I Love You to Death

by Natalie Ward

  Eventually Luke joins us. He watches me as he walks over and I can’t take my eyes off him. Someone hands him a beer and he comes and stands next to me. I can feel heat radiating from him and still I don’t say anything. People come up and congratulate them. Girls push closer to try their luck with them. Luke doesn’t move but his arm rests against mine and my skin feels like it’s burning from his touch.

  I need to get out of here.

  I know what I want now.

  I’m not thinking about anything else anymore.

  I reach for Luke’s hand. It feels like a ball of electricity in my grip and as it shoots up my arm he turns to look at me, his eyes dark. I stand on my toes, press my lips to his ear and whisper, "Take me somewhere else."

  He nods at me and then turns to quickly speak with Jared. We are still holding hands and then we are outside walking. Neither of us says anything as we walk back to his house. The cool night air does nothing to the heat circling around us. The tension feels explosive.

  At his apartment, he silently unlocks the front door. I walk in ahead of him and go straight into his room. He wordlessly follows me and closes the door behind him, shutting us in. It is just me and him, alone in his room.

  I know what I’m doing now.

  I lift off his shirt with shaking hands. Luke stands completely still, looking only at me. As I drop his shirt to the floor and lower my eyes I can see, even in the darkened room, what he’s been hiding.

  He has great arms. A beautiful chest. A hard, flat stomach. Having watched him move around on stage all night, I can see why. I see my shaking fingers in front of me. Watch them as they brush lightly over his chest. Feel the warmth of his smooth skin under my fingertips. Hear his sharp intake of breath when I finally touch him.

  There is black ink swirling over his right bicep. An elaborate tattoo that I run my finger over. There is more ink swirling down the left side of his torso, from his arm pit to his waist. I want to run my fingers over all of it. They aren’t shaking anymore.

  I step closer and lean into him. I can smell his sweat from tonight’s performance combined with the unique smell that is just Luke. I like it. I press my nose to his chest and breathe in deeply. Still he doesn’t move, but now I can feel his heart. It’s racing inside him and I wonder what he’s thinking, what he’s feeling as I do this. I finally look up at him and all I see is Luke. I see that he’s been waiting for me to see him, really see him, all this time. I see all of my own want mirrored back in his eyes. I see his lips as he nervously bites the bottom one between his teeth. I see his hand as he reaches out to tuck my hair behind my ear. I am on fire, as though my body is simmering under his gaze.

  I want to kiss him again.

  I press up on my toes as I reach for his mouth and he lowers his head and meets me halfway. I taste him again, feel his soft smooth lips as they brush over mine, his tongue as it gently pushes my lips apart. My arm curls around his neck dragging him closer. I feel his soft groan as the fingers of my other hand slide under the waist band of his jeans and pull him against me. His arm goes around my waist, pulling us even tighter together, our bodies fused from our mouths to our feet. I close my eyes as his other arm wraps around my shoulders, pulling us closer still. Inside I am exploding from his touch, his taste, his smell.

  I don’t want this to stop.

  We kiss forever, standing here in his darkened bedroom. There is no music, the hint of his earlier playing still ringing in our ears. The sound of our breathing becomes more rapid with each pulsing kiss.

  I want more of him.

  I pull back from his kiss and look at his face. I smile at what I can see there and he smiles slowly back at me. I step back and lift off my own shirt, never taking my eyes from his. His smile is gone now, replaced with something much more enticing. I step forward again and put my hands on his belt. I undo the buckle and the buttons of his jeans without looking away from him. I move my hands and undo my own belt and jeans. His arms remain by his side, he doesn’t move. Kicking off my shoes, I step out of my jeans, leaving them on the floor and once again press my body to his. Feel my skin as it comes into contact with his for the first time. I gasp at how warm he is, at how much my racing heart now matches his. At how much my body surges. I am aching, wanting, my whole body pushing itself towards him. I wrap my arms around his waist, my fingers gripping his hips as I reach up to kiss him again. His hands slide over my bare skin sending shivers throughout my body. I lean into him, gently pushing him back towards his bed. Luke doesn’t move. He is so hesitant, so careful, like he’s afraid it will all stop.

