Oceanside

by Michelle Mankin

  I’d been withdrawn, too, or at least since my mom married Samuel. A shadowy memory surfaced. A man’s large hand engulfing my smaller one as we walked out onto the dock together. Sitting down at the end of it. Him pulling me onto his lap. His voice gruff as he’d hummed a soothing melody. I had buried my face in his soft shirt. He had smelled like wood smoke and ocean brine, and he had felt like…like love. He hadn’t spoken a single word, but somehow I’d known he was telling me goodbye.

  Warm tears leaked from my eyes. I opened them. Why had this memory surfaced now when it had been submerged for so long?

  Maybe because the acceptance and the sense of mattering to someone else I’d felt then was the same way I felt when I was with Ash now. Safe. Cared for. Loved.

  I realized I had started to feel that from him the night I met him for real at the Oscars.

  A feeling that strengthened each time he had rescued me.

  By the time he had cracked open the door to his heart, I had known that I was his. Seeing his true self. Experiencing his love. There was no substitute, no alternative for me.

  Ash was the beginning, the middle and the end.

  A baby? One that was his and mine? My body swelling with his child, our child? Sure I wanted that. But not having that option wasn’t the end of the world. And I couldn’t imagine a world without him in it.

  His arms around me. Smiling. Laughing. Singing. Surfing. Making love. Together.

  ~ ~ ~

  The world beyond Ocean Beach seemed too harsh and too frenetic.

  Or it certainly felt that way inside our suite. It was actually the bridal suite, but in my mind I’d renamed it Holliewood Central.

  With the television blaring celebrity gossip, Olivia and Hollie hunched side by side over the agent’s iPad going over their battle plans. Strategy for the press conference. What reporters would be there. What questions would likely be asked. They had been at it for hours. I was familiar with the process. It brought back memories of how my life had been after I’d gotten the nomination for best song in a motion picture. The memories weren’t ones I relished. They were draped in the fog of grief that had enveloped me at that time and far too intertwined with ones of my stepfather. How had I missed how controlling he had become? How increasingly reproachful. Derogatory not just with me but in his dealings with Hollie as well.

  The bell to the suite rang shrilly.

  “I’ve got it.” I trudged across the plush cream carpeting teetering a bit on the way there. I wasn’t reacclimated to the high heels or the rest of the high fashion I currently wore. A Stella Clark original. Stylishly cut, the deep purple jacket and pencil skirt accentuated the soft curves I’d regained with Ash taking care of me. The outfit complemented my coloring, but I longed for the more comfortable beach themed yoga gear and my Chloé high-tops.

  It’s him you really long for.

  Yeah, I missed him, all right.

  A glance through the peephole revealed who I suspected it would be. Andrew Hart. Cash was dutifully checking his ID. The bodyguard was taking his protection of us as seriously as he had when Ash had been in charge. Only now Hollie was his boss. She had regained complete control of her funds. Not because Samuel’s guardianship had expired, but because he was the one running scared now. His attorney had already received an outline of the charges Hollie and the other women were prepared to bring against him. He wanted to settle them out of court.

  Good luck with that.

  “Come in.” I opened the door, and the high-powered advocate in a suit that probably cost thousands more than my own swept inside.

  “We’re ready for you both downstairs,” he announced.

  “Alright,” Hollie stood, her agent doing the same. A team once more, they made quite a pair. Olivia with her grey hair pulled back in her usual chignon, her black and grey sweater ensemble making her appear to be my sister’s grandmother, albeit a formidable one. Hollie’s hunter green prep school inspired jumper made her look younger and vulnerable. All part of the roles we all might be playing for a good long while, whether in the court room or out in public. Hart had already warned us. The legal wrangling might take years.

  Olivia stopped to speak with Hart at the door. Hollie paused beside me.

  “How are you doing?” She peered up at me, her eyes subtly done up by the stylist, her long strawberry blonde hair loose. She looked beautiful.

  “Hanging in there.” I squeezed her hand. “How about you?”

