Anyway, I listened to Tina play, and she was OK, I guess. A bit wobbly, maybe, and I couldn't believe that her teacher hadn't told her off about the angle that she was holding her bow. But she was OK. And the music was OK. It was sort of nice, in fact, sitting there and listening to her, and I started to relax about being there.
But then Tina stopped playing, and said, ‘Hang on, you play the violin too, don't you?'
I thought I was going to faint, because I couldn't imagine how she knew that. But then she pointed with her bow and said that my hand had been moving, like I was playing.
I could have just lied to her – God, why didn't I?? But instead, for some stupid reason, I admitted that yeah, I used to play. And she said, ‘Hey, do you want to play now? Here, have a go!'
I didn't want to, not really. The violin isn't me any more, and I don't want it to be. That person was such a total sap. She got hurt. Like, all the time. But at the same time, part of me did want to. So, I took the violin from her, and I played Mozart's Ave Verum.
I was pretty rusty at first, and I didn't have calluses any more, so the strings really hurt my fingers. But the music came for me, just like it always did, and after a few minutes it got smoother and stronger. I just played and played. I never wanted to stop.
When I finally did, Tina started going on about how fantastic I was, and WHY wasn't I in Band, and so on. And here's the really embarrassing part, the part that makes me want to just curl up and die. I couldn't let go of Tina's violin. I knew I should give it back to her, but I just couldn't.
And then I asked her if I could borrow it. WHY DID I SAY THAT??? WHY? And I couldn't just leave it there, even when I could see from her face that the answer was NO, because what else would it be – no, then I started going on about how I'd take really good care of it, and that I wouldn't keep it for long. I was practically begging her.
Tina looked really uncomfortable, and said she'd have to ask her dad, and suddenly I realized how pathetic and stupid I obviously seemed. I shoved her violin back at her and told her I didn't want to borrow it anyway. I said I was just joking, that actually I wouldn't borrow her violin if my life depended on it, because playing the violin was utterly naff and stupid, which was why I'd stopped.
Tina just stared at me like I had completely lost it. I guess maybe I had. That was when I called her a geek and said she made me sick. And then I grabbed my bag and ran out of their house.
I walked all the way home. I thought I was going to be ill once or twice on the way, but I wasn't. It took me hours, and when I finally, finally got home, there was this horrible scene because Mr McNutt had apparently been driving around looking for me, and had rung Mum – God.
I don't even want to go into all that, I'm too tired. It wasn't very nice, that's all. I got shouted at loads, for what felt like hours, and it was actually Richard, of all people, who got Mum to calm down and told me to go to bed.
Maybe I'll be ill again tomorrow. I can't go to school, I can't face seeing Tina. And Jade and Poppy – she's sure to tell them all about this! I feel so sick. Like I really am ill, in fact.
Later
Richard just came in, wanting to teach me one of his card tricks. He shuffled the deck and said, ‘It's good therapy when you don't feel well. How about it?'
I told him I was too tired.
20 February
Thank God! Mum went to some sort of life-coaching conference in Reading today, so instead of going to school I went to the park until I knew they'd both be gone, and then came back home again. It feels so weird being home alone. I'm watching TV, but I can't relax. I'm afraid Mum or Richard might come back any second.
The school rang a while ago to see where I was. I let it go onto the answer phone and then erased the message. I know I'm just putting it off and that I'll probably have to go back tomorrow, but I can't help it. There is no way that I could have faced Tina today, or Jade, or ANYONE.
10.20 came and went, but no text from Jade. I bet Tina's told them everything by now. What are they saying about me??!
Later
I've been sleeping with Cat under my pillow – how sad is that? Like I need a security blanket or something. But I do need him. I need to be able to reach under my pillow and know that he's there. It's the only thing that even makes me feel halfway OK.
21 February
Mum was home today, so I had to go back. It was even worse than I thought it would be. The minute I got to school, I saw Poppy and Jade standing outside with Tina, the three of them in a huddle, whispering away. Then Poppy saw me, and she and Jade came right over, wanting to know what happened, and why I left Tina's house. I was right, Tina told them everything! I just shrugged and said, ‘I was sick of Tina showing off, that's all.'