  But I want all of him.

  "Luke," I whisper in the darkness.

  He stops and looks at me, his hands resting on my lower back. I lick my bottom lip and watch his pupils dilate even further.

  "I don’t want to stop," I say. "Don’t stop."

  He doesn’t.

  Luke pulls me against him now as he moves backwards to his bed. He turns and lays me down on his sheets, steps back and finishes taking off his jeans before he lies down beside me, half of his body covering mine. All of our skin touching. The weight of him on me feels amazing. He presses soft kisses to my face, along my forehead and down my nose. Stopping, he kisses my lips again, taking his time, before pressing light kisses across my jaw line. He reaches my ear where he whispers beautiful before kissing a slow path down my neck. Everything inside of me is slowly melting, from his words, his touch, his kisses. His fingers slide the bra strap off my shoulder and he presses kisses there. Everywhere he touches me sends small tremors throughout my body. My skin is tingling with anticipation, goose bumps everywhere.

  I feel like I’m drowning again and my heart is beating faster than ever now.

  As his fingers gently dance over my skin, I smooth my own hands all over his. Our arms wrap themselves tightly around each other, pulling us closer together. I smile at him and he smiles back, his eyes dark as he leans down to kiss me again. Our legs entangle, pulling us even closer still.

  And then, then it is just us.

  Just the rapid beat of our hearts.

  Just our heavy, deep breaths.

  Just the sound of our soft moans and whispered names.

  Just me and Luke.

  I am drowning in him now and it feels unbelievably perfect.

  ∞

  Afterwards I lie with my head on Luke’s chest, listening to his heart beat slow down. He has pulled the covers to our waist and is running his fingers slowly up and down my spine. It’s making my body hum.

  "Are you okay?" he eventually asks.

  I lift my head to look at him and smile. "More than okay," I say. And I mean it.

  He leans forward to press a kiss to my lips, whispering against them, "I’m glad."

  We lie in silence for a while, my skin still tingling from the touch of his fingers moving over it. I lightly trace the lines of the tattoo on his side, watching the tiny goose bumps that follow my path. Up close I can see what it is now, lines and musical notes dancing all over his skin, down the side of his body. It’s beautiful, just like him.

  "How come you always stared at me when I first came back to work?" I suddenly ask him.

  I feel his silent laugh. "Because I think you are beautiful," he answers, dragging his fingers down my spine in a way that feels exquisite.

  It’s exactly the words and reason I want to hear. I touch my lips to his chest and feel his warm skin beneath them. "But you never talked to me, never said anything to me for so long?" I ask.

  He flattens his palm in the small of my back, his fingers tantalisingly close to disappearing under the covers. "Because I was shy," he answers quietly.

  I can’t help but laugh, at the idea that Luke, borderline rock star or Luke, man who bared his soul on stage tonight, could possibly be shy.

  I feel his hand tighten at my waist as he continues. "And I knew you were grieving and I didn’t want to add to that."

  I lift my head again, surprised but strangely grateful for his h
onesty right now. "Thank you," I whisper, looking right into his blue eyes. "Thank you for my song," I kiss him. "Thank you for everything."

  Wrapping his arms around me, he pulls me completely on top of him as he whispers back, "Thank you Asha," before pressing another kiss to my lips. Smiling he adds, "And just so you know, it drove me crazy with how much I did want to talk to you, crazy with how much I wanted to kiss you. Every time I saw you, I just wanted to do this."

  And then he kisses me all over again and my whole body starts to sing.

  ∞

  The first thing I feel when I wake up is fear.

  It’s all come back to me now and I’m suddenly very afraid. As I start to feel the panic rising, surging through me, there are gentle fingers on my back, moving over my skin. I feel the soft warmth of Luke’s body under my cheek. Hear his steady heart beat under my ear. He is okay, I am okay. I lift my head from Luke’s chest and see he’s awake and holding a book, reading while I sleep on him.

