A Christmas Cowboy to Keep

by Hebby Roman

  “Oh? Do you mean—?”

  “Yes, Mom, we need to talk.” Aaron stepped out of the shadows from one of the other cubicles. He nodded to Dr. Tidwell. “The Doc thought it would be good if I explained some things.”

  She almost gasped. Her son wanted to talk to her?

  Gar had said to hold fast to hope—and he’d been right.

  “I’d like that.”

  He withdrew into the cubicle and she followed him. They both sat down, staring at each other across the table. The silence stretched out.

  Sofia, despite Dr. Tidwell’s hopeful report, hesitated to start off the conversation, not wanting to say the wrong thing.

  But her son had asked to speak to her. Hadn’t he?

  “You can tell me, Aaron, anything. I won’t judge you.”

  “Really, Mom?” He shook his head. “Then you’ve changed, too.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You were always so strict with me. I never felt I pleased you and—”

  “Aaron, I wanted you to have a good upbringing, to be polite and kind. Thoughtful and—”

  “Mom, I might understand that now, but when you’re thirteen and wanting to be a man, not a boy, the last thing you need is for your mother to be over-protective and strict. None of my friends had a mother who was… was… so overwhelming.”

  “Can I plead immigrant mentality? Wanting to show we’re as good as U.S. citizens or better.” She ran her hand through her hair. “Of course, you’re a citizen. You were born here, but I always felt…” She glanced away and lowered her head. “I wanted so much for you, and I raised you like my parents raised me.”

  “I know that now, but at the time, it bothered me… a lot. I felt as if I was being slowly smothered. When I went to Dad’s, it was like a holiday. Anything went, stay up all night, eat pizza and lots of fast food. Go out on his yacht… You know what I mean?”

  “Yes, I knew it would be hard to compete with your father, but at first, he was busy with—”

  “His other family.” He lowered his eyes. “I lived the shame of that, too. I know you thought you sheltered me from it, but word gets out somehow. The kids at those fancy prep schools you sent me to, knew.” He twisted his hands together. “They made my life hell.”

  “Oh, no, Aaron. I…” Tears burned the back of her throat, envisioning what he’d gone through. She covered her face with her hands. “That was the last thing I wanted. I thought New York was big and full of strangers—”

  “Not in the world you and my father put me. It’s a small place and those people seem to know everything about everyone else.” He touched the gold cross she’d given him and looked down. “Who knows, maybe they hire detectives.”

  She lowered her hands. “That’s not right, if I’d known—”

  “It’s done, Mom. That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”

  “Alright.”

  “When Dad divorced and had more time to be with me, I was happy, very happy and proud. Before…” He shook his head again. “I wanted to go back and forth because you each gave me something I didn’t even know I needed.” He half-shrugged. “With you, I felt grounded and with Dad, I felt freed.”

  She nodded.

  “Yeah, but then you got pulled in on drug charges, and my world turned upside down.”

  “But—”

  “Please, Mom, don’t go there. I believe you. I’ve probably believed you from the first day but to admit that my father set you up…” He lifted his head and gazed directly into her eyes. “I couldn’t do it, Mom. I just couldn’t do it. I hope you understand.”

  She reached across the faux-wood table and touched his arm. “Yes, I think I understand.”

  “Dad was my hero, you know? I didn’t have anyone else, any other man.” He frowned. “Being here and knowing Mr. McCulloch has changed that. Just because you’re a man, doesn’t mean, you’re a… hero.” He looked down again. “Back then, I wanted to be a man, and all I had to go on was my father.”

  “I understand.”

  “Soooo.” He huffed out a breath. “When you got pulled in for drugs, nothing worked anymore. You weren’t my rock, and I knew Dad did drugs with his girlfriends.”

  He clutched the edge of the table. “Those girlfriends…” Then he touched his gold cross again. “I expected you to be perfect, Mom. And in a sense, you almost were. Stupid, huh? Doesn’t make any sense, does it?”

