Let Me Be Your Last

by Lynsey M. Stewart

  ‘Then don't. Let me fuck your moans out, Gem. I need to hear you.' Her lip came out from under her teeth and her face relaxed like I'd given her permission to be herself. Completely herself. I pulled her hips towards me, changing the angle before pushing her knee up. Her moans got deeper, more rasping and thick. As I increased the pace of my thrusts, she clung to me, her nails digging into my arms, gripping me as her orgasm burst through.

  I fell across her, kissing her neck, biting her collarbone until she caught herself again. As she opened her eyes and smiled back, I tilted her hips and climbed to my knees, pulling her legs around me. I loved it when she clung to me, her hands gripping and flexing as she tried to steady herself, grounding her. I drove harder, deeper and with more force. I could tell she was there again ready to erupt. ‘You’re going to make me come again. I’m almost—’

  And with those words, I was ready to crack. I lifted her hand and placed her fingers against her clit. Wanting to watch her touch herself as I thrust inside her was my only thought process. Her tiny fingers against that big bud of nerves were enough to make me lose it, but she had to come again, before me. No fucking option. ‘I could watch you do that all day,' I said between my bursts. ‘You look fucking spectacular. Keep going. I need to watch you and you need to come.'

  Her back arched off the bed, and as her moans got louder the closer she came, the more my head clouded. Life had become perfect. Gem was in my bed, underneath me, falling apart. This was angels and clouds and bright lights. All I could hear was those sweet angels singing a chorus of ‘Isn’t She Lovely’ in the voice of Stevie Wonder himself.

  A moan from deep inside her signalled her orgasm. I followed, spilling myself inside her and unleashing a whole number of truths against her ear.

  ‘This has never felt this way with anyone else.’

  ‘Just watching you makes me come undone.’

  ‘You’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met.’

  ‘I want to look after you and your babies.’

  After I got my vision back and the ringing in my ears subsided, I rolled her towards me. She had a sated, sleepy smile on her face. ‘Making you horny and making you smile are my two favourite things,’ I said, pulling her bottom lip with my thumb.

  ‘You do them both so well,’ she replied as she closed her eyes.

  I didn’t want sleep to take her away from me. I wanted to talk and learn more about her, listen to her stories and tell her all of mine. I wanted to discuss our relationship so that we could define it and make plans for the future, a future that involved her, Gem, my perfection, and both fantastic pieces of her, Theo and Brandon.

  She stirred as I swept her hair behind her ear.

  ‘Josh.’

  ‘I’m here.’

  ‘Would you like to be my date for Elle’s wedding?’

  I recited her words for a few seconds, sized up the moment, looked at the rise and fall of her chest, the dip of her stomach, the sleepy smile of satisfaction across her mouth. I traced my finger along the curve of her hip and sighed in satisfaction as it registered just how happy I was.

  My answer was simple and bursting with truth.

  ‘I’d love to.’

  Chapter 43

  Josh

  I liked being at school early. The quiet corridors and empty classrooms were so different to the chaos and noise of the active school day. I liked to set up with plenty of time before the children arrived. Today, I made a rocket out of cardboard boxes and tin foil and put it in the role-play corner ready for any budding astronauts to blast off into space for the day. How many people could say they had done that before their morning coffee?

  Gem stayed with me until early Monday morning after Jay asked if he could have the boys for another night. It gave us more time together. When we weren’t making love, we talked, our bodies wrapped together in bed sheets as we put our hopes and dreams out there for us both to make hypothetical plans as to how we could make them a reality together. She listened with fascination about my dreams to renovate an old building back to its former glory, and I encouraged her as she hoped for a better life for Theo and Brandon, a job, a new house and another chance at love.

  I could hear the chatter of the kids as they pressed their noses up to the window and watched in wonder at the cardboard rocket. I waved and pretended to be walking on the moon as I went over to open the doors to let them in. That’s when I spotted Jay with Theo towards the back of the playground. He didn’t attempt to move forward as I opened the doors but stood back purposely waiting for the crowd to get smaller. Gem had told me that he was seeing the kids more, spending the weekend with them so she could spend time helping Elle prepare for her wedding. I had expected that he would drop them off, but what I didn’t expect was the angry scowl on his face. Something was off. I took a deep breath as I prepared for the worst.

