Lily's Story: The Complete Saga

by Christine Kersey

  Marcus’s face filled my mind’s eye. He’d been there when Natalie was born, and he’d been there for me ever since. It’s true that he’d seemed to put up a barrier recently, but as far as I could tell, that was because I’d scared him off by saying how much I liked him.

  When I pictured Marcus dancing close with the woman his mother told me he was dating, the woman I’d never met, jealously pierced me. I squeezed my eyes closed against Cameron’s shoulder, reminding myself that Marcus had been clear when he’d told me we were only friends. I had to get over any feelings of jealousy I had, and instead, be happy for him if he found someone to love.

  As the thought came to mind, my forehead creased. I didn’t want to think about him being happy with someone else. But he doesn’t want you, I reminded myself. Not like that. Why am I even thinking about him now? I thought as I moved around the dance floor in Cameron’s arms. Then I realized that it was because the cruise had been a way to step away from my everyday life—a way to not think about Marcus. But now that the cruise was almost over, reality was settling back into my mind.

  “Are you okay?” Cameron asked.

  The song had ended and I hadn’t noticed. “Oh.” I smiled at him, feeling guilty that I’d been thinking about another man while dancing with him. “Yeah. Just preoccupied, I guess.”

  His lips turned up into a sexy smile. “Preoccupied with what?”

  I gazed into his blue eyes, and I pushed thoughts of Marcus away, instead focusing on the man in front of me. The man I’d spent many hours with over the previous few days. The man who’d said in no uncertain terms that he wanted to hold me and kiss me until all doubts about him fled. There was no question that he wanted to be more than friends. Perhaps my future did lie with Cameron. At least with him there was a chance for a future together, whereas with Marcus, that road was barred and closed. “Just thinking about how much fun I’ve had this week.” I smiled. “Mostly because of you.”

  A fast song started, but he took my hand and led me to the bar, where he got both of us ice-filled sodas. He held my hand and brought me to a table where we sat close to each other so that we could talk over the loud music.

  “I had a really great time too,” he said. “And that was because of you.”

  We sipped our drinks and watched the other dancers. “Are you going on any excursions tomorrow in Victoria?” I asked.

  “I think a few of us are going to the Butchart Gardens. What about you?”

  “No. We get in to the port so late, it would be past Natalie’s bedtime by the time I got off the ship. We’re just going to stay on board.”

  “That makes sense,” he said, then he finished off his drink. “Ready for more dancing?”

  I nodded, and he pulled me out to the dance floor. Knowing it was our last night together on the ship, we stayed out later than we had before. As we danced, I pushed thoughts of Marcus further and further out of my mind, and stayed focused on Cameron. Finally it was time to call it a night, and we headed back to my room to say good-night.

  Chapter 18

  We stopped outside my door and I gazed at Cameron, waiting to see what he would do.

  “Since I’ll be off the ship tomorrow night, I guess this is the last time I’ll say good-night to you on the ship,” he said.

  I nodded. “Guess so.”

  His lips curved into a smile. “Tonight when I asked you if this would be it for us, you said it didn’t have to be.” He paused. “Did you mean that?”

  My smile matched his, and as I gazed into his eyes, my answer was certain. “Yes.” He reached out his hand and stroked my cheek with the back of his fingers, sending a shiver of heat through me. He’s going to kiss me.

  His face became serious for a moment, then his smile returned as his hand moved to my neck. It didn’t take any urging from him for me to move closer, and his other arm slipped around my waist. Our eyes locked on one another and I lifted my arms and slid them around his neck. His face was only inches from mine, and sweet anticipation flooded me.

  Then I heard the door to my room open.

  “Oh,” Haley said as she stood on the threshold with her hand on the knob.

  I jumped back from Cameron, then turned toward Haley. “Is everything okay?”

  “I just thought I heard a noise out here.” She smiled, obviously embarrassed. “I guess it was you guys. Sorry.”

  I felt myself blush. She stood there, clearly not knowing what to do. Feeling sorry for her—and a little sorry for myself for having my almost-kiss interrupted—I smiled. “That’s okay.” I stepped toward the door, and she held it open. I walked in the room and Cameron followed.

  “I can take myself back to my room,” she offered.

  “No,” I said, my voice soft so as not to wake Natalie. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. It’s pretty late.”

  Cameron took the hint. “I’ll walk you back, Haley.” He looked at me. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  I nodded. “Sure.” I gave Haley some money. “Thanks again, Haley. I really appreciate you babysitting so much.”

  She took the money. “No problem. It was fun for me.”

  They were gone a moment later, and I was left feeling deprived. Cameron had been about to kiss me after refusing to for two days, and I’d been ready for it. But now the chance had passed. I shook my head, consoling myself with the thought that surely another opportunity would present itself before we docked back in Seattle.

  The next morning Natalie and I went to the Lido deck and I got in line at the buffet. A few minutes later I took my tray to a table and held Natalie on my lap while I ate. Though cruises really weren’t meant for babies, she couldn’t have been any better, and I had no regrets about coming.

  “Mind if I join you?” Cameron asked as he stood next to my table.

  My face lit up as I looked at him. “Not at all.”

  He set his tray on the table across from me, then sat down. He looked at me a moment, then started laughing.

  “What?” I said, wiping my face with a napkin. “Did I get food on my face?”

  He shook his head. “No, I’m just thinking about how you jumped back so fast last night when Haley opened the door.”

  I smiled, and I could feel the blood rushing to my face. “She surprised me, that’s all.”

  His laughter stopped as he tilted his head to one side. “It was like you were embarrassed for her to know what we were doing.”

  Now my face felt even hotter. “Maybe I was.”

  His expression showed mock-offense. “Are you embarrassed for people to know we might like each other?”

  I smirked. “I think people have pretty much figured it out. I mean, we’ve been sitting next to each other at dinner practically every night, and we’ve spent a lot of time together.”

  “True.” He paused. “Okay. I guess I can forgive you.”

  My mouth fell open. “Forgive me? For what?”

  “For not kissing me.” He took a bite of his omelet.

  I decided to keep playing his game. “What about you?”

  He swallowed. “What about me?”

  “You gave up pretty easily.”

  He shook his head. “I was just reading your body language.”

  “My body language? What was it saying?”

  “The way you jumped away from me when Haley opened the door,” he grinned, and shook his head. “You made it pretty clear that you didn’t want to be close to me when she was watching.”

  “Well, I guess you’ll never know.” I forked a piece of pastry and put it in my mouth, watching his face.

  “Never know, huh?”

  I nodded.

  He raised his eyebrows. “We do still have today.”

  “Oh, really? And what exactly are you going to be doing today?”

  “I’m not sure yet. There’s not a lot that I want to do today. Just hang out, I guess.”

  “Yeah. I looked at the schedule of stuff to do and things seem to be winding down.”
/>   “We can always watch for whales.”

  “That would be fun.”

  Once we finished eating, we went up on deck and looked out over the ocean. The day was beautiful—sunny and clear—and we enjoyed the warmth of the sunshine. After a while, I could tell Natalie was ready for her morning nap. “I’m going to put Natalie down for a nap. Do you want to come to my room? We could sit on the balcony.”

  “Sure. I’ll give you a little time to get her settled, then I’ll come.”

  I took Natalie back to our room and put her down for a nap, and after she fell asleep, I pulled out a novel to read until Cameron came. An hour later he still hadn’t come, and a feeling of disappointment washed over me. Had he forgotten about me? I shook my head, knowing that it was silly to think I’d be the only thing on his mind. Putting aside my self-pity, I focused on the book I was reading.

