Hidden Treasures

by Fern Britton

  ‘Whaaat?’ Dawn pulled herself up to her full five foot four inches and, with lightning speed she slapped Dahlia hard. Gray attempted to get between the two women but Dawn was pretty nifty with her knee too and he fell to the floor in pain.

  ‘Come with me.’ Helen grabbed Piran’s hand and ran him out of the hotel and into her car.

  36

  They had driven out of the car park and were on the road leading out of Trevay before Piran spoke.

  ‘I don’t know about you, but I could do with a beer. We’re too late for the pub, but I’ve got some at home if you want one.’

  Helen thought for a moment. ‘I’m not sure about a beer, but I’d love a cup of tea before I go home. Chloe has got male company and I’d rather stay out until the coast is clear.’

  ‘In that case, take a left here.’ In the dark, Helen swung her little Mini down a narrow dirt track with a dead-end sign on the corner.

  She was very aware of Piran’s bulk in the tiny front seat. The curls on his head flattened against the roof. She had never been this close to him in a confined space before. She was aware of his thigh almost touching the gear stick, the smell of him, fresh air after rain, seasalt mingling with his musky aftershave, starting to warm up something long cold in her being.

  ‘Just here. Park on the grass by the gate. Or are you a typical woman who can’t park?’

  If these words had come from Gray, they would have been an insult. She looked at Piran and detected a teasing twinkle in his blue eyes.

  She smiled. ‘Yes, I can park and drive on motorways and round Hyde Park corner without mishap, thank you.’

  ‘Well, that’s one better than me then.’ He smiled at her and hauled himself out of the car and towards the gate. ‘Come on, before I change my mind.’

  He opened the unlocked front door and turned on the inside light. She stepped into the unmistakable room of a single man.

  The slate floor was mostly covered with a threadbare rug and Jack’s little basket. He toppled out to welcome them. The ceiling was low-beamed and drooping in the middle. A large, sagging sofa was covered in cat hairs. The owners of which, one black-and-white moggy, the other a tabby, were sprawled on the cushions. They looked sleepily up at Piran, then at Helen, then put their heads back on their paws, eyes shut. By the sofa lay a pile of newspapers and a shoe box of fishing lures. In the grate was a neatly laid fire, which Piran was now putting a match to. There was an old TV on an upside-down lobster pot, and above the fireplace a photo of a much younger Piran with a pretty girl.

  Piran was loosening his bow tie. ‘Put the kettle on and get a beer out of the fridge, would you?’

  ‘What did your last servant die of?’

  ‘I’m sorting out the fire for you.’

  She shrugged and did as she was asked.

  The kitchen was simple and relatively clean. The fridge held nothing more than a few bottles of beer, two mackerel on a blue-and-white striped plate, a carton of milk, six eggs and a lump of cheddar.

  Jack came in, clicking his claws on the slate, and looking hopefully for a snack. Helen broke off a corner of cheese and gave it to him.

  Looking for the mugs and beer glasses, she opened cupboards containing a car battery, fishing reels, a couple of bottles of sauce (red and brown) and a mis-matched selection of crockery and cutlery.

  Carrying the tea and beer back into the other room, she found the cats tipped off the sofa and standing in disbelief on the rug. Piran had cleared a space for her and he motioned her to sit next to him.

  ‘Here you are.’ She handed him his glass and sat down. ‘Cheers.’ She raised her mug of tea in salute. ‘Who’s that young girl in the photo?’

  ‘An old friend.’

  ‘Ah.’

  Silence but for the crackle of the kindling wood in the grate, and a gurgle from Helen’s stomach.

  ‘Are you hungry, Helen?’

  ‘I am a bit. But I’ll have something when I get home. I’ll be off when I’ve had my tea.’

  ‘Don’t be so damned stupid. I’ll make an omelette for you, if you like?’

  Helen looked at him, her head on one side. ‘Can you make omelettes?’

  ‘I wouldn’t offer if I couldn’t. Stay there and tickle the cats. Black one’s Bosun, the Tabby is Sprat.’

  From the kitchen, Helen could hear the symphony of pots, pans, cupboard doors, plates and bowls as Piran set to work. Within what seemed like moments, he was back with steaming plates for both of them. They ate their cheese omelettes quickly and hungrily, and Helen had to admit hers was pretty good; she said as much.

