Catching Her Heart

by Carolyne Aarsen

  “Why?” she asked, only able to choke out that one word past the thickening in her own throat. How could a father do this to his own child?

  Jess pulled his hands away from hers, leaning back on the counter behind him for support. “He did it because I threw a party that got out of control. Too many people came over and the house got trashed.”

  Naomi frowned. “I don’t remember you having a party.”

  Jess lifted his eyes and sent her a dark, broken, longing gaze. “I threw it after you and Billy left for school in Alberta.”

  She folded her arms over her stomach, hurt spearing through her. “Because you were happy I was gone.”

  He released a harsh laugh, laced with anger. “No. Because I couldn’t stand the idea that you had left me to go to Billy. Couldn’t stand that I might never see you again. I was so full of anger and...and pain at the idea that you were with anyone but me. I was selfish and immature and I figured a wild party would get my mind off you. Trouble was, twenty minutes into the party I knew I had done something monumentally stupid. Things quickly got out of control. I ended up calling the cops. By the time they came it was too late. The house was a wreck. My parents came home the next day and my dad blew up. He yelled at me like he always did, hit me some, then pushed me through the French doors that one of the kids had kicked in. The glass was broken and I fell against it. That’s how I got these scars.”

  “Jess, I’m so sorry. I never knew.”

  “I didn’t want you to know,” he said, the bitterness in his voice easing off. “I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me like you’re feeling sorry for me now.” Jess pushed himself away from the counter and gave Naomi a tight smile. “I don’t want to talk about my father anymore,” he said. “That’s in my past. It’s over.”

  “Is it?” Naomi asked.

  He frowned at her as if he didn’t understand what she was saying.

  “I remember how you used to talk about him. How a hard edge would come into your voice that I never understood. Until now. And I hear that same edge now.”

  “Now you know why.”

  “I do.” Naomi brushed her hand over his back, as if to remind herself of what had happened to him. “Yet, I also sense that your father still has a hold over you.”

  “What do you mean?” he snapped.

  Naomi tried not to flinch at the lash of anger in his voice, reminding herself of how hard it must have been for him to tell her what he did. At the same time, however, she sensed she needed to gently push on.

  “As long as you hold anger in your heart toward your father, he has control, even though he’s dead. I think you need to forgive him.”

  “You saw what he did. This is only a small part of what he did to me. I could tell you about how he would yell at me, how often he raised his fists to me for no reason other than that he could. How can I forgive all that?”

  Naomi wished she hadn’t started this, but she had and now she had to finish. “It’s hard. I know I had to deal with forgiving my father. Once I forgave him, it was easier to let go of my thoughts of him. My anger. I felt like my forgiving him, truly forgiving him, released me from him. Healed me from the pain he gave me when he left. When he abandoned me and my sisters and my mother.” She was quiet a moment knowing that being left behind was probably not the same thing as being abused, but it was still a pain she’d had to deal with. She looked up at him, praying he would understand what she was saying. “Forgiveness frees you. It helps you let go of bitterness and anger. It gives you peace and freedom from the person you forgive.”

  Jess swallowed, his face still set in hard lines, and all Naomi could do was pray that if not now, someday, he would truly understand what she meant.

  She touched his arm again, running her hand up it to rest on his shoulder. “I’ll be praying that you’ll find that peace.”

  Jess sighed, then looked down at her. She was thankful to see his lips soften into a smile.

  “I feel peace when I’m with you,” he said quietly.

  Her heart beat heavily in her throat at his declaration and she didn’t think about his father anymore either.

  She didn’t know who moved first but it didn’t matter, because suddenly her arms wrapped around him, his around her, and as naturally as breathing their lips met.

  Naomi was the first to break away, laying her head on his chest, her one hand slipping down to rest on his warm skin. She spread her fingers, encountering another scar, and she bent her head and brushed her lips over it, as if to make it all better.

