Learning to Dance Again

by Frankie Valente

  They went downstairs again and Bryden went back to the kitchen. He leaned against one of the cupboards and looked at Julia.

  ‘I have some news; at least I might have some news. It isn’t certain yet.’

  ‘Good news I hope,’ Julia replied.

  ‘That depends; Jamie doesn’t think so.’ Bryden took a deep breath before continuing. ‘I’ve just applied for Dad’s old job. It was re-advertised a few weeks ago as they didn’t manage to fill it earlier in the year. I found out yesterday they want to interview me.’

  ‘Oh, wow,’ Julia said, ‘I wasn’t expecting that.’

  She stared at Bryden who seemed to be expecting disappointment. He chewed his thumb, a gesture that reminded Julia of when he was a child.

  ‘Do you mind?’

  ‘What? Why would I mind? You would be coming back to Shetland. I would be delighted.’

  ‘I just thought you might think it was a bit strange. Jamie was horrified. It’s one of the reasons why he’s so pissed off with me.’

  ‘Well I suppose it is a little unexpected. I thought you would stay in Edinburgh for a few more years. I never expected either of you to come back so soon, if ever. But are you sure? You’re not just doing this because of me, are you?’

  ‘Because of you? No; I miss Shetland, and I thought about applying for the job the first time it was advertised but I was only half way through my probation, so I didn’t think I would stand a chance. But when they re-advertised I rang the Head and asked whether she thought she would consider an application from me. She said yes. She seemed really pleased actually. I mean, I know I might not get it, but I feel like I have a good chance.’

  Julia smiled and put her arms around him and hugged him.

  ‘Your dad would have been so proud of you. He said you’d be after his job one day.’

  Julia let go of him and stood back and thought for a second.

  ‘So what’s wrong with Jamie?’

  ‘Where do I start?’ Bryden stuffed his hands into his jeans pocket and looked down at the floor. ‘He has been a bit off since I went over to Sicily. He made some comment about me sponging off you and getting a free holiday. Which was stupid, because he was invited too, wasn’t he?’

  Julia nodded.

  ‘He’s still fed up because I’ve got Dad’s car, and his golf clubs. And now I’ve applied for Dad’s old job he’s really mad at me. He said I won’t stop until I’ve got everything. I think he’s jealous for some reason.’

  ‘Jealous? I would have thought his career prospects would have meant you would have envied him.’

  Bryden shrugged, as if to acknowledge this might have been the case at one time.

  ‘The thing is I don’t think he’s enjoying his work. I met him a few weeks ago after he had been working in A&E. He’d been dealing with a horrible car accident. Some little kid died and Jamie just couldn’t cope with it.’

  Julia nodded; she understood exactly how Jamie would have felt. She had experienced similar incidences when she had been a nurse. She felt sick for her son and wished he had shared this with her. She might have been able to help him.

  ‘It takes a lot of getting used to,’ she said.

  ‘Anyway, the reason he’s not speaking to me now is because when we were waiting at Edinburgh airport I mentioned to him I was going to ask you if I could move into this house if I got the job in Shetland.’

  ‘Oh! So that’s why you were in such a hurry to see it.’

  ‘Well that, and I wanted to talk to you about everything without Jamie being around.’

  ‘OK, well in theory, yes you could live here. It makes sense; after all you’re an adult now and you don’t need me ironing your shirts and cooking your dinner anymore.’

  ‘Hey, steady on, I never said you couldn’t cook my dinner!’ Bryden said, lightening the mood a little.

  ‘But I don’t want to upset Jamie. He’s having a tough time at the moment and I can see how everything looks from his point of view. We need to make sure he feels you’re both being treated equally.’

  ‘I could give him Dad’s car.’

  ‘No, I don’t think that would work. He won’t be impressed with getting it back just because you don’t want it anymore.’

  ‘But I do want it.’

  Julia shook her head.

  ‘It’s going to take more than a car. Let me think about this. Anyway, it’s cold in here, let’s go back to the house and have dinner. Don’t say anything to Jamie about what we talked about.’

  When they got back home Liam’s car was parked outside. They found him talking to Jamie in the kitchen. Jamie had his coat on and they looked like they were just leaving.