  “The same. But this is my life now, you know.” She gestured to the stacks of paperwork strewn all over the marble coffee table. Job offers. Tons of them. The publicity surrounding us had sent her already rising star skyrocketing. It had done similar wonders for my business. Orders were brisk. My staff of five had handled things well in my absence. But if interest in my already developed line of products continued to grow at the current pace, I’d need to find a bigger space and do some more hiring. The problem was my heart wasn’t in San Bernardino anymore. I’d left it behind at the ocean.

  “Let’s do this.” Grabbing Hollie’s hand, I followed the agent and the attorney out into the hall. Hart was representing me, too. I had never even entertained the idea to sue to get my rights back from Samuel, but I totally approved of the plan. Another way Ashland Keys had rescued me. Another part of him that was mine. Did he not see? He gave so much of himself away. There was so much to love. So much of value. I remembered his words to me about being a person worth saving. Well, so was he, if only he would recognize it.

  ~ ~ ~

  Ashland

  “Dude! What the fuck are you doing?”

  “What do you mean?” I put my feet on the floor and sat up in my office chair, frowning at Diesel. I’d drifted off in my chair. I was catching some zzz’s. It’s my office after all.”

  “Not that,” he chuckled, though I can guess why you’re worn out.” He came closer. “Boot up your computer. Your chick’s having a live press conference. I can’t believe you’re missing it. She saying all sorts of mushy shit about you rescuing her and you two having an arrangement.”

  I swiveled my chair, wiggled my mouse to activate my computer screen, opened up a browser and typed Holliewood in the search bar. The first thing that came up was the conference. I clicked on the link, registering Diesel moving in to look over my shoulder, but only vaguely. My eyes were on her. To the right of her sister, she was fucking gorgeous in full designer finery. Gossamer lavender shirt. Purple suit hugging her tits. Professionally done makeup. Spine straight. Expression serious. Gorgeous but remote. Almost as phenomenal as she was in person. The cameras seemed unable to capture the true blinding essence of her beauty.

  She only comes alive like that here, a faint voice inside my heart whispered. With you. In your arms. The same way you do with her.

  “Fanny, it’s Stephanie Kokkinas. Music News Now.” I tensed as I refocused on the conference. I’d slept with that reporter once. A long time ago. It had not been an experience worth repeating. But she’d been hassling me whenever she had opportunity ever since. “My question is for you.” She narrowed beady eyes over the rim of her thick framed glasses. “So this ‘arrangement’ with the Dirt Dogs’ drummer, did it occur before or after he paid the significant retainer for your sister’s attorney?”

  “Before,” Fanny replied.

  “I see.” Insinuation laced Stephanie’s tone. Some of the reporters in the throng snickered.

  Fanny flushed. She leaned forward toward her mic. “He’s Ashland Keys, lady. He doesn’t need to pay for women to sleep with him.”

  “Celebrity Gossip Channel.” The camera focused on a handsome Latino man. “Arturo Holleran. We’re just all curious about you and Ashland Keys. You had him down on his knee, baby doll. That was one smokin’ kiss. Can’t you tell us a little bit more?”

  “It was a hot kiss. The best I ever had. But he’s so much more than that. He’s kind. He took me and my sister in when he didn’t even know us. He’s protective. When I told him what happened to Hol
lie with my stepfather the first thing he did was look for legal representation for her, for us. He’s generous. Extravagantly so. And fiercely loyal to those he considers his friends, among which I count myself privileged to be.”

  “You make him sound like he’s perfect.” Arturo fanned his face with a copy of the press conference agenda.

  “He’s perfect for me. If he were up for love. I would love him. I would treasure every day in his company. I would never let him go.”