  ‘Good morning, Theo. How are you today?’

  ‘I’m good,’ he said, smiling as he went through to hang up his coat.

  ‘I think we need to have a talk, don’t you?’ Jay said as I stepped away from the classroom door, pushing it closed slightly.

  ‘Is everything OK? Do you need a word about something?’

  ‘Yes, I need a fucking word,’ he seethed. ‘Imagine my surprise when my kid told me that he saw his teacher kissing his mummy the other fucking day.’

  ‘Hang on, Jay. This isn't the time or the place,’ I replied, trying to sound calm as I became conscious of a crowd of parents listening around us.

  ‘What’s wrong? Don't you want the other mums to know you’re fucking a parent?’ he shouted, holding his arms out to me. ‘Line up, ladies; he has a single mum fetish.’

  ‘Please, Jay. There are children here.’

  ‘I don’t give a shit!’ he replied, throwing his hands in the air. ‘Do you fuck her while my kids are playing in their bedrooms?’ he spat. ‘Do you send them off to bed so you can fill my fucking wife?’ I heard the crowd of parents gasp, including Lydia, who was both gawping and smirking.

  ‘Jay, this is my place of work. If you have something to say about what I do outside the school gates, then fine, but please don’t do it here.’

  ‘Don't tell me what to fucking do,' he said as he squared up to me, pointing his finger at my chest. ‘I knew I recognised you. You were there that morning, weren't you? You dropped her off. I sat with you the other week at parents’ evening talking about my son. You both sat there taking me for a fucking idiot.'

  ‘We’ve been trying to do the right thing by the kids. Gem’s very conscious that their needs come first. I’ve only just spent time with them outside of school.’

  ‘So you’ve been to the house playing happy families with my kids?’ he shouted as various parents stepped back.

  ‘I’m not trying to take over.’

  ‘I wouldn’t fucking let you, mate.’

  ‘You have two amazing kids.’

  ‘Fuck me!’ he said, striding towards me and stopping suddenly when Lydia cried out for him to think about what he was doing.

  ‘Gem and I…we’re serious.’ I knew I shouldn’t have been doing this here, but words were spilling out of my mouth far faster than I was able to think them through. He knows. We didn’t have to tiptoe around anymore, and that was all I could focus on. ‘I promise I can make them happy.’

  ‘Make them happy!’ he roared. Fuck. That wasn’t the best way to phrase it. ‘I’ll fucking ruin you,’ he said, pointing towards me. ‘I’ll make sure you never go near my kids again.’

  I couldn’t let this continue in the playground. I couldn’t let this continue in front of the kids, in front of Theo. I looked around to see if there was anywhere we could go to sit down and talk, but before I could think of a solution, I heard the classroom doors close. I dropped my head when I saw Mrs Hamilton ushering the parents out of the school gates.

  Fuck.

  ‘Do you mind telling me what on earth is going on here?' she said after clearing the crowds, her face like fucki
ng thunder.

  ‘Mrs Hamilton, I was just trying to calm the situation with Mr Brown.‘

  ‘Are you aware that your member of staff, the amazing Mr Wood here, has been fucking my wife?’

  ‘She’s not your wife,’ I cried out as my frustration got the better of me.

  ‘Mr Brown, I don’t care how angry you are; do not use language like that in my school. If you have a problem with Mr Wood’s…conduct, I suggest we talk inside away from the other parents and, more importantly, away from the children.’

  ‘I’d like to make a complaint,’ Jay replied. I shook my head. This was bullshit.

  ‘Come inside. We can talk in my office,’ Mrs Hamilton said as she started walking away. ‘Mr Wood, please go and do your job. I will speak to you later.’

  Jay strode past me, looking at me in disgust. ‘Stay away from Gem and stay away from my kids.’