  ‘Hello Liam, I haven’t seen you for ages. How are you?’ Julia asked, giving him a little hug as she entered the kitchen.

  ‘I’m great, thanks. I’m working most of Christmas, so we’re going out tonight. Hope you don’t mind me taking Jamie out when he’s only just got home.’

  ‘Don’t be silly. We’ve got plenty of time to catch up later, haven’t we?’ Julia replied, looking pointedly at Jamie, who had the grace to smile at her. ‘Aren’t your parents going away for Christmas this year?’ Julia said to Liam.

  ‘They’ve gone to Tenerife for two weeks. I couldn’t get the time off to go with them.’

  ‘Oh that’s a shame. Where are you going to have your Christmas dinner then?’

  ‘It’ll be a turkey sandwich in the station if I’m lucky,’ Liam replied, smiling grimly.

  ‘What time will you finish that day?’

  ‘Not until six. But it’s no big deal; I don’t mind.’

  ‘Nonsense. Come round here after work. We’ll have our dinner in the evening this year.’

  ‘Really?’ Liam said, looking at Jamie to see his reaction.

  ‘Of course. I never like eating a big meal in the middle of the day anyway; you just want to fall asleep in the afternoon. And it will be great to see you,’ Julia said.

  ‘Well if you’re sure.’

  ‘Yeah, and you should stay over; then you can have a dram.’

  After Jamie and Liam had left, Bryden talked some more about why he wanted to move back to Shetland and about how much he was enjoying teaching. He also divulged more information about Jamie’s experiences of working in the hospital, which did not fill Julia with ease.

  Bryden was tired and wanted to have an early night. After he said goodnight, Julia decided she would go upstairs and read in bed. She walked past Jamie’s room and noticed there was a light flashing on the bed. She switched on his bedroom light and saw he had left his laptop plugged in. She switched it off at the wall, as she hated to leave electrical devices on unnecessarily. She noticed Jamie had not unpacked his bag; it looked like all he had done in his room was lie down on the bed, as the duvet was crumpled in the middle. She turned to leave and then noticed the duty free bag was in the bin and the box holding the vodka had been opened. She picked it up and saw the box had been ripped open in such a way it would not make much of a present. She took out the bottle and was shocked to see it had been opened and quite a lot of vodka had been drunk already.

  Julia sat down heavily on Jamie’s bed, still holding the bottle in her hand. She tried to calculate how much he had drunk and quickly came to the conclusion it was too much; particularly as he had been heading out to the pubs where he was bound to drink more. She looked around the room noticing there was no sign of a glass. He must have drunk it neat from the bottle.

  ‘Bloody hell!’

  She put the bottle back in its box then went to her room and picked up her phone to ring Marianne, but there was no reply. She wondered about discussing the situation with Bryden but decided against it. The boys were already at war with each other.

  She wondered who else she could ring. She looked up at the picture of Duncan, wishing she could talk to him. She felt very scared for Jamie. It was so out of character for him to be both uncommunicative and to drink excessively.

  She rang Cameron
.

  ‘Hi, it’s me; are you busy?’ Julia said.

  ‘Er no, what’s up? You sound a bit stressed.’

  ‘I’m a lot stressed.’

  Julia told him about Jamie’s behaviour and finding the vodka bottle.

  ‘That doesn’t sound good,’ Cameron said, ‘do you know where they’re going tonight?’

  ‘Liam picked him up; I think they were just going to a pub in Lerwick. I don’t know which one. I know he’ll be alright if Liam is with him; but I just don’t know what to say to him when he comes home.’

  ‘Well, I haven’t had much experience of dealing with young men, other than when I used to be one. It sounds like he’s deeply unhappy about something and I suppose it’s no surprise really.’

  ‘No I guess not. But Bryden told me he doesn’t appear to be enjoying his job either. I can’t bear the thought of him messing that up after all that studying.’

  ‘My advice is to keep calm and see if you can get him alone. Maybe he’ll open up to you over the holiday.’

  ‘I hope so. I’m so worried about him. I was really looking forward to seeing them both. I know it’s going to be a tough time with it being the first Christmas without their dad; but I didn’t expect this.’

