Hex the Halls: A Paranormal Christmas Anthology

by Deanna Chase

  “Then you have the option to go solo and hang a heart ornament, with a love wish inside of it, on the Yule tree. This town is so much fun!”

  Oh my Goddess. Why didn’t I already know about this? Why did it take a tourist to tell me what was going on in my own town? Where the heck had I been? Was I so focused on what was going on in the cottage, that I just never looked up? I mean, in my defense, we had gone through a lot — possessions, demons, devils, killer crows and zombie toads — so it wasn’t like I had a lot of spare time to go wandering about the town. And ever since I had the baby, I was just so dang tired.

  With everything going on, somewhere along the line, I guess I had forgotten to get a life of my own. I was brooding about all of that in the living room, while the baby sat in her swing watching preschool cartoons, and Gus and Lorelei were out getting more supplies. Aunt Tillie popped in and sat on her rocking chair. Aramis looked up at her, gave a half-hearted bark and returned to napping on my feet.

  I groaned. “Whatever it is, let me save you a few minutes. You’re right, I’m an idiot, I should stop messing around with things I don’t understand. Okay? Now, go away.”

  “Relax, I’m not here to bust your chops. I mean, what you said was completely right, and I’m glad you have the spiel memorized, but…”

  “But what?” I asked, suspicious. My Aunt Tillie was the biggest ball buster I had ever met. Her nicknames for me and Gus were usually some variation of Moron One and Moron Two. Suddenly, I felt way too close to tears. Damn hormones.

  “Look, you have your whole life to become an old lady. Don’t start acting like one now.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, offended. “I’m not acting like an old lady, I’m acting like a new mom.”

  “You don’t want to go out. You have no interest in gentlemen callers. You haven’t had sex since you got knocked up and—“

  “—Getting knocked up wasn’t my fault!”

  “Relax. I know Lisette had control of your body. But did you ever stop to think that…”

  I growled. “I know you have a point here somewhere, Aunt Tillie.”

  She glared at me. “I’m trying to put it nicely.”

  “You? Nice? Please. I might die of shock if you ever became nice. Out with it.”

  “I think the possessions affected you more than you’re letting on — even to yourself. Lisette betrayed you, your body betrayed you, Paul turned on you. And that’s not even getting into what happened with your mom and brother. But ever since that ordeal with Lisette and Lucien, you’ve been pushing everyone away and clinging onto a life raft comprised of a gay man who will never break your heart, and a very unusual baby girl.”

  “Just because I’m waiting for Mr. Right to show up, instead of leaping into bed with Mr. Right Now? It’s celibacy revisited. I thought you, of all people, would be happy about that.”

  She clucked and shook her head. “Mara, you can’t stop living, just because it hurts. What’s going to happen when Gus finds his soulmate and leaves? Or your baby grows up and moves away? You’ll be a lonely old spinster who collects Doberman puppies and lives in a cottage with an undead toad and a ghost — assuming I don’t also move on. Is that what you want your life to be?”

  I sighed. I hadn’t really thought it through before. But she was right. I had been pushing potential boyfriends away since the whole debacle with Lisette and Lucien and Paul. Maybe that’s why the thought of this speed-dating-slash-Midwinter Ball event was making me so queasy. It meant that I had to get back out there again. Put my heart on my sleeve again. Maybe even find love again. But this time, I was going to magic up some kind of guarantee.

  * * *

  I grabbed Tillie’s red-framed, horn-rimmed glasses from the desk in the library and took them into the basement altar room to work on them. I lit a candle and set up sacred space, using a circle of conjuration. In a bowl of ice-cold water, I mixed together a little mugwort to open my sight — as in, third eye/sixth sense type of sight — eyedrops for visual clarity, dragon’s blood for power, chamomile for calm reserve and a sprinkling of salt to keep me grounded. I didn’t want to jump the first guy I saw.

  I fired up a stick of incense and passed the red-framed, horn-rimmed glasses through the smoke, for the elements of air and fire, and into the salty spellwater for the elements of earth and water, and chanted:

  “Glasses of red, glasses of the dead

  Show me what the living never see

  Illuminate the hearts, mind and soul, of all who I meet.

