A Death at Crystal Palace

by Caroline Dunford

  I already had the Palace in my sights by the time he caught up. Having been of the gentry all his life, he is less fit than I. Beads of perspiration clung to his forehead. ‘You know we would have had to agree in the end?’ I said. ‘And time was of the essence, so I merely moved things forward.’

  Bertram, who does he best to be fair, puffed, blew and harrumphed before agreeing reluctantly with me. ‘But what do we do?’

  ‘I am going to make him take me to tea,’ I said.

  ‘The man will have just this very moment finished eating.’

  ‘I know,’ I said, ‘but I have an idea I believe will work. I suggest you hang back and when he finally gets up from the table, that’s when you step in and talk to him.’

  ‘About what?’ said Bertram.

  ‘I do not know,’ I said. ‘What do gentlemen discuss? Fly fishing? Horse racing? Probably best not to discuss foreign affairs, but are there not many kinds of sports that you could refer to?’

  ‘I do not know what German gentlemen do for sport,’ said Bertram, sounding flustered. ‘This is too bad of Fitzroy. He could have told us more about the Baron.’

  ‘Maybe he would have if you had not been quite so argumentative,’ I said.

  ‘Well, pardon me for trying to be protective of my beloved,’ said Bertram in anything but a loving voice.

  ‘I know he is married with two sons.’

  ‘You seem to know more than one might have thought from such a brief acquaintance at a séance. You also referred to him as liking the company of young women. Are you suggesting this man is a cad, Euphemia? Because if that is the case, I forbid you…’

  I stopped and turned. In as icy a voice as I could summon I said, ‘I think you should stop right there, Bertram. Things are as they are. I will intercept him, and you will watch from a distance. Should there be any need I am sure you can intercede should you feel I need rescuing.’ I placed as much sarcastic emphasis on the last word as I could muster, but Bertram was clearly only half listening.

  ‘I will never be out of hailing distance,’ he said. ‘Be careful.’

  ‘Good gracious,’ I said. ‘I am going to drink tea with the man, not follow him down a dark alley.’ Bertram gave me a look of discomfort that could have been consternation or constipation. I had no time to enquire. As soon as we came into full sight of Crystal Palace I did not want anyone to be able to see us together. I walked quickly ahead, leaving my annoyed swain simmering behind me.

  To be fair, in my time I had got myself into some sticky wickets. The time that I almost ended up as a worker in a bordello sprang annoyingly to mind. But this time, inside England’s greatest and most public glass box of a building, surely I could not get into too much trouble?

  Once inside, I flashed my ticket quickly at the guard, who frowned slightly at me. It was Alf, who now had his arm in a sling, but I knew I had not announced myself as connected to the child in the tree even if I had been around shortly before the fight kicked off. I gave him a bright smile and marched up to the board near the entrance that had a detailed plan of the layout of the exhibition. It was complicated enough that I ended up tracing the shortest path to the dining area with my gloved finger. Fortunately, the milling throngs had somewhat thinned due to the luncheon hour and no one appeared to observe me. I then headed off as swiftly as I thought I could without attracting undue attention. Close to the dining area was a ladies’ powder room. I quickly entered and, finding it empty, was able to make the adjustments required.

  I emerged in time to see the German delegation leaving the area. A gentleman with a ramrod-stiff back and formidably puffy white sideburns now led the group. I thought it most likely he was a retired military man and wondered if Fitzroy had done due diligence in checking those who had been chosen to show off the exhibition. He looked for all the world to me like someone who would have fought in the Second Boer War. Towards the back of the group I spied my target. At this point I very much wanted to look round and check that Bertram had, as he had promised, remained within hailing distance, but I knew to do so might well give me away. I spied Friedrich, bending close to Klaus and whispering in his ear. I needed to act. I walked forward, slightly unsteadily and a few feet from the Baron and his aide, let out a soft, but well-pitched, ‘Ooh,’ as I slumped to the floor. I mentally crossed my fingers that Bertram would guess my ruse and not coming running to my side.