  ‘Comes from years of looking after myself.’ He wiped his mouth on the kitchen-roll napkin and put his plate on the floor. Bosun and Sprat set about washing it clean.

  ‘Piran, can I ask you something?’

  He gave no acknowledgement of hearing the question, so she ploughed on.

  ‘Why are you engaged to Dawn?’

  Piran sighed. ‘We are not engaged. She is vulnerable and needy, and I have got myself into a difficult situation. I’m a bit of a coward where relationships are concerned. But I have to tell her soon.’

  ‘Yes, I could see that she’s not really your kind of woman.’

  ‘Ha.’ He gave a short laugh. ‘What is my kind of woman then?’

  Feeling braver, Helen expanded: ‘Well, someone not so high maintenance. Someone who isn’t jealous and suspicious and … well … frankly, someone who isn’t a bitch.’

  He looked into his beer, and then back up at her. ‘I did know someone like that. It was a long time ago … but it didn’t work out.’

  ‘What happened?’

  He got up and put a log on the fire, then picked up the photo on the mantelpiece. ‘This is Jenna – Don’s sister. She died. It’s a long time ago. I keep this picture so I’ll never forget her face.’

  Helen remembered. ‘Dorrie told me a bit about that. Wasn’t it New Year’s Eve?’

  ‘Yes. A hit-and-run. Never got the bastard. Dorrie and Don and her parents were devastated. We – Jenna and I – hadn’t told them that we were going to live here in the cottage together. We were waiting till we’d signed the lease.’

  ‘I’m so sorry. Were you going to be married?’

  ‘I don’t know. I’m not the marrying kind.’

  ‘Dawn thinks you are. She’s been talking to Simon and Dorrie about the service and the reception.’

  ‘What Dawn says and what I know are two different things.’

  ‘You mean, you’re really not engaged?’

  ‘No. And I’m no poof either – not that I’m anti-gay or anything, before you jump down my throat.’

  Helen looked sheepish. ‘I’m afraid that’s my fault. I was trying to save you from Dahlia by throwing a few red herrings in her way. It didn’t work though. She was determined to seduce you.’

  ‘I should put you over my knee for that, but …’ He was smiling and the smile soon turned to bubbling laughter, ‘but, I’ve never seen anything so hilarious as Dawn and Dahlia brawling like that.’

  Piran couldn’t contain the guffaws which were bursting out of him. ‘Ha ha … and that poor sod Gray, getting one between the legs …’ He was wheezing now and Helen was laughing too. The cats were crouching with their ears at right-angles to their heads and their eyes as round as owls.

  ‘What a tosser that Gray is! Whatever did you see in him?’

  ‘God only knows. Do you think I’m insane and in need of help? Because he seems to think so. On account of my having left him.’

  ‘No more mad than the average woman, no.’

  ‘OK, let me run this by you: should I be angry with a man who spent twenty-five years cheating on me?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Good. And do you think I’m crazy not to go back to him?’

  ‘No.’ He stopped laughing and smiled gently at her. ‘I like you being here.’

  ‘Do you? You could have fooled me.’

  ‘Just a bit of teasing, Helen, that’
s all.’

  ‘So if I’m going to stay here and stick to my guns, what are you going to do about Dawn?’

  Piran walked over to Helen and sat next to her again. ‘What would you have me do, maid?’ He leaned into her and cupped her face gently with his hand. Helen felt a delicious tingle as he brushed her lips with his own. He pulled back and stood up again, smiling.

  ‘Perhaps admitting to Dawn that I’m gay is a good idea after all?’

  As Piran said this, there was an almighty bang and the front door crashed open, startling the cats, who skidded out into the night, and Jack who barked loudly. There, standing in the doorway, was a furious-looking Dawn, with a rather dishevelled Dahlia standing next to her.

  ‘There, you see, he is gay!’ Dahlia exclaimed dramatically to the rather wild-eyed Dawn by her side.

  ‘You bastard!’ Dawn yelled at Piran. ‘Take that!’ She pulled off the ring from her engagement finger and threw it at him. ‘You owe me five hundred pounds for that. The wedding is off.’

