Before she knew it, they were setting off on the thirty-minute drive from Penhally to St Piran, arriving a long time after the air ambulance had deposited their casualty. Stuart and Mark were wonderful, as was Ben Carter, into whose experienced, caring and understanding hands they delivered her.
Supportive and reassuring, Ben guarded her confidentiality and refused to make an issue of her status. By the time she had been X-rayed?thankfully there proved to be no breaks?and returned to A and E to have the deep cut on her leg stitched, her other cuts and grazes cleaned and a supportive bandage put on her swollen, painful foot, she was feeling tired and woozy. The antibiotics and pain medication she’d been given didn’t help.
Dismissing the nurse who had waited with her, Ben drew up a chair, sat down and sent her a warm smile. ‘I know you wanted news. The boy’s name is Will. He’s in Theatre and has the best of chances, thanks to you. You saved his life today, Jess. Care to tell me how you did it?’ he asked, signing off her notes and closing the file.
Her defences lowered by all that had happened, not just with Will and her own injury but the deep pain of Gio’s rejection and withdrawal, she found herself pouring the whole story out to Ben.
‘Surgery’s loss is St Piran’s gain,’ he told her a while later when her flow of words had ended.
‘Thank you.’
‘Does Gio know? Do you want me to call him?’
The two questions brought a fresh threat of tears. ‘Yes, he knows,’ she admitted, trying to steady her voice before she continued, forcing out the words. ‘But don’t call him. He’s in Italy. And we’re just friends.’
‘Friends?’ Ben raised a sceptical eyebrow.
‘You heard about his wife?’ she asked. When Ben nodded, she continued. ‘He’s not ready for a new relationship. Even if he was, it’s too much for him to take on someone like me.’
‘I wouldn’t give up on him too quickly, Jess.’
She appreciated Ben’s kindness but she had little hope left in fairy-tales. Resting her head back, feeling very tired, she sighed. ‘Can I go home?’
‘Not for a while, especially as you’ll be on your own once you get there,’ he added brushing aside her half-hearted protest.
A knock on the door curbed further conversation and senior staff nurse Ellen came in. Although she smiled, it was clear that something was bothering her and, before she closed the door, Jess heard the sound of some sort of commotion going on somewhere in the department.
‘I’m sorry to interrupt,’ Ellen apologised. ‘Ben, we have a problem out here. Can you come?’
‘Yes, of course. Rest here for a while and try not to worry about anything, Jess. I’ll be back shortly to see you,’ he promised, giving her hand a squeeze before pushing back the chair and rising to his feet.
‘Thanks, Ben.’
‘Is there anything I can get for you, love?’ Ellen asked, taking a moment to fuss with the sheet and pillows and make sure she was comfortable.
Feeling tired and washed out, Jess managed a smile. ‘No, thanks. I’m fine.’
As they left the room, leaving her alone, Jess closed her eyes. It was one thing to tell her not to worry, but she was finding it impossible when her thoughts were fixed firmly on Gio. Despite thinking she could never trust a man again, in such a short time she had fallen irrevocably in love. But he couldn’t feel the same about her and now, when she most needed his arms around her, he wasn’t there. Ben had told her not to give up, but why would Gio want someone who was living with a condition that could change at any moment and drastically reduce her life expectancy, causing him to lose someone else?
She’d taken a huge risk, opening her heart and allowing Gio into her life, and all too briefly she’d experienced a piece of heaven before it had been ripped away from her again. She had no idea what the future held in store. After years of uncertainty, she had found a place where she felt at home and could settle. Was that now all to change because of Gio?
As much as he’d enjoyed his couple of days back home in Italy, and especially celebrating his parents’ fortieth wedding anniversary, Gio continued to feel edgy and unsettled. For once it was nothing to do with returning to a place that reminded him of Sofia. His disquiet was all due to Jessica. Within hours he would be flying back to the UK and driving to the house he had shared with her in St Piran these last weeks. Knowing that she wouldn’t be there made that return a dismal prospect.
