A Girl's Guide to Vampires do-1

by Кейти Макалистер

  "Ooooh," Roxy breathed. "That is so romantic. You should write that down."

  I blinked as the image in my mind turned to mist and evaporated. I felt a bit dizzy, like I'd been turning somersaults down a long hill. I was more than a little bit weirded out by the whole thing until I remembered the gin and tonics I'd been sipping on. Although alcohol had never triggered that sort of a vision before, there was a first time for everything.

  "I want all that on my list, too!"

  "Too late, it's mine," I told Roxy with a dazed grin. She punched me in the arm.

  "Is that all?" Miranda asked us both, completing the circle and returning to her spot.

  "It is for me, since old greedy-guts there won't share the good stuff on her list," Roxy said huffily.

  I ran down my mental checklist. Yup, it was all there, all but for one last item…

  "I have one more request," I said.

  Miranda paused in the act of lighting the large candle sitting before her.

  "Big private parts," I told them. "That's important, don't you think? I mean, size does matter, no matter what they say, right? And since we are talking the man for me, my soul mate, he'll be the only one I sleep with for the rest of my life, so I think he should have really nice personal equipment. Something memorable. The phrase 'hung like a horse' comes to mind."

  "Joy Martine Randall!" Roxy choked.

  I made an innocent little moue at her. "What's wrong? Mad you didn't think of it first?"

  Her hazel eyes flashed a warning at me. I cackled. She was mad I had beaten her to big genitals.

  Miranda gave me a look of martyrdom that had me biting back my cackle to a more seemly giggle. "OK, you don't have to include that last item on the official request list. I can live with a man with a regular set of dangly bits as long as the rest of the items are there. If he meets the other requirements, I'll be happy."

  Miranda sighed and shook her head. "You're so flippant, both of you, I don't know how you expect me to help you find the man you are searching for if all you're thinking of is the size of his crotch and whether or not he's likely to laugh at your jokes. This is serious; the power of the Goddess is nothing to be taken lightly. You should be reaching out with your heart and soul to find this man, not parroting the silly ideas you've soaked up from those romances you both read."

  Roxy and I instantly united in a solid front against her condemnation of our beloved romances.

  "They aren't silly or horrible; romances are upbeat and fun to read," my bosom buddy protested.

  "Yeah," I added, flipping another ice chip at Davide. He gave me an open-mouthed silent hiss that raised the hairs on the back of my neck. Skeptic I might be, but there was no reason to be stupid and tempt powers I wasn't sure didn't exist.

  Miranda stilled. "What about those vampire books you are both addicted to?"

  Something in the air between us thickened. I wondered if an electrical storm was on its way. "What about them?" I asked.

  "They're dangerous."

  "Dangerous? How can books be dangerous? They're just a series of stories about heroes who happen to be vampires, Miranda. It's not like they advocate the drinking of blood or anything."

  "Some people," she said to me, without taking her gaze off Roxy, "believe them to be a guide to their fate."

  I looked between her and Roxy. The latter was sitting quietly, picking at the leather thong on her sandal, not meeting our eyes.

  "Some people believe every word written in them to be the truth."

  I shook my head. "No one really believes in the Book of Secrets' Dark Ones," I told Miranda. They're just really dark, broody heroes that turn a lot of women on, myself included, I'm not too horribly embarrassed to say. Just because we like the stories doesn't mean we believe that vampires really exist."

  "I do," came a soft voice.

  I stared at my friend of nineteen years.

  "I do," she said louder, with more confidence, an obstinate set to her jaw that I knew well. "I believe they really exist. C. J. Dante, the author of the Book of Secrets series has done extensive research in the Moravian Highlands, the area where the Dark Ones live. He even moved there so he could be closer to them, so he could study them and learn their ways. I believe they exist."

  She must have felt the weight of two sets of disbelieving eyes, because she hiked her chin up even higher. "Well, I do!"

