Catching Her Heart

by Carolyne Aarsen

  He saw a flash of expectant light in Naomi’s eyes, but behind that some hesitancy.

  “I think that’s an excellent idea,” Sheila was saying, putting down her magazine and getting up. “And it will give me a chance...an opportunity to spend some time with Brittany, just the two of us.”

  Jess shot his mother a puzzled look, surprised she would want to do this.

  His mother eased out a sigh. “I know I haven’t been the most supportive mother to her...” She let the sentence fade away as if unsure of how to finish it. She laid her fingers lightly against her chin, then glanced at Jess. “I’m sorry. I don’t think I know how to be a proper mother.”

  Jess wasn’t sure if this was an admission or a confession.

  “None of us do,” Naomi put in, her voice quiet but holding a faint note of reprimand in it that surprised Jess. Then she took a quick breath. “I think it’s important that you connect with Brittany any way you can. You may not feel like a mother, but in her eyes, you are the only mother figure she knows.”

  To Jess’s surprise, his mother nodded. “I know that.” She looked as if she wanted to say more, but then gave them a tight smile. “So I’ll stay here and talk to Brittany when she wakes up and try not to panic if something goes wrong, and you two are going out and spending some time together.”

  “Perfect.” Then, before Naomi could formulate another reason to stay behind, he caught her by the hand and tugged her away from the table. “Go and put on a pair of hiking shoes or running shoes and meet me at the truck in about ten minutes.”

  “Make it five,” she said, a bright smile transforming her face.

  And it was all he could do not to bend over and kiss her again. Instead, he touched the tip of her nose, like he used to, and left.

  * * *

  “Get ready,” Jess said, looking behind as the chair from the chairlift came up behind them.

  “This feels weird,” Naomi said, moving farther ahead on the platform. Ahead and above her chairs holding bikers and hikers swung from the wire strung between the huge pylons that marched up the hill. “I’ve only ever done this with a snowboard strapped to my feet and snow everywhere,” she said, looking back to center herself on the chair coming their way.

  “Ready?” the liftee, a young boy from New Zealand, asked. He held the chair as Naomi sat back, Jess beside her. The chair swung, Jess lifted his hand and brought down the bar that held them in. Then the chair picked up speed and they headed up the mountain, suspended over the ground, the creak and hum of the lift the only noise in the silence that always followed.

  Naomi sighed happily and half turned to see the town of Hartley Creek tucked in the valley behind her, slowly getting smaller and smaller as she and Jess went higher.

  “This is so familiar and yet feels so odd,” she said, turning back to Jess. “These hills are supposed to be all covered in snow and I’m supposed to be wearing snow pants, a jacket, helmet and goggles. Not a sweater, shorts and running shoes.” She laughed, kicking her feet, making the chair swing, enjoying, more than she thought she would, this unexpected afternoon of freedom. She inhaled a deep breath and looked around, trying to take it all in, memories piling on top of memories.

  “Hailey and I used to come out here whenever we could afford it,” she said, a huge grin pushing at her cheeks as she looked down at the ground that lay so far below, then up the mountain they were ascending. “Hailey was always more daring than I was, though.”

  “I remember that,” Jess said, leaning back in the chair, his arm slung across the back of it, making it swing. “Not too many people could keep up with her and her kamikaze runs down the hill.”

  “I sure couldn’t. But I still enjoyed it when we could get out here.” She turned her gaze back to Jess, drawing in a huge, relaxing breath. “This is fantastic. I feel guilty for leaving Brittany with your mom, but at the same time it’s so wonderful to be out here.”

  Jess threaded his fingers through her hair, lightly caressing the back of her neck. “I’m glad you could come. I was hoping we’d have some time to get away. Just the two of us.” His voice held an intimate tone and Naomi couldn’t stop a shiver of anticipation at the thought of her and Jess by themselves.

  She tipped her head back and let the wind flow over her, lift her hair and tease it away from her face.

  “The air smells different up here,” she murmured. “Cleaner, brisker, fresher.”

  “That’s only because you’ve been cooped up in the house so long.”

  “I’m also happy your mother offered to stay with Brittany.” Naomi’s voice grew serious. “It shows that she’s willing to acknowledge something of a relationship with her.”

  “Never my mother’s forte,” Jess said.

  Naomi wasn’t surprised to hear the faint bitterness in Jess’s voice. The first time they were dating, his mother was around as often as Jess’s father—not much.

  “At least she’s trying.”

  Jess nodded, then turned back to Naomi. “How about we don’t talk about my mother right now? How about we simply enjoy being together alone?”

  “Okay, I can do that,” she said. Then Jess wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. The silence between them seemed peaceful and comfortable and Naomi was content to simply be with this man.

  “I have to tell you, I am impressed with what you’re doing on the windows,” Jess finally said. “They’re going to be amazing.”

  “Of course they aren’t turning out exactly like I had in my mind when I first planned them, but so far I’m reasonably happy with them.” Naomi followed Jess’s lead, realizing they also needed ordinary time together.

  If things were going anywhere with them, that is.

