Remembering Everly (Lost & Found #2)

by J. L. Berg

  “August!” I yelled, running back into the bathroom, my mind now racing with horrifying images of him lying unconscious and half-dead in a pool of water.

  Or worse.

  Pulling the curtain back, I found myself face to face with a very alert, very naked August—who was not the least bit unconscious.

  His hands were wrapped around a bar of soap, working it into a lather—all over his naked body. Bubbles had never looked so sexy to me in my whole damn life.

  A bit of drool fell from my lips.

  “Did you need something?” he asked, pausing mid-chest scrub. His amused expression met my horrified one.

  “Um, I panicked. It had been a while and I was worried something had happened to you—because of your injuries and whatnot.” I blabbered on, the words falling out of my mouth like an overturned basket of marbles.

  “So you decided to just barge in?” he asked, the smug grin on his face clearly showing he was enjoying himself.

  “I called out your name,” I said, huffing slightly as my hand fell to my hip.

  “The spray from the water is kind of loud in here,” he shrugged.

  An awkward silence grew before he tilted his head to the side and said, “Everly?”

  “Yeah?” I answered.

  “I’m okay,” he said, chuckling.

  “Right!” I said in a rush, realizing I was still standing there with the curtain pulled back, staring at him. All of him. “Oh God. I’ll just be out here. Waiting for you.”

  I pivoted, rolling my eyes at my extreme awkwardness. When had I ever been awkward around this man? Nervous, scared…shy even, but I’d never acted like a teenage girl encountering her first crush.

  It was embarrassing.

  And kind of thrilling at the same time.

  “Any chance you’ve sobered up yet?” I asked, throwing a towel over the shower curtain before I stepped out.

  “Not even a chance!” he hollered, before a quiet hum filled the bathroom.

  This was going to be a long night.

  * * *

  “Drink this,” I demanded, pushing a cup of coffee in his direction as we settled into the living room. I’d finished cleaning up his wounds, bandaging what I could after his shower. He smelled like pine trees and fresh rain, and seeing his hair slick and wet made me want to run my hands through it just to feel its softness against my fingertips.

  But recalling the earlier image of him battered and bruised had me resisting, knowing that unless we figured out how to resolve the problem at hand, we’d never be able to move forward.

  And we’d be stuck in this revolving pattern of nothing for the rest of our lives.

  “You always made the best coffee,” he remarked after taking a long sip. The look on his face was priceless, like he’d just tasted the prize-winning pie at the state fair. “Every cup I’ve made since you left has tasted like shit.”

  “It didn’t have to be like this,” I said, feeling the anger I’d pushed away rising to the surface. “You could have told me what was going on. I could have been there, helped you.”

  He shook his head as he stared at his cup of coffee. “I wanted to keep you out of this. I wanted to keep all of you safe.”

  “It doesn’t work that way.”

  “No,” he shook his head, a note of sadness crossing his features. “I can see that now.”

  “Are you going to tell me what happened today?” I asked, pointing to his less than stellar-looking face.

  “I went to talk to Trent.”

  “Alone?” I jumped up from my chair, hands risen in anger above my head. “Are you crazy?”

  “He’s threatened you and Sarah. What was I supposed to do?” he replied. His eyes narrowed, full of ire and hate. “I can’t allow that, Everly.”

  “He’s dangerous, August. You don’t know what you may have started,” I said, the fight fleeing my bones as I watched him, knowing he’d sustained such damage for me.

  How much pain had he endured for me?

  “I’ve already paid the cost.” His expression was crestfallen as he looked up at me.

  “What?” I asked, my heart pounding in fear.

  “A couple of months ago I started seeing Magnolia again,” he began. A slight pinch squeezed in my gut at the mention of Magnolia’s name. “It wasn’t personal,” he added, seeing the discomfort in my eyes. “It was business—at first. I had this idea that if I could make enough off a deal from her family, I could walk away from Trent.”