‘But you were the one playing the violin,’ said Jade. Then she wanted to know how come I never told them I could. I said it was no big deal, that anyone could play better than Tina.
Jade stared at me for a long time. Finally she said, ‘You've really turned into a bitch, Kathy.’ And she turned and walked away. She went back to Tina (who had been standing watching us) and the two of them started whispering. Tina looked really upset, but Jade just kept glaring at me, her eyes all narrow and hard.
Poppy said, ‘Kathy, I don't understand. You used to be so nice! Now all you do is snarl at everyone and hate the world.'
I thought I was going to cry, so I told her to just leave me alone, she could think whatever she wanted to and I DIDN'T CARE. So she went over to Jade and Tina, and then the three of them stuck together all day long, talking about me. I know they were talking about me because they kept staring at me, and to make it even worse they've told Susan and Gemma and all the others about it too. I spent most of the day with my head down, trying to ignore everyone.
I hate Tina, I really do. Everything was completely fine before she moved here! And Poppy and Jade – I can't believe it. I mean, in a strange way I can't really blame Tina for telling everyone, because she hardly knows me and I acted like a nutter. But Poppy and Jade have known me for TWO YEARS! How can they turn against me like this?? And turn everyone else against me too? I thought they were my friends. I thought we'd be friends forever!
Mum just came in, wanting to know if I wanted to talk. I seemed depressed, she said. Oh really, what gave you that impression?! I told her everything was fine. Maybe I would have wanted to talk to her pre-Richard, but these days it's obvious that she cares more about him than me.
I still can't believe that she won't tell me whatever it is about Dad, and why she wouldn't let me see him after we left.
22 February
I hate going to school now, I just hate it. Everyone's talking about what happened at Tina's house. Gemma made this motion when she passed me in the corridor today, like she was playing a violin, and then Clare said, ‘Ooh, can I borrow it?’ and they both smirked at me, really nastily. I pretended I hadn't heard them, but inside me it felt like something was about to explode. The cows! And Poppy and Jade too. You'd think we'd never been friends at all, the way they're acting.
I sit on my own at lunch now. Tina sits where I used to sit. We always sit at the same table in the canteen whenever we can grab it, over by the windows, and now she sits in between Poppy and Jade, just like I used to. They've both been making a big fuss over her, glaring at me whenever they see me. Even Poppy.
Tina should just get over it! OK, I shouldn't have called her names and left her house, but here's a news flash: IT WASN'T THE END OF THE WORLD. Everyone's acting like I tried to poison her or something.
I should do something really horrible to her, then they'd see that it wasn't all that bad.
Chapter Thirteen
Kat
I stood in front of the school gate, feeling as conspicuous as a cold sore as everyone streamed past me. I shifted the book bag on my shoulder, watching down the pavement for Tina. Had I got it wrong? Maybe I was supposed to meet her inside the school.
Just as I was about to go into the building to
check, I saw a short girl with ginger plaits walking towards me. She didn't seem in much of a hurry, even though we were practically late.
Then she got closer, and I caught my breath. Ginger plaits. It was the girl Jade had put her arm around after I got hit by the car. She was one of the ones I had been running away from!
When the girl reached me, she stopped, but she didn't say anything. She just sort of glanced at me, tightening her grip on the strap of her bag.
I swallowed. ‘Um – are you Tina?'
Her cheeks coloured. ‘We'd better go in. We're going to be late.'
She walked with her head down as we crossed the courtyard, gazing at her feet. The silence felt like a living thing trying to smother us. ‘You were there, weren't you?’ I blurted out.
She gave me a nervous glance. ‘What do you mean?'
‘When I was hit by the car. You were there with Jade.'
We were climbing the front steps by then. Tina was carrying a crocheted bag with a purple flower over one shoulder, and suddenly she started to run, the bag bouncing up and down at her side. She vanished into the building, not even waiting to see if I was following.
