Reckless Abandon (Damaged #2)

by J. C. Hannigan

  I tugged on his bottom lip gently with my teeth while my hand pumped him once. Grayson moaned, almost shuddering. I squeezed him again, enjoying the look of tortured bliss on his face.

  In a sudden movement that astonished him, I dropped down to my knees and took him in my mouth. In the short time we'd been together in high school, I had never given him a blow job before. I was shy and inexperienced, and he hadn't really given me the opportunity to focus my attention on him like that. He'd been busy focusing his attention on me.

  "Everly...what?" Grayson couldn't even form words as I sucked on the tip and pumped him at the same time. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he bit his lip, making the most delectable sounds I'd ever heard. "You. Need. To. Stop." Grayson's voice was strained, and he picked me up, his hands instantly gripping my ass and pulling me against him.

  He struggled with my jeans, growing frustrated. "Jesus, I fucking knew they were painted on," he muttered, grinning mischievously. I laughed, backing away so I could shimmy out of them. He watched me as if I was performing the most exotic dance that he'd ever witnessed. I stood before him in my matching bra and panties, in the middle of his brightly lit kitchen.

  I was no longer insecure about my body. Pregnancy had gifted me with curves that I still hadn't lost, but my stomach was tight from regular yoga sessions and semi-regular private training sessions. The pressures of Hollywood had shaped me to take very good care of my body, and I couldn't be more thankful for that as I watched Grayson's eyes drink me in.

  I seductively reached my arm behind my back to unclasp my bra, my very core throbbing from the way he was looking at me. I dropped my shoulders and it fell to the floor. Grayson's eyes widened with anticipation and appreciation while I slowly shimmied out of my lacy underwear.

  Grayson's jeans and boxers dropped to the ground in one fluid motion, and he stepped toward me. Our lips crashed against one another, and he effortlessly lifted me up as if I weighed less than a sack of potatoes. He squeezed my ass, his hard length rubbing delectably at my entrance.

  Even though he hadn't really done anything to me yet, I was ready for him. I was too impatient to wait. While he held me against him, I wrapped my legs tighter to his hips and lifted myself up, guiding him with my hand.

  He steadied me, his breathing heavy and his eyes tortured. "I have condoms upstairs," he said, trying to slow the roll.

  "I'm on the pill, and I'm clean. I was last tested three months ago," I said, the words tumbling from my mouth as my lips brushed against his neck. I didn't want him to stop what he was doing, it felt right. I wanted to feel him without anything between us at all.

  Grayson inhaled sharply and I froze, never having considered Grayson's past. I was positive that he hadn't practiced abstinence while we were apart.

  "I'm clean too," he assured me, still sounding hesitant. I moved against him, causing his length to rub against my center. He moaned, his eyes fluttering before he focused again on me. "Are you sure?"

  "I'm sure," I whispered as Grayson sunk into me slowly. He closed his eyes, exhaling as I squeezed my inside muscles against his large length. I almost came then, with him simply inside of me. I'd been craving him for years, and my body remembered the pleasure he always delivered as if no time had passed at all.

  "God, Everly," he moaned, still gripping my ass and lifting me so that I could meet him thrust for thrust. He filled me completely and hit every spot I needed him to hit. Grayson inexplicably knew my body; he knew how to make it respond to him in ways I never thought I'd get to experience again.

  This though…this was different. I couldn't find the words to explain how or why, but it was. He wasn't holding back anything now. He'd opened himself completely up to me, making the whole experience more raw and potent. I could feel his love with each stroke of his cock within me; I could feel it in every fiber of my body.

  I felt myself coming undone around him, my legs quaking just like he'd intended, and I had to bite back a scream. Grayson moaned as he spilled his release into me, dropping his forehead against my shoulder.

  "Fucking hell, Everly," Grayson muttered, still buried within me. He drew his head back, meeting my gaze with a euphoric expression on his face. His ice blue eyes were swirling with bliss and pleasure, with awe and love.

  Before either of us could speak, the doorbell rang.

  "That'd be the pizza." Grayson grinned mischievously.