  "Roxy…" I shook my head. "Honey, I know it's a tempting thought to believe that such things really exist, but come on! Vampires? Men who drink blood and burn up in the sun and wander around all tormented and angsting because they haven't found the right woman to save their soul? I'll admit some of the guys you've dated might meet a few of those qualifications, but we're going to have to have a long, long talk if you're going to start believing in ghosties and goulies and things that go bump in the night."

  I had forgotten in whose house I was sitting.

  " 'There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy'," Miranda said quietly.

  "Yeah, but I don't think Shakespeare had Moravian Dark Ones in mind when he wrote that," I argued.

  She just looked at me with light gray eyes that reminded me of a full moon at its brightest. Her belief in things that I doubted made me uncomfortably aware of just what I was doing sitting in a circle of candles. "Look, why don't we get on with this? Dr. Miller wants me to re-catalog the entire biology collection before we leave for Germany, and I'd like to get some sleep before I face a bunch of books on fungi and spores and mildew in the morning."

  "No," Roxy said stubbornly. "I want to hear why Miranda believes in the good powers she uses, but won't admit the possibility of a darker side of the same power."

  Miranda shook her head, her red curls a riot of crimson and gold in the candlelight. "I never said I don't believe in a dark power, Roxanne. I do, most profoundly. There are things I have seen that I hope I never see again, but that type of danger is not what I'm speaking about. I'm talking about the power of persuasion, the intent of the author who includes in his fiction ideas dangerous to your soul."

  "Dante writes them as fiction, true," Roxy argued, "but all of his followers know the stories are based on truths he has uncovered during his research. You should see the websites devoted to the genealogies of the people Dante has written about—"

  "They're romances for the masses, glorifying the cult of bloodsucking killers."

  "Oh!" Roxy stormed, leaping up. I reached out to grab the back of her leg, but she sidestepped quickly until she was almost out of the circle. "Bloodsucking killers? I'll have you know that every single Dark One is tormented, very, very tormented by the horrible truth of his life, and none of them kill people. They just borrow a little blood now and again. I don't see what's so wrong about that!"

  "Roxanne, if you don't sit back down, you will break the Circle of Truth, and the Invocation will be useless."

  She sat down with a hrmph. "Take it back, Miranda."

  "This Dante is guilty of brainwashing you, of seducing innocents like yourself into thinking the darkness found in men's souls is something to be tampered with…"

  "Luke, beware the dark side," I intoned in my best Obi Wan Kenobi voice.

  Both women turned astonished faces at me. I gave them a weak smile and held up my hands. "Sorry, I thought it was funny. You know, Miranda, I don't mean to be picky, but some of what you believe could be thought to be a bit… well, out there."

  She raised an eyebrow. "My beliefs are not the point—it is the silliness of these books, these novels that you and others insist on believing are real that I'm concerned about."

  "I don't believe they're real," I said at the same time Roxy muttered, "They're a lot more real than some things I can name."

  "Only the foolish meddle in the darkness in men's souls," Miranda warned.

  "Dark Ones are not evil, they just appear that way at first!" Roxy snapped back.

  They glared at each other until I decided to mellow them bot
h out.

  "Would you two lighten up a bit? You're giving me the creeps with all this talk about the dark power of men's souls and stuff."

  Miranda was shaking her head again, even before I stopped speaking. "The dark power within each of us is nothing to joke about, Joy."

  "Right. Sorry. So why don't we agree to disagree?" I asked, gesturing between the two of them. "Roxy will continue to believe that there are actual Moravian Dark Ones wandering around looking for women to save their souls, and you'll continue to believe that famed author C. J. Dante is a nutball bent on world domination by brainwashing millions of frustrated housewives. K? Are we all happy now?"

  "I won't be until she takes back what she said about the Dark Ones!"

  Miranda sighed as she made sweeping gestures with her hands to reinforce the bounds of the circle. "Very well, I take it back. They're harmless little books that give you and millions of others pleasure, and as long as you realize they are fiction, complete fiction, and not a guidebook to exploring the dark forces within, I will withdraw my objections."

  I figured that was as much of an apology as she was going to give. Roxy evidently decided the same, because she nodded.

  "I want to warn you both, though," Miranda added as she shook a long, elegant finger at us, "that those who play with fire should expect to be consumed by it."

