“And I am grateful to Gott that He brought you back to us. Maybe you should tell Emma what is in your heart and not let your brain have the final say.”
“It’s too late for that.”
“As you will. Seek the council of our Heavenly Father in this matter. He knows the secrets of every heart.”
Luke nodded but didn’t speak. His head and his heart were telling him it was over with Emma.
Could he stay in Bowmans Crossing if she married someone else?
No, he couldn’t bear to see her with another. He couldn’t live with that kind of torture.
At last he had the answer to his question. When he was free, he would go. He couldn’t stay. He wasn’t strong enough.
* * *
“I may have overreacted.” Emma sat across from Rebecca in her living room two days after her disastrous afternoon with Luke. Rebecca had stopped by with a coffee cake and the two were enjoying a late breakfast. At least Rebecca was enjoying it. Emma couldn’t swallow a bite.
“In what way?” Rebecca took a sip of coffee.
“I accused Luke of encouraging Roy to poke fun at Wayne. I felt so sorry for Wayne and his daughter. Roy looks up to Luke. Anything Luke says, Roy takes to heart. I yelled at Roy and I threw his phone down and broke it. I yelled at Luke, too. I wasn’t a nice person.” She needed to apologize to him soon.
“Why do you keep pushing Luke away, when you are clearly in love with him, Emma? It’s as plain as the nose on your face. You’ve loved him for years.”
Emma wanted to deny it but she couldn’t. She was in love with Luke. “What am I going to do?”
“You know you can’t keep stringing Wayne along. You have to tell him how you feel about someone else. You don’t have to say it’s Luke.”
“I don’t want to hurt Wayne.”
“You could marry Wayne and be miserable for the rest of your life.”
“Not such a good option when you put it that way. Do you really think Luke is in love with me? I’m not convinced. He hasn’t spoken of it. He hasn’t made a move to join the church. What if he intends to leave again?” How could she bear that?
Rebecca finished her coffee and stood. “I’ve got to get going. Luke will convince you in his own time. Give him some encouragement. Give him a chance.”
“How many does he deserve?”
“As many as God gives all of us. When will your father be home?”
“Tomorrow.”
“In time to see Alvin in the school Christmas program?”
“Of course.”
“Then I shall see him there. Be of good cheer, Emma. It will all work out as God wills. I’ve got to run the rest of the costumes up to the school and get busy baking. I can’t believe Christmas is almost here.”
After saying goodbye to Rebecca, Emma went out to the new hardware store half-filled with items waiting to be sold. Alvin was stocking the shelves from his boxes. At least this project had gone right.
She looked around for Roy. “Alvin, where is your brother?”
“I haven’t seen him. I think he’s still in his room. Do you realize we missed his birthday yesterday?”
Emma slapped her hands to her cheeks. “I forgot. How could I forget? No wonder he is staying out of sight. I’ll go up and apologize.”
She climbed the stairs and knocked on his door. There was no answer. She opened it and stopped in the doorway. The room was empty. The bed neatly made. His clothes were gone from the pegs on his wall. His dresser drawers were open and empty as well. Checking under the bed confirmed her worst fears. His suitcase was missing. She turned and raced downstairs.
* * *
Luke was almost done packing when there was a knock at his door. He hesitated to speak to anyone, but he said, “Come in.”
Samuel looked in. “We missed you at breakfast. Are you sick?”
“I’m fine.”
“Tomorrow is the big day. Last parole visit. You’ll be a free man.”
“Yup.”
“So why are you packing now? And why are you packing so much?”
“Jim and I are going to Cincinnati a day early.”
“You’ve got more than two days’ worth of clothes in that bag.”
Luke stopped what he was doing. This was so hard. “That’s because I’m not coming back.”
“That was my next guess. Are you sure about this?”
Emma was considering marrying a man with a daughter who needed her. Luke couldn’t compete with that. He was nothing but an ex-con and an ex-junkie. “I’m sure. I’ll write this time.”
“Can’t you wait until after Christmas to leave? For the family?”
A honk outside told him Jim was waiting. “Nobody is going to be shocked by this.” He zipped his bag shut and headed for the door.
“You’re wrong about that. We all thought you would stay.”
“Sorry to disappoint you again. Goodbye.”
Chapter Fourteen
“What do you mean our brother is missing?” Alvin frowned at Emma.
“Missing. As in not here. His clothes are gone along with the money I know he keeps in an envelope taped under his bedside table.”
Emma was already moving toward the kitchen as a sickening sensation churned in her midsection.
Alvin grabbed her arm. “He wouldn’t do this.”
Shouting for Roy, Alvin charged up the steps. There was no answer.
Emma folded her arms tightly across her middle. How could he do this when she needed his support more than ever?
Unable to accept that his headstrong brother had abandoned them, Alvin flew down the stairs and raced out the front door. Standing on the front porch, he shouted Roy’s name into the whirling snow and then raced to the barn.
Emma sat at the table with her head in her hands. After a few minutes, she felt Alvin’s hand on her arm. “He wants to live Englisch. I reckon he decided it was time.”