  He looks down at me. "Hey," he whispers softly, his hand gently running up my back and smoothing the hair back from my face.

  I push my fears away. Force them somewhere else. Bury them with every other painful emotion I know is in there. I don’t want to feel them right now. There are other things I want.

  I take the book from his hand, dropping it on the floor as I slide my body up his. I see his beautiful smile as I press my lips to his, and I feel his hands move under the covers as I push myself against him. I silently wish that he not let me go, and it’s like he hears me, because when he kisses me back, he pulls me tighter against him and doesn’t.

  Whatever I was expecting when I started all of this last night, or when I woke up just now, this level of comfort and intimacy, is not it. Yet surprisingly, it’s exactly what I do feel. Everything about being here, about Luke and lying in his arms, kissing him, and all of the things that have happened between us, it all feels so completely amazing and perfect. It all just feels so very right. And I don’t want any of it to stop.

  I place soft kisses along Luke’s jawline and feel his smile, rather than see it. "Hey," I finally whisper back to him.

  He turns his head on the pillow so he’s facing me, softly kisses my lips before whispering, "Hey beautiful."

  Shivers run down my spine as I lift my eyes to meet his beautiful blue ones. "What are your plans for the day?" I ask, my hand brushing lightly over his soft hair, hoping he doesn’t have any.

  He smiles at me then and whispers, "Hopefully spending it all with you."

  My heart flips at his answer. It’s exactly what I wanted him to say. It brings a smile to my face now, and the words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. "I don’t want to go home."

  He smiles again, kissing my neck as he whispers, "Just stay."

  I breathe out a "Yes," before I’m consumed by his kisses again.

  I can’t believe I’ve gone without this for so long. I can’t believe I ever thought I could go without this. I feel so hungry for him, as though I’ve been starving for months and months, and now I’m finally being allowed to eat. I have no idea what time it is. Don’t know if Jared is here or what he will say when he sees us. I’m pretty sure deep down, I don’t actually care, because for the first time in a really long time, I feel truly, unbelievably happy right now.

  "I think I might need a shower," I eventually say to Luke.

  He smiles at me as he says, "Yeah me too."

  And I just can’t help myself as I say, "Do you wanna join me?"

  He wraps his arms tighter around me and pulls me on top of him. Pressing hungry kisses all over my face, he almost growls his response. "Hell yes."

  Despite what we’ve just spent all night and all morning doing, the shower doesn’t stop us from doing it all over again. The warm soapy water on his skin is almost too much, and I just can’t stop touching him, can’t stop my body’s response to him. It feels completely foreign and new, this reaction I’m having to Luke, but I don’t care, because I only want more of it. And of course, the shower is definitely offering me a perfect view of what’s now all mine to enjoy for the rest of the day. He is, without a doubt, gorgeous. I can really see that now. He has a long, lean body that’s toned from countless nights of throwing himself around stage with a guitar. His tattoos are a sharp contrast in black on his pale skin and I can’t stop running my fingers over them. His dark blue eyes watch me the whole time and his lips and fingers are constantly touching me. It’s incredibly intimate and an unbelievable turn-on being with him like this.

  When we finally get out and are towelling dry, Luke asks, "Coffee?"

  I smile at him again, as I answer, "Yes," and laugh when he wraps an arm around my naked body and pulls me in for another kiss.

  It feels like he can’t get enough of me either and I like it, I really like it.

  I towel dry my hair, watching Luke in the mirror as he pulls on a pair of sweats and heads shirtless out to the kitchen. Focusing on my own reflection, I’m stunned when I barely recognise the face looking back at me.

  I look so different today.

  I can see there’s a smile tugging at my mouth and I wonder if it’s been there since I woke up this morning or maybe if it’s been there all night. It’s been so long since I’ve seen myself smiling. So long since I’ve had anything to smile about, and it’s a shock to see it. Leaning in closer, I run my fingertips over my lips, which are red and slightly swollen. This makes me smile even more, as I remember the thousands of kisses Luke has pressed to them since last night. Up close like this, I see something else too, something that scares me a little. Light in my eyes. I wonder when that happened, because for as long as I can remember, nothing but dull brown eyes have looked back at me. Dull eyes, that just looked permanently sad. But now they are alive and flecked with gold, as they shine back at me from the mirror. Seeing this new me sends a shiver through my body, a shiver at what it could all possibly mean.