When I caught up with her, she was hurrying down the echoing corridor, staring straight ahead. ‘Your first class is maths,’ she said. ‘I'm supposed to show you where it is.'
I got the hint.
Once I got to maths, I didn't have time to think about Tina any more, or Jade, or anything at all apart from trying not to look painfully stupid.
‘Does everyone understand about long division now?’ asked Mrs Farnham, the maths teacher. She scanned the class, tapping a marker against her palm. There were only about fifteen of us, and everyone else was nodding, looking bored.
She smiled at me. ‘Kat? How about you?'
I bit my lip as everyone glanced at me. My head was still swimming with decimal points and numbers columns.
A boy with black hair and pimples groaned. ‘Can't we get on with it, Miss?’ I winced. Nobody knew I had amnesia in this class; they all just thought I was a really thick new girl with a red scar across her forehead. At least the stitches had finally come out. Not that that made me feel any better just then.
‘We'll be moving on to something else soon, Tom.’ Mrs Farnham handed out worksheets for everyone to do on their own, and then came and crouched down beside me. ‘Let's go through a few of these together, Kat – everyone else has had a whole week of long division already.'
I felt a bit less thick when she said that, but it was still hard. Mrs Farnham whispered instructions as I struggled to understand, my numbers scrawling across the page. ‘No, no – remember, you need to count over and find the decimal point …'
My fingers tightened on the pencil as I rubbed out the last line of numbers, and I thought to Kathy, Thanks a bunch for taking maths with you, wherever you are.
English was even worse. Everyone knew exactly who I was.
The teacher wasn't there yet when we walked in, and at first everyone was chattering away, but then people saw me and fell still. Tina slid into a seat without looking at me.
I hesitated, feeling everyone watching. Finally I sat down beside her. The second I did, she moved her chair, sitting as far from me as possible without leaving the table. I felt like a disease that had just slimed its way into the room.
‘Tina, do you want to sit with Poppy and me?’ said someone loudly.
Jade. My head jerked up. She and Poppy were at a table in the corner. Jade stood up, tossing her head and pulling out an empty chair. ‘There's plenty of room, if we just budge up a bit,’ she announced.
My face caught fire. Everyone was watching, waiting to see what Tina would do. A boy with blond hair snickered. ‘Ooh, cat fight, cat fight!'
‘Yeah, Kat fight,’ I heard someone else whisper. ’ 'Cos she's changed her name now, hasn't she?'
Tina hesitated, pulling at one of her ginger plaits. ‘That's OK,’ she said finally.
Jade's dark eyes flashed. ‘Come on, Tina. You don't want to sit with her.'
Before Tina could answer, the door opened and a thin woman with curly brown hair rushed in. ‘Sorry, sorry – I had to stop and talk to someone. Take your seats, everyone.'
Jade slowly sat down, sending a hard stare in my direction.
‘Kathy! Oh, sorry, I mean Kat – good to see you back.’ The woman put a pile of papers down on her desk and smiled at me.
The stares felt like my skin was on fire. ‘Thanks,’ I said.
I sat hiding in the loo at break, biting my newly grown nails and shouting at myself for being such a coward. This was not the way to find out what had happened! But every time I told myself to get out there, find Jade and the others, and demand to know the truth, I remembered the whole class staring at me, and I just couldn't do it.
On the inside of the loo door, someone had written: Maddy & Paul, True Luv 4 EVA!! Great. At least someone was happy.
I opened up my book bag and pulled out a small object wrapped in a handkerchief. Holding it on my lap, I unfolded the thin white cloth until finally the cat statue peeped out at me. I picked him up, and he seemed to gaze at me with a tiny smile on his feline face. Like he was saying, ‘Come on, cheer up – it can't be that bad, can it?'
I didn't know. Maybe it could. I traced the curve of his tail around his feet. ‘Why did I run out into traffic?’ I whispered. ‘Why was I so scared of them?'
I jumped as the bell blared through the air. Hastily, I wrapped up the cat again, tucking him back in my bag. As I was picking it up, it hit me that he was another mystery.
Why had I hidden him away?