  ‘I can’t do that. I’m Theo’s teacher,’ I replied, when all I wanted to say was and I’m in love with your ex-wife.

  ‘We’ll fucking see about that.’

  I was summoned to Mrs Hamilton’s office three hours after I watched Jay disappear out of the school gates. Her face still looked like fucking thunder.

  ‘Sit down,’ she said, not looking round from her computer and still tapping away at the keys. ‘I need to inform you that Mr Brown wanted to make a formal complaint. However, when I asked him for his reasons, the only thing he could come up with was the fact you were having intimate relations with his ex-wife. Can you confirm that’s the case?’

  I scrubbed my hands across my face. ‘Yes, that’s correct. Gemma and I have been seeing each other for a few months.’

  ‘And you didn’t think to tell me?’ she asked, finally turning around.

  ‘I understand that I should have talked to you, but we’ve only just realised how serious we are about each other.’

  ‘Josh, you know full well that it's part of your professional standards to notify your head teacher of anything that could compromise your role here. Having a relationship with a parent of two of my students is something you should have discussed with me.’

  ‘I can only apologise, and I’m sorry that had to happen in school this morning. It was as much a shock to me as it was to you.’

  ‘Josh, this has put me in a very difficult position,’ she said, reaching for a stack of papers on her desk. ‘The reason I haven’t spoken to you earlier is because I’ve received another complaint from a parent who witnessed the incident this morning.’

  ‘I understand that the language was not acceptable in front of children,’ I replied.

  ‘It wasn’t just the language, Josh. It was the whole situation. It should never have been brought into school. Mr Brown said he found out about your relationship because Theo told him he saw you and his mother kissing. I can understand Mr Brown’s anger.’

  ‘I can see from his point of view that it was unfortunate to hear it from Theo,’ I replied honestly. ‘Gem has been very cautious and I’ve let her make the decisions about telling the kids and their father.’

  She sighed heavily and drummed her fingers along her chin. ‘I spoke to your agency this morning. They’ve said I can give you a week’s notice, but as we are so close to the end of term, I’ve agreed that you can stay on until we break up for summer. Unfortunately, I won’t be asking you to return in September.’

  ‘And your reasons are?’ I asked as calmly as possible, totally bewildered that the incident had led to this when just the other week she was asking me if I would be interested in a permanent position.

  ‘I can’t have that in my school. There’s also the disappointment that you didn’t inform me about your relationship. I need to think of the needs of the school. We’ve had complaints.’

  ‘Can I ask if the complaint was about my conduct as a teacher? Because I didn’t raise my voice, I didn’t swear, I tried to keep him as calm as possible and away from the classroom,’ I said, cursing myself for the fuck up I had created. I knew I should have told Mrs Hamilton about my relationship with Gem, but I wasn’t ready to admit it. My mind searched back as I tried to replay everything that I said, and then a face flashed through me, causing me to jerk back in anger as it all became clear. ‘Did Lydia make the complaint?’

  ‘I'm not at liberty to divulge that,' she replied, hastily banging the edge of papers on the table and putting them away in the drawer of her desk.

  ‘Don’t worry; you don’t need to.’

  She didn’t. I knew it was Lydia. She already had it in for Gem, but discovering we were together would have only lit her jealousy fuse.

  ‘I’m sorry, Josh, but you have until the end of term.’

  Two weeks. That was all. Two fucking weeks.

  ‘I’m sorry it’s come to this, Mrs Hamilton.’ I pushed my chair back and stood, leaving the room without another word.

  Chapter 44

  Gem

  It’s an unbelievable feeling when things start falling into place.

