Lily's Story: The Complete Saga

by Christine Kersey

  “You know how it is with parents. We don’t always agree on everything.”

  I didn’t know what he meant. I’d been without parents for a year, and before that, while Dad suffered through his dementia, he hadn’t been himself, and I’d actually been the adult in our relationship during that time. And before he’d become sick, he’d been too busy putting food on the table to watch my every move and argue with me. Of course I’d been too busy going to high school and running our household to have a chance to get into trouble.

  “I guess,” I finally said.

  Marcus glanced at me and I could tell he’d just realized the faux pas he’d committed, talking about parents like that when I didn’t have any.

  “I’m so sorry, Kate. That was really insensitive of me.”

  “It’s okay,” I quickly assured him. “You don’t need to walk on eggshells around me. Life is what it is. There’s no need to not talk about your parents just because mine happen to no longer be around.”

  We reached the gravel drive that led to my house. Marcus stopped and turned toward me. “Kate, there’s something really special about you.”

  I smiled, suffused with warmth at his words. “Thanks.”

  Then he took my hand and continued walking. Powerful waves of attraction rolled up my arm and spread throughout my body. When we reached my porch, he turned toward me, one of my hands still in his. Then he reached out and took my other hand as well. As I gazed into his amazing green eyes, I nearly swayed in his direction. He held my gaze with his and I wondered what he was thinking. Was he going to kiss me? What was stopping him? What would I do if he did kiss me? Or if he didn’t? The tension in waiting to see what he would do was agonizing.

  Finally he smiled and blinked, then said, “Thanks for having dinner with my family.”

  He relaxed his grip on my hands, letting them slide out of his. Evidently there would be no kiss tonight. The Lily in me felt relief, but the Kate in me was completely disappointed.

  With my hands freed, I reached into my pocket and extracted the key. I could hear Greta moving around on the other side of the door. I unlocked the door and opened it, letting Greta bound out. She greeted me by trying to jump on me. I pushed her down with my knee against her chest and said “Down” in a commanding voice, just as I’d been shown. Then she turned to Marcus and tried the same thing. “You need to push your knee against her chest to show her that she shouldn’t do that.”

  He looked at me with a question in his eyes. “I don’t want to hurt her though.”

  “Just do it gently. She’ll get the message eventually.”

  As she continued trying to jump on him, he tried to do as I’d instructed, but he was too tall and his knee was too high to touch her chest. We both laughed at his attempt.

  “Never mind,” I laughed.

  “Maybe when she’s bigger,” he said, smiling.

  “Well hopefully by then she’ll know better than to jump on people.”

  “Yeah, I guess it would be a lot worse if she was doing that when she’s bigger.”

  We stood there for a moment, watching Greta. Finally I said, “Thanks for dinner. I had fun.”

  He smiled. “Take care, Kate.”

  I watched as he turned and started walking back down the gravel drive. “Good luck at work tomorrow,” I called out.

  He stopped and looked at me. “Thanks.” Then he continued on.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  The next afternoon after I’d been home from work for a while, Trish stopped by.

  “You forgot this,” she said, holding the plate I’d used for the brownies.

  “Oh, thank you.” I took the plate from her, then asked if she wanted to come in.

  “Yes,” she said. “There’s actually something I want to talk to you about.”

  “Okay.” I led her to the couch, then took the plate into the kitchen and set it on the counter before coming back into the living room. Greta was being her usual friendly self. I pulled her away from Trish and got her to settle down on her pet bed, then I sat on the other end of the couch.

  “She’s gotten bigger since I saw her last,” Trish said.

  “Yeah. I guess she has. It’s harder for me to notice since I see her all the time.”

  Trish nodded. “Kate, the reason I wanted to talk to you, is to, well, to ask you kind of a favor.”

  “Okay.”

  “I know it’s really not my place to get involved in my son’s relationships.”

  “There is no relationship between Marcus and me,” I interrupted. “We’re just friends.”