We had double history after break, but this time nobody said a word to me. Or to anyone else, for that matter. The teacher, Mr Chappell, had this really soft voice, but something about his eyes gave you the feeling that he might go berserk and throw the whiteboard at you if you stepped out of line. Which no one did. There wasn't a single whisper, not for the whole two hours.
When the bell rang, everyone jumped up, grabbing their things. I stood up slowly, glancing at Tina. She hadn't looked at me once, even though we had sat together again.
‘Um – it's time for lunch now, right?’ I asked.
Bright red flowers blossomed on her cheeks. She stared down at her bag as she zipped it up, like she hated even hearing my voice.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Jade and Poppy weaving round the tables towards us, and I winced. No, hang on – I couldn't let them scare me like this! We were in the middle of a classroom; what could they do?
I turned towards them, squaring my shoulders and trying to look as if I wasn't nervous in the least. Poppy faltered a bit, her round face uncertain. Jade didn't look uncertain at all. Her eyebrows lowered, like she'd welcome the chance for a showdown.
‘Kat, could I see you for a moment?’ called Mr Chappell from the front of the room.
I tried not to show how utterly relieved I was as I went up to his desk. He peered at me through his wire-rimmed glasses. ‘How are you doing? Are you remembering anything at all?'
‘No, not really.’ My neck felt warm; I was so aware of Poppy, Jade and Tina standing just a few metres away, probably listening to every word.
He smiled. ‘Well, I shan't take the fact that you've forgotten my lessons personally. Right, well, this stuff about the Romans probably isn't making much sense to you at the moment, but— Hold on there, you girls,’ he called suddenly, glancing towards the door.
Jade, Poppy and Tina froze, looking over their shoulders at him.
‘Tina, aren't you Kat's FAB partner?'
Tina gulped, her cheeks suddenly matching her hair. ‘Yes, sir.'
Mr Chappell shook his head, tapping a pen on his desk. ‘Well, then wait a minute, can't you? You'll need to show Kat where the canteen is when I'm through with her.'
Tina whispered something to Jade and Poppy. The two of them left slowly, glancing back at me. My stomach dipped. They did not look friendly.
‘Right,’
said Mr Chappell. ‘As I was saying, if you'll just bear with us for a week or so, then we're going to start studying the Aztecs, and you'll be on the same footing as everyone else. Meanwhile, if you need any help, just give me a yell. All right?'
I nodded. I could feel Tina standing in the doorway, watching me. ‘All right,’ I said.
We walked to the canteen in utter silence. Sentences kept forming in my head, like: Thanks so much for waiting, it was really great of you, and You're not very talkative, are you? Tina paced along beside me, staring straight ahead, her ginger plaits hanging down her back.
I smelled the canteen before we got there – the scent of spag bol and chips hung heavily in the air. Tina and I queued in silence. What a surprise. I slid my tray along and got a sandwich and a salad. The spag bol was shiny with grease, but Tina didn't seem to notice. She carefully perched a bit of garlic bread beside hers.
By the time we sat down at a table, I couldn't take it any more. ‘Look,’ I said, unwrapping my sandwich. ‘Can't you tell me why you and the others hate me so much? Please?'
Tina darted a glance at me. ‘I think you know, actually.'
‘I don't!’ I leaned towards her. ‘Please, tell me – was I really friends with Poppy and Jade? Why was I scared of them?'
‘You shouldn't stand for this, Tina,’ said a loud voice behind us.
I whipped round in my seat. Jade was standing there with Poppy. She flipped her long hair back. ‘Tina, you should go talk to Mrs Boucher. There is no way that you should have to be Kathy's FAB partner!'
I met Jade's eyes, trying not to let my voice shake. ‘Why shouldn't she be, though? I was hers, wasn't I?'
Tina gasped, looking like I had slapped her. Poppy hurried over beside her and squeezed her shoulder. ‘That was really low, even for you,’ she said to me.
I shook my head, close to tears. ‘I don't understand—'
‘It's just what she's like, though, isn't it?’ said Jade coldly. ‘Tina, come on, you don't want to sit here.'
Kat Got Your Tongue Page 9