‘Something is troubling you, figlio.’
Gio looked up as his father joined him on the terrace and he gave a wry smile, unsurprised by the older man’s insight. ‘I’m fine, Papà.’
‘Tell me about his woman.’
‘What woman?’ Gio prevaricated, shifting uncomfortably.
‘You said you might be bringing a friend this weekend,’ he reminded, ‘but you came alone.’
‘I might have meant a male friend.’
His father chuckled. ‘You might. But you didn’t. My guess is that you were referring to the woman who has been staying with you. The woman responsible for bringing you back to life these last weeks, bringing laughter and happiness back to your eyes.’
Gio sighed, somewhat stunned by his father’s words. And by the realisation, the truth, of how much Jessica had changed him in the short time he had known her. He leaned against the railing and gazed out at the familiar Piedmont countryside. It was home—and yet now his heart felt as if it belonged elsewhere.
‘Gio?’
Turning round, he pulled up a chair next to his father. ‘I think I’ve made a big mistake, Papà;
It had not been his intention to unburden himself, but now he found himself telling his father all about Jessica—and his dilemma.
‘Figlio, you have never lacked courage. Do not start doubting yourself and your feelings now,’ his father advised when he had finally run out of words.
‘What do you mean?’ Gio asked with a frown, running the fingers of one hand through his hair.
‘Tell me,’ his father asked, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees, his gaze direct, ‘would you have forgone the life you had with Sofia if you had known in advance that you would lose her when you did?’
A flash of anger flared within him at the question. ‘Of course not!’
‘That is what I thought.’ His father smiled and although his tone gentled, his words lost none of their impact. ‘Yet now you risk throwing away this second chance for love and happiness because you fear that you will one day lose Jessica, too.’
‘Papà…’
His father gestured with one hand to silence him. ‘Jessica is clearly a very special woman and she has become very important to you. You love her, I can see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice when you speak of her, and yet you’re holding back. I know the pain and heartache you suffered when Sofia died. We all miss her. What you had together was so rare and so special. Few of us are blessed with that kind of happiness once in a lifetime, let alone twice,’ the older man pointed out with a shake of his head.
In the brief pause that followed, the words sank in and Gio reflected on just how lucky he had been. He looked up as his father rested a hand on his shoulder and continued.
‘We are all going to die at some time. What is important is what we do with the time we have. You have made us so proud, figlio, not only with your career and the work you do in Sofia’s name but also because of the person you are. From all you have told me of her, your Jessica is a rare woman, and not one who would ever now trust herself to a man lightly. Yet she has trusted herself to you. Are you going to let her down? Are you going to let fear turn you away from love and the many years you could have together?’
The questions hit him full force, shocking him, but his father had not yet finished with him.
‘Sofia would be so angry with you, Gio. She wanted you to live, to be happy, to love. Now you have found someone worthy of you, someone who has brought so much to your life. Don’t throw that away, figlio,’ he pleaded softly. ‘You h
ave our blessing, and Ginetta’s, too,’ he added, referring to Sofia’s mother, who remained part of their family. ‘You deserve new love and happiness. So does Jessica. Follow your heart… go back to the place that has become your home and show the woman who has given you so much the kind of man I know you to be.’
Hours later everything his father said still resonated in his head. It was early on Monday morning but he had given up trying to sleep. He had driven past Jessica’s cottage before coming home from the airport but her car had not been there and it was clear no one was in. When he had also been unable to reach her by phone, unease had set in. Where was she?
Now he stared out of the window, seeing nothing but the darkness. There was also darkness inside himself. The house had felt cold and stark and lonely without Jessica, as he had feared it would. And so had he. All the joy and fun and warmth had left it with her departure. A departure he could blame on no one but himself.