  ‘I would say “don’t worry” but that’s pointless. Just wait until he comes home. Maybe a night out catching up with his friends will sort him out. Liam’s a good man; he’ll look after Jamie.’

  Cameron put the phone down and sat for a moment with the television still on mute. He had been Jamie’s unofficial Godfather, unofficial inasmuch as there hadn’t been a church christening, but there had been a big party to celebrate his birth. Jamie had always been the golden boy. He was clever, sporty, good looking, confident and had always looked like he was on the fast track to success. Cameron wondered how much pressure Jamie had put on himself over the years. Medical school was tough and as a junior doctor in his first year in a hospital setting he imagined Jamie would now be working up to eighty hours a week in a demanding and stressful job. He would not have had much time to himself to grieve for his father.

  Cameron stood up, picked up his keys and wallet and went out to his car. He drove into the town centre and parked on the pier. He could see a number of pubs from where he stood beside the car and he wasn’t sure where to start. He watched a gaggle of young women tripping along the street in short skirts and high heels. They fell into one of the pubs Cameron never went to because of the loud music in the bar. He decided to start there.

  He pushed his way through the throng of young people and looked all around the pub but couldn’t find Jamie or Liam. He saw someone he recognised and asked if he had seen them, and was told they might be in the Queen’s Hotel.

  Cameron hurried in that direction and as he walked past the window of the hotel bar he saw Liam and some other young men standing at the bar. He couldn’t see Jamie but he went inside. He went up to Liam and just before he spoke to him he saw Jamie slumped in a corner, with his head against the wall as if he was sleeping.

  ‘Hi Liam, I just had call from Julia. She was a bit worried about Jamie. I came along to see if he was OK.’

  ‘Well as you can see, he’s a bit tired and emotional,’ Liam said, as he glanced over in Jamie’s direction. ‘It’s not even ten, and he’s minced already.’

  ‘I think he had quite a bit to drink before he came out.’

  ‘Oh, that explains it. We were just wondering how to get him out of here. None of us can drive now, and I doubt any taxi driver’s going to want to risk him spewing in the back of their car. The barman wants him to leave as well. I think it’s only because some of my colleagues are here he hasn’t thrown us all out. But if Jamie wakes up and starts shouting again, then we’ll all be out.’

  ‘Shouting?’

  ‘Yeah, just before he passed out he was getting a bit out of hand. God knows what’s wrong with him. I’ve never seen him like this before.’

  ‘I’ve got my car on the pier, do you think we can frogmarch him out of here and I’ll take him home.’

  ‘Yeah, good idea.’

  Jamie barely opened his eyes when Liam pulled his arm to help him stand up. He was as pliable as a ragdoll, but significantly heavier. Liam called over one of his off-duty colleagues to help, and between the three of them they managed to manoeuvre Jamie out of the bar and down the hill to the pier. They levered him into the backseat of Cameron’s car and managed to get the seat belt around him.

  ‘Tell him I’ll see him on Christmas Day for dinner. And tell Julia I’m sorry. I didn’t realise he’d already been drinking when we came out.’

  ‘It’s not your fault. I think he’s a bit down on himself at the moment.’

  Cameron started the engine and drove off; he hadn’t got very far when Jamie woke up. He started to heave as if he was going to vomit. Cameron stopped the car and sprinted round to the back and opened the door just in time for Jamie to lean out and vomit copious amounts of foul liquid onto the pavement.

  ‘Shit!’ Cameron said, leaping out of the way.

  Jamie looked up at him, without seeming to know where he was or who he was with. He leaned out of the car again, trapped by the seat belt he was struggling to undo. He spewed again, and as he did he let out a sob of despair.

  ‘It’s OK son; get it out of your system,’ Cameron said.

  Jamie finally managed to undo the seatbelt and he staggered out of the car ending up on his hands and knees on the pavement, retching unproductively. Cameron fetched a packet of baby wipes he kept in his car for sticky mishaps with Amy. He grabbed a couple and passed them to Jamie who sat back on his heels and wiped his face and hands.

  Cameron stood next to Jamie, waiting patiently for him to recover.

  ‘Are you feeling any better? Do you think you can get back in the car?’

