicked. He had to remind himself about how young she was. How she came from living in the Ukraine and had been held prisoner by Cornikup and Vlladim.
“We came in there as soldiers, armed, dressed in black, taking out the enemies, the man who hurt you to get to you. It’s natura
l for you to feel safe with us,” Krane said to her and Lucca was glad.
He didn’t know what to say. His emotions were mixed up. He cared for Malayna. He found her to be so attractive and youthful. She represented a time he lost memory of, a youthfulness he never had the opportunity to have because his parents abused him and he lived in one hellhole after the next. If it weren’t for Border and Star or their parents, he and even Krane never would have had any kind of family or safe environment.
She looked at him and stood up. She pressed her hands down her pants, causing her shirt to dip lower and reveal those gorgeous breasts of hers that were all woman, not some teenage girl.
“Forget it,” she said with attitude. He had a feeling she wanted to reply to Krane’s words in a different way but she closed up and refused to explain.
“I need to get going anyway. Nicolai is back and now planning a party for my birthday. Seems that someone told him it’s next week,” she said and gave Krane an annoyed expression.
“He wants to celebrate with you, Malayna. He lost out on twenty-one years of celebrating your birth, your existence.”
She looked down and took a deep breath then exhaled.
“It will be better than what my birthday was like the past three years, so I guess that’s a positive,” she said, sounding defeated. His heart ached for her.
“You’ll meet lots of new people. Aspen is feeling better and will be there, plus friends of theirs in the art industry, too. The house will be bursting with guests and new people to meet.”
She glanced up at Lucca and then Krane.
“I don’t need to meet new people. I have you guys to hang out with and work out with.”
The American Soldier Collection 15: Their Battle for Love (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) Page 4