  “No, I think it does. A kind of crazy adolescent sense. You wanted everything to be the same while you grew up and spread your wings and…”

  “That’s it, exactly. But life doesn’t work that way.” He folded his hands. “Then you were obsessed with getting acquitted and your name cleared and your citizenship papers. I felt you’d forgotten about me.” He unfolded his hands and thumped his chest. “Forgot about who I was and how much I needed you.”

  “But why did you push me away and go to live with your father?”

  He lifted his index finger. “That’s the oppositional part. Dr. Tidwell explained it to me. I didn’t understand at first. But a lot of teenagers push away what they need the most.” He lifted one shoulder. “Besides, I thought you’d deserted me.”

  He thumped his chest again. “Me, the real person. I felt like I was in a tug-of-war with you and my Dad. Like all you cared about was winning possession of me. Dad had always been waiting for his opportunity, and now he had it, so he pressed his advantage.”

  She gasped, realizing she had fallen into Eric’s way of operating, treating her son like a possession. She’d never meant it that way; all she’d known, was she had to fight for him. Looking back, she could see she’d gone about it in the wrong way.

  “But you agreed to go along with your father.”

  “Yep, I was tired. Easier that way.”

  “Until he sent you to boarding school?” She’d already half-guessed why he’d gotten caught smoking marijuana.

  His face lit up. “How did you know?”

  She shrugged. “Calculated guess on my part.”

  “I hated boarding school, but I didn’t want to tell my father. And I didn’t know how else to get your attention, Mom.” He bit his thumbnail. “I should have asked to live with you, but I couldn’t. I was a coward, I guess.

  “Then I thought of a way of getting out of the boarding school without telling Dad. I saw the other guys smoking dope and I had an idea. I wanted to get caught smoking and kicked out of school. I made certain the hall monitor would find me.”

  “Aaron, you could have ruined your life.”

  “Nah, all those rich kids in prep schools, they knew how to play the system. First time offender, cracker-jack New York juvie attorney. Expunged record if you complete probation. Based on what I’d seen, I didn’t have anything to lose. But I never counted on Dad shipping me all the way to Texas. Sending me away again is what really hurt. I couldn’t believe he cared so little that—”

  “You told me to get lost when I saw you that first day in the barn.”

  “Hah!” He laughed, sarcasm scoring his laughter. “Yeah, because you had joint custody, I thought you both agreed to send me away. But Mr. McCulloch told Doc Tidwell the truth—that Dad signed the papers without you. At first, I didn’t believe it. But when you kept hanging around and the more I got to know Mr. McCulloch, I knew it was the truth. I had to admit to myself what Dad did.”

  She closed her eyes for a brief second, sending up a prayer of thanksgiving for Gar helping her.

  “It wasn’t easy, Mom, knowing Dad sent me here. And when I saw you kissing Mr. McCulloch, I wondered if it was a set up job. So, I called Dad, and he admitted what he’d done. Said you didn’t know what was best for me.”

  He clenched his fists again. “I couldn’t believe he’d do that to me… and to you. By then, I knew this was a good place and that was why you agreed for me to finish my probation here.”

  “You’re right, Aaron. I liked Mr. McCulloch…” She
could feel her neck flush. “But more important, I thought it was a good place for you to be. I could see you enjoyed the horses and being on a ranch.”

  She looked him directly in the eyes. “I wanted what was best for you. Only what was best. And I’m sorry I didn’t do better when you needed me.” Her voice caught on a sob, and she got to her feet, opening her arms.

  He stood, too, but held back. “Don’t get me wrong, Mom. I still love my Dad. I just don’t want to be pushed around… to not be seen as a person.”

  “I’m glad, Aaron. I don’t want you to stop loving your father.”

  “Good.” He nodded. “And I learned some other things, Mom. And they’re important, at least, to me. I love horses and I don’t want to be sent away to another boarding school. I want to stay at home and go to school. And if I don’t get into an Ivy League college, who cares? I don’t.”

  He smiled. “What I’d really like for Christmas is a horse. But I know, it’s not so easy in the city.”

  “You’re so like your grandfather. I wish you could have known him.”