He pressed one palm to the hollow ache in his chest. He had been so blind, so stupid. How could he have ever believed that he could live for the rest of his life in a vacuum? He hadn’t been living at all, only existing. It was Jessica who had brought meaning back to his world again and had made him want to embrace life in every way.
Leaning his forehead against the coolness of the glass, he reflected on his mistakes. He had coaxed and cajoled Jessica into trusting him, caring for him, opening up to him. He’d taken what she had given him without properly considering just what it must have taken for her to trust, and exactly what that trust meant. She had shown such courage, while he had got cold feet. In doing so he had behaved as abominably as her ex-fiancé, her family and her former friends and colleagues had. How must Jessica be feeling now? He felt lower than low when he forced himself to consider what his withdrawal, his insistence that they could have nothing but friendship, must have done to her.
Dio!
How was he going to put things right?
Because he could see now with startling clarity that all his father had said was true. And he thought of Luca, who had been through a similar kind of loss as his own and who’d had the courage to let love back into his life again. He was a doctor, Gio chided himself. He knew that Jessica could fall ill tomorrow—but equally she could live a long and normal lifespan, keeping fit and well. Given the right care and precautions, even having a healthy child free of HIV was not the impossibility she believed it to be. Whatever she wished, he would support her all the way.
No one knew what the future held in store, just as his father and Luca had said. And facing the rest of his life alone was no longer the answer he had once thought. He could not guard himself from hurt without denying himself all the joys. And he knew now, after such a short time without Jessica, that he didn’t want to waste any more time alone. Whether they had five years or fifty years, he wanted to share every moment with her. If she would forgive him and allow him a second chance.
Jessica had trusted him in the most elemental way and he had let her down. The knowledge cut him to the quick. In the face of her bravery he had been nothing but a coward. Were he to be lucky enough to win her back, he would spend the rest of their lives together proving to her that she was loved and cherished. Going downstairs, he made coffee and stepped outside into the coolness of the pre-dawn air, lost in his thoughts.
Along with the album Sofia had made of their lives had been a final letter for him. He carried it with him always, with her photo, next to his heart. He knew it word for word as she told him how much she loved him, that every moment had been worth it because they had been together, how she respected him and supported him.
‘You must go on with your career, Cori, and with your life. Grieve for me, but not for too long. We have been so blessed and had so much more in twenty-two years than many people have in a whole lifetime. I know you, amore mio. And I beg you to move on, not to stay alone and sad for the rest of your life. I want you to be happy, fulfilled, cared for. You have so much love to give. Open your heart, Cori. For me. I will always be with you and will always love you. Look up at the night sky and the brightest star will be me smiling down on you, wishing you the best of everything and for a special woman to love you as I love you.’
His throat tight with emotion, he turned his gaze up to the sky, finding the brightest star. He thought of Sofia’s words, of her wish for him, her blessing, and realised he was letting her down by refusing to accept all life had to offer him. Had their places been reversed, he would have wanted the same for her… that she would find someone to care for her, who would make her happy. And his courageous, spirited Sofia would grieve, would never forget, but would face life with her customary bravery. Just as Jessica was doing in her own way, making a whole new life for herself after being so badly betrayed and left to cope with the devastation alone. He owed it to Sofia, to Jessica and to himself to step back into life.
He looked back at the star, opening his heart, knowing Sofia would always be there, that he would never forget and would always love her, but that there was room and a special place for Jessica, too. It was time. For a moment it seemed as if the star glowed even brighter, filling him with a sense of peace. As dawn broke, the stars fading as the sky slowly lightened, bringing a rosy glow to the magnificent Cornish coastline, Gio knew what he had to do.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
‘OH, MY God.’ Jess felt her whole world shattering into tiny pieces as she stared in horrified disbelief at the local newspaper. This couldn’t be happening. ‘How? Why?’
Ben sat solemn-faced beside her, appearing tired and drawn, as if he hadn’t slept in the hours since she’d last seen him. ‘I’m sorry, Jess. We tried to stop it.’
