Josh and Hannah

by Lynda Chance

  “Yeah.”

  “No,” Hannah said, but she looked away from his eyes as she remembered a conversation she’d had with a guy right after the school year had started.

  “Hannah.” Her name was a call to attention and she knew he’d picked up on her body language.

  She looked back up as she played with the material of her blue jeans. “What?”

  “What are you not telling me?”

  “Nothing. Nobody has asked me on a ‘date’. But someone asked me to go out.” Why did she feel like a girl at confession? She wasn’t even Catholic and Josh was as far from a priest as you could ever get.

  “Go out? Like to be boyfriend and girlfriend type stuff?” As he said those words, Hannah had the feeling he wasn’t comfortable even using the terminology.

  “Yes.”

  “And I’m assuming your answer was ‘no’?

  “Yeah.”

  “Because your parents think you’re too young, or because you wanted to say ‘no’?”

  “A little of both, I guess.”

  His expression became even more intense. “Who was he?”

  She shook her head and then swallowed hard. “I’m not going to tell you that.”

  His eyes flared. “Yes, you are.”

  She refused to flounder under his demand and answered him quickly, “No, I’m not.”

  “What’s the big deal?” he asked impatiently.

  She shifted restlessly in her seat. “Why do you want to know?”

  “Just curious.”

  “I’m curious about you, too. But I’m sure you wouldn’t answer my questions,” she answered, rather pleased that she sounded so nonchalant.

  “Try me,” he threw out.

  She studied him silently, trying to work up her nerve. “Okay. Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”

  His answer was immediate. “I don’t know, because you’ve been too young all my life?”

  Hannah smiled spontaneously. That was really sweet, whether it was his intention to be sweet or not. Truly, she knew Josh was only trying to throw her off track. Hannah hadn’t thought he would want to answer her questions, and she was right. He was only using a delaying tactic. “I’m not that young,” she answered his quip.

  “You’re pretty damn young, Hannah,” he volleyed back, his eyes running up and down her body.

  Hannah swallowed at the look in his eyes and tried to stay on track with the conversation. “Ava’s only like six months older than me and she’s in the bedroom right this moment with Ethan.” Hannah had no clue why she said that, partly because it was true, and partly because when she remembered to think about anything other than Josh, she felt a little shocked that something was going on between Ava and Ethan. Hannah certainly didn’t mean she wanted to go into a bedroom with Josh, because she didn’t.

  “Yeah, but age, in your case, isn’t just a number. There are other things to consider—”

  Hannah frowned in bewilderment. “Such as?”

  “Such as innocence … virginity. Just by sitting on this couch with me shows that you’re at least a little bit naive. And the fact that I’m not just any guy who’s two years older than you are … I’m a Turner, and you’re … a McIntyre.”

  “Ava’s not experienced either, Josh. If that’s what you’re insinuating, you’re wrong. And what do our last names have to do with anything?”

  “I’m not trying to insinuate anything about Ava. I’m talking specifically about you.” Josh knew in his heart that Hannah had no clue about the animosity between their families. And he wasn’t about to tell her, either. She was also so sweetly naive, that she saw no difference in their circumstances. Already, he could sense what a special person she was, that she was kind and true and that she didn’t have a judgmental bone in her body. But that didn’t mean he could have her. He knew he couldn’t. Geez, her dad would flip a switch if Josh showed up at her house to take Hannah out.

  It was bad enough that he was going to have to go there tomorrow and speak with her father about Jesse Whitaker. He couldn’t even imagine how it would be if he tried to take her out, if he let it be known he was interested in Hannah as a girlfriend. He could well imagine the contempt he would see in her dad’s eyes, and that probably wouldn’t be the worst of it. The man would most probably call the law on his ass. And shit, what if he ran into Hannah’s brother? Josh knew that Zachary McIntyre lived in Dallas and spent only part of the week at the ranch. Josh certainly wasn’t scared of him, but how damn awkward would that be? The guy had to know by now that Chris Turner was screwing his wife.