“Not now. Not at Christmas. Not with our father ill. How could Roy do this to us?” Emma realized she was wringing her hands. She crossed her arms and tucked her cold fingers beneath her armpits.
“I thought Daed was better.”
She stared into Alvin’s worry-filled eyes. This wasn’t the time to share what she knew about their father’s condition. “He doesn’t want us fretting about him, you know that. He is in God’s hands, and Gott es goot. Ja?”
“Ja. Do you think God will bring Roy back? I mean, Luke came back.”
“Roy will come to his senses. I’m sure of it.” Only she wasn’t. If only she could talk to Roy and make him understand how much she needed him, how sorry she was.
Was Luke right? In her struggle to manage the business and the home, had she pushed Roy aside, making him feel like a troublesome child instead of the man of the family?
Alvin turned back toward the front door. “Luke will be here soon. He’ll know what we should do.”
Her heart sank. “I’m afraid Luke isn’t coming today.”
Alvin scowled at her. “Why not?”
Emma walked to the kitchen window and looked out. “We had a disagreement. I told him we didn’t need him anymore. We don’t. We’ll be fine.”
“Are you crazy? How could you tell him we didn’t need him? We do. We’ve only got half the inventory priced and on the shelves.”
“He’s not dependable.”
“I love you, sister, but you can be every bit as willful and stubborn as Roy. This isn’t the time to be prideful.”
“I’m not prideful.”
“You’re not forgiving, either. We need Luke.”
“Let’s worry about your brother. Where do you think he would go?”
“To the city.”
Tears filled her eyes. She t
hrew her arms around Alvin and pulled him close. “Nee, he wouldn’t do that. Not now.”
Alvin pulled away. “I hear a buggy. Maybe it’s Luke.” He shot out the front door.
Maybe it was Roy returning. Had he taken the buggy? She hadn’t checked. She snatched her coat from the peg and ran out after Alvin.
It wasn’t Luke or Roy. Wayne stepped down from his buggy. She rushed to his side. “Wayne, I’m so glad to see you. Roy has run away. What should I do?”
“Are you certain? Maybe he is staying with one of his friends.”
“He’s taken all his clothes. Can you take me to the bus station? I’m not sure when the next bus leaves. He might still be there.”
“Nee, Emma. You must not seek him out. If he has left the faith, then you must shun him until he repents and returns of his own accord.”
“He’s only a boy, Wayne. He’s not been baptized.”
“Then according to your ways, he is free to go. Our Creator endowed all men with free will.”
“Yes, he’s free to go, but he has no idea what is waiting for him out there.”
“I will pray that he learns the error of his ways and comes home a humbled man. I need two number-0 horseshoes. Do you carry them?”
“You can ask me about horseshoes when my brother is missing?” She stared at him in horror.
“Emma, your brother made his choice.”
“And I have made mine. We will not suit. I will not go out with you. I wish you well.”
“I’m sorry to have wasted my time.”
“As am I. You will find horse supplies in the back of the store. Take what you need and leave the money under the counter. Alvin, get a horse hitched. We’ll go after Roy ourselves.”
He ran to do as she asked. She jumped in when he came out of the barn, took the reins and put her horse into a fast trot. Twenty minutes later, she pulled her tired horse to a stop beside the filling station that doubled as a bus stop. She handed the reins to Alvin. “Walk him to cool him down and keep an eye out for Roy. I’ll check the bus schedule.”
Hopping down from the buggy, she hurried inside. The man behind the counter was helpful and used to seeing Amish kids heading off on their own.
“I knew as soon as I saw him he was a runaway. They have that look about them. Scared and trying to look bold at the same time. Your brother, you say?” He leafed through his ticket book.
“He’s only seventeen.” Just a baby. She bit her lip to keep from crying.
“Here it is.”
“I’ll take a ticket for one to wherever he went.”
“He purchased a ticket to Columbus with a transfer to Cincinnati at four-thirty last evening. The line makes a lot of stops. If he stayed on the bus, he would have arrived in Cincinnati by one in the morning.”
“Cincinnati? Oh, Roy, what have you done?” Her plan to follow him vanished like her breath on a cold windy day. Even if she followed him, how would she find him among the thousands of people there?
“Do you still want a ticket? The next bus taking the same route doesn’t leave until four-thirty in the afternoon on Christmas Eve.”
She shook her head. “Nee, but thank you.”
Roy was gone. Would she ever see him again? She walked slowly outside.
Alvin drew the buggy to a stop beside her. “I didn’t see him. Did you find out if he’s left?”
“He has gone to Cincinnati.”
Worry filled Alvin’s eyes. “What does that mean?”
“It means your brother is Englisch now.”
“But he’ll come home, right? Emma, he’ll be home soon.”
“I don’t know.”
“We should talk to Luke. He’ll know what to do.”
It was so tempting, but no. She hardened her heart. “Nee, this is our business and none of his.”
“Roy wouldn’t miss Christmas with us. He’ll be back for Christmas. I know it.”
She prayed Alvin was right. “Let’s go home. You must get to school. God will deliver Roy to us. We will pray and we will have faith.”
