Magical Cool Cat Mysteries Boxed Set Volume 3 (Magical Cool Cats Mysteries)

by Mary Matthews

  “This is all wet.”

  “She carried it in her mouth.”

  Tatania rolled her eyes at the female human.

  “I meant figuratively. It’s a marriage certificate. Myrtle is married to Nick.”

  They could hear the drum roll emanating from the Dance Pavilion and got up to go back inside, Nick was missing. A woman was tap dancing and holding the jar with two headed calf embryo while she danced around the perimeter of the stage.

  “Jack, I can’t stand it. People staring at that innocent little calf embryo. Can you buy the little calf from Nick? I don’t care what it costs.”

  “Of course. When it’s something you want, money is no object.” He winked.

  “I just want us to take him and bury him somewhere so he’s not on display. It’s just wrong. A two headed calf embryo put on display for human entertainment.”

  “I agree.” Annie moved next to Grace, lighting a cigarette. “People should allow the two headed calf dignity. It’s not like he had a choice in anything in his very brief life.”

  “We’ll take care of him. Where is Nick?” Nick had such a huge presence looming over everything that you noticed when he was gone. Like you noticed sunlight replacing the darkness.

  “Buy a ticket. Pick your favorite couple.” Nick shouted so loudly that you could hear the sound of his voice reverberating through the Dance Pavilion before he even got to the microphone. He looked like he was wearing makeup. He limped a little.

  “Buy hot dogs. And buy some Maxwell House coffee. It’s good to the last drop. I saw an old actress. She was good to the last flop.” The audience half groaned. Nick seemed encouraged by any noise. It could be groans, boos, laughs, or cheers. The point to Nick was that he got the audience to notice him. He made the audience feel something.

  “Watch this young lady tap dance. And she won’t drop the jar even once. And what’s in the jar? A two headed embryo.”

  “I’ll take the calf embryo in the jar,” Jack said loudly enough for the crowd to hear.

  “Young man, the two headed calf embryo is not for sale.”

  Jack handed Nick several bills.

  Nick counted the money and held it up for the audience.

  “And the two headed calf embryo is sold. Every man has his price. He just met mine,’ Nick yelled.

  “Let the dance begin. A two step?”

  Nick waved his hands like he was conducting an orchestra. Everyone in the room was dancing to his tune. At least in his mind.

  “Lets polish this floor,” Nick yelled.

  “Aren’t you worried about dancers slipping and being injured?”

  “Nah. We make them sign full releases before they can dance. I’m not liable for anything,” Nick replied.

  Jack handed Grace the two headed calf embryo in a jar. She’d acted impetuously. With a visceral reaction to the affront to the two headed calf embryo’s dignity, and bristling at people gawking at the little animal, she’d insisted that Jack get it. Now that she had it, she didn’t have an immediate plan.

  “We’ll bury it, of course. With dignity. When the case is over.”

  Grace thought about what she could do with the calf now. And like so many people who didn’t know what to do, whether it was about dating, marriage, travel, money, or stocks, she decided to go visit Olga the Palmist’s tent.

  “I’ll be right back. I’ll go to Olga,” she whispered to Jack.

  He nodded in agreement.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Your Hand is Your Destiny” proclaimed the sign that stood a few feet above all the Coronado Tent City cottages. Tatania and Zeus led the way. Olga gave good treats. When Zeus, Tatania, and Grace knocked on the door of the cottage, Olga opened it and said, “Tatania, my angel. Zeus, I have sardines.” She ignored Grace who followed dutifully behind the cats.

  Olga put a plate of sardines on a pile of silk pillows on her floor. She didn’t believe animals should eat off the floor.

  “Grace, what are you carrying with you today?” Olga stared at the jar. She didn’t look surprised or sound shocked. A good fortune teller has the face of a poker player.

  “I couldn’t take seeing this animal on display at the Dance Pavilion.”

  “He’s a carnival huckster. A showman. Grace, you’re very sensitive. People stare at oddities. They pay money to stare. The animal’s at peace. He’s not feeling any pain. And he never knew he was deformed.”