  Turning, I walk back out and into Luke’s room. I pick up my clothes, but right now, I don’t want to put them back on. Walking over to some drawers, I wonder if Luke would mind if I wore something of his. I pull out a pair of his boxer briefs and a black t-shirt. Pulling on his clothes, I peek out the door and see Luke standing in the kitchen, hands on the counter as he gazes out the window, his back to me. I can’t see any sign of Jared and I also can’t resist the bare skin that feels like it’s pulling me towards him. I walk silently out into the kitchen and slide my arms around his waist as I rest my cheek against his back, between his shoulder blades. I hear his soft groan and I can’t help kissing his smooth, warm skin.

  "I borrowed something to wear, I hope you don’t mind?" I murmur into his back.

  Luke turns in my arms and when I look up, I find him smiling as he slides his hands around my waist and under the t-shirt I’m wearing. Sparks of fire flash through me at the look he gives me, at his fingers dancing over my skin.

  "Definitely not, this is a very good look on you," he says in a low voice.

  "It is?" I ask, quickly glancing down at myself.

  Luke smiles again before he leans down to whisper, "Are you kidding me? You, in my clothes, after a fantastic night and morning like the one we just had? Yeah, it doesn’t get any better than that Ash."

  I feel my stomach drop to the floor, my teeth uncontrollably grazing his collar bone in response to his words. God I feel so turned on again, how does he keep doing this to me? I pull back to look at him. "It was pretty fantastic, wasn’t it?" I say quietly.

  He gently presses his forehead to mine as he whispers, "Amazingly fantastic," before he kisses me in a way that says and it’s not over yet.

  My rumbling stomach is what eventually pulls us apart, echoing into the kitchen and reminding me, not only did I not eat last night, but I’m starving for more than just Luke right now. He laughs at the noise, pulling back and asking, "Breakfast?"

  I glance at the clock on the microwave; ten, before turning back to Luke. "Mmm yeah, some toast woul
d be great, thank you."

  He kisses me again, before turning us back towards the counter. With an arm still draped around me, he grabs the loaf of bread from the counter and throws some into the toaster. He then pulls out the coffee which has just finished brewing and pours two cups, pausing only to ask me, "Black?"

  I smile at him as I feel a blush creep onto my cheeks. "Yes, black for me thanks."

  We both spoon sugars into our coffee and Luke butters us a pile of toast. It all feels incredibly natural and normal and I love the easy movements, the constant feel of his arm around me. Eventually we head back to his room, loaded with food and caffeine.

  "Can I put some music on?" I ask, as he puts everything beside his bed and sits down.

  "Of course, anything you like Ash."

  I find something on the phone he’s docked in a speaker, before turning and stopping in my tracks at the sight of Luke sprawled on his unmade bed in nothing but a pair of sweats. He is so beautiful. And I’m not at all embarrassed when he catches me checking him out. Instead I just walk over to the bed, crawl between his legs and lean back against his bare chest as he sits against the bed head. Luke wraps an arm around me again, lacing our fingers together, presses a soft kiss to my neck and hands me a cup of coffee.

  We sit in silence for a while, until eventually Luke asks, "Were you ok when you first woke up this morning?"

  I guess he did notice, but I answer, "Yeah, just took me a second to work out where I was." Smiling, I look up at him, my head resting on his shoulder. "I can’t believe you let me sleep on you, how long had you been awake for?"

  I watch as he places a kiss, lightly on my nose. "About an hour I guess, but honestly, I could’ve lain there all day Ash," he whispers.

  "An hour," I ask, shocked it was that long. "Shit, I hope I didn’t snore or anything."

  Luke laughs softly. "No, no snoring," he says. "You were very cute though."

  "Why, what did I do?"