Forever Only Once: A Promise Me Novel

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  “I don’t blame you. I’m sorry that happened. And I apologize for bringing it back to the forefront of your thoughts. I can go. Seriously. We can cancel that beer, or I can just drink it at the bar and then head home.”

  I leaned forward, shaking my head. I didn’t want him to go. I didn’t know why I didn’t, but I was tired of being so scared to act all the time. I’d lived my life like that for far too long as it was.

  “No. Seriously, I’m fine. And you know what, why not? We’ll have a drink and maybe dinner so I can actually drive home after a whole glass full of vodka. We’ll just pretend this isn’t weird.”

  Cross grinned then, looking sexy as hell, and I wondered how exactly this had happened.

  “You know what? After my day, why not?”

  “Are you going to tell me about your day?”

  Cross smiled. “I think I will.”

  I tried to pretend that his smile did nothing to me. After all, I was on a date with a man I didn’t know. But was it really a date? Or simply a dinner between two strangers. Honestly, how different would this be from how it would have been with Stavros?

  Stavros would have been a stranger, too, although Paris likely would have made sure she knew a little bit about him beforehand. In fact, I was pretty sure my friend had a dossier on the man, as well as any others that might end up in this blind date game we were playing.

  So, I tried not to think about the way Cross smiled at me, or the way it heated my skin, made the hairs on the back of my neck rise, and made my stomach clench.

  Because it was just a smile.

  Even the devil had a pretty face.

  And that devil could look at you, and you would never know that he was lying. That he was danger and sin wrapped up in a pristine bundle of muscle and soft skin and a beard that made his face look just a touch dangerous.

  I didn’t believe in thinking of a smile as more than what it was—a way to lower defenses. But I wouldn’t let that happen.

  Today was just a random set of events that meant nothing. However, they had led me onto this new road where I was somehow at dinner with a nice man in a public place. And I was safe, at least as safe as I could be, knowing what was out there.

  “What’s going on in that mind of yours?” Cross asked, his voice low, almost a growl.

  He sounded genuinely concerned, and I rolled my shoulders back, trying to pretend that I was whole and not shaking inside.

  I was really good at pretending.

  “Sorry, it’s been an odd day, and it’s ending quite bizarrely, as well. Don’t you think?”

  Cross nodded and then leaned back as the waitress came with our drinks.

  “Would you like a few minutes to look at the menu?” the waitress asked, and Cross nodded again. “Yes, please, I haven’t even opened it yet.”

  “No problem. Dinners sometimes last a little bit longer here,” the waitress said, winking. My eyes widened.

  “That was a little bit brazen of her,” I said after she’d walked away, and Cross laughed.

  “It was, but I think this is a place where most people go on first dates, don’t you think?”

  I shook my head. “Maybe. My friend was the one who set it up.”

  “Your friend?” he asked, and I shook my head.

  “First, you. You said you were going to tell me about your day.”

  He searched my face for a little bit longer, and I felt as if he could read every emotion, see everything that made me tick. I didn’t like it. After all, I barely understood how I’d handled today, I didn’t like the fact that someone else could read me better than I could read myself.

  “As I mentioned, I was supposed to be here for a work meeting,” Cross began, and I tilted my head.

  “Here?” I asked, a little incredulous. What he’d said about the place was true. Meeting a client here seemed a bit strange.

  Cross snorted and took a sip of his beer. “Nice,” he said, setting down the glass.

  “They have some of the best drinks here,” I said, taking a sip of my own.

  He tilted his head and looked at me with those gorgeous eyes again. “Cheers. I guess I should have done that first. I’m not very good at this. Not that I know exactly what this is.”

  I laughed softly. “You’re right about that. There’s nothing normal about today.” I clinked glasses with him, took another sip of my drink, though only a small one because I was planning to only have the one.

  I set my glass down, then played with the stem.

  “So. You and work?” I asked, wanting to get back on track with the previous subject so I could focus and not let my mind drift onto odd paths.

  “Yes,” he said, his eyes clouding a bit. I wondered what that meant. “The co-owner of my business set this up so he could meet with a client, and then forgot to tell me until I was already here that it was canceled.”

  “It sounds more like a date, though. Am I right? Here? That doesn’t make a lot of sense.”

  “Chris doesn’t make a lot of sense.”

  “Wait, you own a business with a man named Chris? And your name is Cross?” I could have rightly slapped myself because I wasn’t a fan of making fun of names. I didn’t even know why I’d said it.

  He just smiled. “It helps with the name of our business. Chris Cross Furniture.”

  My eyebrows rose to the top of my forehead. “Really? I know of you guys. A couple of my friends have some of your pieces. They’re tough to find and purchase. Wow, I’m sitting at a table with an artist.” A really wealthy artist from what I had read in an article in Forbes. Chris and Cross weren’t just furniture makers, they were artisans who were sought after by people from all over the world.

  It had been a couple of years since I had heard anything about them, but they had been very up-and-coming the last time I had seen anything mentioned.

  “Anyway, I was supposed to meet a potential new client here, but it was someone for him. What she wanted isn’t the type of work I do.”

  “So, you guys select your clients?”