  I heard a man’s voice cry out, ‘Good Lord! Look at that!’ I kept my eyes tightly shut and listened to a flurry of male indecision as to what to do with a fainted woman. One man said loudly, ‘I will get a vase from the table. A good dash of water will set her to rights.’ I heard his footsteps running off. It took a lot of willpower not to open my eyes at that moment. Still, I reasoned, a woman suddenly shocked into wakefulness with cold water might be forgiven for striking out. Since the incident with the police rider at the suffragette march I had become aware that I had retained the strength of my working days and could exercise it at a pinch, even if in a slightly haphazard manner. Really, I should get Fitzroy to give me boxing lessons.

  Before the running man could come back I heard Klaus’ voice. ‘But I know this female. You must not be dashing water on her. She is a lady. Friedrich, be of aid, and help me get her to her feet. Major Green, pull over that chair.’

  I felt hands upon my person. Some were of greater use than others. Two strong hands in particular went under my arms and hoisted me up. They came so close to certain areas of my chest that I had to force myself not to flinch. Instead I let my eyelids flutter and parted my lips to utter some soft, feminine sounds. I was deposited with reasonable gentleness into a hard chair. ‘Not that, you fool,’ said Klaus. ‘Fetch her a glass of water. Or brandy. Brandy would be best.’

  A breeze wafted across my face. I opened my eyes fully to see the efficient Friedrich waving a folding newspaper in my face. Klaus half knelt beside me.

  ‘Your face whiteness is coming away,’ said Friedrich.

  Well, I thought, I had not allowed for someone to blow a storm in my face with his newspaper. I said, ‘Oh, how embarrassing. I had thought to give myself some colour after I had washed my face, but…’ My speech was strung out and breathy. ‘It is so hot in here,’ I ended and sagged somewhat in my chair.

  ‘Take this dear,’ said a gruff voice. The whiskered man handed me a glass of brandy. I took it in a limp hold. However, Klaus placed his hand around mine, so I could not accidentally spill the wretched stuff. ‘You must drink, Fraulein,’ he said. ‘It will do you good.’ I slowly sipped the nasty stuff and immediately coughed and spluttered. Friedrich stepped back. ‘The Fraulein is recovering. We should move on.’

  ‘Yes. Yes. I am afraid we are on a tight schedule,’ said Major Green, pulling at his side-whiskers. ‘Are you here with someone, young lady?’ I nodded with what I hoped appeared great effort. I also winced. Despite my best efforts, my head had collided a little too firmly with the floor and I could feel a bruise forming. Another skill I would need Fitzroy to teach me.

  ‘Lady Stapleford,’ I said using the old, and incorrect, manner with which Richenda had liked to be addressed. Her brother having gained the title on their father’s death, and she being his twin, could not be persuaded for some time from incorrectly using a title herself. Of course, when she married Hans, he had cut short such pretensions. However, I felt if I had a slight concussion I could be forgiven for using her old name.

  ‘Send a page to find Lady Stapleford,’ commanded Green and Friedrich as one. It made me think Friedrich remained in the military. The rest of the gentlemen, without ladies to guide them, were as inept as I had suspected when faced with a fainting woman.

  ‘You can leave,’ said Friedrich to the others. ‘I will notify a guard and he will keep an eye on her until her companion appears. We need waste no more time on this distraction.’ I heard a rumble of satisfaction break out among the gentlemen. I did not think them unfeeling. I knew they would be desperate to get away from a potentially embarras
sing sort of situation. The Germans were no doubt wondering what kind of lady I was to succumb in such a manner and the Englishmen were horrified that one of their ladies should yield to heat. After all, we owned India and those of us out there were legendary in their stout-heartedness.

  ‘I will stay with her until her friend appears,’ said Klaus, exactly as I had hoped. ‘I will catch you up.’

  ‘But it is important we complete the tour,’ objected Friedrich. ‘It would be an insult to our hosts.’

  ‘I think it would be more insulting to leave one of their ladies alone in such distress,’ said Klaus.

  ‘Then leave one of them to tend to her,’ said Friedrich softly but acerbically to Klaus. ‘This is not our business, sir.’

  ‘She is a nice lady and I know her,’ said Klaus quietly back. ‘I will not leave her with a stranger. It will only take a few minutes. Go with them, Friedrich. You can take notes. You’re a sharp boy.’ It was a clear and polite dismissal. The delegates continued to mill around muttering to each other, not unlike pigeons, I thought, who had discovered there was no one around to throw them seed. I reached up and touched the side of my head. I flinched at my own touch, but my hand did not come away wet with blood.