  “Yes, well. I think it’s time we move on to the rest of the agenda.” Hollie leaned into her mic and the camera did a close up. “Only I feel I need to echo my sister’s sentiments before we take questions about the case. We both owe a debt of gratitude we can never repay to Ashland Keys and the Dirt Dogs. Fabulous musicians by the way. You should check out their music. They have a greatest hits coming out soon under the Outside label. Check out all of the artists on that label. And one last thing. While I was in Ocean Beach, I discovered the most fabulous shop with Roxy and Reef clothing. If you’re down there you should check it out. It’s called ‘Offshore’. Karen Grayson is the owner. Tell her Holliewood sent you.”

  “Fuck,” Diesel said behind me.

  “Yeah,” I agreed.

  “Karen’s gonna be flooded with customers,” Diesel said. “That Hollie’s not such a bad kid.”

  “She’s far from a kid.” I swiveled around to look at him. “Plus, she has a good heart to go with that solid head on her shoulders.” But I was partial to her sister. Partial meaning, she was the axis I wanted my world to revolve around.

  I needed to show her. I needed to stop moping. It didn’t sound to me that the outcome was in doubt. And if that were the case I wanted to make it a reunion. One she would never forget.

  Chapter Forty-Six

  Fanny

  Stop fidgeting, I told myself. He told you he would be there. So I was a little late. I glanced out the window. Wall to wall traffic as far as the eye could see. Ok, I was going to be a lot late. I’d called Lyft over an hour ago. I thought that would leave me plenty of time to get from the Hills to the other side of the airport and Manhattan Beach. But I had forgotten to take into account typical LA traffic where it could take over an hour just to go a few miles. No rhyme or reason for the snags. They could happen at any time of the day.

  I had hit one now.

  “I’m sorry, miss.” The hired driver glanced at me in the rearview mirror. “Google says we’re in for a thirty-minute delay.”

  “It’s ok,” I replied. Only it wasn’t. Because I feared he didn’t expect me to show.

  ~ ~ ~

  Ashland

  “Stop pacing. She’ll be here. She loves you, dude. Stop trying to add it up in your head. Love doesn’t follow any set of rules. Definitely didn’t in my case. I got way better than I deserved.” He glanced at Simone. She sat perched on the edge of her chair at the small table directly in front of us, her cell at the ready to record our performance for Karen, who had to keep the shop open. “But then again, it’s not my job to worry about how I lucked out or why she chose me, is it? My responsibility is to return that love lavishly. To make sure she never regrets her decision.”

  “That’s what I’m attempting to do with Fanny.” I gave Linc a glare. I might have growled. I was a little, ok a lot, on edge. Catching catnaps in my office hadn’t been working all that great for me. Neither was spending all the empty hours without her working to show her what she meant to me. Yeah, it kept me busy. Kept my support network close by without me having to verbalize that need to them per se. But the price was living every waking breathing minute with her on my mind.

  Yeah, ok. Her being on my mind day and night was happening regardless. I had been reading Shakespeare and yoga. Namaste. Trying to meditate on it. Her parting words to me about the light and beauty she saw in me kept replaying prominently in my mind.

  “Let’s go ahead and do the song, man.” Diesel stomped over to us, lifting his chin to the crowd that had gathered. “It’s the internet age. All those people are already taking pictures and shit and posting it all over social media. Once you sing it’s gonna be on YouTube in seconds.”

  “Once she sees it, even if she doesn’t see it live, she’s gonna be yours. The song’s fucking awesome.” Ramon leaned in. Like Diesel he was riled up and ready to play.

  “Not gonna make it easier by waiting.” Linc slapped me on the shoulder. My drumsticks were in his hand. Our roles in the band would be doing a one eighty for this number. “You sure you ok?” He searched my eyes.

  “Yeah. It has to be me.”

  “I get it. To demonstrate that you’re changing for her. A gesture of your faith. Only you sure your breakfast is gonna stay down?”

