Collision Course

by C. P. Rowlands

  “I always did,” Brie said.

  “Okay, kids in the bunks and we’re in the double bed,” Jordan continued.

  “Sleeping with you?” Brie made her eyes wide. “Nice,” she teased.

  “Let’s ask the kids,” Jordan said.

  “That’s a new one,” Brie said as they stepped out on the porch. “I’ve never had to ask the kids for permission to sleep with their mother.”

  “Shut up,” Jordan said but grinned.

  Jenna and Tyler came inside and immediately began to argue over the top bunk. Jordan put a hand on each of their shoulders. “You know how we settle this?” She dug in her shorts pocket for a coin and flipped it. Jenna called heads but it was tails, and she began to sulk. Jordan tossed her swimsuit at her, saying, “In that case, go get your suit on,” and Jenna was gone in a flash.

  Brie showed them where it was safe to swim, to the end of the dock. After that, it dropped steeply. They lathered the kids up with sunscreen and watched them race down the beach. Jordan laughed at them as she stepped out of her shorts and then took her T-shirt off. Brie froze at the sight. Long, well-defined muscles were highlighted by a sheen of sweat. She had to look away.

  “Should be nice and warm,” Brie said and shed her own T-shirt and shorts. They both had worn their suits under their clothes for the trip. “It was such a hot summer and the lake is shallow.” She took a few steps toward the water. “How much supervision do the kids need out there?”

  “Not much. I’ve had them swimming since they were little.” Jordan squinted up at Brie. “Wait a minute, O’Malley. Come back here.” She rummaged in the little first aid kit. “Here.” She held out a Band-Aid.

  “What’s this for?” Brie took the Band-Aid and tried to keep her eyes away from Jordan’s sleek body.

  “Your tattoo, dummy. You think I want my impressionable sweet young boy, my son, looking at a naked woman?” Jordan’s eyes sparkled and the corners of her mouth tilted up.

  Brie covered part of the tattoo with the Band-Aid. “You know how silly this is? Look at us.” They both looked down at their skimpy suits.

  Brie finally gave in and just stared. She’d been right, those breasts were scrumptious. “Hussy,” Brie taunted, moving toward the lake.

  “Tramp,” Jordan said.

  “Race you in.”

  “Cheater,” Jordan yelled, running, but Brie was underwater by the time she got her feet wet.

  *

  They took a break in the shade on the porch. Brie shook her hair, water flying everywhere, just as she had as a kid. She got the kids to do the same, all of them laughing, and she caught Jordan staring at her. Brie raised her eyebrows in a question. Was Jordan just checking me out?

  “Why don’t we use the stove inside?” Jordan said, clearing her throat.

  “Fine with me. It’s cooled down and I’ll do the steaks on the grill anyway.” Brie pointed at the barbecue on the porch.

  “What else did you bring? The coolers are jammed.”

  “Mom tossed in the last of her sweet corn and butternut squash. I love fresh vegetables.”

  “Did you mention a canoe?” Jordan said.

  “Yup.” Brie pointed at a fieldstone structure at the side of the property.

  It didn’t take them long to get the boat in the water. Brie put Jordan in the front and she took the helm, the kids safely between them. Jordan wiggled the long craft, making both kids squeal with fake fear and Brie smiled. Jenna and Tyler were like their mother, confident and unafraid of just about anything.

  “This lake’s bigger than I thought,” Jordan said, taking another deep cut with her paddle.

  “What?” Brie said, her mind absorbed in the play of Jordan’s muscles in front of her. She snapped her attention back to the canoe just as they came out beyond the land that jutted out into the water. This was Brie’s favorite moment, where you could see the other, bigger side of the lake. She had grown up boating from one end of this lake to the other and knew it like her own hand. She and Niki had used the Willises’ enormous cabin up north instead of coming here and she’d missed this little lake.

  They weren’t quite far enough north for loons but Brie did spot a crane. She called Jordan’s name softly so she could show Tyler and Jen. The boat slowed in the water as they watched the tall bird until it caught sight of them and lifted off, its strong wings carrying it away.

  *

  Jordan hung the kids’ suits out to dry and got the bunk beds ready while Brie cooked. Jenna and Tyler were still so wound up that they talked through the entire meal.

  “I can’t believe it,” Brie said later. They had eaten everything. “Okay, now this is special,” she said. “It’s an O’Malley tradition to sing a song or tell a joke after dinner.”

  “Oh, no.” Jordan shook her head. “I don’t tell jokes and I don’t sing.”

  “Mom,” Jenna said, eyes wide and very blue against a sweep of sun on her fair skin. “That’s a fib. You tell me jokes.”

  Tyler gave a snort. “Those are my jokes, Jen. I tell them to Mom and she just repeats them to you.”

  Jordan tried to keep a straight face. “I’m serious, Brie. All I know are kid jokes. Like why did the chicken cross the road kind of stuff.”

  “I’ll settle for that. It’s a joke?” Brie snickered, unrelenting. “However, if you prefer to sing…”

  “No,” both kids shouted and Brie burst out laughing.

  “Are you serious?” She looked at Jordan, who had her hands over her face. “Your own kids don’t want you to sing?”

  “Couldn’t carry a tune if my life depended on it.”

  “Okay, you’re off the hook but, as punishment, you have to build the campfire so the kids and I can roast marshmallows for dessert while you do the dishes.”

  They laughed at Jordan’s pretend-sulk and Brie began to clean plates. Suddenly, she was aware of Jordan standing at the end of the table.

  “What?” Brie said with a sweet smile.