  “I see.”

  The way she said it made me wonder exactly what she saw. Had Marcus told her something else? Was I dealing with another Trevor? Someone who would lie to his parents about me? I didn’t want to depend on someone else to clear up misconceptions about me like I had with Trevor and his mother, so I decided to make sure Trish and I were on the same page. “I don’t know what Marcus has told you about our friendship, but that’s all it is. We’re just friends. Nothing more.”

  Trish seemed taken aback by my statement. “Marcus hasn’t actually told me anything.”

  I was glad to hear that, but it made me wonder why Trish had wanted to talk to me.

  “It’s just that I know Marcus very well,” she continued. “And it’s clear to me that he’s developing a crush on you.”

  I couldn’t suppress the smile that spread across my face. Trish obviously saw my expression, but interestingly, she didn’t seem pleased. I would have thought she’d be glad that if Marcus had a crush on me, that I might feel the same. Then I realized why she must be unhappy. Here I was, widowed—at least as far as she knew—and pregnant. Why would she want her son, who held so much promise, saddled with me and my problems? Problems that were actually a lot bigger than she imagined.

  The smile on my face faded as it became clear to me just how unattractive I would look to Trish as a potential girlfriend to her son.

  Trish had watched without comment as the emotions played across my face.

  “You must be wondering why I’m getting involved,” she finally said.

  I didn’t respond, shocked by the deep disappointment I felt now that I realized Trish was going to tell me to discourage Marcus’s interest.

  “First let me say that my concern is not only for Marcus. Kate, you have a lot on your plate right now. I’m keeping you in mind as well.”

  I nodded, pretending to believe that my welfare played into her concerns at all.

  “Let me be perfectly honest with you, Kate. Marcus has had some serious heartbreak in the past. Watching him suffer broke my heart as well. I just don’t want to see him hurt like that again.”

  I had absolutely no idea how to respond. Didn’t she know that heartbreak was a part of life and that no one was immune? I’d had more than my share, but I didn’t think that would keep me from taking chances in the future.

  Then I wondered why she thought getting involved with me would lead to heartbreak. But when I thought about it, I knew she was right. How could there be any other outcome except heartbreak? A relationship with me was a dead-end. I was already married. And the likelihood of Trevor agreeing to a divorce was remote. “I understand,” I said softly.

  Trish nodded, then stood. “I’m sure everything will work out for the best.”

  I followed her to the door.

  With her hand on the door knob, she turned back to me. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention our little chat to Marcus.”

  “Of course,” I assured her.

  That evening Marcus came over to tell me about his first day at his new job. As he described how things went, who he’d met, and what tasks he’d performed, I tried to listen. But I found myself feeling detached, like I was observing the two of us together. I saw the enthusiasm on his face and heard the excitement in his voice, but I couldn’t tell how he felt about me.

  I knew I felt drawn to him, but I squashed the feeling down until it was a va
gue feeling. The only problem was, the feeling would flare up in a burst of heat at the most unexpected moments, taking me by surprise. Like when he looked at me intently with his incredible green eyes, or when a particularly brilliant smile lit up his face. Then I would find myself trying to catch my breath, though I didn’t know if he noticed what was happening to me. He was too caught up in telling me the details of his day.

  Finally he finished his narration and asked me about my day. At that moment I had been able to mostly douse the flame of my attraction and was able to speak with the warmth of friendship. “Same old thing for me, but it sounds like you’re getting off to a great start with your new job.”

  “Yeah, I really like it.”

  “I’m happy for you.”

  “I have an idea,” he said. “Let’s go out on Friday night. You know, to celebrate the end of my first week.”

  After the conversation I’d had with Trish, I really wanted to turn him down. I didn’t want to be responsible for his heartache. But what excuse could I give without making it sound like I didn’t want to go out with him? “Sure. That sounds like fun.”