  “Me, too. And before I go to college, I want to visit Argentina and meet my grandmother.”

  “I think that can be arranged.” Her smile widened. “I’d do anything for you, Aaron. You’re my son and I love you, unconditionally. I hope you realize that?”

  He came around to her side of the table. “I know, Mom. You’ve proved it. And from Mr. McCulloch,” his voice caught and snagged, ending on a sob, “I learned what a real hero is.”

  They embraced and Sofia let her tears fall, hugging him to her, as if he was the last and only person on earth.

  Finally, she had her son again.

  Chapter Ten

  Gar sat on Rambler, his chestnut gelding, as he watched Cole take the final chop at the cedar tree the boys had picked. The tree creaked and groaned. There was a snap, and the perfectly-shaped conical tree toppled over, while all the boys yelled, “Timber!” at the top of their lungs.

  He smiled to himself. Sofia had been right, this was a tradition the boys enjoyed. And even though it hadn’t been easy to get mounted and to jolt along on the back of Rambler, he wouldn’t have missed it for the world. But now the tree had been cut, he couldn’t wait to get home. Besides, the weather had turned.

  The boys were trussing up the tree with old sheets, to preserve the needles and tying the trunk, so Wally could haul the tree behind his horse. Usually, he tied the tree to Rambler, but today, he wasn’t up for that.

  Wally, Cole, Sofia, and all the boys had helped. He’d left Kyle in charge at the ranch. And the other men could figure out how to put the tree in a bucket of sand. He’d oversee the decorating on Christmas Eve, but right now, he was exhausted.

  Sofia, after talking to Dr. Tidwell yesterday and making peace with her son, had been on cloud nine. She’d thanked him several times, for breaching any possible confidentiality, so her son would know who had sent him to the ranch. Last night, she’d wanted to celebrate and outdone herself cooking, making the best braised short ribs he’d ever tasted.

  But he hadn’t felt like celebrating. He’d gone to bed early, only to toss and turn, unable to sleep, unable to put Sofia from his mind. One flimsy wall stood between them.

  Was he jealous of Sofia and her son patching things up? If that was the case, he was one perverse human being. He wanted them to have a good relationship, had spent several weeks trying to help. Now, all he could think about was them leaving for New York.

  Sofia would be walking out of his life forever.

  Wally came up to him and said, “I didn’t know we were in for bad weather. Guess I’ve been too busy to check the forecast.”

  “I checked earlier, and the weather guys were predicting that a ‘blue norther’ was coming. It wasn’t supposed to reach past Temple.” He gazed at the black clouds, massing to the north and west. “Guess the weathermen were wrong.”

  “Yep, we better get back as fast as we can. I can feel the air getting colder.”

  “You’re right. Is everything ready?”

  “We’re ready.”

  He nodded and wheeled Rambler around, pinching his lips together against the jerky movement.

  He raised his arm. “Let’s head on back. Weather’s turning.”

  Wally, with the tree attached, got mounted. Cole swung into the saddle. He’d brought his own horse from the dude ranch where he worked. Sofia vaulted into the saddle of the black mare she’d chosen to ride, and all fourteen of the boys mounted up.

  He started off at a slow trot. Sofia joined him.

  Her face was bright and her eyes sparkled. “That was so much fun, Gar! I’m glad we came, rather than buying a pre-cut tree.”

  She smoothed the reins in her gloved hands. “And I know what to get Aaron for Christmas. I’m going to give him some cowboy clothes and a hat for under the tree. But I’d like to give him a special gift, if I can find one in time. It’s pretty extravagant and I might need your help, picking it out.

  “Could I give it to him privately at your house, on Noche Buena, after we decorate the tree? Aaron and I used to have a tradition when he was with me over the holidays. It’s a holdover from Argentina. We exchange presents on Christmas Eve.”

  “Sure. What were you thinking of getting?”

  “A saddle. He wants a horse, too, but I’ll have to wait and see about that when we get home.”

  Home meant New York. His heart pinched and he felt hollow inside.

