A Fragile Design

by Tracie Peterson

  ‘‘You can go visit Daughtie,’’ Sister Mercy said, releasing Bella from the kitchen. ‘‘Be sure you’re back here in fifteen minutes, or you’ll be late to dinner and I’ll have Eldress Phoebe looking to me for answers regarding your whereabouts,’’ she cautioned.

  ‘‘I’ll be on time,’’ Bella promised as she hurried out the door. With her heart pounding, she breathlessly hurried down the path and entered the dormitory. ‘‘I have only a few minutes, Daughtie. What do you need to talk about?’’

  Without waiting for an answer, Bella plopped down in a rocking chair and beckoned one of the children closer. Mary Beth, a chubby two-year-old, waddled across the room and buried her face deep in Bella’s skirt. Bella reached down and lifted the plump toddler onto her lap. Giving Mary Beth’s cheek a fleeting kiss, Bella quickly turned her attention to the little girl’s neck, nuzzling until Mary Beth laughed in delight. The highpitched laughter brought several other children running, each one obviously eager to become a part of the frivolity. Bella held Mary Beth close to her chest as she leaned down to tickle the fair-haired Genevieve and dark-eyed Martha. ‘‘I shall dearly miss these children,’’ Bella lamented. ‘‘Save Sister Mercy, most of the Sisters expect them to act like miniature adults. I pray once we are gone they will appoint several young replacements to take our positions with the children. They don’t need any more dour faces peering down upon them.’’

  ‘‘Who would they appoint? You know there are only a few other girls our age, Bella, and they already take their turns with the children. With the rotation of work among the Sisters, our leaving assures the children additional hours with pinched-faced sisters who would much rather spend their time mending and weaving than chasing after these children. Perhaps we should remain—for the children’s sake,’’ Daughtie ventured.

  Bella lightly rested her chin atop Mary Beth’s head, the child’s downy soft hair tickling Bella’s face. ‘‘You know how much I love the children, Daughtie. And I already know that once I’m gone I shall long to cuddle them in my arms. However, should I remain in this place, I would evolve into one of those pinched-faced sisters we’ve been speaking of. More importantly, it would be dishonest for me to indoctrinate these children with beliefs I do not embrace and accept as true.’’

  Daughtie’s lips curved into a tiny smile. ‘‘I know, but if I can convince you to stay, I won’t be forced to make a decision. I suppose I’m merely attempting to make life easier on myself.’’

  Bella shifted Mary Beth’s weight on her lap. Daughtie’s comment brought Bella’s thoughts back to her earlier question. ‘‘I didn’t give you a chance to answer me when I first arrived. What is it you need to discuss with me?’’

  Daughtie hesitated momentarily. ‘‘I was thinking, Bella. Why don’t we just tell the Family that we’ve chosen to leave the Society? It makes more sense—we’d be given funds to cover our journey, and one of the Brothers would take us to board a coach. We could pack our belongings and leave in an honorable fashion rather than sneaking off like thieves in the—’’

  ‘‘I can’t do that,’’ Bella interrupted. ‘‘I know what you say is true, but the Ministry would bring Brother Franklin to talk to me. If they knew I was planning to leave, they’d suddenly believe it permissible to use my birth father to try to dissuade me. I will not argue my decision with him. Besides, if they knew Jesse was going, they’d accuse us of wrongdoing. And, Daughtie, I pledge to you that there has been nothing inappropriate between us. Besides, the Ministry would not believe us—they’d shame us and encourage us to confess and repent before the Believers. I’ll not take their money, and I’ll not confess or repent to something I’ve not done. Please, Daughtie, don’t base your decision upon my willingness to seek approval from the Ministry.’’

  Daughtie seated herself on one of the straight-backed wooden chairs and stared at her friend. ‘‘I understand, but you must admit it makes more sense to leave with money.’’

  ‘‘You’re right. It would be easier to have their help, but I’m unwilling to pay the price they’d demand for a few coins and a ride to the stagecoach. It’s almost dinnertime, and I promised Sister Mercy I wouldn’t be late. We can talk more on the way to meeting tonight,’’ Bella promised as she leaned down and gave her friend a quick hug. She ought not take the time, but she knew she might never see these children again. Kneeling down, she held her arms wide and pulled each child into a warm embrace before leaving the room.