  I would cancel our date at the last minute so he wouldn’t suspect that I had planned to cancel it all along.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  As soon as I got home from work on Friday I called the cell number Marcus had given me. When he answered I could tell he was busy—he sounded distracted. “I’m sorry to bother you at work, Marcus, but I wanted to give you a chance to make other plans for tonight.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, I’m really sorry to do this to you, but I’m going to have to cancel dinner tonight.” I had a tiny bit of hope that he wouldn’t ask why.

  “Why?”

  So much for my hopes. “I think I’m coming down with something,” I lied. “It might be the flu.”

  “That’s too bad. I hope you feel better.”

  “Thanks, Marcus. I’ll talk to you later.”

  That was easier than I thought it would be. I settled onto the couch, my laptop in front of me. Like usual, the first place I went was to my email account. And like usual, there was an email from Trevor. Sighing, I clicked it open and read his message.

  Lily,

  Why are you talking about divorce? We’ve only been married a few months. The first year of a marriage is always hard. You need to give our marriage a chance. I know I’ve made mistakes, but I’ve learned from them. Please tell me where you are. I need to see you so we can talk.

  I love you with all my heart.

  Trevor

  I reread his email and sighed. Is he right? Was I too hasty in giving up? I recalled the time we’d been together after we’d gotten married. Yes, we’d both made mistakes, but ultimately he was the one who had locked me into our home. I knew I was right in asking for a divorce. I clicked Reply.

  Trevor,

  I’m not going to change my mind about wanting a divorce. Please don’t email me again until you’re ready to discuss the steps we need to take to legally end our marriage. If you send me more emails, I won’t be responding to them unless you’re willing to talk about a divorce.

  Lily

  I hit Send, then shut down my computer and turned on the TV. I felt myself getting drowsy and must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, someone was knocking on my front door. Glancing at the time, I saw it was nearly seven o’clock. Feeling groggy, I pushed myself off of the couch, and after looking through the peephole, opened the door. Marcus stood on my porch, a broad smile on his face and a medium-sized pot in his hands.

  Baffled to see him there, I could only say, “Marcus.”

  “Are you feeling any better?”

  Oh yeah. I’m supposed to be sick. “Uh, yeah. A little.” I paused. “What are you doing here? You don’t want to catch what I have.”

  “I’m not worried.” He held out the pot. “I brought you some chicken soup.”

  “Oh, wow. That was really thoughtful of you.” Shame swept over me as I thought about how nice he was being to me even though I’d broken our date by lying to him.

  “Can I come in?”

  Torn between wanting to spend time with him and wanting to keep him at arm’s length, my desire to spend time with him won out. “Sure.” I held the door open for him.

  He walked straight into the kitchen and set the pot on the counter. Then he reached for a cupboard. “Where do you keep your bowls?”

  “In that one,” I said, pointing to one of the upper cabinets.

  He took out two bowls, then opened a drawer and pulled out a pair of spoons along with a ladle. “I hope you’re hungry.” He glanced my way as he began ladling soup into both bowls.

  “Actually I am.” Since I’d just woken up from a nap, I wondered if I looked rumpled. It wouldn’t be bad if I did—it would add authenticity to my lie.

  “Good. You go and sit down and I’ll bring the food to you.”

  I walked over to the dining room table and sat like an obedient child.

  He slid the bowl in front of me. “There you go.” Then he placed the other bowl across from me and sat in front of it. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring any rolls or crackers or anything.”

  “Oh, Marcus. Don’t feel bad. Just bringing the soup was more than I ever expected.”

  He smiled, obviously pleased with my response.

  I picked up my spoon and began eating the hot soup. There were chunks of chicken and carrots, along with noodles. “This is really good. Is it homemade?”

  His grin widened. “Yes.”

  By his response, I wondered if he was the one who’d made it. “Did you make it?”

  “I sure did.”

  “But when did you have time?”

  “I have to admit that when you called I was really disappointed. I’d been looking forward to taking you out. Then I decided there was no reason we still couldn’t eat together. I hurried home after work and put this together.”

