She held the sleeve of the sweatshirt to her face. ‘Merry Christmas darling, wherever you are.’
She heard the toilet flush in the bathroom along the hall and knew at least one of her sons was awake. She got out of bed and put her dressing gown on and went to the window and opened the curtains.
She couldn’t see the beach through the low cloud and rain. It was a disgusting day so they might not be able to go out for their Christmas walk along the beach. She wondered what else they would do today. Nothing would be the same as in previous years. It was time to start some new traditions.
Julia went downstairs and found Jamie slumped on the sofa, wearing his dad’s old dressing gown. She smiled at him and ruffled his hair as she walked past on the way to the kitchen.
‘Merry Christmas. How are you this morning?’
‘Tired.’
‘Why did you get up then?’ Julia replied.
‘It’s Christmas,’ Jamie said, grinning a like a school boy and sitting up expectantly. ‘Where’s my present?’
‘You know the rules; everyone has to be up, dressed and have had their breakfast first.’
Jamie flung himself down on the sofa again, in the manner of a toddler beginning a tantrum.
‘That’s not fair!’
Julia laughed at him.
‘Want some coffee, or would you rather have Ribena?’
Jamie stood up and followed her into the kitchen.
‘Coffee please.’
He hugged her and she wrapped her arms around him and stood for a moment enjoying the fact her old Jamie was back.
‘So what’s the plan for today?’ Jamie asked.
‘Well since we’re not eating our dinner until this evening, I thought I might cook up a nice big breakfast, and then we won’t need to bother with lunch. What do you think?’
‘Great. Tell you what, I’ll just go up and have a shower and get dressed and then I’ll cook breakfast. I’m getting quite good in the kitchen now.’
Julia grinned at him.
‘Really? Well this will be interesting. I think I’ll go and have a shower too. Then we’ll get Bryden up. There’s something I want to do when we’re all dressed.’
Julia made a cup of coffee and took it upstairs to her bedroom. After her shower she put on a pair of jeans and a scarlet cashmere jumper. This was a break from her tradition of wearing a dress on Christmas day. She didn’t think the boys would notice, but she wanted to make some subtle changes to the day.
She went downstairs and found Jamie and Bryden in the kitchen. They were laughing about something and looked round guiltily at her.
‘What’s going on?’
‘Jamie’s just burnt your frying pan.’ Bryden said, ducking out of the way of Jamie who tried to flick a tea towel at him.
‘Never mind, there’s another one in the cupboard in the utility room.’ Julia said, walking out to fetch the frying pan. She handed the new one to Jamie and then picked up the burnt pan and took it over to the sink. She scrubbed the bottom of the pan and quickly saw it was a lost cause. She carried it over to the bin and dropped it in. ‘What was that about getting quite good in the kitchen?’
Jamie laughed and turned back to chopping up mushrooms and tomatoes. He had beaten up some eggs in a Pyrex jug and had sausages and bacon on under the grill. Bryden was making a stack of toast and they had already laid the table with juice, cutlery and pots of marmalade and butter. They had a CD of Christmas songs playing on the stereo, which made a cheerful contrast to the gloom outside the window.
Julia left the boys to their cooking and went back to the lounge and switched on the Christmas tree lights. She noticed there was a new stack of presents under the tree and she felt the first thrill of anticipation.
She sat down on the sofa for a moment and shut her eyes. She heard the boys talking about a band they had been to see in Edinburgh and realised with relief the storm had passed. Whatever it was they had fallen out about, it seemed to have been resolved. Jamie certainly seemed to have cheered up after his night out. He hadn’t said much about spending the night at Cameron’s but he had been markedly happier since then, although they had all been so busy with Christmas related shopping, cooking and socialising they still hadn’t spent much time together.
‘Breakfast is ready,’ Bryden called.
Julia stood up and walked back to the kitchen and sat down as Jamie handed out the plates.
‘This looks lovely,’ she said, appreciatively.
Bryden patted Jamie on the back.
‘Well if medicine doesn’t work out, you could always get a job as a chef.’