  A tear trickled down her cheek as Bella glanced toward the Sisters’ Weaving Shop. She exited the dormitory and hurried back toward the Dwelling House. Rounding a turn in the path, she looked up toward the bell, hoping it wouldn’t sound until she had safely returned to the kitchen. If detected, it was certain one of the Sisters would question why she was outdoors rather than baking pies. Worse yet, she didn’t want to cause a problem for Sister Mercy, whose judgment in permitting such a visit between the young Sisters would be closely scrutinized by the Ministry.

  ‘‘Just in time!’’ Sister Mercy exclaimed as the bell began to toll.

  Bella met the older Sister’s smiling gaze, a keen sense of melancholy suddenly assaulting her senses. The time when she would flee Canterbury was quickly approaching. The thought of never again seeing Sister Mercy, coupled with her good-byes to the tiny children she had helped care for over the past several years, was more distressing than she had imagined.

  ‘‘Something is bothering you, child. I can always tell when you’re troubled. You know you can talk to me, don’t you? I love you like you’re my own. Many’s the time Eldress Phoebe has accused me of caring too much about you.’’

  Bella struggled to hold back her tears. ‘‘And what did you tell Eldress Phoebe when she made her accusations?’’

  ‘‘Same thing I’d tell her right here and now if she were to ask me again: It’s impossible to love or care too much for a child. We all need as much love as we can get,’’ Sister Mercy proclaimed, her cheeks dimpling as she gave a wide smile.

  ‘‘That’s certainly true. You’re a wise woman, Sister Mercy. Had it not been for your love, prayers, and consolation, I don’t know how I would have survived those terrible weeks after my mother died. You know you’ll always be very special to me, don’t you?’’ Bella asked, unable to hold her tears in check.

  Sister Mercy pulled Bella into a warm embrace and lovingly patted her back as if she were a small child. ‘‘There, there,’’ she comforted. ‘‘Tell me what’s caused you such misery. If you’ll only let me, surely I can help.’’

  Knowing she must deceive dear Sister Mercy caused Bella further sorrow, yet she could not confide in the woman. Bella knew Sister Mercy would never break a confidence. It was for that very reason Bella would not take the older woman into her confidence. The Elders would surely question Sister Mercy once they discovered Bella’s disappearance. The older woman’s allegiance to Bella would become grounds for chastisement by the Elders, and poor Sister Mercy’s loyalty to a wayward Sister would certainly become the subject of a sermon. Bella could not abide being the cause of such embarrassment for the woman she loved so dearly.

  ‘‘It’s nothing, Sister Mercy. Merely a bout of melancholy,’’ Bella finally replied.

  Sister Mercy hesitated a moment. ‘‘If you’re certain there’s nothing I can do, then we’d best hurry along. If we’re late, Eldress Phoebe will expect a confession for our tardiness. But just remember, Bella, I’m always here should you need me, and you are always in my prayers.’’

  Bella swallowed the lump that had risen in her throat and nodded. ‘‘Yes, I’ll remember. I could never forget anything about you, Sister Mercy.’’

  The older woman gave her a strange look, almost as though she realized something was amiss, but before Sister Mercy could question her further, Bella gave the older woman a bright smile and said, ‘‘We’ve made it just in time. Eldress Phoebe will have nothing to complain of this noonday.’’

  CHAPTER 2

  ‘‘Shh!’’
Bella’s warning hissed through the night air as she turned to face Daughtie. There was a slight chill to the moonlit evening, and Bella pulled her cloak more tightly around her shoulders before readjusting her satchel. She waved her friend onward toward the stand of pines—toward Jesse and their new life among the outsiders.

  ‘‘Can we talk now?’’ Daughtie whispered. ‘‘I don’t think anyone can hear us this far from the Dwelling House.’’

  Bella glanced around the area. ‘‘Jesse!’’ she called. ‘‘Are you here?’’

  They waited in silence. ‘‘I don’t think he’s here,’’ Daughtie offered. ‘‘What time was he supposed to meet us?’’

  ‘‘We didn’t set a specific time. There was no way to guarantee when the others would be asleep. Apparently the Brothers don’t go to sleep as early as the Sisters,’’ Bella replied. ‘‘He’ll be here soon.’’