  For so long, I felt I had been looking over my shoulder, waiting for the next disaster to happen. But now I was looking straight ahead. Life was perfect—if I didn't think about telling Jay that after a four-year man drought, I was quenching my thirst with gulps, not delicate sips. I should have been scared; there was a time I was, but I was beginning to lose my instinctual reaction to protect myself. Now I was wide open and ready to break the tradition of having nothing but bad luck with the men. Sure, it was scary, but it was also exciting. Something was stirring inside me, an overpowering desire to grab onto the good and make it a permanent fixture. Did I want to go there again? Marriage. Because I'd done that and been royally fucked over. And why the hell was I thinking about marriage? Josh and I had been seeing each other for a few months—a few dreamy months—surely I shouldn't even be contemplating marriage? Thoughts of marriage should have been locked away with thoughts of Do I want a relationship with my father before it’s too late? Or will I inherit my mother’s cankles? And the one filed right at the back: Do I want more kids?

  The answer was a tentative probably to all but the last one, because when I let that one slip out through the thought dungeon, it was always answered with a firm yes.

  The sound of my phone vibrating across the table brought me back to reality.

  ‘How’s the job search,’ Elle asked.

  ‘I’m just writing my CV. It’s not going to take long.’ Elle groaned and I imagined her eyes rolling like a slot machine.

  ‘We might need to big up your previous work experience, but you sound defeated already and that’s just crap. All you need to do is explain that you’ve taken time out of work to raise your children. Nothing wrong with that,’ she replied.

  ‘Please tell me how to big up my previous experience. I worked in a department store for two years before Theo came along. Spritzing perfume and helping people choose the right lip colour for their skin tone is not exactly going to help me in a clothes store.’

  ‘You could say you have an eye for colour, a way of helping customers choose what flatters them. You have a passion for customer service.’

  ‘Hold on; let me write this down,’ I replied, trying to grab a pen.

  ‘Do you want me to come over after work? We could easily put something together,’ Elle offered.

  ‘I can’t. I’m meeting Josh at the park with the kids.’ I could practically hear her vibrate.

  ‘Great. Good. Fantastic.’

  I didn’t have time to reply when I heard a frantic banging on the front door. ‘Elle, I’ve got to go.’ I put the phone on the table and slammed my laptop shut. It was a gorgeous day and I’d taken advantage of it by sitting outside searching for jobs. Just as I pulled out my chair and went to see what the noise was, Jay came round the back of the house, forcing the old wooden gate open until it lay lopsided, the top hinge broken off.

  ‘What are you doing?’ I asked, standing to assess the damage.

  ‘When were you going you going to tell me, Gem?’r />
  ‘Tell you what?’ I asked, trying to sound unaffected but already knowing that this was the moment that would completely change my life forever.

  ‘That you’re fucking Theo’s teacher.’ His jaw was tense and his teeth were jammed together. I tried to assess how to handle this, how to move forward and get it over with, but I couldn’t take my eyes away from that gritted jaw. ‘I had to hear it from my son. My fucking son.’

  My gorgeous boy had told him. The beautiful boy who I’d taught not to keep secrets and to always speak freely about how he was feeling in his heart no matter how joyous or painful had done exactly what I’d raised him to do. I’d never felt prouder.

  My heart pounding, I folded my arms across my chest and stepped forward, ignoring the swearing and focusing on the end result. He knew. It was over. ‘I was going to tell you, but I needed to figure out what was happening between us. I didn’t want to tell you or introduce the kids until I was sure.’

  ‘Introduce the kids?' he shouted. ‘They see him every day at school. You don't need to introduce them! Theo talks about no one else, Gem. They seem pretty fucking pally to me!'

  ‘They’ve only just been told that we’re seeing each other,’ I replied.

  ‘Theo saw you kiss! For fuck's sake, keep it away from my kids.'

  The tick in his jaw and firm stance stopped being a concern for me. I felt rage. I felt anger. All the feelings of seeing Shelley at his feet resurfaced, his head falling back as she took him in her mouth, the lies he spouted to try to shift the focus of his infidelity.

  ‘Like you did?’ I said, working hard to keep myself measured and controlled. ‘The perfect father who never puts a foot wrong. The perfect father who left his children when they were babies. The perfect father who fits them into his busy schedule! Theo told me you and Shelley are getting married. When were you going to tell me that? Double standards, Jay. Fucking double standards.’

  ‘We’re not getting married,’ he scoffed. ‘He’s got that wrong.’