Emma drove Alvin to school in a state of shock. Her mind had stopped functioning. After dropping her brother at school, she drove home. Only the echoes of the empty house greeted her when she walked in. How could Roy do this? If she had told him about his father, would it have made a difference? There was no way to know. She was simply second-guessing herself now.
Her father’s letter said he would be home about noon tomorrow. More than anything, she dreaded giving him this news.
Did Luke know? Had he helped Roy escape a life he didn’t want? Luke knew how to do it. She longed to throw herself in Luke’s arms and beg his forgiveness. She needed his strength and comfort. Tears slipped down her cheeks. She had driven Luke and Roy away. Her pride was cold comfort now.
That night she didn’t sleep at all. Instead, she paced her bedroom floor, stopping every few minutes to look out into the night. Hoping and praying her brother would return. She saw only darkness beyond her windowpane. When the sky grew light again just before dawn, Emma fell to her knees at the window. It was Christmas Eve morning.
“Please, God, show me what to do. Keep Roy safe. That’s all I ask.”
She closed her eyes in prayer and Luke’s face appeared to her, his eyes full of pain at her cruel words. Her fear of being abandoned again had caused her to push away the man she loved. The one man who could help her now.
She needed Luke, not just to help find Roy but to make her life complete. She had to tell him. She wouldn’t let one more chance pass her by.
When Alvin came down to breakfast, she could tell he hadn’t slept, either. “I don’t want to go to school.”
“I know, but your classmates and Teacher Lillian are depending on you. There is so much that still needs to be done.”
“How can I sing with Roy gone? I don’t want to.”
“Daed will be home today. You want him to hear you sing, don’t you?”
“Knowing Roy is gone will break his heart.”
That was what she feared, too. “Your songs will give him comfort, Alvin. I think you should go to school.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to ask Luke to help us. I’m praying he knows where Roy might have gone.”
Alvin threw his arms around her. “Danki. He’ll know how to get Roy back. You’ll see.”
She patted her brother’s back. “I know he will. The bus leaves this afternoon, so I won’t get to see your program tonight.”
“That’s okay. Roy is more important. What do we tell Daed?”
“The truth. He’ll be home around noon. I’ll go to see Luke as soon as I’ve explained things to Daed.”
Alvin reluctantly left for school. Emma worked in the shop until she heard a car pull in a little after nine. She walked slowly to the door, dreading the coming reunion.
* * *
Luke walked out the door of the parole office and stopped in the bright winter sunshine. The early-morning air was cold and tainted with the smell of car exhaust, but he breathed in deeply.
I’m free. It’s over.
“What now?” Jim stood waiting for him at the bottom of the steps. He glanced at his watch. “It’s half past nine. Want to get in a little shopping before we head home?”
“Take me to the bus station.”
Jim’s smile faded. “Let me drive you home, Luke. That’s where you belong.”
What was the point of going back? Emma would never be his. He didn’t deserve her, anyway. He’d done his time. He was a free man. Free to go anywhere and do anything except the one thing he wanted to do more than he wanted to draw his next breath. To tell Emma he loved her. To hold her in his arms and never let her go. But it would be another man who held her. Another man
would care for her, give her children and grow old beside her.
A black hole of despair opened in front of him. Facing a life without her was impossible. He wanted to forget his burning need for her. He needed to forget. And he knew exactly how he could make that happen.
“There is a motel called the Gray Cat a few blocks from the bus depot. If you can drop me there, that’s all I need. That and some time to think things over.”
“I wish you’d change your mind.”
Luke shook his head. Jim walked ahead of him to the car and drove him to his destination without another word until he pulled into the parking lot of the motel. He turned in his seat to look at Luke. “Don’t do something stupid.”
“I won’t.” He smiled at his friend. Something stupid had been thinking that he could have a life with Emma. She had been the smart one this time.
He got out of the car and went to check in. The three-story building was old and smelled of the unwashed occupants that frequented it. It was cheap, and the owner had friends in low places. He was the man Luke needed to see. He stopped in front of the desk. Behind the wire mesh, a woman in a tight minidress with pale purple hair was filing her nails.
“Can I get a room?”
She looked up and her eyes widened. “Luke Bowman, is that you?”
It took him a second to realize he was facing the woman who had testified against him and wrongfully imprisoned his brother Joshua. Time had not been kind to her. She looked ten years older instead of three. “Hello, Maggie.”
“I sure never thought I’d see you again. So you got out.”
“No thanks to you.”
Her eyes hardened. “A girl has to do what a girl has to do. I was looking at a long stretch. It was my third arrest. The DA offered me a deal if I rolled on you and your brother. What choice did I have?”
“You had a choice. You could’ve told the truth. My brother had nothing to do with the drugs I was moving for you.”
“Don’t be like that. He got out early, didn’t he? I’m sure he’s back on the farm, milking cows and growing corn. You Amish boys are a funny bunch. You race here to live it up and go crying home when life gets hard. I had another one come in yesterday. What a dope. He thinks I’m the hottest thing since horseshoes.”
An Amish Noel Page 16