‘Very funny,’ Jamie said.
After breakfast Bryden sat down in the chair nearest the Christmas tree. He reached down to pick up one of the presents.
‘Before we get to the presents I thought we would do something for your dad first.’ Julia said, as she opened the cupboard under the stairs. She reached inside and took out a box and set it down on the coffee table. Inside was a large fat candle which she put on a metal dish and carried over to the window sill. She picked up a box of matches and turned to Bryden and Jamie.
‘We’re going to light a candle for your father; and we will do this every Christmas from now on. We will miss him every single day for the rest of our lives, but I think you’ll agree Duncan always made Christmas really special, and I will really miss him today.’
Jamie stood up and walked across the room to his mother and put his arm around her. He looked back at Bryden and beckoned him over. Bryden stood up, reluctantly. He walked slowly over and stood next to them.
‘There are three wicks in the candle, so we will light one each and it should burn all day long.’ She handed the box to Jamie who struck a match and lit one of the wicks, then handed the box to Bryden who took a deep breath. He paused for a moment and looked as if he was gritting his teeth in pain. He lit a wick and then handed the matches back to Julia. Bryden stepped back and turned away as Julia lit the candle; he sat down heavily on the sofa with his head in his hands.
Julia sat down next to him and put her arm around him.
‘It’s OK to get upset.’
Bryden nodded without replying.
‘Have you got any more candles?’ Jamie said. ‘We should light one for Grandma Alice too.’
Julia nodded and pointed to the cupboard. Jamie found a smaller pillar candle in a glass holder. He took it over to the window sill and after lighting it he set it down next to the other candle.
Julia smiled her thanks at him and then patted Bryden’s arm.
‘Now then, shall we open our presents?’
Bryden nodded, but with a sombre expression.
‘Isn’t it about now Dad would have been opening a bottle of Champagne?’ Jamie said.
‘Shall we?’ Julia said to Bryden.
Bryden shrugged.
‘We don’t have to, if you don’t feel like it. We can do whatever we want to this Christmas. We don’t have to celebrate if we don’t want to.’ Julia said to Bryden. ‘On the other hand, you know if there is a heaven and your father is up there watching us, he would be shouting for us to crack open the Champagne.’
‘Or whisky,’ Bryden said, his face twitching with the start of a smile.
‘Sounds good to me,’ Jamie said, walking over to the wooden cabinet that housed the drinks and glasses.
Jamie poured out three little nips of whisky and handed them round. They stood in the centre of the lounge and raised their glasses.
‘To dad; to Duncan,’ they said, before taking a sip each.
Bryden appeared to shake himself out of the gloom and he walked over to the tree and sat on the chair nearest the hoard of presents.
‘Who’s first?’ he said, bending down to pick up a gaudily wrapped present. ‘This one’s for you, Mam.’
They spent the next half an hour opening their presents. The boys were delighted with their new iPads, and their traditional assortment of socks and underwear Julia had bought them.
Julia had also bought a large wooden scrabble board to share, as the last hardboard one had disintegrated through wear and tear over the last twenty years.
They sat in the lounge surrounded by the shreds of wrapping paper and packaging, sipping whisky and playing scrabble. Julia felt something close to happiness.
A couple of hours later, the weather brightened up a little and they decided to walk down to the beach. They huddled into warm coats, hats and scarves and set off across the field and over the stile. Jamie and Bryden raced each other to the bench and collapsed onto it, pushing at each other in a way that reminded Julia of when they were teenagers, rather than the twenty-something men they had turned into, seemingly overnight. Julia caught up with them and squeezed in between them on the bench. They stared out to sea for a moment, and then the old ritual of daring each other to swim to the island started up.
‘Not in this weather, and certainly not when you’ve been drinking,’ Julia said sternly, hoping this wouldn’t be the year they finally decided to attempt it, just when she didn’t have Duncan to hold them back.
They were all talk though; and they quickly switched their banter to how much turkey they would consume later.
‘Don’t forget Liam will be here too,’ Julia said, checking her watch and wondering whether it would soon be time to put the turkey in the oven.
