Fangs for Nothing (Vampire Hunting and Other Foolish Endeavors)
Page 23
“Bucka Pow, Bucka Pow, Bucka Pow Kow. Bucka Pow, Bucka Pow, Bucka Pow Kow. Bucka Pow, Bucka Pow, Bucka Pow Kow,” the Elders chanted as a small fanfare led Diz and me out of town.
“I'll be waiting for you,” Segner the Watcher smugly called to me as we exited the village. “No foolish Virgin tricks, and remember to bring back the jewels.” Segner would sit at the base of the volcano until my return.
“Don't worry, as soon as she tumbles in, I'll be straight back down with the jewelry,” I assured him.
“See that you do, or I will sound the alarm, and we Elders will come hunting for you.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” I had always disliked Elder Segner. He wielded his little bit of power like it was a weighty club.
It was a hot day to be climbing up the side of a volcano. One third of the way up, we passed a large sign carved in stone which read, 'Stop! You are about to cross into The-Land-From-Which-No-One-Ever-Returns-Especially-the-Women'.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I panted behind Diz as we plodded along. I really wished I had not decided to wear my breastplate.
“What am I supposed to do, Jez? Not jump?” She sounded a bit peevish.
“Well, you could have had sex with someone and then we wouldn't be in this predicament,” I grumbled.
“What? I couldn't hear you.” Diz paused to look back at me.
“I said, we don't really know that the volcano will erupt if you don't throw yourself in. We could always run away.”
Diz was genuinely shocked. “I couldn't do that, Jez. What about the tribe?”
“What about them?”
“What if they all suffered because I was not devout enough to kill myself?”
“What do you care? I'm the only family you've got left. It'd be their own fault anyway. I don't see why we don't just relocate the village, instead of messing with this damned volcano every year.”
Diz's face became pinched as we continued hoofing up the mountain.
“Diz,” I probed, “there isn't someone from the tribe that you fancy, is there? Is that why you're going through with this thing?” Her face revealed that my suspicions were true. “Diz, I am going to strangle you! Why the heck didn't you just sleep with him instead of doing things the hard way?”
“Because you already had!” Her eyes flooded with tears.
Great Ragnarok! She had wanted Dirk and I hadn't realized it. Their names did go well together, Dirk and Dizeray. Still, she could have said something. How was I to know? “I'm sorry, honey. You should have spoken up. I would have gone with the shepherd.”
She giggled through her tears. “I was too embarrassed.”
By the gods, we were a society based on fast women and lazy men! But, Dizeray was too embarrassed to play rock, papyrus, sword to see who got to bunk with Dirk.
“I still think you shouldn't sacrifice yourself. With all that gold you're wearing we could easily finance an escape. We have a good head start. We’re almost half way over the volcano. Once we enter The-Land-From-Which-No-One-Ever-Returns-Especially-the-Women, it's unlikely the Elders would ever be able to catch us.”
“No, Jez, it wouldn't be honorable, and that's all I have to say about it.”
We finished the rest of the climb in silence. Diz could be very single-minded, and I knew it was useless to argue with her. If only she had opened her damned yip about Dirk. I wasn't looking forward to being the only surviving member of my family. There would be incredible pressure to procreate.
The wind picked up as we approached the lip of the volcano. Loose soil whipped our faces. “I guess this is it,” Diz gulped. We both stared for the first time into the mouth of the crater.
Funny, I had always pictured intense heat and spurting lava. Instead, we gazed upon a dry, dusty cavern sparsely littered with petrified rocks. There was a small dark hole at the bottom of the crater, but even that was not very menacing. I don’t know why I was surprised. The volcano hadn't so much as puffed a bit of smoke in my lifetime.
It was at that point that I began to suspect the male Elders of falsely perpetuating the need for Virgin sacrifice.
“Do you think I’m supposed to jump in that little hole?” Diz pointed toward the tiny opening.
“I guess,” I shrugged. “There doesn’t seem to be any other practical way of killing yourself.”
We both sighed. Bucka Pow was a sincere disappointment.
“Good-bye, cousin.” I gave her a big hug. “I love you. I'm going to miss you.”
Diz peered forlornly at the small cavern beneath us. “Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.”
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Table of Contents
Fangs for NothingCopyright ©
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2I
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13I
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19“
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27“
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Epilogue
All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved