I put the phone back in my purse and stared at the wall as I spoke. “If he doesn’t want to help now, I don’t know what I’ll do.” Sighing, I carried Natalie out to the car and drove home.
Alyssa called late that afternoon.
“What’s up with you and Cameron?” she asked, after some chit chat.
“What do you mean?”
“Ty was talking to him last night and when Ty asked how things were with you two, Cameron brushed him off, like he didn’t want to talk about it. So what’s going on?”
I told her how we’d been having dinner when Marcus showed up, and then Cameron abruptly left.
“Who does this Marcus guy think he is, Lily?” She paused. “Maybe I shouldn’t say this, but his behavior reminds me of Trevor.”
“No,” I immediately said. “He’s nothing like Trevor. Nothing.”
“But you said he just walked in to your house. That kind of scares me. You know, after all that happened with Trevor.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but hesitated, considering her point of view. How would Trevor have reacted if he’d walked in on me having a date? He would have made a scene, I thought. And he would have made me pay somehow. No, Marcus isn’t like that at all. In fact, his reaction was the exact opposite. When he saw Cameron, he just left, and besides stopping by to apologize—something Trevor never would have done—he hadn’t contacted me at all. “No,” I finally said. “Believe me, I would recognize Trevor-like behavior, and Marcus is nothing like him.”
“Okay. If you say so. But if Marcus is just a friend, why do you think Cameron reacted like he did?”
I shrugged and shook my head. “I was wondering the same thing.”
“You must have some idea, Lily.”
I bit my lip, wondering if I should confess my true feelings for Marcus. “I have no idea,” I finally said, not wanting her to feel sorry for me.
“Hmm. Well I hope you guys can work it out.”
“Me, too.” But deep inside, I didn’t think we would, and after I ended the call with Alyssa I sat glumly on the couch, feeling sorry for myself. Greta must have sensed my despondency, because she pressed her nose against my leg, drawing my attention away from myself and onto her.
“You want to play?” I asked. “Natalie should sleep for a little longer, so this is a good time to throw the ball for you.”
I went out back with Greta on my heels, and I threw the ball for her until I was worn out. The physical activity felt good, and I sat on the back porch and smiled as Greta stretched out in the shade of a tree. I hoped she would like her new yard. As I gazed out over this yard, I thought about all the good memories I had. Of course there were some bad ones too, all of them involving Trevor, but I pushed those aside, knowing I couldn’t change the past, and instead focused on the memories that made me happy.
I especially liked thinking about the times Marcus had worked with me on self-defense moves. Smiling, I recalled the feel of his arms around me as he acted out attacking me from behind. Then I thought about the way he had helped me put the doggie door in—he’d knelt right behind me and held my hands as he’d shown me how to use his jigsaw—and felt my body heat with longing.
“Lily, are you back there?”
I nearly gasped in surprise, then turned toward the back gate at the sound of Marcus’s voice. Greta raced toward the gate to see what was going on. “Yes,” I called out, my heart pounding to have him appear right when I’d been thinking about him. “Come on back.”
A moment later he walked through the gate, a smile on his face. “I got your message.”
I returned his smile, thrilled to see him there—maybe he’d gotten over whatever had seemed to upset him that night. I stood as he approached the porch. “I was at my new house when I called you.”
He nodded. “That must feel good to say.”
My smile grew. “Yes. I’m really excited to move in.”
“Do you still want to do all those projects?”
“Yes. In fact when I was there, I was trying to picture how everything would look when we’re done, and I think it will look great.”
“I think so too.” We both sat down in the chairs next to the table. “When do you want to get started?”
“As soon as possible. But I need to at least get it in shape for me and Natalie to be able to move in.”
“What do you want to get done before you can move in?”
“I think if I can get the rooms painted and the carpet put in, that should be enough to make it livable.”
He nodded. “Okay. Do you want help with painting?”
“If you have time, then I wouldn’t mind some help.”
He glanced away, then looked at me. “Maybe your boyfriend can at least help with that part.”
I felt myself blush and I stared at my lap before meeting his gaze. “He’s not my boyfriend.” At least I didn’t think he was. We’d spent a lot of time together on the cruise, and he’d come to see me twice since then, but we’d never established our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend.
“Well, whatever he is, I don’t want to intrude on something he might want to help with.”
Should I admit that Cameron hadn’t called since the night Marcus had unexpectedly stopped by? Why would he even care? “I’ll check with him,” I said, not wanting him to know that Cameron had evidently lost interest in me already.
He nodded and stood. “Okay. Well, let me know when you’re ready for my help.”
I smiled up at him, wondering how Chelsea felt about him offering to help me. “I will.”
He left a moment later, and I went inside to check on Natalie. She was still sound asleep, so I made a list of the things I needed to buy so that I could get started on painting.
The next day, after spending some time doing maintenance on the websites I managed, I took Natalie to the hardware superstore where Marcus and I had gone before, and I arranged to have someone come out and measure for the carpet, and then bought the paint and other supplies I needed.