  When Natalie woke up, I couldn’t help but feel neglected—Cameron had made it clear that he wanted to spend time with me. I put her in the stroller and went up to the Lido deck to have a soft serve ice cream. Natalie and I sat next to the window to watch the passing sea as I licked my cone. The next day at that time, we’d be flying home, and as I thought about home, I was suddenly eager to get back to my little house. Greta would be so happy to see us, I thought, smiling.

  After I ate my snack, Natalie and I strolled around the ship, stopping to join in a trivia game, then moving on. Without Cameron by my side, loneliness was starting to creep back into my life. I’d had so much fun with him this past week, and I really didn’t think I would have had as much fun on the cruise without him.

  By the time I put Natalie down for her afternoon nap, I still hadn’t seen or heard from Cameron, and was starting to think it was a mistake to tell him that we could still see each other after the cruise. Partway through her nap there was a knock at my door. Wondering if it could be Cameron, and what his excuse would be, I went to the door and opened it.

  “Hey, Lily.”

  “Hey.” I didn’t invite him in.

  “I’m really sorry about not coming by earlier.”

  “Okay.” I couldn’t help it, I was annoyed. I’d been looking forward to spending time with him and he’d let me down.

  “After you left, I ran into Ty and found out that his dad had slipped and fallen and was getting medical attention. He was on his way to see how he was doing.”

  All annoyance fled and I felt bad for doubting him. “Is he okay?”

  “Yeah, he’ll be fine. He just got a nasty bruise, but I went with Ty to stay with him, and by the time I came to your room, you’d left.”

  “I’m glad he’s okay.”

  “Can I come in?”

  I opened the door wider. “Of course.” I felt like a jerk. Not only had I doubted Cameron’s word, but it turned out he was doing a good deed. We went out to the balcony and stood at the railing. After a moment I turned to him. “I’m sorry.”

  He looked at me, puzzled. “For what?”

  I bit my lip. “For being kind of mad at you when you didn’t show up.”

  He smiled. “It’s okay. You didn’t know what had happened.”

  “Still, I feel like a jerk now.”

  Smiling, he reached out and traced my jaw with his fingers, sending a shiver through me.

  A feeling of anticipation began growing inside me—no one would interrupt our kiss this time. My gaze locked on his as his hand slid to the back of my neck. We stood close, and as I tilted my head slightly, his face descended toward mine, his mouth moving closer, closer. I closed my eyes as his lips met mine, pressing softly against my mouth. His other arm went around my waist, and my arms wound around his neck, holding him tight.

  His kiss deepened, and a powerful feeling of desire grew inside me. Even as I enjoyed the feelings he stirred within me, I tried to control them, but found it nearly impossible to do so. After another moment I unwound my arms from his neck, placed my hands on his shoulders, and gently pushed him away, breaking our contact.

  He looked at me, confusion clear on his face. “Is something wrong?”

  I could still feel the pressure of his mouth on mine, and I pressed my lips together, trying to gather myself. Finally I shook my head.

  “Then why did you push me away?”

  Though I thought I knew why, I hesitated to tell him, but finally said, “I’m just not ready, I guess.” What I meant was, the feelings of desire and longing he evoked in me made me uncomfortable. I didn’t want to feel that way right now. Even though I liked the feelings, they reminded me of Marcus, which made me think I would end up being rejected if I let my feelings grow. It made no sense, but that was how I felt.

  His face grim, he said, “This is why I told you we should take things slow.” He turned away from me and looked out over the ocean. “This is why we should keep our relationship platonic.”

  A feeling of panic grew within me. Just friends, just friends, just friends. All my relationships are doomed to be just friends. But I knew it was my own doing. I had pushed him away, not the other way around.

  He turned back to me, his face serious. “I’m not going to kiss you again. It’s on you, Lily. If we’re going to keep seeing each other after this cruise is over, it’s up to you to let me know when you’re ready to move forward.” He stared at me a moment. “Agreed?”

