Reckless Abandon (Damaged #2)

by J. C. Hannigan

  Tears welled up in Mom's eyes and her lip trembled.

  "Why are you crying? This is good news, isn't it?" I asked.

  She nodded, wiping away the tears. "I’m glad you're going to come home, that's all," Mom finally said, smiling through her tears. She took a deep breath. "Do the guys know?" Mom inquired. She knew how close we were with one another. They were like my brothers; I loved them and they loved me.

  "I told Kyle and he told them for me. I wasn't going to get in town before the interview taping." I brushed my wayward hair out of my face, peering up at her. I watched as she took a small sip of coffee. "They're a little bummed out, but they get it. I think they're actually on the same page. We've all been touring and working so hard for so long...you get sick of it, you know? We all need a break."

  My thoughts carried me back to the night in July when I finally spoke up about my exhaustion over the whole thing. We'd been at Kyle's house, hanging out after some awards show or another. For a rare change, it was just the four of us.

  "I think I'm done," I whispered. "I can't do this anymore. I can't handle the guilt anymore."

  Kyle, Marcus and Cam instantly knew what—or rather, who—I was talking about. Cadence. I didn't talk about her often because I didn't want to be the perpetual party crasher, but tonight I couldn't help it.

  It was Cadence's fourth birthday, and instead of throwing my daughter a ridiculously over the top party, I'd been at an awards ceremony. Julia had thrown the party. They were going to fly out on the weekend to celebrate with me, but yet again, I missed a pivotal moment in my daughter's life.

  "I don't want you guys to hate me." I sobbed, leaning into Marcus. He held me, comforting me while my tears fell.

  "We can't thank you enough for what you've done, Everly. For what you've endured." Marcus' voice was pained as he leaned across the sofa to look me in the eyes.

  "Yeah, Ever. We're okay with taking a break..." Kyle looked at Cam and Marcus knowingly. "We've actually been talking about it."

  My emotions were running on high, so naturally, I assumed the worst. "You want to kick me out of the band?" I whispered.

  "Hell no." Kyle's jaw dropped and his eyes widened with shock. "No! There's just some stuff that we all want to do too."

  "Like what?"

  Marcus shifted uncomfortably beside me. "You know, bang chicks and stuff." I looked at him with disbelief. Marcus still carried a torch for Aubrey. He loved that girl more than anything, but Aubrey hadn't been able to handle the distance and the lack of privacy that came from having a famous boyfriend. She still loved him, but she often said it was too complicated for her. So they'd taken the labels away from their relationships, and with it, the pressure to remain faithful.

  Little did either one know that they essentially were still in a monogamous relationship, which was exactly why I gave Marcus the knowing look of disbelief. The only chick he'd bang was miles away...at home, with my heart and my lonely memories.

  "Well, I'd love to settle down. It doesn't bother me to admit it," Kyle remarked. The silence that fell after his words was heavy like a thick cloud of smoke, but it was also...comfortable. A moment of reflection.

  "So, after this tour...we're done?" Cam questioned, breaking the silence. He was the only one who didn't seem thrilled with the idea. Cam had loved everything that came with the fame. He hadn't been attached to anyone when we started, so he had no qualms with playing the womanizing bassist and living the party lifestyle. Even still, he seemed to understand where Kyle, Marcus and I were coming from. It was inevitable, this shift.

  "I don't think we're ever going to be done," Kyle answered after a moment of thoughtful silence. "We work too well for that. But I think our music would benefit from a little break."

  "I agree." Marcus sighed, his eyes wistful. "We need more life experience... preferably the good kind for a change, yeah?" he joked, nudging me. Most of our music was fueled by the heartache and pain I felt over losing Grayson, and the difficult situation of leaving my daughter.

  "What about Grayson?" Mom finally asked, breaking the awkward silence we'd fallen into during my lapse down memory lane.

  I started, surprised by her voice. "He wants to be a part of Cadence's life...of my life." I shrugged. "I don't think there's any more to say on that matter."

  "And you forgive him?" Mom was desperately trying to understand my logic. I looked at her with pain filled eyes.