  Don’t go too far ahead, she reminded herself, settling into the space Jess’s arm made for her against his side. You are here, outside on this beautiful day that was like a blessing.

  Don’t look too far ahead.

  Those words had been her mantra when she was taking care of Billy. She’d had to repeat them to herself so many times. And now, here she was, back in Jess’s arms.

  And where was that going?

  Don’t look too far ahead.

  “I’m glad you have a chance to do what you love,” Jess said, his fingers tracing the curve of her shoulder. “Do you think you’ll do more?”

  Naomi shrugged, wondering, as well. “Maybe once I get these windows done people who come to your house will be so impressed I’ll get some more commissions.”

  “Maybe,” Jess said with a light chuckle. “Though I don’t have as broad a social life as I used to. But you could do a few pieces on spec. Display them at the art show they have every month at the old train station.”

  Naomi’s heart fluttered at the thought of working with glass beyond this project. While she was designing the windows, other ideas had come to her and she had to remind herself to stay focused on her current project.

  “I remember you saying exactly the same thing when we were...when we were dating.”

  “And you didn’t do anything about it then, so maybe you’ll follow my advice this time.”

  She gave him a wistful smile. “You seem to be more enthusiastic and supportive about my stained-glass work than I’ve been.”

  “You look pretty enthusiastic yourself,” Jess teased brushing a quick kiss over her forehead. “When I see you cutting and grinding and holding up those pieces to the light, it’s like you’re lit up from the inside, you look so happy. When I see what you can do with glass, I think you’re wasting your talent by not doing anything with it.”

  Naomi felt a glow deep within her. A glow she hadn’t felt in years. “I don’t know if I can make a living doing it and right now I still have bills that need to be paid. And after Brittany has her baby, I’m not sure what I’ll be doing.”
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br />   “Maybe this not knowing what you’ll be doing is God’s way of giving you a chance for you to follow through on all those dreams you used to talk about?”

  His question created a gentle warmth in her soul. “You didn’t used to talk about God much,” she said quietly. “What made you change?”

  Jess shrugged and rocked to make the chair swing. “Life. Reality. You used to talk about God and I’ll admit, I didn’t believe much in Him. Not with the way my dad treated me. Couldn’t imagine God as Father when my own dad was...the way he was. But you said something that made me think. That God compares Himself to many things. You said something about Jesus talking to the people of Jerusalem, how He would have wanted to gather them as a hen gathers her chicks. Made me see God in a different light.” He was quiet a moment, his fingers gripping Naomi’s shoulder a bit harder. “I still struggle with the whole Father thing, but I think I’m getting somewhere.”

  “I’m so thankful,” Naomi said, leaning back into him. Then the chair made another swing and Jess reached up to lift the bar that held them in.

  “Not yet,” Naomi said, fear twisting her stomach as Jess removed the barrier between her and the void that yawned below them. “It’s too soon.”

  The top of the hill was still thirty yards away and their chair was swinging even more as they approached.

  “You’re okay,” Jess said, “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

  “But—”

  Jess squeezed her shoulder. “Don’t you think it’s kind of exciting to be sitting here, free, with nothing in front of us?”

  Naomi clutched his arm. “Hailey used to do that all the time, too, but I never felt as excited about it as she did. I always had to resist the urge to jump.”

  She could feel the rumble of his laughter in his chest. “I wouldn’t let you do that to yourself. I’d stop you.”

  “Good to know,” Naomi said, slowly shifting herself so she was sitting on the edge of the seat, ready to get off when the chair hit the top of the hill.

  “The chair goes slower now than it does in the winter,” Jess warned her. “Because you can’t slide off on the snow, you have to step off—”

  But Jess was too late in his warning and as Naomi got off the chair, she stumbled, feeling disoriented at seeing grass beneath her feet rather than snow. She would have fallen but Jess caught her and lifted her away from the chair, then set her down a couple of feet past the lift.

  “You okay?” he asked, brushing her hair back from her face in a proprietary gesture.

  She nodded, feeling foolish. “Got kind of mixed up there. Thanks for coming to my rescue.”

  Jess laughed again. Then he turned to look over the valley. “Well, here we are. Which way do you want to go? Blue run, green run, double black diamond? Or take one of the other trails?”

  The wind lifted and tossed her hair as she looked down. Below them lay Hartley Creek, nestled like a tiny jewel in the valley, its streets and buildings like tiny lines and blocks.

  She lifted her eyes and looked across the valley. “Oh, look. The Shadow Woman is coming out.”

  Jess slipped his arm around her waist. “You could always see her before me,” he complained.

  “That’s because I always knew where to look.” She leaned against him, sharing the moment, then looked down the run below them.

  Large rocks dotted the grass, which made her shiver. “I can’t believe we snowboarded over these,” she said. “If I had known they were there I wouldn’t have gone down those runs. Half the time I only did because Hailey pushed me to do it.”

  “You didn’t know and you went down those runs anyway and everything was fine,” Jess said, giving her another squeeze. “Sometimes it’s okay not to know what lays underneath.”

  Jess’s words pulled at Naomi’s own buried memories and secrets.