  ‘I think I may need some ice,’ I said. I heard my voice shake slightly. By this point I genuinely felt unwell.

  ‘We shall go back into the dining room,’ said Klaus.

  ‘I do not want to cause a fuss,’ I said. ‘Perhaps the tea shop. It is smaller and more out of the general way.’ Also, I knew the dining room would be getting a cleaning down and setting up for supper. Although less central, the tea shop would provide for a better flow of disinterested passers-by. ‘Can you walk?’ asked Klaus.

  ‘Of course,’ I said standing too quickly and having to sit down again almost at once. ‘In a moment.’

  ‘Go on, the rest of you,’ said Klaus. ‘This lady is an acquaintance of mine. I will catch up with you later. My aide will fully update me.’

  Major Green threw me a worried look, but quickly corralled his troops and led them off, with Friedrich almost walking backwards in his efforts to keep his eyes on us until the last possible minute.

  I stood again. This time I felt more stable. ‘Take my arm, Fraulein,’ said Klaus and I did so gratefully. The Baron must have studied the floor plan of Crystal Palace for he led me carefully but unerringly to the tea shop. Once he had seated me and asked for some tea, he hailed a page and relayed to him to direct Lady Stapleford to our new location.

  The tea, when it came, was piping hot and very strong. Klaus insisted on heaping mine with sugar. ‘I am sure you have a most sweet nature, but the sugar will do you good. My father had an interest in medicine and he swore that the intake of sweet tea increased not only the chance of a patient’s recovery, but the speed of it too.’

  I sipped my tea. ‘Your father was a doctor?’

  Klaus shook his head. ‘He would have liked to have been, but the position my grandmother married into made that impossible. He had many estates to oversee, but he kept his interests alive as well as he could, as I do mine.’

  ‘I am sorry I interrupted your tour,’ I said.

  ‘It was not that interesting to be honest,’ said Klaus. ‘The Major he was trying to add - what would you call it - zest to his conversation, but unfortunately someone enquired at dinner if he had seen action.’

  ‘Ah,’ I said. ‘He would have been of the right age to be in the Second Boer War. Those who served in it seem only too keen to speak of their experiences.’

  Klaus shrugged. ‘War is neither heroic or romantic. It can be necessary, but I find tales of adventure like the Major’s difficult to enjoy.’

  ‘Well, from the little I understand we lost shockingly at the start. The South African Republic and the Orange Free State only became the single nation of South Africa in 1910.’ I smiled lightly. ‘My father liked me to read him current events from the newspaper. His eyes failed towards the end.’

  ‘That is sad,’ said Klaus.

  ‘Perhaps,’ I said, ‘soldiers like Major Green like to dwell on the successes in the hope that others will forget about the failures.’

  Klaus tapped me playfully on the hand. ‘You are wise beyond your years, my dear. It is the way of most men to focus on their achievements and forget other less pleasant truths about their past. That is why we need smart, intelligent women like yourself to keep us in line.’

  The conversation seemed to have tipped into an intimacy that I had not expected. I liked Klaus, but although he sat a decent distance from me, it remained the very edge of a respectable distance and I felt that any moment he might decide to breach my defences. I steeled myself to repel him. I did not think he would grab me or any such crudity, but in his eyes I saw an intense light of interest. He leaned in towards me. Now, only inches remained between us. ‘My dear,’ he began.

  ‘Oh, there you are!’ cried a familiar voice. ‘Why on earth did you ask them to look for me using my old name? It quite took me by surprise. I thought they were hailing my mother!’ Richenda threw herself down into a chair. ‘Is that tea hot? Goodness, after such a shock I need cake and plenty of it.’ She registered Klaus’ presence fully. ‘For medicinal purposes,’ she added. ‘My doctor says I need feeding up. I recently gave my husband twins.’ She preened slightly at this and then frowned.

  ‘This is your companion?’ said Klaus. The pitch of his voice rose, and his eyebrows shot up. A moment later he appeared to have composed himself. I glanced at Richenda. She had already got the attention of a waiter and was instructing him to bring a large - yes large - plate of cakes, and ones with plenty of cream and not the scrapings the English tea rooms normally offered. The dead birds on her hat jiggled as she did so, and her ample bosom heaved under its many layers. The fact that her dress was outlandish, out-modish and comprised of vividly clashing colours barely drew my attention any more, but for a moment I saw her through Klaus’ eyes. I determined, for Hans’ sake, that Glanville and I would have to attack and thin her wardrobe. We could always blame moths.