  ***

  Grayson turned on the gas fireplace in the center of the living room and placed the box of pizza and some plates on his coffee table. He gestured for me to sit, and I walked over from the kitchen.

  I hadn't bothered to get completely dressed yet; I'd tossed my underwear and my t-shirt back on. Grayson was still just rocking his jeans, and I figured from the way he was looking at me that he wasn't done with me yet.

  And I didn't want him to be.

  I sat down on the worn couch—the same couch that had been in his loft in high school. I folded my legs underneath me, facing Grayson. He handed me a plate with two pieces of pizza on it, and I raised one to my mouth to bite it.

  We couldn't help but watch each other out of the corners of our eyes, like the love struck teenagers we should have been.

  That thought made my smile falter.

  "What's wrong?" Grayson asked, catching it.

  I shrugged, finishing chewing before I answered. "I was thinking about high school."

  Grayson's eyes darkened slightly. He sighed, setting his plate down on top of the closed pizza box. He ran a hand through his thick hair and looked at me with regret. "I'm sorry about that—"

  "I know, Grayson," I cut him off. I didn't want to hear him apologize again. "I guess what I'm trying to understand...is what has changed? Why now?" I tried without success to disguise the vulnerability in my voice. I swallowed hard, my throat suddenly dry. I realized that I'd asked that question countless times before, but I still felt like I didn't understand it, although I knew things were different with him.

  Grayson took a few minutes to answer. He stared at the gas fireplace, watching the fake flame lick against the fake logs. "What's changed is that now I know what it's like to lose you, to not have you. And as scared as I am over how intensely I feel about you, I'm more scared of watching you walk away again. I'm a better person because of you, Everly. I was too dumb back then to realize it, but I get it now." When Grayson looked at me, his eyes were yearning for me to believe him.

  I nodded, looking away while I digested his answer. My heart fluttered in my chest.

  "I'm warning you now," Grayson added, his intense gaze locking with mine again. My breath hitched. "I haven't changed that much. I still have a temper, I still suck at dealing with complicated emotions and situations. But now I'm not afraid to fall. I'm not afraid to let myself love you the way you deserve."

  "Why?"

  "Because you're it for me, Everly," Grayson answered, his eyes raw and sincere.

  Chapter Ten

  Greyson

  I WATCHED AS EVERLY inhaled sharply. She paused, as if consuming my words. The emotion in her eyes twisted my heart in the worst possible way. I could see the heartbreak, the longing, and the hope and confusion just as clearly as I would had she told me what she was feeling. I couldn't fault her for having doubts.

  Running a hand through my hair, tugging on the follicles, I wished that I could rewind time and undo the number I had done on her. I honestly hadn't realized just how badly I'd broken her. I hadn't thought that I was capable of breaking her as much as I did¸ because I hadn't let myself believe that she was that in love with me. I had watched her the same way everyone else had over the past five years—I had seen her go from small town shy girl to shining star; confidence set in her shoulders and the easy smile on her lips. I fooled myself into believing that she was better off.

  It wasn't until I was standing before her, seeing her in her rawest moments, that I realized exactly how badly and deeply I'd hurt Everly. It was enough to almost make me hat
e myself again, like I did back then. But I knew that had I not left, I would have broken her even more.

  I wasn't worthy then, but I could be worthy now. That thought gave me the strength I needed to push past my own guilt. I cleared my throat, the heavy silence becoming too much for me.

  Everly set her plate down beside mine on the coffee table, her eyes dropping down to her hands. Her chest rose and fell with each breath she took. She looked up, a thousand questions reflecting in the depths of those pale green eyes.

  But I had a few questions for her as well; the elephant in the room, so to speak. "So, Cadence," I said, arching a brow. "I need to meet her, Everly."

  "I know," she whispered, her eyes pained. I took her hand in mine, running the callused pads of my fingers across her smooth skin. Goose bumps raised on her arms, another indicator that Everly was inexplicably affected by my actions, regardless of the subject matter. I cleared my throat again, needing to keep my mind on track. It was hard to do with her sitting so close to me in so few clothes. I raised my eyes to hers again, my pulse jumping at the look in her eyes.