  Grace felt silly for insisting that Jack rescue the two headed calf. Tatania and Zeus brushed past her legs, winding around her.

  “You got Jack to pay Nick for him, didn’t you?”

  “Yes. Then, I couldn’t figure out what to do with him.”

  “I’ll take him. You and Jack can come back later.” Olga draped a black shawl over the jar and put the calf on a shelf in her armoire.

  “We’ll do that,” Jack said from the doorway.

  With Jack, life was better.

  “Should we get ice cream?” He asked.

  “Bees Knees.”

  The woman in the Coronado ice cream shop was cradling a piglet in her arms. She wore a low cut bathing suit. Her breasts had large veins.

  “What a cute piglet,” Grace pet the pig under his pink chin.

  “Where is he from?” Jack asked.

  “She. Her name is Sophie.” The woman looked affronted that they didn’t immediately know the gender of her piglet.

  “I’ve never seen a piglet in Coronado before.”

  “She was born in Spring Valley. My husband bought her for me for a present. Our wedding anniversary.”

  “She’s breast feeding that pig,” Jack whispered when a delivery truck rumbled to a stop and she turned to sign for a brown barrel stamped: VANILLA HIGH QUALITY ICE CREAM.

  “What? Her husband?”

  “No. The piglet.”

  “How would you know? You’re an expert in breast feeding?”

  “The blue veins on her breasts are engorged. I saw it in the Army. In farm women who were breast feeding. When I was abroad.”

  “Jack, that’s all wet.”

  He was smiling. She was never sure when he was pulling her leg. At least, figuratively.

  In Coronado, a scented sea breeze seemed to mist through the air. It seemed to linger on Jack, and when Grace put her nose against his neck, she breathed in the scent of her favorite island.

  She wished she could stop time and always live in this moment with Jack. On Coronado, with Tatania and Zeus for company, life felt complete.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Tatania has developed an interest in Greek mythology.” The Coronado beach librarian informed Grace and Jack outside the Dance Pavilion when they returned. She was there grabbing a cup of joe, and watching dancers while she was on break. Grace and Jack were quickly becoming best known as Tatania’s people — as if they hadn’t even existed in a time before Tatania.

  “She always loved the classics,” Jack said.

  “Let me get your cup of joe. We appreciate that you’re so gracious about having Tatania the library.”

  “I love that beautiful white cat,” she said.

  Myrtle jostled Grace and stepped in the Dance Pavilion ahead of her.

  “Someone’s coming in late. But I’m not going to beat her up over it.” Nick didn’t even try to hide his Myrtle favoritism. Myrtle wore too much makeup for the first time. Her face was slathered with heavy foundation and powder.

  Another couple was moaning in their curtained resting parlor. Not getting Myrtle’s favoritism, it sounded like they were going to get disqualified from the dance marathon. And it sounded like they didn’t care.

  One dancer kept hanging a silk stocking over the curtain of her resting parlor. This caused some men in the audience to watch her station intently during the entire rest period. As if expecting her to complete a strip tease.

  “Molly and Stan with the two step sprints,” Nick shouted. Molly and Stan stepped forward and bowed. Nick waved two hundred dollars in front
of them.

  “And I want you to spend it all in one place. I want you to spend it here.” Nick smiled at the spectators and the vendors.

  “If he can afford to give away two hundred dollars to winners of the sprints, how much money do you think he is making?”

  “Enough to attract attention.”

  “He’s all about the attention. He’s attracted the attention of someone who wants to separate him from his money.”

  “Lets get some fresh air.” Jack took her hand and led her towards their favorite beach. Zeus and Tatania ran in front of them. Zeus loved to chase the tide in and out. Tatania looked away. Sometimes, Zeus behaved below the cat standard she set for her species. He could seem more dog-like. She’d tell him but he had such an exuberant love for all creatures that he might take it as a compliment.

  They went by the food vendors hawking cotton candy, ice cream cones, hot dogs, and peanuts.

