The Silence of the Chihuahuas

by Waverly Curtis

  “But Amber—”

  “I’m walking out there, either dressed like this, or wearing your dress. I’d rather wear your dress,” she said. Her voice had a new confidence.

  Reluctantly, I removed my dress, and just as reluctantly put on the abandoned wedding dress which was drenched with champagne. Meanwhile Amber slipped out the side door which led into the front office. I watched her through the windows as she got into a yellow cab and the car drove down the drive. What was I going to do? My sister was going to kill me!

  And that’s how I ended up walking down the aisle, preceded by my little flower dog, in Amber’s wedding dress to the horror of all the assembled guests. But it was worth it for the look on Jeff’s face.

  Pepe’s Blog: Wedding Fantasy

  I am not a sentimental dog but I must say that Geri looked magnifico in that wedding dress. I even allowed myself to daydream for a moment about her walking down the aisle. I could picture Phoebe and Fuzzy and Siren Song as bridesmaids, wearing matching rhinestone collars, and I, of course, would be best dog, standing at the aisle, watching Geri with pride. But who would be standing next to me? Ay, there’s the rub! For no man is good enough for my Geri.

  Certainly not that idiot Jeff who was gaping at her as I trotted down the aisle and the Wedding March played in the background. At least he had the good sense to declare that the roast beef would not go to waste.

  Tip

  • A detective needs to be well-fortified for the rigors of the job. Whenever roast beef is available, one should take advantage.

  Chapter 15

  It would have been funny if it hadn’t been so embarrassing. As I marched down the aisle, the organist started playing the wedding march, not realizing that I wasn’t the bride. Pepe trotted ahead of me. A rustle ran through the assembled guests.

  “That’s not Amber,” said a young woman to my right, seated in the section reserved for the bride’s family.

  “That’s a dog!” somebody on the groom’s side of the room exclaimed.

  Meanwhile, the bridesmaids rushed in behind me, all flustered because nobody had told them the “bride” was about to enter. One of them grabbed the train of my wedding dress and followed along as I moved closer to the altar. The rest scrambled past me to take up their positions in front.

  “What’s going on?” said Cheryl, who was standing at the front of the quickly assembled line of bridesmaids. “Why are you wearing Amber’s wedding dress?”

  Jeff stepped forward. “Where’s Amber?” he asked.

  “It’s a long story,” I told him. “But the short version is she’s gone. She doesn’t want to marry you.” I can’t tell you how much satisfaction it gave me to say that to him. If only I had been so smart when I was getting married to him.

  “What?” Jeff’s eyes went wide with disbelief (evidently because he was the one who always did the leaving, like with me, and it was a shock to find himself left). “Why?”

  “I would have to guess it had something to do with her catching you boffing Tiffany in the limousine,” I said.

  “Oh my God!” gasped one of the bridesmaids. She was a stunning redhead whose low cut neckline displayed a lot of cleavage. She staggered a little and one of the other bridesmaids had to reach out to steady her.

  “You cheated on my daughter?” said an older gentleman in the front row, with his arm around a gorgeous blonde. Must be Amber’s dad. And Jeff’s boss. “And I was going to make you a partner in the firm as a wedding present.”

  “Sir, I can explain . . .” said Jeff, looking over at the bridesmaid who had turned a bright pink.

  “You can forget it,” said the older man. “You’re fired!”

  The assembled crowd was silent. They could hear every word we said. The acoustics were fantastic. And, if I wasn’t mistaken, the videographer was catching the whole thing on tape.

  The minister seemed to be confused. “Are we ready to begin?” he asked.

  “No,” I said. “No one’s getting married today.”

  “We could get married again,” Jeff suggested. I heard one of the bridesmaids gasp. Pepe gave a short, angry bark. “What about it, Geri?”

  I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not but there was no way I was going to say yes. I tossed the bouquet to the buxom bridesmaid who I suspected was Tiffany. She caught it, then turned a bright pink, almost the same color as her dress. “Find someone else foolish enough to marry you. I won’t make that mistake twice.”