  I wasn’t sure I liked having it all put on me, but I understood where he was coming from. “But what about what you want?” A small smile crept over my face as I thought about his comment the other day about holding me and kissing me until all my doubts fled.

  He sighed. “If you aren’t ready to move forward, it really doesn’t matter what I want, does it?”

  Fresh worry surged through me. Am I blowing my chances with him? Will he lose interest before I get myself together? It didn’t matter. I couldn’t change the way I felt. Not by force of will. Only time would get me past this barrier. As the image of a barrier floated into my mind, I thought of Marcus. Was that why he was keeping me at arm’s length? Because he knew I wasn’t ready for more than friendship? Or was I holding back from Cameron because of the tender state of my heart due to Marcus? I was so confused.

  “Lily? What are you thinking?”

  I gazed at Cameron. He was so honest with me and so careful about my feelings, despite what he may want. “You’re a good man,” I said without thinking.

  He smiled. “I try to be.” He paused. “So are we agreed?”

  Reluctantly, I nodded. I didn’t know what else to do.

  We were quiet as we stared out over the ocean, our faces buffeted by the salty breeze.

  “What time is your flight tomorrow?” Cameron asked, turning to me.

  I told him.

  He smiled. “I think we’re on the same flight.”

  My face brightened. “That’s great.” I laughed. “Will you sit by me without fear this time?”

  “Yes. I think Natalie will do fine. I can even help you with her.”

  My eyebrows shot up. “Really?”

  “Well, I can at least help you with your luggage.”

  I laughed. “That would be nice.”

  The earlier tension gone, we chatted on the balcony until Natalie woke up, then we brought her with us as we went to have a snack.

  “I’m going to miss this all-you-can-eat set up,” Cameron said, then he took a bite of his sandwich.

  “I know. But my waistline might be glad when it’s over.”

  He looked at me appreciatively. “I think your waistline looks fine.”

  Blushing, I said, “Thanks, but I can tell I’ve put on a couple of pounds. It’s hard not to when I have that delicious chocolate melting cake every night.”

  He laughed. “Yeah, that would do it.” He paused. “Hey, I’m going to see if I can get into the early dining in a couple of hours since I’ll be off the ship at our normal time. Do you want to eat with me then?”

  “Sure.”

  A short time later we went to Ty and Alyssa’s room
to ask how Ty’s dad was doing.

  “He’s doing fine,” Ty said. “Thanks for staying with him earlier.”

  “No problem,” Cameron said.

  “Marriage seems to agree with you,” I said to Alyssa as she held Natalie.

  She beamed at Ty, then looked at me. “Thanks.”

  “Are you going into Victoria tonight?” I asked.

  “Yes. What about you?”

  I explained how it would be too late for Natalie.

  “Ah yes. I guess I’m not used to thinking about what a baby needs.” She put her finger in Natalie’s hand.

  “Let’s keep it that way for a while,” Ty said.

  I laughed. “She’s wonderful, but a lot of work too.”

  A while later I excused myself to take Natalie back to our room to feed her before our dinner.

  “I’ll come pick you up before dinner,” Cameron said.

  “Sounds good.” I turned to Alyssa. “Am I going to see you before we get off the ship?”

  “How about if Ty and I eat dinner with you guys?”

  “That’s a great idea.”

  At dinner, the four of us, plus Natalie, enjoyed one another’s company as we ate together for the last time on the ship.

  “Take lots of pictures of Butchart Gardens,” I said to them.

  “We will,” Alyssa promised.

  At the end of the meal I said my good-byes to Ty and Alyssa, promising her that we’d keep in touch after we got home, then Cameron and I finished our dessert and made arrangements to meet in the morning to disembark. A short time later he left to go on his excursion and I took Natalie back to our room.

  As I carried her onto the elevator, I had to admit that it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing to not have any pressure to kiss Cameron good-night, although a little kiss wouldn’t have been bad. I smiled to myself and shook my head. I hated being so indecisive.