  I had been running these thoughts over and over again in my mind since I found out about Cadence. I wasn't one hundred percent sure what I would have done if Everly had found me when she was pregnant. I was certain I would have screwed it up, and I knew that I might still screw things up now, but I couldn't ignore the fact that I had a child; I didn't want to. I hadn't even met the child, and I knew I loved her and would do anything to protect her. How could I not love my own flesh and blood? Everly's flesh and blood?

  "We can figure out how we're going to tell her everything together, but I don't think it'd damage her if you introduced me to her. I was thinking..." I suddenly felt completely stupid. I turned my head, staring at the fake flames in the electric fireplace.

  "What?" Everly's shy voice had my eyes returning to her face. She looked just as vulnerable and unsure as I felt.

  "Well...I was going to decorate for Christmas," I admitted. The thought had crossed my mind once. It was nearly the middle of November, and Christmas was fast approaching.

  Normally, I didn't bother with decorating. I’d never bought a tree, or hung lights around the house. The most festive I’d ever really been involved showing up to my dad’s house that he shared with Vanessa for Christmas dinner. I only showed so I could give my half-sisters their gifts.

  But this year...this year was different. I was no longer unaware of the fact that I'd fathered a child. Since Everly had told me the truth, I couldn't help but think about how painful the holidays were going to be for Cadence and the rest of Everly's family. I wanted to do something nice for her, something fun. I wanted to brighten her day. I wanted to know her. Was she shy, like her mother? Or was she a brooder, like me?

  "Decorate?" Everly's expression was one of confusion. I raised my hand to stroke along her delicate jaw, trying my hardest to pinch back a smile.

  "Yeah, like, Christmas lights and putting up a tree and all that shit." I couldn't prevent my face from splitting into a big, dorky grin. I knew how ridiculous I looked, how ridiculous I sounded. "I know, it's not usually my forte, but we need something to do together and we can't really go out, can we?" I challenged. She vehemently shook her head, as if that idea terrified her. Then she smiled.

  "Alright, we'll come over. How's Saturday?"

  My answer was simply my lips crashing against hers. Saturday was perfect.

  ***

  I started Saturday morning by heading directly to Walmart to buy decorations, since I had none. I walked aimlessly through the aisles, pausing every so often to pick up cheerful boxes of outdoor lights and displays.

  I must have been staring at a box of blue dangling icicle outdoor lights for thirty minutes, wondering what the hell I'd gotten myself into before someone gently tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around, scowling at the intrusion. My scowl faded a little as Aubrey paused hesitantly.

  "Are you okay? You've been staring at that box for a while now." She tried to hide her bemused smile.

  "Yeah, I'm fine," I said, tossing the box into the empty cart. I threw in another one just to make sure I'd have enough.

  "Shopping for Christmas decorations?" Aubrey questioned, smiling politely. Her sea green eyes seemed to sparkle and dance. I could tell from the way she was looking at me that she knew that Everly and I had reconciled. I wondered how much Everly had told her. The kitchen scene was definitely replaying in my mind on a loop, and I didn't mind it in the slightest, although it made concentrating a little difficult.

  "Yeah, Everly and...Cadence are coming over tonight to help me decorate," I answered, giving her a little information to see how she'd react. Aubrey's face split into a wide, energetic grin. The animosity I'd seen in her eyes the day of the funeral had disappeared.

  "That's awesome!" she said. There was an awkward pause, where the both of us were at a loss for how to proceed with the conversation. She knew that I knew, and I knew that she knew. We settled for moving on, pushing our carts down the aisle. "What's next on your list?"

  "No idea," I responded, my scowl returning. I'd been entertaining the idea of Googling "Christmas decoration must-haves" in the moments before Aubrey had tapped me on my shoulder. Not that I'd admit that to her.

  "Well, do you have a wreath for your door?" she inquired. I shook my head. "Ornaments? A tree?" I continued to shake my head, slightly entertained by the shocked expression on Aubrey's face. "Seriously? You have no Christmas decorations?"

  "Didn't see the point." I shrugged, feeling a little awkward. "It was only me."