  She had gotten used to pushing it aside. She had dealt with it and it didn’t need to come up. But since she and Jess started spending personal time together, it began hovering on the periphery of her mind, like a dark creature, feeding on her growing relationship with Jess.

  You have to tell him about the pregnancy. He has a right to know.

  Later. Later. The pain from that loss could still sear, but it wasn’t hers only to share.

  Her secret loomed large in her mind and would change much. Things were going so well between them. Better even than the first time they were together. She felt more right with him than she ever felt with Billy. She didn’t want anything to ruin that.

  For now she just wanted to be with Jess. To nurture their growing relationship. She hadn’t been this happy in years.

  Not since she dated Jess the first time.

  “Okay, let’s do this,” she said, pulling her hair back and twisting an elastic around it, feeling a need to push herself. To keep the secret at bay for a little longer. “Black diamond it is.”

  “All right. Just remember, if things get hairy, I’m right beside you.”

  She gave him a quick smile, his comment underlined by his hand on her shoulder giving her a sense of being cared for. Something she hadn’t felt for years.

  Then she turned away and started walking.

  The sun was warm on her shoulders and the descent more difficult than she had counted on. Soon she was puffing and sweating, fighting momentary bouts of fear as they came upon an especially tricky traverse.

  But as the blood coursed through her veins and her heart began thumping in her chest, she felt more alive than she had in years.

  “Let’s go this way,” Jess said, pointing out a cut in the dark, looming fir trees that edged the run, seemingly unfazed by the workout.

  Naomi glanced from the open path below them to the trees. “Isn’t there a creek that goes through that patch of timber?” The path he wanted to take was out of bounds and although her risk-taking sister had occasionally ducked under the ropes that marked it off to check out the unbroken snow, Naomi, ever the good girl, had never dared.

  “Yeah. But we can easily cross it,” Jess said.

  She stifled her own misgivings, assured by the confidence in his voice, then turned and followed him. The trees enclosed them, towering above them, creating a cool respite from the warm sun. The path leveled out and it was easier going, but Naomi wasn’t fooled. She knew they still had to get to the bottom of the hill and it was a long way below them yet.

  As she followed Jess, her eyes on his back, Naomi let the peace of the forest surround her. And she and Jess were alone in this quiet.

  They went down and down, following the trail. Now and again Jess would point out a plant, a track made by an elk, a scratch in a tree made by a bear. Naomi tried not to think of animals lurking in the deep darkness of the forest, preferring to take her cue from Jess who sauntered along, whistling a tuneless song, unfazed by the prospect of wildlife around them.

  She was surprised, however, that she didn’t need to talk to Jess. She was content to simply be with him, spending time in God’s breathtaking creation.

  Naomi slowly relaxed and drew in a long, slow, breath sending up a prayer of thanks. She felt as if the boundaries of her life had fallen into pleasant places. And within those boundaries, she felt the stirrings of hope. Of love?

  She looked at Jess, who right at that moment, turned to her, his smile igniting a smoldering of attraction that had been growing between them.

  “Thirsty yet?” he asked, waiting as she came to join him.

  She nodded, lifting her ponytail off the back of her neck. Jess took that moment to bend over and drop a quick kiss on her lips.

  The kiss may have been given lightly, but the look he gave her was anything but. Then he blinked and took a step back, as if to give them space, then held up a finger. “Listen,” he said.

  Beneath the sighing of the wind through the
trees above she heard the sound of running water.

  “We’re coming to the creek,” he said with a cheeky grin. “We’ll get a drink there.” She returned his smile, the hope she had been feeling earlier deepening.

  The trail took a sudden turn and through a break in the trees Naomi caught a glint of silver in the bright afternoon sun. Then they broke into an opening and Naomi came to a complete stop.

  The creek that Jess had been talking about was a raging torrent of water tumbling over rocks the size of her. Branches lay crisscrossed on parts of it. And beyond this surge of water she could see where the path continued.

  “People cross this?” she asked, aghast.

  Jess gave her a puzzled look. “Yeah, all the time.”

  She held her hands up and took a step back, shaking her head. “Not me.”

  “It’s not hard. Just follow me.”

  Jess strode on ahead, full of the same bold confidence that had always epitomized everything Jess did. He paused for only a couple of seconds as if to choose his footholds, then took a quick step and another, moving easily from wet rock to wet rock and then he was on the other side. “See?” he called out over the sound of the water. “It’s not hard.”

  “Beg to differ,” she called back. She looked at the water, then watched its path as it rushed and splashed down the hill. If she took one wrong step...

  She could already see herself stumbling, then falling headlong, down, down, head crashing against the rocks below.

  She tried to stop her runaway thoughts but couldn’t seem to stifle the vision of herself in a mangled heap a hundred feet down. She swallowed, then looked across at Jess who was waving her on. “You can do it.”

  Other pictures flashed through her mind from many years ago. Jess convincing her she could take his mountain bike down a steep hill. Jess calling for her to jump into the pool of water at the bottom of a set of falls.

  Jess had always pushed and prodded her to try something new. Something different.