‘And Cameron,’ Jamie said, ‘did I forget to tell you, I invited him over too?’
Julia felt herself flush.
‘What? Yes, you did forget. What time is he coming? He knows it’s going to be this evening doesn’t he?’
‘Yes of course. You don’t mind do you? It’s just he’s on his own tonight, and after all he was pretty good about dragging me out of the pub and me spewing all over his shoes the other night.’
‘Oh for God’s sake; you didn’t did you?’ Julia said. She covered her face with her hands, mortified at Jamie’s behaviour.
‘Just a splash,’ Jamie replied, pulling a face at Bryden, who giggled.
‘Jamie! Honestly,’ Julia said, slapping him on the leg in disgust and then slapping Bryden for laughing.
‘He was OK about it, and he was pleased to be invited over.
Julia looked at her watch again and stood up.
‘Well, since we have two guests coming for dinner, perhaps it’s time to get back and start the dinner. We haven’t even washed up after breakfast yet.’
Liam arrived just after seven, looking slightly worn out after a shift that involved two domestic disputes and a minor traffic accident. Julia hugged him and led him into the lounge where Bryden and Jamie were sitting watching the television. They turned the television off and put on some music and fetched Liam a beer. Within minutes Liam had taken his shoes off and had his feet up on the sofa looking visibly more relaxed.
A few minutes later Cameron turned up, with Amy, which was a pleasant surprise for everyone.
‘You don’t mind do you? Laura said she was going to a party later. I thought it was best if she came with me. She’ll probably fall asleep soon; she’s been up since five.’
‘Of course I don’t mind. There’s plenty of food, and I’m sure she could have a little sleep in the downstairs bedroom, if she’s tired.’
Cameron smiled his thanks and took Amy into the lounge where Bryden immediately engaged in conversation with her about what Santy had brought her for Christmas. Amy had brought along her new doll and she proceeded to show Bryden all of Barbie’s new outfits, much to the amusement of Jamie and Liam.
‘Santy bought me this new iPad. You can watch films on it. Do you want to have a look?’ Bryden said to Amy, deftly trying to change the subject from dolls.
He downloaded a Jessie J video and Amy sat entranced with the iPad on her lap.
Cameron followed Julia back to the kitchen as she was almost ready to start serving up.
‘I’ve got you a present,’ he said quietly, not wishing to be overheard.
‘Oh?’ Julia said, thinking quickly about what she could give him in return and failing to come up with anything. ‘I feel bad now, I didn’t get you anything.’
‘This is enough, just having me over for dinner,’ Cameron said, walking back to the hallway where he bent down to pick up a large flat box wrapped in gold paper. He handed it to Julia who wiped her hands on her apron before taking it. She looked up at him quizzically, wondering what it could be. Then she peeled away the sellotape and opened the box. Inside was a bubble-wrapped picture. She ripped off the bubble wrap and revealed a large framed photograph of Duncan, who looked like he was doing some woodwork in a workshop.
‘Where was this taken?’
‘It was the last time Duncan came along to the bunker. He designed the shields for the Jarl Squad and he helped carve some of the axe shafts.’
‘Really? I didn’t know he designed the shield.’
‘Well it’s top secret until Up Helly Aa isn’t it? You weren’t supposed to know anything about it. I shouldn’t really be giving you this picture yet.’
‘It’s a great picture,’ Julia said, glued to the image of Duncan, who had clearly been enjoying himself at the time. On the worktop beside him was a bottle of beer and Duncan was holding a piece of wood that was obviously about to be turned into an axe shaft. On an open laptop next to the beer was a picture of an ornate Celtic pattern, and a diagram of an axe.
‘You can’t show this to anyone yet.’ Cameron said, pointing to the laptop in the picture.
‘Rubbish!’ Julia said, walking straight into the lounge. Cameron sighed dramatically and followed her.
‘Look at this lovely picture of your dad. It was taken at the Up Helly Aa bunker this year.’
Cameron and Bryden jumped up to see it. They took it in turns to hold it and both nodded in approval.