  "Consumed by the fire of passion." I grinned at her as I fingered the remaining ice in my glass. "Sounds like something from one of Dante's books! I'm willing to bet there are worse ways to go, huh?"

  Davide gave me another silent hiss.

  Chapter Two

  "You think she's mad at us?"

  Roxy rolled her eyes and shifted into third, a quick flip of her wrist sending her ancient MG hurtling into what looked like a four-foot space between two semis. Once I stopped screaming and peeled my hands from my eyes, I turned to glare at her.

  "No, I don't think Miranda is mad at us."

  "Oh, good." If there's one rule I try to live my life by, it's not to make a witch angry.

  "I think she's mad at you."

  "She is not," I said indignantly, trying to adjust my legs. In the tiny car, my knees were pretty much jammed under my chin. It's been my experience that people who are six feet tall and built like a brick house don't fit well into tiny sports cars. "You're the one who had to go babbling on and on about how you believe in the Dark Ones."

  "Well, I do. You do, too."

  "I do not."

  "Ha! Just last week when you finished Book of Secrets XII you said that Xavier was the hunkiest Moravian yet, and that if you had been around, he never would have had to face The Decision by himself because you would have been there to save him before he became that desperate. Go on, tell me you didn't say that. Tell me you didn't call dibs on him before I could."

  "Fwah! I don't believe in any of that hocus-pocus, and you know it."

  "If you don't believe, why do you read rune stones for people, hmmm?"

  I gave her a jaded smile. "Because they're pretty. You know full well it's just a party trick, nothing more."

  "Ha! A party trick doesn't explain—"

  "LOOK OUT! Dammit, Roxy, will you watch where you're going? You almost gave me a heart attack!"

  She honked and waved at the semi truck driver as we swerved around it, zooming down the long, curving highway so characteristic of the wild, untamed back roads of Oregon. I read her the riot act on trying to kill us through careless driving, which she responded to with injured silence. I took advantage of the quiet to think over the events of the evening. Evidently, Roxy was doing the same.

  "Joy?"

  "What?"

  She said nothing for a minute. "You know, you don't have to go to Czechoslovakia with me."

  "It's the Czech Republic now."

  "Oh." An owl flirted with the car's high beams, a flash of ghostly white wing catching my peripheral vision before it melted into the darkness. "Whatever they're calling it now, I appreciate the offer to come with me, but given what Miranda said…"

  I swallowed hard and gnawed on my lip, trying to remind myself that I didn't believe in any of the things Miranda said she could do, or see, or manifest. Most were coincidences that would have happened regardless of whether or not she was seeking the advice of some greater being. I was a sensible person. I didn't believe in Bigfoot, or ghosts, or vampires, or even the powers held by white witches.

  "… Well, I just want you to know that I won't hold you to your offer. Of keeping me out of trouble after the Book Fair, that is. You can spend your two-week holiday tooling around Europe and seeing Paris like you had originally planned. I'm sure I won't have any trouble getting to the Czech Republic by myself." She offered me a weak grin. I bared my teeth in what I hoped was a semblance of a smile, and returned to staring out the window at the passing night and trying to rub the goose bumps from my arms.

  Roxy's session with Miranda had gone just fine, no surprise to me since everyone liked Roxy. She was petite, had curly black hair and blue eyes that made her look like an elf or pixie or one of those cute little munchkin people. Men generally feel all masculine and protective of her, and erroneously assume she's shy and delicate despite the fact that she has the constitution and willpower of an ox. She was to have it all, the Goddess told her through Miranda. She was to meet her perfect man before the moon rose and set again; she would give her heart and receive one in return; she would fulfill the destiny laid before her feet. I could practically hear the Disney chorus of woodland creatures breaking into song, what with all the sweetness and light that rilled Miranda's living room… until she'd scried my future.

  The wind seemed to forespell my doom as it gusted into the room, blowing out half the candles in the circle, and sending the spray of rose petals around us dancing into the far corners of the room. Roxy leaped up to close the French doors as Miranda quickly relit the candles. Once settled, she waved at me to begin reciting my part of the Invocation. I felt a bit like an idiot, but knew there was no way Roxy would let me out of there without giving the Goddess a shot at me.