  “I know a good saddle shop in Bandera. We’ll check it out tomorrow.” He glanced at her. “You’re talking about a western saddle, not one of those English pancake numbers, I hope.”

  She laughed. “No, Aaron learned to ride on your western saddles, and he will need the saddle horn to practice his roping. Right?”

  “Yeah.”

  What was she trying to say? That Aaron would be roping calves? In New York? A tiny flame of hope flared. Maybe, there was more to this than he knew. “Gotta be pretty expensive to keep a horse in New York.”

  “Yes, I don’t know how we’ll manage, but there have to be places, outside the city where we can board a horse.”

  His hopes died, and he managed to mutter, “Sounds good.”

  “Now, all I need to decide is what to get for his friends. I want to give Brian and Jimmy something.”

  “Try a shiny cowboy belt buckle. Most guys love them. The shinier, the better.”

  “What about Kiki? I want to get her a special present.”

  “Any kind of jewelry, preferably silver and turquoise. She loves Native American jewelry.”

  “That’s a great idea, Gar. Thanks.” She gazed at him. “You’re looking tired. Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine, but I think it’s past time for my pain pills.”

  “Oh, Gar, bouncing up and down on a horse couldn’t have helped. I shouldn’t have forced you to come along. We could have done it without you.”

  “I haven’t missed a Christmas yet. I knew the horseback riding would start my ankle hurting, but I wanted to come.”

  “When we get home, I’ll get your pain pills, ice packs, and we’ll elevate your foot.”

  He smiled at her, thinking, he had other plans. “How about a hot toddy to warm me up?”

  “I thought you said you didn’t want to mix alcohol with your pills.” She turned her face into the wind and zipped up her lightweight windbreaker. “But I see what you mean about a hot toddy. Is it my imagination or is the weather getting colder?”

  “Nope, it’s getting colder. There’s a blue norther coming in. Temps can drop by forty degrees or more in a couple of hours.” He felt the first sharp stabs of sleet in his face. “It’s coming. I feel the sleet already.”

  “Is that what it is? It feels like someone is throwing icicles against my face.”

  “Welcome to Texas, sweetheart. As the old saying goes: ‘if you don’t like the weather, wait ten minutes and it will change.’”

>   “Hadn’t we better hurry up?”

  “Yep.” He raised his arm again and called out, “Temp is dropping and it’s beginning to sleet. Let’s pick up the pace.”

  He urged his horse into a canter, hoping the faster pace wouldn’t harm the tree. Sofia gave the mare her head and stayed abreast with him.

  * * *

  Sofia thanked her son and Jimmy for their help, getting Gar inside the house and taking care of their mounts. She found Gar waiting for her, balancing on his crutches under Kiki’s kissing ball.

  What on earth was he doing?

  He leveled his gaze at her. “Come here. Getting that tree and fighting a Texas storm, put me in the Christmas spirit.”

  She knew she shouldn’t but that didn’t stop her. She stepped close to him and turned up her face, putting her arms around his waist, and realizing how chilly and wet they both were.

  “Gar, I think we should get out of these wet clothes, especially you. You’re still weak and I don’t want you to catch—”

  “Are you offering to undress me, Sofia? If you do, there’s no going back.”

  “I know what you mean. You want us both to get… how did you put it? Buck naked.” She grinned and ducked her head. “I want it, too.”

  He sucked in his breath. “Good, because I’m in love with you, Sofia. I’ve never been in love before. It’s a strange feeling, and I want you… all of you.”

  Her neck and face heated and she burrowed into his arms. “I think I love you, too, Gar. I tried to stop the feelings, knowing how different our lives are, but—”

  “We can talk later. Besides, I don’t know how long I can balance on these damned crutches.” He lowered his head and kissed her, slowly and tenderly with his mouth open.

  She kissed him back and opened herself to him, letting their tongues tangle, savoring his spicy scent and his warm breath, mingling with hers.

  Despite his shaky stance, they kept on kissing as if they were starved for contact and couldn’t get enough of each other or get close enough.