‘I told your mother it was supposed to be a secret until January, but she wouldn’t listen.’
‘Typical woman!’ Bryden said, grinning wickedly at Julia.
‘This is great, Cameron, thanks,’ Jamie said. ‘Are there any more pictures of Dad at the bunker?’
‘Yeah, one of the squad has been taking photos and videos of all the work that has gone on during the last year. You can have copies after Up Helly Aa is over.’
‘Cool!’ Bryden said, slapping Cameron on the back.
Julia took the photograph and placed it on the window sill beside the candle.
‘I’ll take it upstairs later and put it in my room so nobody else sees it,’ she said to Cameron. She stood and admired the photograph for a moment and then turned on her heels and headed back to the kitchen, with a noticeable bounce in her walk.
‘Dinner will be on the table in a few minutes,’ she said, as she passed the sofa, pausing to ruffle Bryden’s hair.
‘Oh goodie,’ Amy said, leaping up from the sofa, almost knocking the iPad onto the floor. Bryden caught it and put it away in a wicker basket under the coffee table.
When Julia brought the plates of food into the dining room, she found everyone sitting there expectantly. Jamie was sitting at the head of the table, Julia noticed with a smile. Julia sat down and then jumped up again immediately to fetch juice for Amy and the bottle of white wine that was still in the fridge.
‘I didn’t bother with starters,’ she said apologetically, as she took the only vacant seat between Jamie and Cameron
Jamie reached for the gravy and laughed at her.
‘So you’re not counting the pringles, nuts and chocolates you ate earlier as a starter.’
‘Of course not!’ Julia said, prodding him in the ribs. ‘Come on everyone, help yourself to gravy, cranberry sauce; don’t be shy.’ She nodded at Liam, who was sitting back waiting for everyone else to start.
‘This looks great; thanks for inviting me,’ he said.
‘Thanks for coming along, and you too, Amy and Cameron; this is a lovely having so many people for dinner.’
As everyone start to tuck in to their food, Julia thought back to the previous Christmas. It had been a
strange day. Duncan had been so tired he had slept for most of the afternoon, and had not been able to eat much of his dinner. A few days before the holiday he had been along to the hospital for tests, to see how successful his treatment had been and they were told they would not know the outcome until the New Year. It had felt like a lifetime to wait. The doctors had been fairly optimistic, but because Duncan was still feeling lethargic and had not bounced back to his normal self, it had been hard for them to share the optimism at the time.
Bryden and Jamie had come home, worn out from studying and the stress of worrying about their father. They had been quiet and anxious over the holiday last year. Now they were sitting around the table loudly sparring with each other and Liam, and teasing Amy about her taste in pop music.
It was lovely, Julia thought, to sit here with family and friends, even if the weight of grief and sadness was still visible in the faces of her sons. They had aged a little over the last year, and she most certainly had too.
She reached for her glass of water just as Cameron put his hand out to pass Amy the dish of cranberry sauce. His hand brushed against hers and she flinched. She dropped her hand onto her lap, surprised at the tingling sensation she still felt where they had touched.
‘So what have you been doing today?’ Cameron asked the table as a whole.
‘Scrabble marathon and drinking whisky for the most part,’ Jamie replied.
‘Picking up the pieces of some people’s overindulgence in alcohol,’ Liam said, raising his glass of wine like a toast, and taking a sip. ‘Cheers!’
‘I got roller-skates,’ Amy said, ‘and I fell over and banged my knee. Mummy got cross with me.’ Amy picked up a roast potato with her fingers and took a bite out of it. Julia saw Cameron frown at his daughter and silently gesture to her to use her fork. Amy grinned and picked up her cutlery again, and carried on eating. Cameron turned and raised his eyebrows at Julia, suggesting he was a little anxious about his daughter.
Julia watched Amy picking at her food. She clearly wasn’t very hungry but she seemed to relish the attention. She constantly looked at her dad for reassurance, and Julia noticed him wink at Amy and pull a funny face that made her laugh.
Learning to Dance Again Page 22