  Jamie nodded and Cameron helped him to his feet. He returned to the back seat of the car and Cameron made sure he fastened his seat belt before getting into the driver’s seat. He started the engine and turned around to check on Jamie. He was leaning against the door with his eyes shut. Cameron set off again and a moment later Jamie started to cough.

  ‘I need a drink. Got any water?’

  ‘We’ll stop at my house. You can get a drink there and sort yourself out before I take you home.’

  Jamie sat slumped over the kitchen table with his head in his hands. He had drunk two glasses of water, but they seemed destined not to settle in his stomach. Cameron had fetched an old plastic washing up bowl and had set in on the table in case Jamie was sick again. He was. Cameron turned the radio on and pottered about making himself a coffee and fetching more water for Jamie. He sent Julia a text.

  “Don’t worry; Jamie is at my house, pissed as a fart, but safe. Will bring him home in the morning. You can go to sleep now.”

  Julia replied almost immediately.

  “Thank you. You sure you don’t want me to pick him up now?”

  “No it’s OK, probably best if he stays put.” Cameron replied

  “Thanks again x.”

  Cameron put the phone down and sipped his coffee. He watched Jamie for a moment, thinking of his own misspent youth. He knew exactly how it felt to have had one too many. He opened up cupboard and found a packet of aspirin and offered them to Jamie.

  ‘Not yet, I’ll wait until I stop spewing.’ Jamie said, looking up at Cameron gratefully.

  ‘Good idea. Would it help if you ate something? Toast?’

  Jamie shook his head; the idea of food repelled him.

  ‘Who called you to come and get me?’

  Cameron stared at him for a moment, unsure whether to tell the truth or not.

  ‘Your mother rang me. She was a bit worried about you. She said you’d been drinking vodka before you went out and you didn’t seem very happy.’

  ‘Why did she ring you?’

  ‘Because we’re friends; because I was one of your dad’s best mates.’ Cameron replied, reaching for a tin of biscuits he kep
t for Amy. He opened the tin and sat down opposite Jamie and took out a biscuit. ‘Tell me, Jamie; man to man, what’s going on with your life that you feel the need to get so pissed you can’t even stand up? This isn’t like you.’

  ‘You wouldn’t understand.’

  ‘Really? You don’t think after being married and divorced, married again and having my wife run off with my brother, I don’t understand human suffering?’

  Jamie sat up a little and reached for the glass of water. He sipped at it tentatively, expecting his stomach to revolt against the liquid. He sipped again and feeling a little more confident he reached for the aspirin and took a couple with some more water. He didn’t reply so Cameron tried another tack.

  ‘How about if I try and guess what’s wrong? You tell me if I get it right.’

  Jamie frowned at him and shrugged non-committedly.

  ‘First of all, you miss your father; that’s obvious and to be expected. It was a dreadful shock to all of us who loved him.’

  Jamie turned his face away, but not before Cameron noticed the pain in his eyes.

  ‘You also miss your mother too. You’re worried about her and feel guilty for not being in Shetland. You feel like you need to look out for her; and your brother too. But at the same time you’re working like a dog, with no sleep, no money, stressed out, exhausted, still having to study and pass exams and you can’t take your eye off the ball for a second to even look after yourself, let alone anyone else. Am I right?’

  Jamie didn’t reply, but Cameron could see tears in his eyes. Jamie bowed his head and covered his face with his hands.

  ‘Meanwhile Bryden has started work, earning money, enjoying the long school holidays, driving around in your Dad’s car, playing golf, thinking about settling down. He has it easy doesn’t he?’

  This last comment struck gold. Jamie sat up straight and glared at Cameron.

  ‘He thinks he’s just going to walk into Dad’s job and then he’s going to live in Dad’s old house, rent free as well. He gets everything he wants. He moans when some of the kids in school give him cheek. Well at least he hasn’t had one dying on a trolley in front of him with his guts hanging after being hit by a car, and his mother screaming hysterically outside the door, having to be held back by her husband. If I try and talk to him about how tough it is training to be a doctor, he just says I won’t be saying that in a few years when I’m earning four times what he does. Because that’s why I’m doing it – just for the money; the stupid ignorant bastard!’