  Slowly, minute by minute, the night wore on. ‘‘I don’t think he’s coming, Bella. Let’s go back. If we’re careful, we can return to the Dwelling House and be back in bed before anyone misses us.’’

  ‘‘No! I’m not going back. If Jesse doesn’t arrive shortly, we’ll go on without him.’’

  A look of fear crossed Daughtie’s face. ‘‘We can’t go without Jesse to lead us. What are you thinking, Bella?’’

  ‘‘It seems I’m always surrounded by men who convince me to trust them and then disappoint me—first my father and now Jesse. But that doesn’t change my decision to leave. We merely need to follow the road south until we reach Concord. I copied my aunt’s address from my father’s journal. I don’t know if she still lives in Concord, but we can at least attempt to locate her. I’m sure she’d give us shelter.’’ She reached out and grasped Daughtie’s hand. ‘‘I want you to go with me, but if you must return, I’ll not hold it against you, dear friend. I know you’re frightened.’’

  ‘‘No. I’ll not leave you here to go on alone, Bella, but I believe that returning to the Family is the prudent thing to do. We could return and find out what’s happened to Jesse. There’s nothing to prevent us from leaving tomorrow or next week, is there?’’ Daughtie asked, her question filled with the same hope that sparkled from her eyes in the moonlit night.

  The hood of Bella’s cape fell back as she vigorously shook her head back and forth. ‘‘We’re ready now. Either Jesse has decided he’s not going or he’s already left for Concord, thinking we weren’t coming. Perhaps he expected us earlier than we arrived and, like us, decided it was best to go on alone.’’

  Daughtie was silent for a moment. ‘‘If you’re sure we can find Concord, I suppose we’d best be on our way. The longer we wait, the greater the possibility of being discovered.’’

  Bella nodded and took the lead, hoping she could remember all that Jesse had told her regarding the route they would follow. ‘‘As soon as we find the road to Concord, we’ll rest for the night. Jesse mentioned highwaymen can sometimes be lurking about, waiting for unsuspecting travelers,’’ she advised.

  She carefully chose each turn of the path until they finally reached the main road that would lead them to Concord. ‘‘I’m certain this is the road we’ll need to follow come morning,’’ she told Daughtie. Pointing toward a stand of pines, she smiled broadly and grabbed Daughtie’s hand. ‘‘There’s a place over there where we’ll be out of sight and sheltered for the remainder of the night.’’

  The heat of the sun as it rose into the eastern sky began to warm their bodies as the girls arose the next morning. Nestled among the small clump of trees, Bella discovered a fallen log and pulled it in front of two maples. ‘‘There! I’ve formed two chairs for us, Daughtie. We can sit on the log and lean against the trees and rest our backs,’’ she said, offering the loaf of rye bread and a wedge of yellow cheese to her friend.

  Daughtie tore a piece of bread from the loaf. ‘‘Nothing ever tasted so good. I’m famished.’’

  Bella nodded as she stuffed a piece of bread into her mouth. ‘‘If we keep a steady pace, I think we can reach Concord in three or four hours and then get directions to Lowell.’’

  ‘‘Lowell? I thought we were going to stay with your relatives in Concord.’’

  Bella nodded her head in rhythm with her chewing and then swallowed hard. ‘‘I’ve been thinking about that. I doubt we’ll find them. Jesse and I had planned to go on to Lowell if we didn’t locate my aunt and uncle.’’

  Daughtie’s eyebrows raised in obvious concern. ‘‘I certainly think we should try to find them, Bella. Isn’t it a long way to Lowell? Do you know anyone there who can help us?’’

  Bella gave her friend a smile that she hoped was reassuring. ‘‘No, I don’t know anyone in Lowell, but it’s not so far that we can’t make it with proper directions.’’

  ‘‘Then why not stay in Concord? At least for a short time?’’

  Bella quickly packed the leftover bread and cheese into her satchel and stood up. ‘‘Do you remember the Family discussing the new textile mills in Lowell? There’s work for girls our age. You may recall Mary Wiseman that wintered with us at the Village last year.’’

  Daughtie’s brows furrowed. ‘‘I vaguely remember her, but we never talked. Wasn’t she the girl who got in trouble for talking during meals on several occasions?’’