  “We’re pretty much separate entities who share the business. Back in the day when we first started, we needed to share. Now, we’re moving in different directions.” He frowned. “And I have no idea why I’m telling you all of this. I haven’t even told my family that.”

  “Maybe because we are both sitting with a stranger accidentally? I guess it gives us both an air of mystery.” We smiled at one another, and I relaxed again.

  “So, what is it that you do?” Cross asked. “And then I’m going to ask you why you were here on a blind date, if you don’t mind.”

  I winced. “Let’s not talk about the latter subject. Maybe. Anyway, as to your first question, I’m a math professor at UB.”

  “Really?” he asked, and I scowled. “Why did you say it like that? Is it because I’m a woman?”

  “No, not at all. It’s because you’re so young. Back when I was in college, all of my math professors were old men with beards and tweed jackets, wearing corduroy pants that didn’t quite fit.”

  I laughed at the image, shaking my head. “A few of my professors were like that, too. There’s a new way though, women in STEM and all that.”

  “Oh, I totally believe it. Half of my architecture classes were full of women back when I was in school. Some of the guys didn’t like that. Because, apparently, architecture and math and all of that should be all men, at least according to them.”

  “You’re literally preaching to the choir right now,” I said, snorting.

  “I guess I am. So, what do you teach?”

  “This semester, I’m only teaching one course. It’s entry-level calculus. It’s mostly the students who need it on their transcripts to get into other programs. Out of everyone in my class, there’s probably only one math major. I’m not teaching any grad courses right now, though, because I’m doing a research semester.”

  “That’s amazing. I was really good at math, but once I got past a few of the theoretical concepts?
It just wasn’t my thing.”

  “You work with math every day. But then you also work with your hands. You’d probably be more on the applied side.”

  My gaze trailed down. I noticed the scars on his knuckles, and exactly how big his hands were, and I swallowed hard.

  Or, apparently, four sips of my drink were enough for me.

  Cross noticed the way my gaze fell, and he raised a brow but didn’t smirk at me. Instead, he moved the conversation along. I still had no idea why I was sitting here with a man I didn’t know.

  “So, you were supposed to be on a blind date. Who was he?” Cross asked.

  I shook my head. “Does it matter?”

  “If you’re going on another date with him, it could matter.”

  “Not another. He didn’t make it to this one.” Shame covered me, and I shook my head. “His daughter went in to get her appendix removed. That’s an actual reason for him not to come. A good one. Not an excuse. Now I feel horrible for even commenting on it.”

  Cross reached out and gripped my hand slightly before letting go. My skin burned at the contact, and I wanted more. What was wrong with me? I didn’t even know this man. This wasn’t like me. Still, all I wanted to do was lean forward and touch him again.

  I’d clearly lost my senses.

  “Anyway, I am on a blind date because I wanted to be.” I raised my chin. “Is that a problem?” I asked, knowing I sounded a little bit defensive. Fine, a lot defensive.

  “Not a problem at all. And I’m not going to give you a line and ask what a pretty girl like you is doing on a blind date or any crap like that. Considering that it’s been way too damn long since I’ve been on a date myself…I don’t know. Maybe I’d be up for a blind date, too.” He frowned. “No, not given who my brothers would pick. Maybe my sister.”

  I leaned forward, interested. “I will pass over the whole not dating for a while thing and ask about your family. How many brothers? And a sister?”

  “I have three brothers and a baby sister.”

  His eyes warmed as he talked about them, especially his sister, and I smiled. “Let me guess. Your baby sister is not a baby anymore?”

  Cross laughed, a deep chuckle that went straight through me and did horrible things to my hormones. “No, she’s not a baby anymore. In fact, she has a husband and is all happy and in matrimonial bliss. She would probably be the only one I’d let set me up with someone, but then again, I’m not a hundred percent sure I’d trust her decision with those rose-colored glasses.”

  “It’s always the married ones who want to set you up. They know just the person.”

  “And the person who set you up? Is she married?”

  I shook my head. “No, she’s not.” I didn’t really want to get into the whole date pact thing that my friends and I had come up with. It sounded a little silly outside of the four of us.

  “Anyway, back to the family thing. I have three brothers, all younger, all pains in my ass. So, no, I don’t think I’d want them to set me up.”

  “I can see that being a problem.”

  “Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

  “No, I’m an only child.” My stomach clutched again, but this time not from heat. “My parents died a few years ago. It’s just me.”

  “I’m sorry about that.”

  “It’s been a long time.” Not long enough, but I didn’t think it would ever truly be long enough.

  “Anyway, I have a good group of friends out here. That’s why I’m on a blind date.”

  “You keep dodging the subject, even though you’re talking about it. I feel like there’s more you have to say about this date of yours. I mean, we may never see each other again after this. What’s so mysterious about it?”

  I studied his face, the strong line of his jaw, that little bump on his nose from where I was sure he’d broken it before. I realized I wanted to tell him. What was wrong with me?

  “It’s not entirely my story to tell,” I said, surprising myself with the words.

  His eyes widened. “So, there’s a story.”