  “But you couldn’t do it,” I said, finishing his thought.

  “No.” He shook his head. “I couldn’t. I’m not that type of man. And, thanks to Brick’s hypnosis abilities, I don’t think I ever was. Things are still murky, but I’m starting to get a clearer picture of just what I did and didn’t do before with Trent, and I have a feeling I wasn’t the evil overlord I’d pictured myself to be. Or at least I wasn’t to begin with.”

  “What did you do?” I asked, my eyes narrowing on him. “What did you give him?”

  “Me,” he said with resignation. His shoulders slumped in defeat. “He knew I wanted out. He wouldn’t have it. So, I agreed to stop trying. He wants his pliable, naïve partner back, and that’s what I’ll give him.”

  “But you’re not that guy anymore August,” I urged. “You can’t go back.”

  “I don’t see any other way, Everly.”

  “Of course you don’t!” I said, my voice escalating as the intensity of my anger rose. “Because if there’s one thing that’s remained the same, it’s your damned need to protect everyone—regardless of how it affects you, us, or anything else. As long as we’re all safe, it doesn’t matter—isn’t that right, August?”

  His surprise at my outburst seemed to cause a delay, but I could see him stepping up to the plate, ready to argue. Ready to fight back.

  But I beat him to the chase.

  “You’ve screwed up everything in your quest to keep me safe. Everything! Don’t you realize that? And for what? Don’t you understand by now that we’re no good when we’re apart? All of this plotting and scheming to keep me away—keep me protected from Trent? You broke my damn heart, August. You broke us. I could have been here for you. I could have helped you, but you didn’t trust me. That’s why you locked me up and never told me why. It’s why you let me walk out that door. I came here with my eyes wide open, hoping that with some time and a little healing, perhaps we could mend what was broken between us.

  “But now, all I see is a disaster zone. And I’m not sure I’m willing to comb through the mess all by myself, just to see it all end in tragedy again. If you can’t learn to trust me, this thing between us will be just a handful of memories.”

  I wanted to tell him I’d help him—that we could work it out, just the two of us. But I was sick of trying to worm my way into his life.

  I’d been the helpless bystander in his world for far too long, standing on the sidelines while he silently fought against Trent, pretending everything was just fine. I wasn’t that woman anymore.

  I could have done something. I would have done anything, had he just asked.

  But he hadn’t.

  And until he did, I wasn’t going to push my way into his life.

  August had once said I deserved someone who would treat me as an equal partner in life.

  He was right.

  As I turned to leave, letting the silence between us serve as my good-bye, I just hoped that August still might be that perfect person he’d described. If not, I wasn’t sure my heart would ever forgive me for walking away.

  Again.

  Chapter Eighteen

  August

  I let her walk away.

  Again.

  She’d bled her heart out to me, grieving over all the missed opportunities we’d destroyed—I’d destroyed—and then I watched her turn and leave.

  I hadn’t done a damn thing about it.

  She was right. I hadn’t trusted her with the truth. Not because I didn’t see her as an eq
ual, but because I knew how she’d react.

  And that’s what scared me most of all.

  Her need to help. Her desire to protect me as much as I wanted to protect her. For that reason alone, I’d lock her up and throw away the key a million times over if I thought it would keep her safe.

  But if Trent showing up at her door proved anything, it was that I couldn’t shelter her from everything. Eventually, the mistakes of my past would find their way into my future—our future, no matter where we were.

  This never-ending cycle had to stop.

  But would I ever be able to move past this overwhelming desire to keep her safe, and just live? Maybe she wasn’t the only one living in a cage.

  Opening my desk drawer, I pulled out the bag holding the tiny treasure for the hundredth time since lunch. It had only been three hours since I’d picked it up from the jeweler but my fingers were already twitching, my knees were bobbing and my nerves were shot.

  As the tiny box hinged open, I felt the air vanish from the room.