We drove directly to the house and I sat Natalie on the floor long enough to spread out a large sheet over the stained carpet, then I placed her on that while I did the prep work for painting. As I put painter’s tape on the door frame, I thought about Marcus’s suggestion that I ask Cameron if he wanted to help with the painting, but I couldn’t bring myself to call him. He’d left so abruptly that night, I was afraid that if I called him he would just confirm what I suspected—he wasn’t interested in seeing me anymore. Instead, I pretended like he was just too busy to call, and I worked on the painting myself.
By the time Natalie and I left, I’d done most of the prep work. I planned on coming back the next day to finish it up and begin the actual painting. The measurement guy was scheduled to stop by the next day as well.
When I pulled into the driveway at my house that evening, I was shocked to see Cameron sitting on the steps to the front porch. I parked the car and took Natalie out of her car seat, then walked up to the porch with a tentative smile on my face. “Hi, Cameron.”
“Hey.” He stood as I approached.
“How long have you been here?”
“Not too long. I tried to call you, but it went to voice mail.”
“I was at my new place, prepping it for painting. I didn’t hear my phone ring.”
He looked sad as he nodded.
“Do you want to come in?”
“Sure.”
I let us in and we sat on the couch, and I held Natalie on my lap. “So what brings you here?”
He let out a short sigh. “I just felt like we needed to talk, and I decided to risk driving here without calling first.” He laughed. “Luckily, you came home.”
I nodded, feeling tension building between us as to why he was there. “What’s going on?” I finally asked.
He sighed again, then said, “I don’t think I’ve made it a secret that I’m interested in you, Lily.”
I gazed at him, wondering where this was going, but st
ayed silent.
“And you made it clear from the start that you aren’t sure how you feel,” he said. “I appreciate your honesty, but I think I know now that there’s no future for us.”
My eyes widened as I felt any chance with Cameron slipping away. “What do you mean?”
He pressed his lips together for a moment. “When your . . . neighbor . . . stopped by that night, I could see in your face how you feel about him. And, well, I can’t compete with that.”
Blood rushed to my face to be called out on the feelings I’d thought I’d kept private. Was it so obvious how I felt? How pathetic was I? I didn’t argue with Cameron, because deep down, I knew he was exactly right. Instead I chewed on my lip and waited to see what he would say next.
“We haven’t known each other long,” he said. “But in that time, I’ve really grown to care about you, Lily.” He nodded and stood. “If you ever want to talk,” he paused and smiled. “You have my number.”
I stood as well, feeling terrible, like I’d led him on in a way. “I’m sorry, Cameron. Truly.”
He reached out and stroked my face. “It’s okay, Lily. I hope you find happiness.” He smiled sadly. “You deserve it.”
I pressed his hand against my face and smiled. “You really are a good man, Cameron.”
He smiled without speaking, then pulled his hand away and left. I closed the door behind him and carried Natalie into the kitchen, feeling numb.
Now what? I thought. Marcus is involved with Chelsea—and even if he wasn’t, he told me we can only be friends. And now the only man who had a romantic interest in me has told me can’t compete with my feelings for Marcus.
I put Natalie in her high chair and went to the cupboard where I kept her jars of baby food. As I took out a jar, I noticed that my hand shook. I took a deep breath and released it slowly, then focused on feeding Natalie. After she was fed and happy, I decided it might help if I called Alyssa to talk things over. I had no one else—no one—to talk to, and I desperately needed another opinion.
I put Natalie in her swing, then dialed Alyssa’s number.
“Hey, Lily,” she said. “How’s everything?”
At the warmth in her voice, I felt a lump form in my throat and it was painful to speak. “Not so good.”
“What’s wrong?”
I swallowed, trying to ease the feeling in my throat. “Cameron just left.” I paused, trying to gather my emotions.
“Yeah?”
“He broke it off with me.” My voice cracked as I spoke, and I realized I was more devastated than I had initially admitted to myself.
“What? Why’d he do that?”
I repeated what Cameron had told me.
Alyssa was silent for a moment. “Is what he said true? How do you really feel about this Marcus person?”
I smiled at the way she spoke about Marcus, because I knew she only cared about what was best for me. Then, in a quiet voice I said, “I love him.”
She sighed. “I have to tell you, Lily. This feels a little bit like Justin all over again.”
I thought about Justin, the good man who had liked me—who I’d met through Alyssa—and how I’d chosen Trevor over him. I knew now that that had been a mistake, but I didn’t think this was like that. Marcus was nothing like Trevor, although Alyssa made me doubt myself and my judgement. “It’s not.”
“I sure hope you know what you’re doing.”
I had no clue what I was doing, and in fact it seemed my chances of finding someone to love had diminished. “Me, too,” I said.
We hung up a short time later and I didn’t feel any better about things than when I’d called her. In fact, my level of self-doubt had gone up. But it wasn’t like I’d broken things off with Cameron. That was a decision he’d made. I couldn’t force myself to feel toward him like I did toward Marcus, as much as I wished I could.