  Bella nodded in agreement. ‘‘Yes, that’s Mary. She never did learn to remain silent at the proper times. Anyway, she told me they pay good wages in the mills. We’ll be able to support ourselves, but in Concord we’d be fortunate if we found employment as housekeepers or teachers. Lowell is our best choice, Daughtie.’’

  ‘‘Unless we find your relatives,’’ Daughtie added.

  Leaving their makeshift dining room, the girls walked back toward the road. ‘‘Even if we find them, we’ll have to find work, and I doubt we’ll find anything in Concord that will pay the wages Mary received in Lowell.’’

  ‘‘If life was so good in Lowell, why did Mary find it necessary to live off the Shakers all winter? She should have had ample money to support herself if she was receiving those fine wages you speak of.’’

  Bella nodded at her friend. ‘‘Yes, one would think so, but Mary spent her money on every new fashion and whimsy her heart desired. She spent her money as quickly as she made it. Then, when she was least prepared for losing her employment, she became ill. With no money and unable to work, she made her way to the Family. The Ministry realized she was a breadand-butter Shaker and would remain only until she was once again able to make her way in the world. Mary never did indicate any desire to become a Believer.’’

  ‘‘I just think it might be safer to at least try and find your aunt.’’

  Bella could hear the worry in Daughtie’s tone. ‘‘If it makes you feel better, we’ll do exactly that. It couldn’t hurt to rest up and have a good meal.’’

  The sound of approaching horses could be heard in the distance. Bella grabbed Daughtie’s hand, pulling her behind a stand of forsythia bushes. ‘‘Keep down!’’ Bella warned.

  Daughtie crouched beside Bella until the last rider had passed. ‘‘Why are we hiding?’’ she asked as they stood.

  ‘‘The Brethren may be looking for us,’’ Bella replied, surprised by her friend’s question.

  ‘‘They won’t come after us—you left a letter for your father saying you were leaving. And you know the Believers have no respect for those who run off in the night. They’ve probably bid us a ‘fare thee well and good riddance.’ ’’

  ‘‘I suppose you’re right, but I’d rather err on the side of caution. Besides, you never know what kind of highway bandit or scoundrel might be on the road.’’

  Daughtie giggled. ‘‘Well, a bandit would be sorely disappointed if he sought to enrich himself with our meager belongings.’’

  Bella joined in her laughter, trudging onward, the dust clinging to their cloaks and shoes. Three and a half hours later they rounded a bend in the road. ‘‘Look, Daughtie! We’ve finally reached Concord,’’ Bella exclaimed,
pointing to the south.

  ‘‘And none too soon. My shoes are pinching. I’m sure I’ll have blisters come morning.’’

  The girls moved with renewed vigor, the thought of a warm meal and soft bed beckoning them onward.

  Bella pulled the folded scrap of paper containing her aunt’s address from the inner pocket of her cloak. ‘‘We’ll stop and ask someone directions.’’

  A kind middle-aged woman directed them to the corner of Franklin and Ridge Streets, telling the girls to remain on Franklin until they reached the fourth house from the corner.

  ‘‘There it is,’’ Bella announced. ‘‘Let’s see if my aunt and uncle are living here,’’ she said, walking up the wooden steps to the small front porch. Bella knocked on the weatherworn door.

  A large woman with a strange accent opened the door. ‘‘They live up there,’’ she said while pointing to the stairs. ‘‘Room three. Go on,’’ she encouraged, waving her hand toward the stairway.

  Bella led the way up the dark stairway. The odor of strangesmelling foods, mixed with the stench of unwashed bodies, caused Bella to immediately long for a breath of fresh air. Instead, she held a kerchief to her nose as she knocked on the door of room three.

  The gaunt stoop-shouldered woman who came to the door appeared much older than her years. ‘‘Ida Landon?’’ Bella questioned, not sure that the woman standing before her was truly her mother’s sister.

  The woman nodded.

  ‘‘It’s me, Bella, your sister Polly’s daughter.’’

  A look of recognition crossed the woman’s face as she opened her arms and pulled Bella into an embrace. ‘‘You’re all grown up,’’ she said, placing a kiss on Bella’s cheek. ‘‘Let me take a look at you.’’ She moved an arm’s length backward and smiled, nodding her approval. ‘‘From the look of those clothes, I’d say your parents are still among the Shakers.’’