  Jeff had the good sense to realize that the best way to salvage the situation was to invite everyone to enjoy the appetizers and cocktails being served next door.

  “Well, folks, guess I won’t be putting on the old ball and chain today after all,” he announced. “I’m still a free man!” he added, full of bravado. “And we’ve already paid for the food and drinks. So let’s celebrate!”

  After a few minutes of confusion, everyone filed out of the ceremony space and into the lobby of the building where black-clad servers were passing trays of salmon puffs and teriyaki chicken strips.

  Amber’s signature cocktail, of course, was a Cosmo, and I helped myself to one at the bar. If I spilled a little on the wedding dress, well, it didn’t matter. Amber probably wasn’t going to use it.

  The guests buzzed around me, talking in little knots and casting suspicious glances my way, but no one dared to approach me except Cheryl, “What did you do to Amber?” she asked.

  “I didn’t do anything,” I said.

  “You were supposed to convince her to marry him,” she said.

  “I tried,” I replied. “But we decided she was a fish and she didn’t need a bicycle.”

  “Are you drunk, Geri?” Cheryl asked, sniffing me suspiciously, just as she used to do when I was in high school and she was my guardian.

  “Not yet, but I intend to get there,” I said, tossing down my Cosmo. I set the empty glass on a nearby table.

  Jeff had disappeared along with most of the bridal party. Amber’s parents were missing as well. My niece and nephew, Danielle and D.J., were running around the room, trying to catch Pepe, who looked terrified (he’s afraid of children—claims they’re worse than cats). Danielle wore a dusty pink dress, the same color as the bridesmaids’, but hers was floor length and had a big satin bow in back. D.J. was attired in a pink tux—poor boy. He was still carrying the pillow he was supposed to present to the groom at the time of the exchange of the rings. He kept throwing it at Pepe.

  I rushed over and rescued my dog.

  “Gracias!” panted Pepe as I patted his back. I laid him against my shoulder with his little head resting on my collarbone. I could feel his heart beating rapidly.

  “Did you speak?” I asked him.

  “Congratulations!” It was HIMBA strolling up to me, smelling like cigar smoke. “Jimmy G didn’t realize you were the one getting married today.”

  “I didn’t get married,” I snapped. “Did you miss the whole wedding debacle?”

  Jimmy G looked embarrassed. “Jimmy G was out in the parking lot having a little nip. They don’t carry Old Grandad at this fancy bar.” He waved his hand at the flashy country club bar, all silver and black leather and mirrors.

  “So you missed all the drama,” I said.

  “Plenty of drama in the parking lot,” he said.

  “Really? What?”

  “Hit and run.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. The police are out there now.”

  “When did this happen?”

  “Just about the same time the cab came by to pick up the young woman in the black and white dress. Thought it was you for a minute.”

  “This is what I was trying to tell you, Geri,” said Pepe, “but those children had me on the run.”

  “So what happened?” I asked again. “And why are you talking now?”

  “Because you asked Jimmy G what happened,” said Jimmy G.

  “Because Jimmy G already thinks you’re crazy,” said Pepe.

  “OK, so
what happened?” I asked again.

  “There was this big, black Suburban idling at the back of the lot. When the cab pulled up and the young woman got in it, the Suburban shot out of the parking spot, clipped another car coming around the corner, and took off. Almost seemed like he was trying to follow the cab.”

  “Why would he do that?”

  “Don’t ask Jimmy G.”

  “You said ‘him.’ Did you see who was driving it?”

  “No. It had those tinted windows all the way around. Jimmy G couldn’t make out the driver.”

  Suddenly I got it.

  “Kidnappers!” said Pepe.

  “They were after Amber!” I said. “Or, actually, they were after me. They thought Amber was me because she was wearing my dress. Oh my God! Amber’s in danger!”

  Pepe’s Blog: Time to Talk!

  Yes, I had to break my vow of silence to get Geri to realize what was happening. I heard the squealing of brakes and the crunch of metal while I was running around trying to get away from those children, but I was unable to communicate in that loud room until Geri scooped me up and held me close. It is so nice to be held close, especially when one has been in danger, as I was at the sticky hands of those undisciplined children.

  Geri is quick while Jimmy G is not. Another reason why we should be working on our own. She put it together within minutes and she took immediate action.

  The police were called and would soon be on the scene but every detective knows the police are slow, whereas we are fast because we are not constrained by the law. Geri and I are good at car chases. I hope this turns into one.

  Chapter 16

  At that moment, the doors to the wedding space were thrown open. The guests began pushing through the double doors. Pepe and I followed behind them. I had to find someone who would know where Amber might be heading.

  The room had been transformed for the banquet. Uplighting turned the walls a bright pink. Huge centerpieces of pink carnations and Stargazer lilies centered the round tables. The chairs were covered with white linen, finished off with pink bows. At the far end, a DJ, a slim black man wearing horn-rimmed glasses, was setting up his supplies for the dancing, which would apparently take place in the big open space in the middle. A spotlight picked out the fancy initials J and A in the center of the floor.

  I rushed around the room, bumping into people who were trying to figure out their table assignments. I didn’t see Amber’s parents and Jeff was nowhere in sight. I spotted Cheryl, settling the kids at a side table. She was tucking a big pink napkin into the collar of DJ’s pink suit. I was threading my way through the tables, aiming for her table, when Jeff and one of the bridesmaids appeared in the doorway.

  The DJ, seeing them, announced, “And welcome for the first time, as husband and wife, Mr. and Mrs. Jeffrey Johnson.” Apparently no one had informed him of the change in plans. He put on a swoony waltz. Jeff and Tiffany stood awkwardly in the middle of the floor. Then, ever a gentleman and an idiot, Jeff offered her his hand and they set off galloping around the floor. It didn’t seem like they knew how to waltz. It looked more like a polka.

  I ran up to them and tapped Jeff on the shoulder.

  “What?” he asked. “Cutting in?”

  “No, I’m not cutting in. Amber’s in danger. When she left here, someone followed her. I need to know where she would go.”

  Jeff looked puzzled. “That’s a good question.” He turned to the bridesmaid. “What do you think?”

  Tiffany shrugged at first, then twisted up her pink pouty lips as she thought hard. “If she’s really leaving you,” she said at last, “she’d have to go home to get Party Girl. Amber would never take off without her Chihuahua.”

  “Amber has a Chihuahua?” I asked. I was surprised. I guess she did have good taste after all. Except for the name.

  “Wedding present,” said Jeff, seeing my surprise. “We picked her out at the animal shelter last week.” Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all.

  “Well, we’ve got to get over there. She’s in danger.”

  “Both of them!” said Pepe, quivering in my arms. “Party Girl too!”

  “What?” Jeff asked.

  The music stopped playing an instant before I repeated myself. “Amber’s in danger!” I yelled at the top of my lungs.

  “What?” said somebody behind me. It was Cheryl, my sister, with her husband, Don, at her side.

  “What did you say about Amber?” asked Amber’s dad, as he pushed into the middle of the room, followed by the young blonde. I guess she was his wife, which would make her Amber’s stepmother. She looked about the same age as Amber, but that was thanks to some work she had done on her face, which was frozen in a perpetual smile.

  “Someone’s been following me,” I said. “They must have thought Amber was me because she was wearing my dress.”

  “You and your stupid job,” scolded Cheryl.

  “We’ve got to find her,” I said.

  “Good Lord,” said Amber’s dad. “This is all your fault!” He glared at Jeff. I didn’t tell him that it wasn’t entirely Jeff’s fault. It probably was mine. The bad guys were after me, not Amber.

  “This is serious,” Jeff agreed. He seemed excited at the prospect of rescuing his runaway bride. “Let’s go!”

  “But where do we go?” asked HIMBA who had come up behind me.