  I’d been searching for the perfect one for months, until I’d finally realized such a ring didn’t exist.

  There simply wasn’t anything on this earth as perfect as Everly. So I’d had one created.

  Three carats of dazzling beauty, surrounded by a shiny platinum setting. She’d find it extravagant and outrageous.

  It was. It was ridiculous and expensive and crazy.

  But that’s how I felt when I was with her. Ridiculous…crazy and completely out of control.

  I knew she found our new lifestyle a bit eccentric. The house had been a huge adjustment and saying good-bye to the place where we’d started had been hard, but this was what I wanted for us.

  For her.

  Everything.

  We finally had the financial freedom to do just that. Life was whatever we chose to make it and looking down at that dazzling diamond, I couldn’t wait to begin it.

  Glancing up at the clock on my computer, I felt my knees begin to bob again as my patience waned. There were still two hours to go until the end of the day. It was a Friday and I couldn’t wait for the weekend to begin. I had serious plans.

  Right now.

  Fuck it. I was a partner in this firm. I could leave early.

  Feeling the excitement welling up inside of me as I slid the tiny black velvet box inside my jacket pocket, I logged out of my computer and headed out the door.

  “Leaving early, Mr. Kincaid?” Cheryl asked, looking up from her computer. I smiled briefly, seeing several pictures of her newest grandchild disappear quickly as she pulled up her e-mail to hide it from me. I’d told her a hundred times she could take a break when there was a lull in work, but she hated the idea. I was glad to see she was at least taking my advice, even if it was discreetly.

  “Yes,” I answered, feeling the tiny box in my jacket like a brand against my chest. “Everly and I are taking a little trip to Big Sur this weekend and I wanted to get an early start.”

  “That’s lovely. One of my favorite places to visit on the coast,” she said with nostalgia in her eyes. “My husband and I used to take the kids down Highway One and stop for lunch at Nepenthe’s. The views from their deck are the best. Sometimes I close my eyes and pretend I’m back there, with all of them.” She took a deep breath, her lip trembling slightly.

  “Now we’re all scattered. And Jack, well he’s the most scattered of all.”

  “You could still go back,” I offered. “With your kids, and grandkids.”

  She looked up and smiled, a look of sadness in her eyes. “Yes. I guess we could. It wouldn’t be the same, though.”

  “Might still be a great memory, though.”

  “You’re right,” she nodded. “There’s no use in living in the past, when I have so much to live for now.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Have a great weekend, Mr. Kincaid.”

  “You too, Cheryl,” I said, giving her a quick wink as I walked away.

  One more stop to go and then I’d be free for my weekend with Everly. My stomach fluttered just thinking about it.

  Turning the corner toward Trent’s office, I opened my mouth to announce my arrival in some sort of rowdy way. A yell, a whoop, or shouting his name. We were rarely polite in this office unless there were clients in the building and then it was jackets buttoned, manners on, and smiles tightened. But on a Friday afternoon, we rarely had anyone in the office, mostly so the boys could have a drink or two at their desks while they waited on the weekend.

  As soon as my mouth formed the sound, the noise fell heavy in my chest. I stopped in my tracks.

  Trent’s office was in the far back corner of the building. It was the largest and it stood by itself, creating a bit of privacy for the creator of our company. Usually it was brightly lit and welcoming. Trent’s secretary usually sat out front, blocking unannounced and unwanted guests.

  Today the place was dark, as if it had been abandoned. The secretary’s desk was unattended and the overhead lights were off, as if to signal a warning to those who entered the area.

  Those should have been my first clues.

  A faint light under Trent’s door burned with intensity, instantly drawing my attention.

  Before I had a chance to wonder what the hell was going on, Trent’s door slowly opened. Pushing myself against the wall around the corner, I looked over my shoulder to catch a glimpse of him.

  He wasn’t alone. Another man in a suit joined him at the door, both tossing glances left and right before turning their focus back on one another.