  “How could Myrtle be married to Nick? Do you think they’re intimate?”

  “Lets not talk about this right after ice cream. I don’t want the image of that to be forever associated with chocolate ice cream for me.”

  Grace rubbed his back and shoulders. His body was rock solid. Like his character. She could count on Jack to get her out of anything. She’d go into a war zone with him confident that he could get them both out.

  They could still hear the music playing. When they walked onto the beach, Grace kicked off her Mary Jane pumps and slipped off her stockings. She ran into the ocean, feeling the salt water lap around her toes. Zeus scampered around on the sand.

  “Bet on your favorite dancer to win. Bet on your favorite dancer to win.” A boy who looked too young to be a bookie ran around the edge of the beach beckoning Tent City patrons to bet on the marathon.

  “He looks like a newspaper boy moonlighting.”

  “Industrious. He’ll probably own most of Coronado one day.”

  “If Myrtle is married to Nick, she wouldn’t be sabotaging the marathon. It would be killing her own golden goose.”

  “So they keep the money in the family. And Fred is just a man playing the role of Myrtle’s partner?”

  “And without any professional acting experience.”

  “If he’s a virgin, he’s a natural.”

  Jack stared at Grace. It wasn’t an analogy he was expecting from her.

  “It’s odd. The way he stares at Myrtle. And they seem so unrestrained in their affection right under husband’s nose.”

  “I have the feeling she hates Nick. Of the two of them, I think she’d take Fred if she had the choice. I want to know why she doesn’t have a choice.”

  “People without money don’t have choices. He’s hiding the money. He’s controlling the money. Women have a hard time opening separate bank accounts. Annie and I were just talking about it. Banks acts suspicious if a woman comes in and wants to open a bank account apart from her husband.”

  “And that’s a problem?” Jack raised an eyebrow.

  She punched his arm. Rock hardness again.

  “Careful. You could hurt your hand. Good thing you didn’t try to punch me in the stomach.”

  “Myrtle was wearing too much makeup when she came back into the Pavilion,” Grace said.

  “And too little clothes. I believe Oscar Wilde said that’s a sign of despair in a woman.”

  “Punched her.”

  “He’s the one who should be punched, Grace.”

  “I mean, I think he punched her. The makeup. Even though it was heavy, there was still a bluish tint underneath it. Like she’d taken a hit.”

  “Only cowards hit women. Bullies.”

  “If she can collect the money to go, but stays, that’s not a compliment to her.”

  “Mysteries of bondage. Even Tatania can’t solve that one. Lets get back there.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  “Buy your raffle tickets. We’re raffling off a prize excursion to TiJuana. See the bullfights! The races! Drink tequila in the country where it began.” They could hear Nick clearly from outside the Dance Pavilion.

  “And then, there’s Nick. The booby prize.”

  “For Myrtle. So maybe she would be a saboteur. They’re dependent on him for money. But they hate him.”

  “These dogs are tired.” Melanie’s voice carried through the crowd. It looked like she might be limping a little. Sometimes, feeling good or not was all about the right shoes. You wouldn’t get disqualified. The rule was that you had to keep your feet moving.

  “Fred and Myrtle always win. We’re not going to stop until we get first prize. We’re not quitters.”

  “Telegram for Mr. Brewster.” A Western Union messenger shouted next fo a juggling clown in the aisle.

  Jack waved him over and pulled a tip out of his pocket for him.

  “I called a contact of mine in Chicago when you went to Olga’s for the two headed calf.”

  Jack read the telegram and then looked up at Grace again.

  “Nick Rocco institutionalized his first wife. He lied and told Myrtle that he was divorced. Myrtle flew to Chicago to investigate at the courthouse. There’s no Rocco v. Rocco.”

  “So Nick and Myrtle aren’t even legally married.”

  “Myrtle isn’t even legally married. So why is she with Nick at all? If she loves Fred, what is stopping her from leaving?”

  “You know the golden rule?”

  “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

  “There’s another one. He who has the gold makes the rules.”

  “Who is legally married to Nick?”