  Josh’s goddamn father was worthless, a total fuck-up. Chris Turner couldn’t keep it in his pants; he was so stupid that he was cuckolding one of the richest men in the county. Yeah, Hannah’s brother was rich in his own right, even without his parents’ millions. Josh felt mounting anger and resentment toward his father bleed through his insides. Stupid. His stupid-ass father had to pick the richest family in the county to fuck with. Stupid.

  Anger rolled through Josh’s gut at the man who’d never been a true parent to him. His father continually managed to fuck up his life even though Josh lived with his aunt and uncle and had done so for the last five years. So, yeah, Josh could just imagine waltzing into the Bar M and announcing his intentions toward Hannah. And even though Josh could take the fallout and any shit they might throw his way, he didn’t think he was ready for Hannah to have to endure the kind of crap she’d get from her family. The McIntyres wouldn’t just bury the hatchet and let Hannah date him. No, they’d most probably refuse to allow it, maybe even ground her to keep her in the house, and then Hannah would get mad at her family and the close unity and solid support she received from them would become rocky.

  And Josh couldn’t do that to her. He’d never make her pick between her family and him, at least he didn’t think he would. But he damn sure wouldn’t do it when she was this young. It wasn’t fair to her. No, he’d have to wait. He’d have to wait until she grew up some, and maybe by then the affair between his fucked-up father and Cindy McIntyre would have run its course and everything would have blown over. He’d never really waited for a girl he wanted before, but he’d never wanted one in the same way that he wanted Hannah.

  Tonight was just a small moment out of time that somehow, had fallen into his lap. And Josh meant to take advantage of it. Not by taking sexual advantage of her, because he’d never do that. But this might be the only time he ever got to talk to her for any length of time, hold her in his arms, and drown in the addictive scent that surrounded her.

  He understood that he couldn’t have her, but it was going to kill him when she did turn sixteen and found a boyfriend. He realized it wouldn’t take long. Already, he knew if she’d told one kid that she could date when she turned sixteen, that the entire high school population probably knew that fact by now. And the guys were probably marking time on their calendars waiting for her birthday. Hannah was that pretty. And what was even more amazing was that she didn’t seem to understand it.

  He slipped his hand to her shoulder. When Hannah remained silent, he said, “Let’s don’t worry about it right now. Just understand that as much as I’d like to, we can’t date.” He didn’t miss her grimace of disappointment and it soothed him, if only a tiny bit, to know she wanted to be with him, as well. “But we have tonight, and right now there’s something that I need to do.”

  Hannah’s insides turned liquid as Josh’s eyes became heated and dropped to her lips. “What would that be?” she managed, only barely getting her vocal chords to work.

  His hands lifted to her face and gripped her tightly. “I need to kiss you so hard and for so long that if somebody dares to touch you … all you’ll be able to think about is this.”

  Josh’s head lowered over hers and Hannah closed her eyes as her whole world became centered on him. A thousand butterflies took flight in her stomach as his kiss consumed her. He didn’t start slow, and he didn’t try to ease her into the kiss. His lips forced hers
open, his tongue thrusting inside and taking over her mouth as if he owned her, as if he’d kissed her a million times before and would do so again a million times in the future.

  Hannah trembled under the hands that held her face so tightly, and she could feel it when he immediately began panting. His breath rushed in and out of his lungs even as he maintained contact, and her lungs began doing the same, her need for his kiss stronger than her need for oxygen. She forcibly blocked from her mind his mandate that they couldn’t date, and only let herself focus on the now, on the kisses they were sharing, and tried to remember how they felt, what they did to her insides. Because she knew, deep in her heart … if she couldn’t have Josh, then she’d never feel this way again.

  They kissed for long, long minutes. They kissed until they were lying side by side on the sofa, his arm cushioning her head as he held her. His hand slid up and down the outside of her thigh, and then over her arm and shoulder, and then back again.