  I nodded. I genuinely could not think of the right words to explain our relationship. It was complex enough to make the merge of two states seem trivial.

  ‘Then I will leave you in her care?’ said Klaus. He coloured slightly. He had clearly meant his words to come out as a statement and not a question.

  I looked past him to see Bertram hanging back against the wall. I smiled at Klaus. ‘I will be fine. You must rejoin your tour. You have been more than gracious.’

  Klaus stood and taking my hand, kissed it. At the same time, he bowed and snapped his heels together. ‘It has been my honour. Might I hope you will be in the metropolis some day? I would be delighted to call upon and ascertain that you have sustained no serious hurt.’

  I hesitated. I wore an engagement ring. I hoped this would be enough to keep our relationship within polite etiquette and, really, I could see no way to deny him his request without seeming rude. ‘I am staying at the Carlton,’ I said. ‘If you ask at the reception desk for Euphemia St John they will notify me that you are present.’

  ‘Excellent,’ said Klaus, who had still not released my hand. ‘And we will take tea in their Palm Court. I hear it is very fine. I look forward to it.’

  He kissed my hand once more and finally let go. I smiled again and gave a slight nod. Really, I did not want to encourage him any further. As he turned I caught sight of Bertram; he was already moving to intercept the Baron, but he did not look happy. Then Richenda turned her attention to me and began to babble about Amy and Rory and how servants today were not up to the job. She further complained that in arranging to send Rory and Amy off in a cab to the hotel, a waiter had come and removed her plate of cakes. ‘And do you know, they did not even offer to replace them?’

  ‘How terrible,’ I said. ‘Most inconsiderate.’ My mind rested half only on her conversation. I angled my chair under pretence of avoiding the direct sunlight to gain me a better view of Be
rtram and Klaus.

  ‘I suspect it was a German waiter,’ said Richenda loudly. ‘I expect we young English ladies all look the same to him.’ A waiter deposited a three-tiered rack of cakes in front of her. ‘Thank you,’ said Richenda. ‘Where is the tea?’

  ‘But, madam, you only ordered the cakes.’

  ‘How can one possibly eat cake without tea!’ responded Richenda. I leaned back in my chair to try and hear what Bertram was saying.

  ‘That may be, Herman. We met at Baggy’s little place up north. Fly-fishing? Got three of the biggest whoppers I have ever seen.’ Bertram’s accent had become positively cut glass and his mannerism aped the foolishness of the late, but unmourned, ‘Baggy’ Tipton.5 I found myself quite proud of him. I did not know he was able to act so well. He spoke very fast and the Baron was floundering deeper and deeper in confusion.

  ‘Which kind of tea would madam prefer, we have…’

  ‘China tea. I want China tea. I want a large pot and fresh cups for myself and my companion. Euphemia, do you want some cakes too?’

  I had to bring my attention back to table and my eyes met those of the startled waiter. ‘But these are cakes for two, madam.’

  ‘Well, that is just ridiculous…’ Richenda begin a long diatribe on how ladies who had recently given birth needed extra calories. I shuffled back and switched my attention to Bertram. I didn’t know how long he could keep his ruse going and I needed to be able to step up again if necessary. Although all I could think of was fainting again and with my luck if I did so the Baron would insist on accompanying me back to the hotel. It would get him out of the way of the danger Fitzroy feared. However, I had the feeling it might well imperil my virtue to be alone in a cab with Klaus Von Ritter.

  I was delighted to hear that Bertram was still going, all guns blazing. He ran through a series of events at which the two of them might have met: Lord’s cricket grounds, a reception at the Palace,6 a musical festival in Austria. The list went on and on as Bertram played to perfection the giddy idiot who is absolutely sure he has met someone before and will not let the matter rest. The fact that he insisted on addressing Klaus as Herman made it all the more difficult for the Baron to escape. When he proclaimed his real name, Bertram took it as a great joke. ‘You’re such a card, Herman! So where was it we last met? For the life of me I cannot recall, but I am not letting you get away. I will remember in a minute. You’re not getting one over on old Georgie!’