  Hekate, keeper of the keys of fantasy and reality

  Night-wandering Goddess of Witches

  Hold your torches high and show me the truth that I seek.”

  The candle went out with a puff of smoke and the bowl cracked, the liquid running down onto the earthen floor.

  * * *

  The day of the event dawned bright and chilly — which really wasn’t bad, considering this was December and we were in the North Woods. Usually, by now, we’d be buried under a ton of snow. But Gus had done a spellcrafting that messed with the weather last winter and the town was still trying to find its equilibrium.

  I stomped my way down the stairs, dressed like the Wicked Witch of the West, complete with green face paint, striped stockings, and Army boots.

  “What Princess are you?” Gus asked, as he gave the baby a bottle.

  “One who can kick a Beast’s ass while defying gravity,” I growled.

  “Ouch, Miss Pricklepuss. That attitude is not going to make you very popular.”

  Aunt Tillie shook her head as she knitted, and her rocker gently rocked back and forth. “Whatever happened to Carpe Diem? Seize the day. Go have some fun. Be a normal girl for a change.”

  Gus raised an eyebrow. “What happened to you, Tillie?” Gus asked. “Are you hitting the Vicodan when we’re not looking? Carpe diem is my line. Your leit-motif is ‘Go hide in a cave and don’t do anything or it might backfire on you’.”

  The chair stopped rocking. “I don’t need to sit here and be insulted.” And with a flash of light, she went back into the skull.

  “For a place that started out as her prison, she sure likes spending time in there,” I observed.

  “Good for us,” Gus said. “Because I have a present for you and I don’t think she’s going to like it.”

  “What is it?” I asked.

  He strapped the baby into her swing, and handed me a hand-tooled belt, one that was obviously made for holstering something.

  “This is beautiful,” I said, buckling it around my waist. “But I don’t think they’ll let me bring an athame.”

  “It’s not for an athame. It’s for your present.”

  I looked at Gus, skeptically. “I’m not holstering a vibrator in here either.”

  “Oh, please. I wouldn’t buy you a vibrator. The batteries would probably explode from lack of use. This is your present. The baby and I made it together.” He handed me a long box. “I was going to give it to you for Yule, but it’s just too perfect an accessory for that outfit you have on.”

  I lifted the lid. Inside was a dark, wooden wand. The bottom had been carved into a dragon’s head. The top held an impressive clear quartz crystal paired with an identically-shaped piece of onyx, the two gems wrapped together with delicate strands of silver, gold and copper. The wand itself was carved with runes and buzzing with power.

  I carefully lifted it out of the box. “This is amazing.” I said, examining the runes along the wand. “What wood is this?”

  “Blackthorn,” Gus said. “It can move energy like nothing I’ve ever seen. Open and close portals. Blast curses. Whatever you want to do. Blackthorn’s pretty cool. You can focus your will through it and force energy to move. Like iron, but the fae don’t have the same issues with blackthorn that they do with iron. The dragon at the bottom is to give it power, the crystals at the top are to help channel your will into a more focused and direct application of energy, and the metal strands are for the Kingdom of the Fa
e.”

  “And the runes?”

  “They’re my secret present to you. If you want to know what they mean, you should do some work with the runes,” he said, smugly. “Do you like it?”

  “Like it? I love it. I’ve never seen anything like this before.” I picked up the wand, and turned it in the air. As the light hit the crystal, bits of rainbow colors shimmered and danced around the room.

  The baby gurgled with delight.

  “Careful where you point that thing,” Gus said.

  “What part did the baby make?” I asked, as I slipped the wand into the holster.

  “She blooded it,” Gus said.

  “What?!” I shrieked.

  “Not intentionally! She was grabbing at one of my drill bits, cut herself and managed to bleed on the wand before I got the bandaid on.”

  I picked up the baby’s hands and examined them. Sure enough, there was a tiny bandaid on her palm. I wondered if that was why the wand was humming with power.