  Then she felt his hand under her chin and she tipped her face up, holding his gaze. He released a soft sigh, then smiled at her, his face holding an expression of hesitancy.

  “So now what? What’s happening here?” Jess’s questions lay between them like a mute visitor that needed to be dealt with.

  Naomi eased out a ragged sigh, her lips still burning from Jess’s kiss. She reached up to touch her mouth, as if she might find tangible evidence of what had just happened. “I’m not sure.”

  “I can’t act as if that kiss didn’t happen,” Jess said, his voice a deep rumble beneath her hand. “And I can’t go back to where we were before it did.”

  “I don’t want to go back either.” And to her surprise, as she spoke the words she knew them to be true. “But I don’t know what’s lying ahead of us. And I’m scared to go there. What we had before...” Her voice trailed off. She knew she didn’t want to delve into a past that had torn them apart, but it seemed to hover, unwilling to leave.

  And part of that past was her pregnancy.

  Should she tell him now? They had dealt with so much heaviness tonight, she didn’t want to bring this into the mix.

  “We were a lot younger then,” Jess said, running his hand up and down her arm, his touch gentle. “I know we have a history, but I’d like to think we can start over. We’ve both had to deal with a lot. We’ve both changed.”

  Naomi nodded, still unsure.

  Jess tipped her chin up to look at him. “Why don’t we try not to analyze it too much? Why don’t we take it one step at a time?”

  His suggestion wound itself around her heart and she clung to the wisdom of it. Later, she would tell him later.

  When he kissed her again, the tiny voice that nagged at the back of her mind was stilled.

  * * *

  “Did you hear that Allison Krepchuk was back in town?” Hailey asked, looking up from the pictures she had brought along.

  Naomi shook her head as she carefully traced out the image she had cut out of cardboard onto a new pane of glass. She was working in the living room, the room with the best light. Jess had dragged an old table there for her to work on and a recliner for Brittany to lie in while Naomi worked.

  “I’ve been out of the loop,” Naomi said. “And Allison and I haven’t written for years. Why did she come back?”

  “Heard something about her mother not doing well and a business she started going belly-up.” Hailey shrugged. “So she did what we all do when we don’t know where we belong anymore. Come home.”

  Naomi smiled at that. She and Hailey had done the same thing for different reasons.

  “Anyhow, I met her at Mug Shots and told her where you were working. Hope that’s okay? She said she might stop by.”

  “Sure. I guess it’s okay.” Allison was an old friend. It would be good to connect with her again.

  Hailey continued flipping through the pictures she had brought along. She pulled one out and laid it on the table Naomi was using to cut the stained glass. “What do you think of this arrangement for the head table?”

  “So you’re going with Mia for all your flowers?” Naomi asked, glancing at the picture, trying to imagine the arrangement flanking the tables that she assumed would be set outside on the property of Hartley Creek Inn.

/>   “Gotta support that poor girl as much as we can,” Hailey said, taking the picture back from her sister. “Single mother with twin girls and two boys trying to run a business...” Hailey shook her head. “I don’t know how she does it. Besides, she has the most original ideas.”

  “I think it’s cool that you and your sister are having a double wedding,” Brittany said from her corner as Naomi showed her the pictures, as well. Brittany shifted herself, trying to get comfortable. “But who is this Allison chick you were talking about?” she asked as she handed Naomi the picture and picked up her knitting again.

  “Old friend of mine,” Naomi said. “We grew up together and hung out all through grade school and until Grade Twelve.”

  “So what happened?”

  Jess happened, Naomi wanted to say. All her extra time was taken up with Jess and her friendship with Allison suffered as a result.

  “After we graduated we grew apart,” was all Naomi said, picking up her glass cutter and fitting it to her hand. She turned the glass she had drawn the pattern on. Then, with just the right amount of speed and pressure, made her cut, the snick of the diamond wheel over the glass giving her a little thrill.