Fighting back tears and a terrible sense of doom, she re-examined the lurid headline emblazoned in large letters across the front page.
HOSPITAL HEROINE HAS HIV!
The night was a blur. She’d fallen asleep in A and E, knocked out by the medication and emotional exhaustion. ‘We don’t normally have staff sleeping in the department overnight but we made an exception for you,’ Josh had teased her when he’d checked her over before the night shift ended.
When Ben had come back on duty, she’d discovered that the disturbance he’d been called to had been caused by Kennie Vernon, a reporter on the St Piran Gazette, known as ‘Vermin’ for his unpleasant methods and his motto of never allowing the truth to spoil a good story. She’d met him once when he’d delved unsuccessfully into the background of a patient in her care, and he’d left an unfavourable impression. Short and stout, his greasy black hair worn in a narrow ponytail, he had a goatee beard, beady brown eyes and a shifty nature.
‘One of the bystanders in Penhally overheard you telling the paramedics about the HIV and informed Kennie. The bastard ran with that angle of the story.’ Ben’s anger and disgust were evident. ‘He came poking around A and E. I threw him out. You were sleeping, so Josh and I decided to keep you here. We didn’t want you going home alone or risk you running into Kennie.’
Jess wrapped her arms around herself, unable to stop shaking. ‘What am I going to do?’
‘You told me about the appalling way you were treated when you were first diagnosed, but that isn’t going to happen here,’ he reassured her, but she lacked belief.
‘Right.’
Ben took her hand. ‘You’ll be surprised, Jess. I’m not, because I know you are loved and respected. There may be one or two idiots, but ninety-nine percent of the hospital are supporting you. We’ve had endless calls sending you good wishes and they’re continuing to come in.’
Jess didn’t know what to say.
‘We took the liberty of making some arrangements on your behalf,’ he continued, and nervousness fluttered in her stomach.
‘What arrangements?’
‘Flora wanted to help. She said she held a spare key for your cottage in case of an emergency?’ Jess nodded, trying to take everything in. ‘Knowing you’d worry, she’s picked up your kittens and will look after them for
as long as you need.’
‘Thank you,’ she murmured, surprised but relieved.
‘Your car remains where you left it in Penhally, so you’ll need a lift to pick it up, but Megan met Flora at your cottage and collected some things you might need.’
Fresh tears pricked her eyes. For someone who seldom cried, she could have filled a swimming pool this last week. She didn’t ask, but the person she most wanted to know about, and to see, was Gio. He’d be back from Italy. He might even be in the hospital, she realised, glancing at her watch, shocked by the time. What would he think? She felt sick with worry.
When Ben left, Jess gingerly slipped out of bed, thankful for the adjacent shower room that meant she didn’t have to wander down the corridor in the unflattering hospital gown she was wearing. After a wash, she sat on the bed, feeling emotionally and physically battered as she wondered what to do.
‘Where is she?’
Jess heard Megan’s anxious question from outside and someone’s voice mumble in reply. She barely had a moment to compose herself before her friend rushed in, her face pale and tears spiking her eyelashes. Without uttering a word, Megan dropped a carrier bag on the bed and wrapped her in a hug.
‘You silly, silly girl,’ she admonished, halfway between a laugh and a sob. ‘Oh, how I wish I’d known. I can’t bear to think of you going through this alone.’
Megan’s acceptance and support was overwhelming. Jess began to explain, her voice shaky and whisper soft, when Brianna arrived. She looked as worried and upset as Megan. And, like Megan, Brianna’s first instinct was to hug her.
With her friends giving the caring support she had never expected to know, Jess told them what she had told Gio—about Duncan, her diagnosis, the prejudice, ignorance and discrimination she’d encountered, and being disowned by her family. They were all crying by the time she had finished.
St Piran's: Italian Surgeon, Forbidden Bride Page 14