Instead, I would just have to live with the idea that the most I could expect from Marcus was friendship. I would have to be satisfied with that, and hope that I could even keep that once he and Chelsea became more serious.
Chapter 27
The next day Natalie and I went to our new house so I could paint. Even though it would have been nice to have help from Marcus, I was embarrassed to tell him that Cameron wouldn’t be helping me. Besides, I’d painted before and knew it was something I could do on my own. Marcus would be helping me enough with the tiling and I didn’t want to take advantage of his time.
I set out several toys for Natalie and put her in the middle of the living room on the sheet I’d laid out, hoping she would be happy. She was getting good at crawling, so I put the tray of paint on the kitchen counter so I could at least keep her from getting into it.
It didn’t take long to cover one wall with paint, and I stood back and admired the improved look.
“What do you think, Natalie?” I said to her as she sat on the sheet, a toy in one hand. She blinked at me, and I smiled at her sweet face. Taking advantage of her contentedness, I continued painting and before long I’d completed the first coat.
By the end of the day I’d painted the first coat in most of the rooms—it didn’t hurt that Natalie had taken a long nap—and the carpet measurement guy had come by. Exhausted but happy, I brought Natalie home.
The next day Natalie was less cooperative, and though I was able to finish the first coat on all the rooms, I hadn’t been able to start on the second. The carpet installation was scheduled for three days later, so I had to finish painting before then, and when Marcus called that night to see how things were going, I hesitated, not wanting to admit I was doing it all myself. “It’s going okay,” I said.
“Have you scheduled the carpet installation?”
“Yes.”
“And when is that?”
I nearly gulped. “Uh, in three days.”
“But you and your . . . friend . . . finished painting, right?”
“Not exactly,” I murmured.
“Well, what do you have left?”
“I still have to do the second coat.”
“On the whole house?”
I nodded, and with meekness, said, “Yes.”
He was quiet for a minute. “You’re doing this all yourself, aren’t you?”
I was silent, embarrassed to have been caught.
“Lily?”
“Yes, okay? I’m doing it by myself.”
“Why? I thought you were going to see if your friend could help.”
I shook my head, not willing to explain. What was I supposed to say? He decided not to see me anymore because it was obvious to him that I’m in love with you. No, that was not going to happen. “He couldn’t.”
He sighed. “You were supposed to tell me. It’s too much for you to do on your own.” He paused. “And what about Natalie? What are you doing with her while you’re doing all this work?”
Why did I feel like he was scolding me? “I’m a grown woman, you know. I don’t have to answer to you or anyone else.”
He was quiet and I immediately regretted my harsh tone.
“Look,” he finally said. “I just want to help. I hate to see you struggling on your own if you don’t have to.” He paused. “But if you don’t want my help, I respect that.”
Oh no. Now what had I done? I desperately needed his help, but I’d offended him. I pushed down my pride. “I’m sorry, Marcus. I didn’t mean to get so defensive. To tell you the truth, I really could use your help.”
“Good. Tomorrow’s Saturday, so I’ll plan on spending it with you.” He paused. “If that’s okay. I don’t want to intrude on any plans you may have.”
What about Chelsea? I wanted to ask, but didn’t want to utter her name. Maybe if Marcus spent more time with me and Natalie, he would forget about Chelsea. I pictured her face and knew that wasn’t likely, but a girl could dream. “No, that would be great.”
“Okay. After we finish painting, we can buy the tile and other supplies we need.”
I nodded, my anxie
ty over not getting the painting done in time lifting. “Sounds great.” And I liked the way he’d said “the supplies we need.” Like this was our house.
“Okay. I’ll see you first thing.”
Marcus arrived early the next morning. Natalie had slept later than usual and when Marcus arrived, I was just fixing her some breakfast.
“Let me help with that,” he said, taking the jar of pureed bananas from my hand.
I smiled, happy to hand it over so I could finish cleaning up the kitchen. As I wiped down the counters, I watched him feeding Natalie and felt my feelings of love for him grow even more, if that was possible. Now that Cameron was no longer in the picture, I’d given up on battling my feelings for Marcus.
Even though our future seemed to only hold friendship, it was too exhausting to deny the way I felt about him. I loved him, plain and simple. Even though he didn’t feel the same, I couldn’t stop myself from feeling the way I did. That was like telling the sun to stop shining.
“She’s a good little eater,” he said, turning to look at me, a smile on his face.
“I know. I just hope she stays that way.”
A short time later I drove us to my new place.
“I’m excited to see what it looks like so far,” Marcus said as we walked to the front door.
I unlocked the door and we walked inside. “It’s amazing what a coat of paint can do.”
“Wow, Lily. It looks great.”
I beamed under his praise. “Thanks.”
“I’ll bet we can get the second coat finished today.”
“Really?”
He examined the place where the walls met. “I don’t think we need to cut in again, so if we just have to use the roller, it will go fast.”
“That would be great. I want to make sure it has plenty of time to dry before the carpet installers come on Monday.” I sat Natalie on the floor next to several toys.
Lily's Story: The Complete Saga Page 66