  “It’s been a pleasure doing business with you again, Mr. Lyons,” the suit said, offering a hand.

  Trent took it in his tight grasp, grinning. “You too. And I’m going to assume we’re good. For everything?”

  A tight curve tugged at the man’s lip. “For now.”

  Trent reached up and stuffed something in the other man’s pocket. A flash of green and it was gone. “Make sure to keep me abreast of anything you hear. Got it?”

  The suit nodded, turning to leave.

  My heart pounded as I made my way back to my office, muttering to Cheryl about forgetting something. Shutting the door behind me, I fell against it, feeling the cool hard wood on my back.

  Trent had just paid someone off.

  Holy fuck, what where we doing here?

  The ring in my jacket pocket, sitting against my heart, felt like a ticking time bomb now, rather than a road to salvation.

  Touching my chest, I wondered how I could possibly ask Everly to spend the rest of her life with me when I wasn’t sure what kind of life I’d created.

  I’d wanted to give her everything, but in doing so had I ended the very thing I’d sought to protect?

  My eyes opened as my vision swam.

  Coming out of a memory never seemed to get easier.

  Raising my wrist, I looked at my watch, trying to gauge how much time had passed since I’d been out of it.

  Thirty minutes.

  Scrubbing my hands over my face, I took a deep breath and rose, intent on one thing and one thing only.

  Searching everywhere, I checked every closet, drawer, and cabinet in the house until I thought I might have dreamed the memory.

  Maybe it hadn’t happened.

  The last place I had left to check was my office. Rushing down the hall, I opened the door to the crude mixture of two lives thrown together. Photography equipment was everywhere, scattered over shelves and on the desk, which I had pushed into a corner. I managed to make it to the desk and began opening drawers, moving papers and other random things around…until I found a black velvet box shoved far in the back.

  Reaching in with a shaky hand, I held my breath as my fingertips touched the box. Opening it, I saw the truth for myself. There in front of me was the diamond ring I’d seen in my memory.

  I had planned to ask Everly to marry me.

  Everly…mine. Forever.

  Another dream ruined by Trent.

  Standin
g there with the ring I’d never been able to give to the love of my life, knowing if I didn’t do something it would just sit in this drawer forever, I knew what I had to do.

  I had to let go and trust.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Everly

  He’d let me walk away.

  As the tears fell down my cheeks, I climbed into the borrowed bed in my borrowed mess of a room and let the sadness overwhelm me.

  When would I be enough? When would I be worth fighting for?

  The strong will I’d managed to cultivate over the last several weeks became too heavy of a burden to carry, like an armful of heavy stones. One too many and I was suddenly wobbling back and forth, crumbling under the weight of it all.

  I would not fall apart over this.

  I would not let this break me.

  I had been moving on before all of this had fallen in my lap. I still could.

  Rolling over, I pushed onto my elbows and sat up, reaching for the brochures I’d grabbed when I was downtown, touring several of the schools I’d applied to.

  This was my future.

  Cooking school. But what about Sarah?

  “You really should lock the door.”

  Looking up, I saw August leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed in front of him, as if his being here was the most normal thing in the world.

  It was the exact opposite.

  Seeing him here, in the apartment I shared with Sarah, felt like a collision and I was the sole victim. There had always been a separation in my life: August, and everything else.

  Even after he woke up and I returned to him, I seemed to leave everything else behind. Life became just about him for a short while. Suddenly seeing him here made me realize I’d never fully allowed him into my life.

  Maybe he wasn’t the only one with trust issues.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, wiping away any leftover tears, knowing I couldn’t hide my puffy cheeks and swollen eyes.

  “I would have been here sooner but I had a flashback,” he said, pushing off the doorframe. “Sometimes they overwhelm me—at work, at home. I just collapse and lose consciousness.”

  “That’s not normal,” I observed, concern showing in my features as I bit my lip. He edged closer, taking a step into the bedroom. I watched him like a hawk.