  Aubrey considered my answer, working her bottom lip while she thought. "Alright, I'll help you. But only because you desperately need it—and because I can tell you're nervous about tonight."

  "I'm not nervous," I argued, frowning after her while she rounded the corner with purpose. I took off after her, pushing my cart warily.

  Aubrey was on a mission, grabbing things off the shelves without a moment's consideration. She tossed some outdoor garland and another two boxes of regular outdoor lights and a large wreath into my cart. She paused in the ornament section, her eyes assessing the few different multicolored bulb packages.

  "What's your theme?" she asked, not turning around to look at me.

  "Excuse me?"

  "Your decorating style...in your house...is it traditional? Contemporary? Modern?" Aubrey finally turned to look at me, noticing my look of confusion. She rolled her eyes with exasperation. "You know, your paint theme."

  "Oh, I don't know."

  She sighed deeply, selecting a couple of assorted ornament boxes. "We'll grab silver ornaments and gold ribbon," she declared, setting the ornaments in my cart and grabbing a large roll of gold glittery ribbon.

  "What's the ribbon for?"

  "Seriously? It's to trim the tree," Aubrey answered. She sighed when she realized that I still hadn't the slightest idea what she was talking about. I had celebrated Christmas growing up, but I'd never paid attention to those things. "You wrap it around your tree. Google it. In the meantime, just listen to me."

  I nodded obediently and followed her down another aisle. She stopped in front of the pre-lit trees. "Now, you're going to want something that goes up easy and comes down easier," she instructed, glancing up at the display. "Which tree do you want?"

  "A cheap one," I retorted, crossing my arms. This whole thing would be a lot easier if I could have just brought Everly and Cadence with me and told them to have at it. But Everly couldn't just show up at a store to shop for Christmas decorations—at least not without creating a bit of a scene.

  Aubrey picked up on my growing aggravation. She selected an eight foot tall pre-lit tree, pulling the box out and sliding it underneath my cart.

  "Now, grab a tree topper and you're probably good to go," she said. "Try not to freak out too much about it...Cadence is really easy to please. Especially if you have the Shrek movies."

  "Shrek?" I shook my head, completely lost. "What the he
ll is a Shrek?"

  Aubrey smiled patiently. "Electronics department. In the family movie section. I would help you find that, but I've really got to get going."

  "I'm sure I can take it from here," I remarked. She shrugged, her hands gripping her half-filled cart as she started to push it. "And Aubrey?" she turned, looking back at me. "Thank you...for helping with this," I told her, gesturing to my now full cart.

  "No problem. Just remember, if you hurt my friend again, I'll castrate you. Have an awesome day!" Aubrey winked, disappearing around the corner. I chuckled, shaking my head after her.

  Out of all of Everly's friends, Aubrey was the only one I'd actually liked.

  I finished up my shopping, taking a little longer than necessary to find the aforementioned Shrek movie that Cadence supposedly loved after getting sidetracked by the title family movie section. Family. The word disoriented me and made my heart pound frantically in my chest.

  I also spent a lot of time wandering the toy aisle, wondering if I should get Cadence something. The realization that I didn't know what kind of things she liked to do kind of burned in an unpleasant way, so I quickly headed toward checkout.

  The cashier started ringing in my items right as I spotted the stranger I’d seen sitting in Tap’s the other night. He was a couple carts behind me, in the same line. His cart was filled with random stuff, and he was reading a magazine. My eyes easily picked out Everly's face from the cover of the magazine, along with the headline of Heartbreak at the Airport: Everly gets dumped by longtime fiancé weeks before their wedding day and returns home to heal. The smirk on his lips didn't go unnoticed by me.

  My blood boiled with anger. I knew it wasn't true, the fiancé crap and the wedding. Gossip magazines seemed to draw "breaking news" and "celebrity inside stories" from the local dumpster. Still, it didn't make me any happier to read the false words.

  The cashier repeated the total to me, drawing my attention from the stranger and the magazine to her. Scowling, I pulled out my credit card and ran it through, tossing my bagged items back into the cart. I pushed it out to my waiting truck, loading the back bench with my new purchases.