  “You always smile when you do that,” Hailey said.

  “I always feel happy when I do this.”

  “I haven’t seen you smile like this for a long, long time.” Hailey’s tone seemed to hold an underlying question Naomi wasn’t ready to acknowledge.

  Last night, after Jess left the house, she had sat in the kitchen for a while, trying to wrap her head around this new situation and the shift in her emotions.

  This morning, when Jess came by with the table, he had been very matter-of-fact with her. Naomi suspected it had much to do with being around Brittany.

  She had tried not to feel disappointed, reminding herself that she hadn’t completely eradicated her own misgivings about their being together either.

  Then, just as Jess was leaving the house, he let his hand slide over her shoulder, gave her hand a squeeze and added a smile that sent her own heart fluttering.

  “I’m glad to be working with glass again,” Naomi said, carefully lifting the scored glass and gently bending it at the beginning of the score. She smiled again as the glass made a satisfying crack, neatly following the score line.

  “That’s pretty cool,” Brittany said. “I thought for sure you would bust that sucker right in two.”

  “The score line gives the glass a path to follow.” She held the glass up to check the edge. Perfect ninety-degree angle to the top. Hadn’t lost her touch.

  She smoothed the sharp edges with a quick buff of a sanding cloth, then laid it in place by the other pieces, like adding a piece to a puzzle.

  Hailey got up to get a closer look. “Can’t believe you got the pattern for the first window all planned out already,” she said, bending over the pieces Naomi had already cut and placed.

  “I stayed up last night to draw it out and trace it on the glass.” She could feel weariness pulling at her now, but last night after the kiss she shared with Jess her mind had spun and tossed. She had read her Bible, prayed, read some more and then, when sleep still eluded her, she pulled out the paper and cardboard she needed and enlarged the window pattern she had drawn up when she had committed to making the windows.

  “I know you’re glad to be working with glass again, but I get the feeling something else is going on.” Hailey looked up at her sister, a gentle frown creasing her forehead, a question in her eyes.

  Naomi ducked her head to hide the telltale flush heating her cheeks. Hailey seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to Naomi and her love life, but Naomi wasn’t divulging anything willingly.

  Hailey glanced over at Brittany who was bent over her knitting, tongue pressed between her lip in concentration.

  “Is it Jess?” she whispered.

  Naomi pressed too hard on the cutter and the small piece of glass she was working on snapped in three jagged pieces.

  “Wow, what happened?” Brittany asked.

  “Got distracted,” Naomi muttered.

  “I hear a car,” Brittany said. “I think someone’s here.”

  “I need to clean up this glass.” Naomi ignored the knowing look she got from Hailey as she swept the glass onto a dustpan and brought it to the kitchen.

  She took an extra moment to catch herself, then as she tossed the glass shards into the garbage, she saw Jess come from his house, striding across the yard. Her heart lifted and she reached up and finger-combed her hair, then caught herself.

  Jess kept walking and she heard him call out. Probably to the person who had just arrived.

  She stepped out of the door in time to hear a female voice call out. “Hello, son.”

  Son? Naomi stepped farther out the door and walked around the house in time to see an older woman holding out her arms to Jess.

  His mother. Sheila.

  She saw Jess give her an awkward hug, the kind you give an aunt you barely know but are expected to greet with more than a handshake.

  His mother patted him on the back, then pulled back herself, looking around. Then she caught Naomi’s gaze.

  “Well, well, Jess did say you were working for him again.” Sheila smiled at Naomi as she tottered on impossibly high heels toward her down the broken sidewalk flanking the house. Sheila’s short blue jacket, white silk blouse and narrow skirt looked more suited to a high tea than a visit to her son and stepdaughter. If that’s what this was.

  As Sheila came near, Naomi caught an overpowering scent of the woman’s perfume and for a moment she was transported back in time to when she used to come and help Jess.