  Over and over again, his hand made long swipes of her body, and only once coming close to her breasts that were aching for his touch. And when he did come close, he didn’t give Hannah what she wanted. He didn’t take her breast into the palm of his hand like she was dying for him to do. He lifted his mouth from hers and focused his attention on the top swell of her breasts where he ran his finger back and forth. As a warm, sweet ache built in the pit of her stomach, Josh’s eyes remained glued to her chest and to his finger touching her there. His eyes narrowed and his face took on a primal expression as his lips flattened. “There’s gonna be some bad, bad shit go down if somebody tries to touch these.” His territorial words slammed through Hannah in heated bliss, but he gave her no time to react. His lips fell back down and consumed hers again, and when she broke away to breathe, his mouth fell to her neck and he began kissing and licking and sucking with a strength that made her belly quiver.

  They made out for close to an hour, and during that time, Hannah fell deeply under his spell. She learned every nuance of his kisses, learned how the stroke of his hand could be gentle, or so strong she thought he’d never let her go. If her foundation had always trembled before when she saw him, from this moment on, she knew her world would shake off the Richter scale when Josh was around.

  Slowly, his kisses eased until his mouth closed and only his lips ran softly over her skin. Disappointment bled through her when she realized he was calling a halt and what they’d just experienced would now only be a memory. She closed her eyes and tried to imprint it on her brain as she lay quietly in his arms.

  Josh kissed Hannah on the forehead, and pulled her head into his shoulder so they could rest together. Her eyes were already closed, but his were wide open as he stared blankly into the dark room. He’d just fucked up and fucked up badly. The kiss in the school parking lot had been one thing, but this? There was no excuse for it. Never before had he been desperate to just kiss a girl. He was always on the make and when he was with a girl, getting her pants off was his number one priority. But with Hannah, he’d just experienced a first.

  He knew he couldn’t risk taking her clothes off. He knew he couldn’t touch her the way he wanted to. But he didn’t care; he’d had to kiss her. And if he hadn’t been able to get her out of his mind before tonight … if his thoughts had turned to her time and time again after that first kiss in the school parking lot, then there was no question that he was damn fucked now. He wanted her with an ache in his gut that he knew couldn’t be appeased by someone else. There was no sense in even trying. It had to be Hannah. Only Hannah. And with turmoil settling in his stomach, he knew that he couldn’t have her. At least not yet.

  He had so much crap he needed to do tomorrow, he needed at least a few hours of sleep. But damn if he’d let her go sleep in one of the bedrooms. This was probably the only night like this that they’d ever get to have.

  And he wanted to hold her for as long as he could, so he tightened his arms around her, letting the soothing comfort of having her in his arms wash over him, and closed his eyes.

  ****

  Around nine the next morning, Josh was leaving the feed store after picking up his paycheck. Things would be much simpler if Mr. Clack would get a clue and sign up for direct deposit, but Josh figured the old man would go to his grave before he did something like that.

  He was deep in thought and frankly, nervous about meeting Hannah’s dad at ten. Josh hadn’t called ahead and wasn’t going to, but ten o’clock was the time he’d set in his own mind for the meeting to take place. He still didn’t know exactly what he was going to say. He and Hannah had spoken briefly about it only an hour ago. He’d left her on the couch this morning, after dropping a kiss on her forehead and asking her how she was getting home. She’d told him that her mom was coming for her later, so he wanted to warn her dad about Jesse before Hannah got home.

  Deep in thought as he walked down the sidewalk, he barely noticed the two young teenaged boys skateboarding along the narrow pathway, until they almost plowed down an old woman coming from the grocery store, pushing a cart of groceries. Josh vaguely recognized her as the organist over at the Methodist Church. Or she had been, at least, when he was young and his aunt and uncle had tried dragging him to church with them a few times.

  The two boys didn’t stop, they just kept going and within seconds were out of sight. Josh couldn’t remember the lady’s name, but he reached her side and steadied her and asked her if she was all right.

  “I’m fine, but the scare cost me a few years, I tell you.” Her voice was rickety as she looked him over.