  "I don't know if I can forget, but I forgive him. I understand what he did now," I added, thinking about Cadence and how I had left her too. I understood how painful it could be to leave someone you loved behind. "Mom, I'm not talking about going to pick out my wedding dress." I rolled my eyes. "We're just going to see where it goes. But I know he's serious about wanting to be a part of Cadence's life, and that's the most important thing," I said, thinking back to how easily they'd been in each other's company.

  She gave me a bemused smile. "I know," she said. Her voice shook with emotion and her eyes welled with tears. Stubbornly, she turned away. "I just don't want to lose you guys too."

  "You aren't going to lose us, Mom." I stood up, walking around the counter to put my arms around my mother. She felt even thinner than she looked.

  She chuckled, tears pouring freely down her cheeks. The ache in her heart was palpable; it stretched and shot straight through mine.

  "I miss her too," I croaked, choking on that suffocating pain, my vision blurring as I held her closer.

  ***

  After the heart to heart with my mom, I called my personal assistant to get briefed on everything going on.

  "Everly Daniels, next time you fall off the earth, please do a better job!" Maddie's tone was all business and seemed a little clipped, as if she was aggravated at me—which she probably was. Maddie wasn't just my personal assistant; she was also my public relations representative. She dealt with any media storms that concerned me, although that aspect of her job hadn't been required in a long time. The most the media got from me was a couple of photos of me hitting up Starbucks in yoga pants.

  "Yeah, well...sorry. I guess. Only you know that the whole Kyle thing is complete bullshit," I said in defense.

  "We know, but we like to avoid discussing that. The fans love the idea of you guys together, but in the last twenty-four hours since that ‘article’ was posted, your sales shot way up so I guess they love the drama a little more, eh?" she joked. "Bullshit aside, how are you doing? Who's the smokin' hot guy in the pictures? Oh...and how are...things?"

  Maddie's words flew quickly from her lips. I got the impression that she'd been worried about me. It wasn't like me to shut her out; we'd spoken daily since I hired her. We weren't close friends, but we were friendly enough.

  I still felt a wave of lingering guilt for having left her high and dry after she took the time from her busy schedule to come out to Julia's funeral. Maddie had met Julia a handful of times and genuinely liked her, but I knew how busy Maddie was with managing me—especially after I’d disappeared in the middle of a bunch of promotions.

  "The guy is my...boyfriend, Grayson. Things are as good as they could be, in light of everything," I informed her. "Cadence is doing better in therapy, we've got my sister's estate sorted."

  "That's good," Maddie said. I was relieved to hear the sincerity in her voice. When you lost someone, people tended to get a little awkward around you. I'd had my fair share of that over the course of the last week. I was glad that Maddie was still her collected and calm self. "You'll need to give me more details on this Grayson fellow when you get back to LA. Your meeting with Brent is booked for five on Thursday evening, and Haskell will meet you there. I've called the best real estate agent in Hollywood, and he'll be coming to assess the house on Monday morning. I know you need to be back for Sunday, so I'll handle that."

  "Thank you, Maddie," I said sincerely. I was grateful to have her in my life, and grateful that she understood my need to return home to Cadence quickly. I knew it was too soon to bring her along
with me. She would be staying with my parents, but I still didn’t want to miss talking to her doctor or her child psychologist. "Can you send the jet to pick us up next Thursday morning?"

  "Us?" There was no denying the question in Maddie's voice.

  "Yeah. I'll be bringing a guest..." I trailed off. "Grayson." I didn't actually know if Grayson would even be interested in coming, but I needed to give the label a heads up. If worse came to worst, I'd just go alone. No harm in that, but I was focused on the best case scenario—Grayson coming to LA with me, the two of us spending the weekend getting to know each other again.

  We had a lot to discuss before I could truly let go of the past...and my own guilt over it. I had no doubt that Grayson would be a wonderful dad after our impromptu sleepover the other night.