  Sheila was then, as now, always dressed like she was ready for her close-up and smelled like a hothouse full of flowers. Naomi always felt gauche and untidy around her. And very, very uncomfortable.

  “Hello, Mrs. Schroder,” Naomi said.

  “Mrs. Anderson,” Sheila corrected her. Then she sighed, laying one hand on her chest, shaking her head, not one hair of her perfectly coiffed hairstyle coming loose. “I miss him.”

  “I apologize,” Naomi said, feeling foolish at her mistake. “And I was sorry to hear about your husband’s death.”

  Sheila covered her face with her fingertips and over her shoulder Naomi caught Jess’s guarded look. It was as if he wasn’t sure what to do about his mother’s grief.

  Then their eyes met, his features softened and his gentle smile quickened her heart.

  Naomi wasn’t comfortable with the distance he was keeping between him and his mother. She made a motion with her head toward his mother and gave him a light frown.

  Thankfully he got the unspoken message and came up beside Sheila and slipped his arm around her shoulder in an awkward motion. “Hey, Mom,” he said quietly, giving her a little squeeze. “It’ll...you know, it’ll be okay.”

  Sheila lowered her hands and looked up at Jess, surprise altering her features. “Thanks, Jess.” She reached up and patted his hand, her surprise shifting into a smile.

  Jess gave her another light squeeze, looking a little more at ease this time, but then he came to stand beside Naomi. He slipped his arm around her as well, but this movement seemed more natural and Jess seemed more relaxed than he had looked standing beside his mother.

  Naomi caught Sheila’s glance, but then an oblique look flitted over her face, as if she wasn’t surprised at this turn of events.

  “Did you want to see Brittany?” Jess was asking, his fingers tightening on Naomi’s shoulder.

  Sheila nodded but made no move toward the door. “Do you know when she’ll be having her baby?”

  “I have to take her to the doctor tomorrow,” Naomi said, trying to sound casual even though she was excessively aware of Jess standing beside her, of his arm over her shoulder. This was
the first time he had shown affection to her in front of anyone else.

  It felt good and more than that, it felt right.

  “He wants to see how things are progressing.” She gestured toward the door. “Why don’t we all go inside?”

  “Of course.” But before she did, Sheila glanced over at Jess’s house where two men stood on scaffolding slapping stucco on the exterior with quick, practiced movements. “You’ve come a long way on your house, Jess.” Then Sheila sent Naomi an arch look. “I’m guessing you have more incentive to finish it now that Naomi is back.”

  Naomi couldn’t help the flush warming her cheeks, not sure of how to respond to that comment. Things felt so new between her and Jess, she wasn’t precisely sure of how to feel and, for once in her life, she was willing to take small steps. See what would happen.

  “Why don’t we go inside,” Jess said, taking Naomi’s elbow and gently steering Naomi toward the kitchen door, as if hoping his mother would follow.

  “He doesn’t like me to say it, but he was always crazy for you,” Sheila said to Naomi. “I don’t think any of the girls he dated after you left could make him forget you.”

  Sheila’s words settled into Naomi’s heart. Naomi didn’t want to examine them now, but she knew she would pull them out later when she was alone.

  “That’ll do, Mother,” Jess said, his voice a bit more firm now, but Naomi caught a reassuring tint of pink on his ears.

  So Jess could get embarrassed, too.

  Brittany was frowning at her knitting when they all trooped into the living room, Hailey bent over beside her, shaking her head, as well.

  “Naomi, can you help me with this?” Brittany was saying, turning to look at Naomi. “Hailey says she doesn’t know—”

  The young girl’s voice broke off as her eyes flitted from Naomi to Sheila, her expression one of dismay. Brittany lowered the tiny sleeve she was knitting, swallowed and then said, “What are you doing here, Sheila?”

  “I think it’s time I go,” Hailey murmured, grabbing her purse and patting her sister on the arm as she walked past the small gathering. “I’ll talk to you later.”