  With that, she stalked out of the cottage and into one of the two taxis waiting outside. The three left inside stood looking at each other, listening to the rattly diesel engine as it reversed back up the lane.

  Dahlia broke the silence. ‘I could do with a drink. What a night!’

  *

  Sitting on the floor with her back against the sofa, Dahlia wolfed down the last of her omelette, and wiped her lips on her ruined dress. She reached for her beer. ‘That was delicious. Piran, thank you for making it.’

  She bowed her head in a show of gratitude and raised her glass to him. ‘I also have an apology to make to you. I am so sorry that I questioned your sexuality in such a public manner. No, no …’ She held her hands up to stop him interrupting. ‘I behaved appallingly. I wasn’t quite myself. You see, I followed David to the gents’ in order to stop him having his usual little toot of charlie, and found the only way from stopping him taking the lot was to share it with him. I haven’t had any coke for years, and the buzz quite took me over. It doesn’t excuse my behaviour, but I hope it explains it.’

  Piran smiled wryly. ‘You’re not my type any way. Flighty, headstrong and an actress – recipe for disaster.’

  ‘Your charm knows no bounds.’ She bowed her head again. ‘After the altercation with Dawn, she sped off in a taxi, and before I knew it I was commandeering my own taxi with the clichéd line, “Follow that cab!” I didn’t know we’d end up here! Our dramatic entrance, just as you declared yourself to be gay, couldn’t have been timed better … I take it you are not gay?’

  ‘I am not.’

  Despite her rather unkempt appearance, Dahlia was still able to bat her lashes flirtatiously in Piran’s direction. Then she turned her gaze to Helen.

  ‘You crafty cow! You could have told me that he was a) spoken for, and b) that you had your eyes on him.’

  ‘Excuse me! I do not have my eyes on anyone. I have just come out of a very difficult marriage and am looking for nothing but friendship and peace.’

  ‘Tell it to the birds, darling!’ Dahlia took a deep draught of beer, tipping up the glass until it was empty. She let out a satisfying burp. ‘I understand that Gray is your ex-husband?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Not gay?’

  ‘Definitely not.’

  ‘Available?’

  ‘Always – any time, any place.’

  ‘Excellent. So you won’t mind if I give him a whirl?’

  ‘Be my guest. But the most reliable thing about him is his unreliability.’

  ‘Don’t you worry about that. I’ll give him a good run for his money.’ Dahlia looked at her watch and groaned. ‘Oh god, look at the time! I have to be in make-up in five hours. Can I crash here tonight?’

  ‘No,’ Piran answered quickly. ‘Get in Helen’s car and we’ll drive you back to the hotel.’

  Piran took Helen’s car keys and drove first to Gull’s Cry to drop Helen off. Since Dahlia was snoring in the back, they left her there while Piran escorted Helen to her front door.

  Inside, they found a very drunk Gray waiting on the sofa, with a very tired Chloe.

  Gray stood up and, with all the belligerence he could muster, slurred, ‘Where the hell have you been, and why is he here?’

  Piran stepped in. ‘Helen’s just fine.’ He turned to her: ‘You’d better get some sleep. Thank you for an interesting evening.’

  They smiled quietly at each other before Gray interjected, ‘What are you doing with my wife?’ He had clumps of spittle in the corners of his mouth.

  Piran turned back to Gray. ‘Come on, buddy. I’ll give you a lift back to the Starfish. I’ve got someone in the car who’ll be very pleased to see you.’ He got a shoulder under Gray’s arm and gathered him up.

  ‘Goodnight, Chloe. Helen, I’ll bring the car back tomorrow some time.’

  As the door closed behind them, Chloe turned to Helen excitedly.

  ‘Mummy, I’m going surfing in Sri Lanka with Mack.’

  37

  ‘Who would have thought that Dawn could pack such a punch! After she kneed Gray, the men wouldn’t go near her. She turned again on Dahlia, forgetting that Dahlia had done all that kung fu training when she was a Bond girl. She was brilliant! Got Dawn in a headlock between her fabulous thighs and half-strangled her. When Dawn finally begged for mercy and was released, she ran off to the fire escape with Dahlia close behind. We looked over the roof and saw Dawn jump into a taxi, shortly followed by Dahlia. My God it was funny. The guys loved it. What a party!’