  Jeff gave us the address of the house in Bellevue that he had bought after our divorce and we all headed out to our respective cars. I wanted to drive my car, but Jimmy G insisted he could get us there faster. And it was true. I was having trouble even walking, trying to manipulate the huge skirt of the wedding dress.

  We hadn’t gone very many blocks in Jimmy G’s cherry-red T-bird convertible before people started honking and waving at us with big smiles on their faces. Good grief, I thought, realizing what they were looking at. They must have thought HIMBA and I had just gotten married!

  Jimmy G loves to drive but he’s not the best driver in the world. Still he’s fast. I’ll give him that. So we arrived at the address first. As I tried to crawl out of the car in the bulky wedding dress, Amber’s dad and stepmother showed up in a silver Mercedes, followed shortly by Jeff and Tiffany, who emerged from the chauffeur-driven limousine. Judging by her tousled hair, they might have been getting frisky again. Cheryl and Don followed in their big beige SUV.

  The house was a really boring low-slung rambler with grey siding and a few pathetic rhododendrons in the front yard. My twenties brick condo has twice the charm and twice the personality.

  But I barely had time to make this assessment because the front door was wide open. I went running into the house, holding up the increasingly bedraggled skirt of the wedding gown with one hand.

  The scene inside was one of chaos. I could tell there had been a struggle. A suitcase lay on the living room floor with colorful clothes spilling out of it. Looked like Amber had packed for a tropical vacation. A bright red bikini. A white mesh tunic top. A ruffled pink-and-white gingham blouse. A big lime green leather purse lay sprawled beside it. I knelt down to root through it and found Amber’s wallet, her phone, and a sandwich bag containing doggie treats.

  Pepe went right to work sniffing all around the living room. Jeff and Tiffany went running into the bedroom. Amber’s dad and stepmom headed for the kitchen. Cheryl and Don scoured the back yard. I don’t know where HIMBA went.

  “Party Girl is missing,” said Tiffany, returning to the living room and breaking into tears. “That poor creature!”

  “Where’s my daughter?” asked Amber’s father, coming back in from the kitchen.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “I have no idea who would do this.”

  “You must have been sticking your nose into something that was none of your business,” said Cheryl indignantly.

  “But I’m not involved in anything . . .” I stopped. I thought about Teri and her plea for help. I thought about Mrs. Snelson and her stalker. Then my cell phone began ringing. I dug it out of my pu
rse.

  “I can’t believe you’re going to take a call at a moment like this!” said Cheryl.

  “Hello?”

  “Is this Geri Sullivan?” said a gruff male voice.

  “Um, yes.”

  “Well, we need to know where your sister is.”

  “Which sister?” I asked shakily, trying to buy time.

  “Teri Sullivan!” said the voice.

  “I don’t know!” I said.

  “Well, that’s too bad,” said the voice, “because we have a hostage. We’re willing to make an exchange. We don’t want this useless bitch. Say hello bitch!” I heard a shriek and then a breathy voice. “Geri, this is Amber. Please do whatever they say. They’re going to kill me and Party Girl!” And she burst into tears.

  I started shaking.

  The voice came back on the phone. “We’ll exchange this useless piece of trash for your sister, Teri. This transaction has to take place within the next twenty-four hours or this useless bitch and her useless dog will die.”

  “Can you repeat that?” I asked.

  “You heard me the first time.” And the caller hung up.

  I was shaking when I faced the assembled crowd. I didn’t really know what to say. “That was someone who says he’s holding Amber hostage.”

  “We can pay. We’ll pay whatever he wants!” declared Amber’s dad. He looked at Jeff. Jeff nodded vigorously. “How much do they want?”

  “They don’t want money,” I said. “They want my sister, Teri.”

  That was a conversation stopper.

  Don started to say, “Well, that’s good news. We just have to get Teri. . . .” He trailed off as Cheryl glared at him.

  “They’re going to kill her!” I said.

  Jeff groaned.

  Tiffany shrieked.

  “Not Amber,” I said. “Well, maybe Amber.”

  Amber’s father moaned.

  “But certainly Teri if they get their hands on her.”