  Josh absently smiled and went down on his haunches and picked up her purse and began gathering everything from the ground that had spilled out when it hit the sidewalk. Within minutes, he’d walked her to her car, and quickly loaded her groceries inside as she’d babbled on about this and that.

  “Thank you, sweetie,” she said as he closed her trunk and handed her back the keys.

  “No problem.”

  “You’re the Turner boy, aren’t you?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Josh really hoped she wasn’t going to want to talk long, he needed to get out of here and over to the McIntyres.

  “Diana raised you right, young man. But we miss seeing you in church. You should come, you know.”

  Yeah, Josh understood what the older woman was saying. Diana had been the only mother he’d ever known and Josh knew that his aunt loved him as if he were her own. “Yes, ma’am, I’ll try.”

  “All right, bye then.” She dismissed him with a distracted nod and a smile.

  Josh dipped his head in a goodbye and walked to his pick-up and opened the door and began sliding inside. As he turned the key, he noticed the sheriff leaning against his patrol car watching him with a sharp eye, no doubt monitoring his every move, maybe even expecting him to try to steal something from the old lady’s purse.

  His stomach sank. Goddamnit. Would he ever get out from under the dark cloud that being Chris Turner’s son had cast over him?

  ****

  Josh knocked on the McIntyres’ front door at ten sharp and when it opened, he stared down at Hannah’s mother, more than a bit surprised. He’d seen her around, of course, but he’d never noticed how closely she resembled her daughter. The two were as identical as any mother and daughter could be, and he knew, without a doubt, that this was what Hannah would look like when she grew up.

  They were both small and blonde, and at around forty, Hannah’s mother was still impossibly beautiful, and Josh realized that all the rumors were true; Jeff McIntyre had undoubtedly taken one look at the woman in front of him now and that was that. Josh knew from what Aunt Di had told him, that Jeff McIntyre had lost his first wife to cancer when Zachary was only six years old. He’d been alone for seven years or so, raising his son by himself, until Janet Smith had landed in Redwood Falls with no job, no money, and a six-month old daughter to support.

  As the story went, within days, Jeff had the young woman living in his home and working as his housekeepe
r. Within weeks, he’d married her, and his family was complete, once again.

  “Well, hi, honey. Can I help you with something?” Janet McIntyre’s voice was soft and pleasant, without a trace of animosity, even though Josh knew that she knew exactly who he was … and that her stepson’s wife was sleeping with his father.

  He sucked in a breath, gritting his teeth in sheer determination. He had to do this, because Jesse Whitaker was a danger to Hannah. “Yes, ma’am. I need to speak to your husband.”

  Her eyes became wide as she blinked up at him. “Are you sure, honey? There’s nothing that I can help you with?”

  Good God, was she trying to protect him from her husband’s wrath? He hadn’t expected that. Maybe this was where Hannah had inherited her sweetness. “No, thank you, though. I really need to speak to Mr. McIntyre.”

  She opened the door and ushered him inside. “Have a seat and I’ll tell him you’re here. Would you like something to drink?”

  “No, thanks.”

  “Your name is Josh, isn’t it?”

  Josh knew that Hannah’s mother had to know he was a Turner. He’d grown up a few fields over and the Turner look was stamped on his features. “Yes, ma’am.”

  As she left the room, Josh remained standing and looked around. The room was huge, with vaulted ceilings and large pieces of furniture that looked sturdy enough for even the biggest of men.

  Within minutes, Hannah’s mom walked back into the room and began ushering him inside a masculine office. Jeff McIntyre was waiting for him, and stood to his feet when Josh entered. Hannah’s mother led him inside and to the front of her husband’s desk. “Jeff, this is Josh Turner. Josh, this is my husband, Jeffrey McIntyre.” Her eyes left his and fell on her husband’s, as if in silent warning. “If y’all need me, I’ll be in the kitchen.”

  Her husband nodded at her, and she left the room, closing the door behind her.

  Josh remained standing, as Hannah’s father looked him over. Josh swallowed hard, and put his hand out, and the other man took it and shook it. “Sir,” Josh said.