  Penny was reeking of last night’s booze and behind her enormous sunglasses her face was make-up free, with a couple of spots on her chin.

  ‘What time did it all break up?’ asked Helen.

  ‘Late. But if you think I look terrible, you should see Simon.’

  ‘He was already pissed when I found you. The last party he went to was the beetle drive. I wonder how he got home?’

  ‘Well, don’t go jumping to conclusions, but …’

  ‘Oh my God. He stayed with you, didn’t he?’

  ‘No, no … Well, yes.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘In the sense that we shared a bed and slept in it, but all very chaste.’

  ‘Yeah! You chased him all the way upstairs.’

  ‘No. He was a bit tiddly, so was I, it was three in the morning and it seemed the sensible thing to do. He was a perfect gentlemen and treated me like a lady.’

  Helen threw Penny an old-fashioned look.

  ‘Anyway, now I’ve confessed, have you got any aspirin?’

  ‘Yes, here.’ Helen rummaged in her bag. ‘Well, thank you for telling me. Poor Simon. Was he mortified when he woke up looking at your raddled mug?’

  ‘No, actually. He was very sweet and endearingly shy. He got out of bed, wearing his pants – I did have a quick peek. Great bod!’

  ‘That’s the surfing.’ Penny said automatically, trying to picture Simon in his pants. ‘What kind of pants?’

  ‘Cotton trunks. Grey.’

  ‘I’d have taken him for a boxer man.’

  ‘Me, too. But let me finish. He took his clothes into the bathroom, and once he was dressed he said goodbye and sped off.’

  ‘Golly. Do you think he has ever spent the night in a lady’s bed before?’

  ‘I really don’t know. And by the way, your quite detailed interrogation is making me feel uneasy.’

  ‘It’s just, I don’t know, so adventurous for quiet old Simon.’

  ‘Yes, well, quiet old Simon has another surprising talent. He’s a great kisser.’

  ‘Whaaaat?’

  ‘Well, I wasn’t going to tell you that bit. But, yes, he’s a great kisser and, really, if he had given the signal … Well … who knows?’

  ‘Oh my God, you were going to take advantage of him? But he’s celibate. It’s a solemn vow he’s taken, Penny!’

  ‘A definite elephant in the room.’ Penny giggled.

  ‘It’s not funny.’ Helen fro
wned in thought. ‘You have to take this more seriously. Simon wants something permanent in his life, someone who loves him, and can fit into his church life, not some old London lush who is just after a good time. This is all my fault. I should have seen he was falling for me. I woke something up inside him.’

  Penny pulled a face of disbelief. ‘Hey, Mrs Big Head. It was me he was snogging in a five-star bed, not you! And why must you assume that I am just out to selfishly have a good time? I am capable of finer feeling, you know. And by the way, where did you and Piran piss off to? I saw you running off like a pair of schoolkids. Hand in hand.’

  ‘We did not run off – and don’t change the subject.’

  ‘Yes, let’s change the subject! What happened with Simon and me is our business. And you, Miss Helen the Pure, ran off into the night with the best-looking man at the party! What happened?’

  ‘Promise you won’t tell anyone?’

  ‘You can trust your best mate.’ Penny opened her arms wide and beamed at Helen.

  ‘Yes. But since she isn’t here, can I trust you?’

  ‘Oh, very funny. Come on, fill me in – the set is off to a slow start this morning, due to the collective hangover. Let’s talk now before all hell breaks loose.’

  For the next half hour Penny listened as Helen told her about the row with Gray, the confidences that Piran, Dahlia and she had shared, the news that Chloe was finally spreading her wings and what had happened between Piran and herself.

  ‘How did he kiss?’

  ‘Pretty good. It wasn’t full-on snogging, just lips touching, but there was a definite tingle between us.’

  ‘And he’s coming over today?’

  ‘He’s got to drop my car off.’

  ‘And … ?’

  ‘And what?’

  ‘What are you planning for tonight?’

  ‘I thought I’d just see how the land lies in the daylight first.’

  ‘You’re bloody useless.’ Penny glanced out of the window and saw Gilly walking across the green towards the office, walkie-talkie in hand. ‘I’ve got work to do. Text me when he turns up.’