  Feeling worse with every word he spoke, I decided right then that I wouldn’t break any more dates unless I had a really good reason. And his mother being afraid of his heart getting broken didn’t count as a good reason. “Well, it’s delicious. I had no idea you were such a good cook.”

  His eyes sparkled at the compliment and I wondered why I would let his mother’s concerns keep me from spending time with him. Besides the fact that he was gorgeous, he was really sweet. Even so, I was afraid to give my heart too freely. After having my trust betrayed by Trevor, I was extremely hesitant to trust completely again.

  But even more important, I already had a husband. I couldn’t forget that fact. As much as I wanted to leave Lily behind and just be Kate, in reality, I was Lily. I hated having two personas. I felt like a fake all the time, like I had to watch every word I uttered. If I slipped up, it could mean Trevor would be able to find me. In his emails he’d expressed nothing but love, but he had killed my trust in him and I couldn’t help but wonder if he had some sort of ulterior motive.

  “You’re deep in thought, Kate. What’s on your mind?”

  I’m just thinking about my estranged and living husband and what he might do to me if he finds me. Out loud I said, “Nothing in particular. So tell me about your week. Do you still like your job?”

  “Yeah, I really do. The people I work with are great and I’m learning so much.”

  I listened as he talked about his job for a while. I had finished my soup and stood to clear my dishes.

  Marcus jumped up. “Here, Kate. Let me do that.” He took my dishes from me and loaded the dishwasher. When he was done, he stood by the counter. “I should probably go. I’m sure you’re tired.”

  I didn’t want him to leave. “You know, I’m feeling so much better. I think I’m over whatever was bothering me before.”

  “Really? That’s great.”

  “Do you want to watch a movie on my TV or something?”

  “Sure. That sounds like fun.”

  We walked into the living room.
I sat on the couch first and Marcus sat next to me, but not close enough that we were touching. I handed him the remote. “Here, you can pick what we watch.”

  “Okay.” He turned on the TV and began channel surfing until he found a movie that was starting. “Is this one okay?”

  Not caring what we watched, I told him it was fine. I tucked my feet under me, which made me tilt in his direction. After a moment he put his arm around me. I hadn’t had much in the way of human touch in the last few weeks and I found myself leaning against him ever so slightly. When his arm tightened around me, pulling me closer, heat rushed through me. It felt so good to have him close that I never wanted to move.

  After a little while I realized I desperately needed to use the bathroom. Being pregnant made me need to go more often, and I hadn’t gone since before my nap. Afraid that if I got up he would think I didn’t want his arm around me, I hesitated. Finally, my body’s needs were too powerful to ignore.

  “I’ll be right back,” I said, setting my feet on the floor and pushing myself to a standing position. I ran upstairs to use the bathroom, then came back down and sat on the couch where I had been sitting before. Marcus immediately put his arm back around me and I snuggled against his side.

  An hour later the movie ended. Marcus unwrapped his arm from around my shoulder and slid forward so that he was on the edge of the couch, ready to stand up.

  “I should let you get some rest, Kate.”

  Even though I was very attracted to him, I wasn’t going to be the one who would initiate a kiss. And even though I had left Trevor, I was still legally married to him and it felt wrong for me to be the aggressor in this relationship. In fact, I wasn’t entirely comfortable with the idea of kissing Marcus at all. Though I badly wanted to, something inside me prevented me from actively pursuing a kiss. “Thanks for bringing the soup. You’re very thoughtful, Marcus.”

  Still sitting on the couch, he gazed at me. “You’re worth it.”

  His incredible green eyes drew me in and my desire to kiss him grew. But I waited for him to make the first move. He glanced away and the moment was gone. I wondered why he was so hesitant to kiss me. Was he actually afraid of heartbreak, like his mother had warned me? Or was it something else? Could he sense I really wasn’t who I said I was?