  “My three friends and I decided that it was time for us to actually start dating again. Meaning, setting each other up on dates. We decided to push each other in the right direction. I’m not quite sure how it’s going to go with the rest of them, but I drew the short straw.”

  “Why do I feel like you’re talking about literal straws?”

  “Because I am. Paper straws that were cut. I drew the short one. That meant I was the first to be set up. My friend Paris knew this guy named Stavros. She thought he’d be perfect for me.” Cross tilted his head, studying my face. “However, I don’t think it’s going to work out. There seemed to be some tension with his ex-wife,” I added at Cross’s look.

  He winced. “That’s never a good thing to get in the middle of. But with so many people on so many different relationship tracks these days, sometimes, you can’t avoid it.”

  My brows rose. “Have an ex-wife then, do you?”

  He laughed and shook his head. “No, never got that far. But I dated a few women in the past who had ex-husbands that weren’t really keen on having their exes out there finding someone new. I mean, I sort of get it. When you say your vows, you form a connection with someone. When that’s suddenly gone, you’re a different person. Not everybody knows how to walk away.”

  My skin chilled, but I did my best to keep the smile on my face, even as I sipped at my drink.

  No, not everybody did understand how to walk away.

  “I’m sorry to interrupt, I was just seeing if I could get you guys something to eat,” the waitress said. I met Cross’s gaze.

  “It’s up to you,” he said, and I took a deep breath. Then, I leapt. Because that’s what tonight was about, right? Taking a leap. “I’ve already looked at the menu. How about I order while you look?”

  Cross nodded. “That sounds like a wonderful plan, Hazel.”

  I loved the sound of my name on his lips, and that worried me. I shouldn’t love it. I wasn’t going to see him again after tonight. Right?

  We talked about our work and a little bit more about our families and friends. We talked about nothing of importance, and about sports. We talked about Stavros and the fact that I probably wouldn’t go on a date with him. And then we ate and laughed. I didn’t think I had ever laughed so hard in my life.

  Cross reached out and brushed his fingers along mine every once in a while, and my breath caught every time, making me wonder exactly how this had happened.

  This was a date that wasn’t meant to be. I didn’t even know this man. For all I knew, everything he said was a lie. Maybe he was a serial killer. And although the thought of that chilled me, knowing what I did about others, especially those from my past, I kept going. Maybe this was a mistake, perhaps I was being that woman in the horror film that got murdered later because she was an idiot. But I wanted to believe, just for a moment, that things could be worth it, even for the moment.

  When the bill came, Cross reached for it at the same time I did, and I shook my head. “Down the middle?” I asked.

  “Really? Sharing the bill?”

  “It’s a date that isn’t a date. We might as well continue on that path.”

  “I can do that. However, I’m pretty sure this was a date, Hazel.”

  I blinked as I set my card down next to his.

  Cross Brady. That was the name he had given me. Unless his ruse was completely elaborate, that hadn’t been a lie.

  “Maybe it was a date,” I said softly.

  “Maybe. And, because it’s a date, can I ask for your number?” Cross asked, and I froze. “You want to talk to me again?”

  “Why not?” Cross asked, shrugging as if it weren’t a big deal. It really was. “Maybe this is nothing, but I had fun tonight. And like I said, it’s been a while since I’ve been on a date, real or otherwise. Even accidental.”

  I smiled at that.

  “What if it’s a complete mistake? What if, after thi
s, the shades are drawn, and the facade slips away?”

  “Then it does. And maybe the magic won’t be there. Or, maybe this is just a start?”

  “That’s a really good line,” I said, still heated.

  “It really is,” he said with a laugh. “So, what do you say?” he asked, and I licked my lips, noticing the way his gaze followed the movement.

  This was probably a horrible mistake. We likely would never talk to each other after this.

  But then again, tonight had been a night of firsts and what-ifs.

  So I smiled and reached for my phone.

  Chapter 4

  Cross

  * * *

  “You want me to put it where?” I asked and laughed as my sister raised a single brow, her mouth pursed, though I knew she held back a laugh.

  “You honestly don’t want me to answer that question, do you? Because if I do in the same fashion that any of our brothers would, well…I think it would be kind of a painful experience.”

  I shook my head, grumbling, though my lips twitched. “As lovely as that particular image is, this box isn’t getting any lighter, darling.”

  “And I said I could handle it,” she said, frowning.

  “I’m sure you can. But you’re just now able to not have to use the cane all the time. So, why don’t you just let me be a little overprotective?”

  “You can put the box in Liam’s office,” she said finally, sadness touching her expression for just a moment before she let it slip away.

  I held back a curse, hating that I had been the one to put that look on her face, then went to her husband’s office to set down the box of books.

  I turned towards Arden, who stood in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest.

  “I’m sorry I hurt you with what I said.”

  Her brows rose, and she shook her head. “No, you didn’t hurt me, not even a little. I’m just in a funk because Liam isn’t here, and I’m not with him.”

  I opened my arms, and she settled against my chest, wrapping her arms around my waist. I rested my head on top of hers, sighing a bit as she sank into me. I didn’t get these moments often these days. She wasn’t my little sister anymore. She was now married—a Montgomery. And in this state where there were so many damn Montgomerys, that was a big deal.