  “Her name is Coraline.”

  Nick blew a whistle.

  “Who wants to see a waltz sprint with their favorite couples? Lets make it happen. On your partner, get set. GO.” He blew the whistle again and the dancing couples looked like a movie in fast, sped up motion, pushing each other across the floor. One woman began slapping

  her partner to stay awake, and reached for a glass of champagne from a tray held aloft by a uniformed waiter. She poured it over his head to keep him awake.

  “Now, that’s a waste of good bubbly. I prefer it in my mouth,” he sputtered.

  “You’ll notice half of a couple slipping an arm off a partner at this point,” Nick said, “they’re sleepy and slipping. That’s all wet.” Nick blew the whistle again.

  “If your feet are moving, you’re dancing. You know how you can tell a politician is lying? His lips are moving. If your feet are moving here, you’re dancing. And look at them move. I wish our politicians could move that quickly.” Nick blew the whistle again. “If crooks, I mean Congress, could move that quickly, we’d never had gridlock in Washington.” He whistled again.

  “Pick your couple. Pick your couple for the win.” Another bookie, looking as young as a newspaper boy again, took bets on the couple who could win the waltz.

  “And our winning couple will not only get five hundred dollars cash, and an excursion to La Jolla in a Cadillac limo, but will also get a bicycle built for two. These couples dance like Babe Ruth plays baseball. Non stop. Who will have a winning streak like the Great Bambino?” Nick blew the whistle again.

  “And the winner is,” Nick paused, “drum roll please,” and the band obliged, and Nick bellowed, “Molly and Stan.” A short and stout man walked up to Nick with a tall and slender woman. Nick counted out five hundred dollars in cash, putting it in the basket, and handed over the bicycle built for two, suggesting that they pedal around the dance floor with it. Sleepy, they stumbled getting on the bike, but then triumphantly rode it around the dance floor, waving to the spectators.

  Grace tried not to stare. Given the dimensions of their legs, he must have to take two steps for everyone of hers, but enjoyed watching her legs nonetheless.

  “Let the show begin, again. Hello, suckers!” Nick yelled, feeling pleased with himself. He didn’t even have to try—the money just kept rolling to him. People were eager to watch dancers on display. Some inherent human need to
live vicariously through another. Experience joy through someone else. Experiencing disappointment through someone else and thinking the inevitable, thank goodness it didn’t happen to me. The passive watching the active. Because it felt easier than getting up to be active themselves.

  “Winthrop, over here, dancing with Bunny, is heir to a great railway fortune. He’s just off the train, coming straight here from the Yale Club in New York to take part in our dance marathon. The Yale Club doesn’t have to worry. When it heard Prohibition was coming, it stocked the wine cellars. Everyone at the Yale Club in New York City can luxuriate in wealthy insouciance. The very best kind of insouciance.”

  Outside the Dance Pavilion, a new “Shipwreck Kelly” was trying to set a record as a flag pole sitter, an announcer’s voice said through the radio. Tatania turned the radio knob to off. Despite being deaf, she knew that turning off the radio got humans’ attention. She was especially keen at watching human reactions to anything she did and learning from it.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “It’s a great time for Listerine. Lets pass out Listerine to all the dancers. Carry a bowl and a bottle around and let them all rinse out their mouths. There are pay phones in the Hotel del Coronado’s beautiful lobby.” Nick shouted. “I want you to pick up the phones, call your family and friends, and let them know how much fun you’re having here. Make them salivate to buy tickets. These contestants dance like Rockefeller spends money. All the time. Never stops.”

  “I heard Nick’s wife is an old booze hound,” Annie Knickerbocker whispered in Grace’s ear.

  Something about Annie looked different. “You’re not smoking,” Grace finally said.

  “I dropped a cigarette on Martin’s jacket during the waltz. He got all agitated about it. Burned a cute little hole. That must why it’s called a smoking jacket. I agreed to try to quit.” She grabbed Grace’s arm for emphasis.

  “I’m done with that,” Annie said, pulling a cigarette out of her purse and lighting it.