  "Power of earth to move his feet Across the mountains, here to me. Water's power to plumb the depths Of the storm-toss'd briny sea. True love's image, I invoke Powers of air, and red-hot fire; One to burn him with my glance, One to stoke my heart's desire. Seven knots I double-tie Moon and candles light the way, Seven knots for me and love. Entangled heart in heart to stay."

  "So, what do you see?" I asked impatiently a few minutes later as Miranda stared sightlessly into a bowl of water. "Do you see Mr. Right? Is he cute? Does he look like he's really loaded in the groinal region?"

  "Joy!"

  I made a face at Roxy and turned back to Miranda. Her eyes had lost their focus as they did when she scried Roxy's future, but there was something different about her bearing now, something tense and unyielding that was in direct contrast to the relaxed posture she had with Roxy. Davide rose to his feet and started to stalk toward me, the hair on his back rising as he approached me.

  "Jeezumcrow, that's a little creepy," I muttered, getting a serious case of the willies as the cat stopped about six feet in front of me, his yellow eyes never wavering from me. Miranda started to speak, so low both of us leaned forward in order to hear her better. Her low monotone, so different from her normally warm voice, added to the eerie atmosphere, and it took a few minutes before I could understand her words. Outside, the wind suddenly picked up, slamming into the house, tiny ticks and thumps indicating that debris and pinecones were being kicked around in the wind.

  "All this needs is some lightning and a ghostly figure with a red-stained butcher knife suddenly appearing in the window," I said in an undertone to Roxy. What I had intended to be a light, joking tone came off as pregnant with foreboding. She looked at me with large, serious eyes.

  A shiver went down my spine suddenly, the old someone stepping on your grave feeling my grandmother used to talk about. My arms were goose-bumped all the way up to my shoulders despite the w
arm night. If only the cat would stop staring at me like I was a three-headed Hydra, I'd be OK.

  Miranda's voice strengthened, but she didn't seem to be speaking in English. I glanced back at Davide. He appeared to have been turned into a stone statue that sat staring at me.

  "Aren't cats supposed to see ghosts?" I asked Roxy.

  She nodded, one hand reaching over to grasp mine. I tried to tell myself to relax, that this was all in fun, that I was simply humoring a friend, but the air inside the room was almost blue with static electricity. When the hairs on my arm all suddenly stood on end, I decided skepticism was for the dogs, and I was ready and willing to believe whatever it took to get me safely out of this situation.

  "You will take a trip."

  The words, clearly spoken in the quiet of the room, made us both jump. Miranda was still staring at her bowl of water, her face pale and drawn. As her words sank in, I relaxed and disengaged my hand from Roxy's, giving her a little pat in the process.

  "Yes, that's right. I told you we were going to Germany."

  "You will take a trip unlike any other you have taken."

  I relaxed even more, a faint burble of relieved laughter building inside. After this weird setup, all I was going to get was the standard "cross my palms with silver" fortune reading? No problem! I'd play along. "Two for two, I've never been to Europe before."

  "You will travel by water, held firmly in the Goddess's womb, protected but not protected, in danger but not in danger."

  "Um… OK." I tried to remember if there were any boat trips needed to get to Frankfurt. There were none that I could think of. And what was all that about being held in the Goddess's womb? It didn't sound like a particularly enjoyable or comfortable way to travel unless there was lots of legroom inside.

  "A child of darkness will cross your path."

  My jaw dropped as Roxy sat bolt upright next to me, clutching my hand again. A child of darkness? Was Miranda talking about a Moravian? A Dark One? No, she couldn't be, she didn't believe they existed… or did she? She never really came right out and said they didn't exist, she just went off about how dangerous it was to toy with the darkness within, and all that business. She couldn't really be saying what I thought she was saying, could she? I slid a glance over to Roxy. Her eyes were hollowed as she looked back at me and mouthed, "Vampire."