  My baby had never been just a normal baby, and as the pregnancy progressed she had changed even more. And as I was incubating her, growing the baby’s DNA in my body, the baby had started changing my DNA in return. At least, that’s what Aunt Tillie had told me. And in that exchange, I found the ability to do magick on a scale I had never been able to imagine before.

  Just then, Lorelei came floating down the stairs. She looked gorgeous as Belle from Beauty and the Beast, in a golden, sparkling gown and gold-toned, high-heeled sandals.

  Gus looked from her to me, in my witch dress, wand belt, green skin makeup and Doc Martens, with Aunt Tillie’s red glasses hanging around my neck on a beaded chain. And he started laughing.

  “Mara, this is how a real girl dresses,” he said, gesturing at Lorelei.

  “Shove it,” I growled. “I’m a real girl.”

  “Let me rephrase. This is how a straight girl dresses. Especially for a princess ball.”

  “I don’t like princess dresses,” I snapped.

  “You don’t like any dresses. You keep accessorizing your outfits at the Army surplus store, and I’m going to start looking for a girlfriend for you.”

  I gave him an annoyed look. “Living via stereotype is so last decade.”

  “You’d better get her out of here before she changes her mind,” Gus told Lorelei. “She’s three minutes away from going back to bed.”

  Lorelei grabbed my arm and practically dragged me out the door. “I’m so excited! What if we both find ‘the one’?”

  Gus snorted. “As long as it’s not the same ‘one’, you’ll be fine,” he said, shutting the door behind us. I heard him throw the deadbolt and put on the chain, to keep me from going back in.

  Crap. I guess we were really going to go through with this.

  4

  When Lorelei and I pulled into the parking lot, the only spot open was in the dark back corner, by the dumpsters. I put Aunt Tillie’s glasses on and looked around, but I didn’t see anything dangerous. Other than being dark and stinky, the spot looked perfectly safe. I took the glasses off and backed in, so Lorelei and her fancy ball gown could get out on the non-dumpster side.

  “Aren’t you excited? I’m so excited, I can barely stand it!”

  “Can I ask you something? Gus’s mom told him you were going through a bad breakup, but you seem… beyond cheerful. Positively giddy.”

  Lorelei paused and looked at me. “I was all sad and mopey for a few weeks, but you know what? Mopey, sad, angry, defensive people are the ones who wind up alone. No one wants to be around that energy. I decided that I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. So, I made the choice to be open to the possibilities instead of brooding about the losses. We split up. Big deal. It just means we weren’t right for each other and — more importantly — it means my soul mate is still out there. If I get trapped in regrets about the past, I might not be looking when my perfect guy comes along, and I’ll miss out on an amazing future.”

  “And it was just that easy for you? You just… flipped the script?” I asked, curious.

  “You’ve heard of fake it ’til you make it? For the first couple of weeks, I had to fake it and force myself to go out to places that sounded like they could be fun. But somewhere along the line, it actually did turn around for me. And now, yes, I do feel happy and excited about the possibilities. Even if I don’t meet my perfect plus one, I’ll still be meeting new people and making new friends. Life is a smorgasbord. You can’t just try an appetizer and decide that because it was overcooked or had a weird spice you didn’t like, that you’re not going to try any of the other food on the buffet line.”

  Well that was certainly an interesting viewpoint. I was going to have to file it away as something to think about. And wow, when did Lorelei get to be more well-adjusted than me? Last time I saw her, she was a neurotic mess.

  * * *

  When we walked into the restaurant, it was all decked out for the holiday, with Christmas decorations and a Yule tree that looked like it had come from the pages of a princess book. Next to the tree stood a life-sized Princess with a life-sized Beast facing her, looking like they were about to start dancing at any moment.

  “Are you here for the ball?” A youngish girl smiled at us. Genia was written on her name tag in such perfect handwriting, it was almost a work of art.

  “No, this is my kicking around outfit.” I said.

  Lorelei elbowed me. “Of course we’re here for the ball.”