  Watching the two of them had been incredible, in essence. I hadn't made my presence known right away. Instead, I'd watched while Grayson and Cadence easily interacted with one another. Cadence watched him warily at first, but then she started to warm up to him. Within five minutes, it was as if they were instinctively in tune to each other.

  I knew without a reasonable doubt that that was real. That was a raw moment that Grayson hadn't even been intending on letting me witness, and it had been perfect. I hadn't seen Cadence smile like that in forever.

  Still, we were on shaky ground and I knew that we needed to figure out a whole lot of details before I could let the insecurities go.

  ***

  The next few days were a hurried rush of activity between Cadence's appointments. First came the orthopedic clinic to have her cast removed and x-rays done. The hairline fracture had completely healed, and the doctor gave the go-ahead for Cadence to resume regular use. The next day, I took her to her appointment with the psychologist.

  "Cadence seemed lighter and happier this session," Dr. Livingston said after her session with Cadence, her thin lips lifting up in a smile. "Is she sleeping better?" Dr. Livingston was a really good doctor, and I liked her a lot. She connected well with Cadence and I’d noticed an improvement in her since we started to bring Cadence to see her.

  "Much better," I said. "She's eating more too," I added, thinking about the day at Grayson's. Cadence had nearly cleared her plate completely, determined to win a prize. When she couldn’t eat any more, she stared dejectedly at her plate until Grayson told her that she’d eaten enough to earn the prize anyway.

  "What prize?" she had asked, flashing a wide toothy grin.

  "A movie date with me," Grayson responded with a wink. In fact, we were going to meet up with Grayson that afternoon to catch an early viewing of Rio.

  It sort of made me nervous to think about going out in public like that, but I was honestly more nervous at the prospect of not going. It wasn't that I didn't trust Grayson alone with Cadence; I just didn't want to miss it. I needed to be there.

  I shook my head, clearing it from my distracted train of thought.

  "I would like to know your opinion on something," I said, leaning forward.

  "I'm all ears." Dr. Livingston grinned.

  "As you know, Cadence's father has never been in the picture. He didn’t know about her and I couldn’t find him to tell him, but he’s back now and he wants to be here for her…” I trailed off. “I just wondered if it was all too much or too soon for Cadence.”

  Dr. Livingston considered my words carefully. "It's difficult at this point to tell if this change would benefit Cadence or be detrimental to her. Has she met him before?"

  "Yes, very recently. And she got along great with him. They have this connection..." I paused, smiling wistfully while I thought about it. "He's gotten her to eat more in one sitting than I had all week, and she smiled more in one afternoon than she has since...the accident."

  "Well, based on what I've seen from Cadence today alone, I'd say go with your instincts. You're doing a pretty good job of it so far." Dr. Livingston smiled warmly.

  I left the doctor's office feeling lighter and more confident in my decisions. I held Cadence's hand in mine. Once I'd strapped her securely into the car, I dug out my cell phone. I texted Grayson, telling him that we were on our way to the movie theater.

  This would be the third time that Cadence would see Grayson. He'd only been able to stop by once since our sleepover on Saturday, when he came over for dinner. My parents had all but insisted that he come, and I knew it would ease their minds if I gave in. The dinner had started out tense, but my parents couldn't help but melt at the way that Cadence grinned at Grayson. She had all of his undivided attention, and she blossomed from it.

  Watching them playing together on the floor after dinner healed the fissures in my heart, and I wished I could see it more. Every day, in fact. Of course, I knew my thoughts were getting ahead of me, but it was a sweet thought.

  I asked Grayson to come to LA with me that night, shortly before he left for home. He didn't even think before whispering yes and pressing his lips to mine in the sweetest, most tantalizing kiss.

  I took a deep breath. "Are you ready, Cadence?" I asked, peering into the backseat. Cadence had a huge grin on her face. She couldn't contain her excitement for her movie date with Grayson. She wasn't trembling or stiff, like she usually was when I put her in the car.

  "Yes!" she squealed, a toothy grin flashing as her eyes sparkled.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Grayson

  I WAS ALREADY at the movie theater pacing around, the tickets I had purchased for the three of us clenched tightly in hand. My eyes kept going to the front of the movie theater, searching the faces of those who came in, seeking two in particular that were tattooed in my mind.