  “One can hope.” It was only a protein shake. And the nausea that usually plagued me on stage in front of people was curiously absent. Yeah, I was nervous. Pent up energy pinballed around inside me. But something she had helped me realize was that being up here wasn’t as big a deal as I’d made it out to be. This wasn’t a sold-out stadium, for sure. But the size of the venue wasn’t relevant. What mattered was that I wasn’t alone. I had the people who meant the most in the world to me, minus her. But even though she wasn’t here, I found that I could sense her energy. Somehow she’d seen past all of my faults and hang ups and poor choices to discover the true essence of who I was. All those good things she saw in me? I knew now they were real. A woman with Fanny’s vision didn’t fall in love with a mirage.

  Simple.

  Yet profound.

  And she was right about something else. There weren’t sharks out there.

  Just a lot of people who wanted to hear us rock.

  But I would be careful of the power cords.

  If I did end up on YouTube I didn’t want to stumble. I wanted to look good, to be good—beauty, love truth, honor and light—for her.

  ~ ~ ~

  Fanny

  Doubts. I started having them as the delay stretched into an hour and a half and I was still stuck in the backseat as my Lyft ride inched along.

  Why hadn’t Ash given me his cell number?

  Was it because he didn’t want me to end things over the phone?

  Surely he had more faith in us than that.

  But what if I was wrong?

  What if he had sent me away for a different reason than I had imagined?

  What if it wasn’t that he didn’t expect me to show up, but that he didn’t want me to?

  I was a lot of trouble. His life was undeniably simpler and quieter without me around.

  Doubts.

  Talk to me directly, Ash had admonished.

  But how could I if I couldn’t reach him?

  I also remembered the conversation with Simone.

  If something happens, something that makes you doubt how much he cares for you, would you just come to me before you decide it won’t work out? Or come to any of us. Karen. Linc. Ramon. Second chances are hard to come by.

  I didn’t have anyone’s personal number. But I could get the one for the surf shop. I googled it on my cell and called it. She answered on the first ring.

  “Offshore. How can I help you?”

  “Karen, it’s Fanny.”

  “Fanny. Where are you?” She sounded upset.

  “I’m stuck in traffic.”

  “Oh.”

  “I know I’m late. Is he…is he going to be at the coffeehouse when I arrive?”

  “No, Fanny. He’s not.” My heart sunk. “He’s already been there and left.”

  “Oh, no.” I exhaled a tense breath. Tears filled my eyes. “I left in plenty of time, but traffic is terrible. The main drag here in Manhattan Beach is just as congested as the freeway was. And he didn’t leave me his cell number. I didn’t even have yours.” My shoulders were so tight they were up at my ears. A sob escaped.

  “Oh, honey. I don’t think you understand. He was at the Cosmic Cup. All the Dogs were. Simone, too. I would have been also, but I had to manage the shop. Bec
ause of your sister, business is brisk. Ash sang a song for you. It’s very romantic. Simone captured it and sent it to my cell. Give me your number.” I recited it to her quickly.

  “Got it. I’ll forward the file to you. In the meantime, keep heading south all the way to Ocean Beach. I’ll tell Ash what happened and to expect you.” She hung up. My cell dinged with an incoming message, and I swiped trembling fingers across the screen.

  The video image was a little shaky. Simone must have been excited as she was filming it. But there was Ash—holy shit at center mic! Flanked by Diesel and Ramon, with Linc behind him on drums, he looked gorgeous. Light blue tee molded to his chest. Board shorts snug in all the right places.

  OB navy ball cap on backwards, he grabbed the mic, wrapped his finger around it and pulled it out of the stand. “This one’s for the woman I love. She doesn’t worry about sharks when I’m around, and I don’t worry about tripping over power cords, much less about being everything she needs.” I swayed even though I was seated. “It’s called, ‘The Real Me’. Fanny Bay this is for you.” He glanced over his shoulder, nodding to Linc. His cousin clacked his sticks together. I recognized the staccato beat of the song right away as the one Ash had been working on before Hollie and I had left.

  Then I just watched him.

  Being sexy.

  Moving to the insistent beat.

  His sculpted lips to the mic, his hand over his chiseled chest. An entreaty in his gaze and in the lyrics he sang, his words washed away the last remaining doubts inside of me.

  Living the dream life

  One dull day at a time