  “Follow me.” Genia walked us upstairs and threw open two ornately carved, wooden double doors.

  “Wow!” Lorelei said, looking around.

  One side of the room was full of women of all ages, dressed as various princesses.

  On the other side, were the beasts. I spotted a vampire, a werewolf, various other furry beasts, along with movie-monster style beasts like Frankenstein and Creature from the Black Lagoon.

  “Oooh, fangs and fur! See ya!” Lori trilled and floated over to a guy whose beast I didn’t recognize. I was about to go over there, when a woman with a microphone took the center of the dance floor.

  “Hello, everyone! My name is Karen LeMao, I’m your hostess for tonight’s event. We all know how relationships can go bad when the beast inside the man surfaces and it’s a beast you don’t like. So, for tonight, you get to meet everyone’s beast first, before you get swept off your feet by the man inside the beast.”

  A chorus of wolf-whistles and cheers went up.

  “Around the edge of the room, there are a number of intimate tables for two set up. Will all my beasts each take a table?”

  There was a shuffle and a few bumps and growls, but soon, all the beasts were spread out, one to a table.

  “Okay, ladies, find your favorite beast. You’ll have five minutes with each beast and a minute to fill out your score card. Remember, we’ll be matching everyone off their score cards, so don’t skimp on your ratings or your comments! And we’re starting… now!” She blew her whistle.

  Lorelei took off like a shot, just managing to slide onto the chair at her beast’s table, mere seconds before a pissed-off woman in a Cinderella outfit. The woman glared at her, but when Lorelei didn’t budge, she moved on.

  Within seconds, all the tables were taken except the one with Frankenstein.

  So I ambled over. “Hi, I’m Mara.”

  “Frank,” he grunted, nodding his head. He took a breath and blew out the candle on the table.

  “Nice to see you too.”

  “Don’t take it personally. I don’t like candles.”

  “Okay…” I said. Who didn’t like candles? “Listen, I have no idea how to do this, but us greenies have to stick together, right? Look like we’re having a good time?”

  He nodded.

  “Okay, so… tell me, what’s the best and worst thing about you?”

  He thought for a second. “I’m tall. I can reach things.”

  “I can see where that comes in handy,” I nodded.

  “
I like to dance.”

  That made me pause. “I haven’t gone dancing in ages. I miss it.”

  “We should dance.”

  “Sure. I’ll write you down as a dance card partner for the ball. And what’s the worst?”

  He blushed under the green. “I’m can be clumsy. I’m a little pyrophobic.”

  Pyro… that must be fear of fire. “So, no cozy nights in front of the fireplace for you.”

  He shuddered.

  “That must suck. Especially with how cold it gets out here. Did you ever think of moving somewhere warmer?”

  “All the time,” he said. “But I’m not too fond of heat and sun, either.”

  “Okay, take a minute to write down your impressions and when I blow the whistle, switch!” Karen called out.

  * * *

  My next turn at bat, I was at a table with the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

  “Do you fish?” he asked.

  “No, not really.”

  “Not really?”

  “Not ever,” I admitted.

  “We have that in common. It’s a dreadful sport. Perchance you enjoy a nice swim?”

  “I love to swim. And I love green monsters. Green is definitely sexy.”

  He nodded approvingly. “I agree. I very much appreciate your green skin as well. I believe we could be friends.”

  “Maybe,” I nodded. “You’re a little more… formal than I expected.”

  He inclined his head. “I am sorry. I’m not comfortable this far away from my home.”

  “I can understand that. Me either, and I live here.”

  We stared at each other, in an awkward silence.

  “What’s your ideal date?” I asked

  “A picnic lunch by the water’s edge, followed by a swim.”

  “Ocean or lake?”

  “I prefer estuaries. I have a lovely estuary that borders my estate.”

  “Where are you from?” I asked, intrigued.

  “Canada,” he smiled. “It’s truly the most lovely area in the world.”

  “You know the drill! Write and switch!” Karen called out, followed by a toot on her whistle, a minute later.