  When I suggested the movie date to Cadence, I hadn't exactly expected Everly to want to come—not that I was complaining. Any amount of time spent with the both of them was a God send. However, I couldn't help but feel nervous. Going somewhere alone with Cadence would have been easier; we could have flown completely under the radar. Everly was bound to attract some attention, and the unknown variables were making me anxious.

  The air seemed to become denser as Everly and Cadence stepped into the movie theater. They were wearing the same Ushanka hats that they had worn the other night to my place. They held hands as they approached me.

  "Grayson! Guess what?" Cadence exclaimed as soon as she caught sight of me. She broke free of Everly's grasp and propelled her little body into my arms. "I have a loose tooth! See!" Cadence used her finger to gently wiggle her left bottom tooth.

  "Impressive! I guess that means the tooth fairy is going to visit soon?" I asked her, trying to swallow back the strange lump of emotion that became lodged in my throat at the sight of her running to me.

  It was hard not to be affected by the harsh truth— I'd missed out on so much already. First steps, first words, first time riding a tricycle, first day of junior kindergarten. I had only myself to blame. Or at least, the idiot I'd been before.

  Everly lowered her gaze as if she could read my mind.

  "Oh yeah! The tooth fairy!" Cadence smacked her forehead with her hand. I noticed for the first time that the cast was gone.

  "You got your cast off!" I grinned. "Awesome, only...I never got to sign it. Guess I'll just have to sign your arm!"

  "You can't draw on people, Grayson." Cadence giggled. "That's bad. You can draw on my next cast!"

  "You're planning on needing another cast?" I inquired, arching a brow.

  "No." Cadence giggled again, her blue eyes dancing with merriment. "But if I do you can draw on it!"

  "Alright, you two." Everly laughed. "Let's go find seats." I glanced up at her voice, noticing the uncomfortable edge behind her eyes. It almost wasn't detectable, because the winning smile on her face outshined it.

  I stood up slowly and glanced around. The movie theater wasn't full by any means, but I could understand Everly's discomfort. She probably wanted to get into the dark theater before anyone took notice of her.

  "Everly?" I inwardly cringed when I heard someone call out t
o her. Everly's face paled as she worked to keep the smile on her face.

  "Lindsay! Hey..."

  I turned around, noticing Lindsay approaching. She hugged Everly before turning her calculating gaze to me.

  "Grayson...it's been a while," she said.

  I furrowed my brow, completely confused by her odd behavior. "Yeah, I guess so," I frowned, shifting my gaze to Everly's face. "I've got the tickets already, if you want to head in."

  "We need popcorn, Grayson," Cadence remarked, pointing toward the concession stands where the majority of people were.

  Lindsay turned her calculating eyes to Cadence, giving her a huge smile. She leaned down. "Hi, Cadence! How have you been doing?"

  Cadence gave her an odd look, her furrowed brow and slight frown mirroring my own. I wanted to laugh, but there was something...uneasy about the situation. "Mommy said never to talk to strangers."

  "Did she now?" Lindsay said. "Well, that's very good advice. You shouldn't talk to strangers, Cadence. But I'm not really a stranger. Auntie Everly and I go way back."

  "Auntie Everly?" Cadence's frown deepened and she looked at Everly for an explanation. Lindsay smiled slowly, as if all of her suspicions were confirmed.

  "How about I grab the popcorn, and you guys go grab the seats?" I said, steering Cadence away from Lindsay and toward Everly. I handed her two of the tickets and watched as they walked off toward the theater that was playing Rio. I waited until they were out of ear shot before turning my menacing stare on Lindsay.

  "I don't know what you're playing at, but you’d better stop," I warned.

  Lindsay raised her hands in mock innocence. "I'm not playing at anything," she said. "I'm just saying hi to an old friend of mine."

  "Bullshit." I took a step toward her. She backed up, shock flitting across her face before she could school it in. "I saw you with that asshole at the bar. The same asshole that was following me around and pressing his greasy face against my living room window."