  “Your swimming suit,” Jordan said. “I like it.” She turned quickly and went toward the beach.

  “Ha,” Brie said softly. Jordan was checking me out.

  The family had always used a deep pit for their fires, surrounded by big stones placed there by four generations. There were five huge rocks at a comfortable distance from the fire and Brie settled against one. She sipped her coffee, listening to Jordan. She might not be able to tell jokes, but she could tell a story. Jenna’s eyes grew wide and Tyler grinned at Jordan. This is nice, she thought and then, without warning, she heard Niki say “Baby,” very clearly. Brie scanned the beach, her stomach muscles clenched. Jordan had stopped talking and was looking at her across the fire. “You okay?” she asked. “You look as if you saw a ghost.”

  Brie studied her, pondering Jordan’s smile and Niki’s voice, but pointed at the sky. “Look at the stars. Everything’s in place.”

  Tyler began to name the stars and Brie relaxed, listening to his youthful recounting of the constellations hanging above them. Her gaze slid back to Jordan’s animated face.

  With a physical jolt Brie sat straighter. For the first time in over two years she understood that she was going to survive. But as what, she thought. She knew what she’d been with Niki, but what would she be without her? Staring into the coffee cup, she went over the things that had been floating in her mind. Rationally, she understood that Niki was dead, but she had taken so much of Brie with her that she didn’t know what was left to work with. She heard her name and looked up to see Ty and Jordan looking at her.

  “What?”

  Jordan pointed at her lap and a sleeping Jenna. Brie put her cup in the sand and rose to help. They tucked Jenna into the bottom bunk and Tyler scrambled up to the top with a monster grin, but he looked as if he’d be following Jenna at any moment.

  “We wore them out,” Jordan said as they went to the closet for warmer clothing.

  “The kids are so well behaved,” Brie said, choosing a long-sleeved shirt. Jordan to
ok it from her and stepped behind, helping her into it as if it was something they’d always done.

  “Ha,” Jordan said, pulling a sweatshirt over her head. “You just haven’t been around them enough. Ty’s such a smart-ass and Jen’s a real bully at times.”

  “Jen, a bully? I can’t believe that.”

  “Believe it. They’re a handful. There’s something about you, Brie, but they’ll revert to their normal grumpy selves soon.”

  “They’re kids. It’d be normal,” Brie said as they walked back to the campfire. “I like them and your mother as well.”

  Jordan stared out across the water. “What’s happening between Mom and me is weird. I was so young when Dad died and Uncle John and Nancy took me in. I never really got to know her and now here we are, finding each other after all these years.” She scooped sand into her hand, letting it trickle through her fingers.

  “Moms are important,” Brie said, part of her mind still thinking of Niki. She took a deep breath and looked at Jordan. “When we were at Patrick’s you promised to tell me what happened to you. How you handled everything after Pete was killed.” Jordan nodded but didn’t say anything, just looked thoughtful and played with the sand. Finally she spoke. “In the beginning, the children and the funeral kept me so busy that it didn’t hit me for a while, but later I was…not good.”

  “I understand,” Brie said.

  “No.” Jordan said the word softly, drew it out. “You don’t. Our experiences have been very different.” Jordan expelled a long breath. “Pete and I dated in high school but went to different colleges. Somehow we met again in the summer before our last year of college and picked up where we left off. I had a job and had to work spring break before we both graduated. A group of us got together for just a night. Pete and I ended up in Chicago, drunk and then…pregnant.”

  “Oh.” Brie looked at her quickly. “That changes things, doesn’t it?”

  “A lot.”

  “Would you have married him if you hadn’t been pregnant?”

  “I’m not sure, but probably. We had a lot in common and were always good friends. I don’t regret marrying him.” Jordan let sand trickle between her fingers again. “True, I married him because I was pregnant. It was rough at first, but we learned together. I don’t know. Maybe we were just growing up?” Jordan looked at Brie with a kind of half-question on her face.

  Brie was the first to look away. She didn’t have an answer.

  “Then I hit the bars after Pete was killed. You said I had just a hint of bad? It was more than a hint, Brie. I didn’t even wear underwear.” Jordan stood and poked the logs in the fire. “I’ve only told my psychiatrist this. I’m not sure why I’m telling you.”

  “Underwear?” Brie repeated, not sure she’d heard correctly.

  “I’d drop the kids at Nancy’s and run for the bars.”

  “You’d go out without…?”

  “Underwear.” Jordan nodded. “It was faster.”

  “So, it was just for sex and…”

  Jordan settled back down beside her. “No excuses. I was angry…and disgusting. I don’t know how else to describe it.” Jordan took a nervous breath and hurried on. “Of course I quit. I mean, I haven’t done anything like that since.”

  “Wait,” Brie said, laying her fingers on Jordan’s arm. “How long ago was this?”

  “Three years or so.”

  “Then it’s over. You’re not doing that anymore.”

  “I can’t let it go.” Her face was bleak in the shifting firelight and darkness.

  “Tyler?” Brie suddenly understood. “When we were talking about him at Patrick’s. You feel some of Tyler’s behavior is because you were in the bars and not home with him?”

  Jordan nodded and looked down at the sand. “Yes, it’s partly that. It’s also a lot of other moments. For example, I was mad as hell when I learned some idiot had set the fire. It was arson. I even went to his trial one day. Then the memories of the funeral just wouldn’t leave me alone. I was even mad at myself because I’d gotten pregnant and the first two years were really rough. Finally, we called a truce and worked at it. Brie, we worked at it every day until we finally regained at least the friendship by the time he was killed, even a little love. And then what? He’s dead.” She threw up her hands. “The only thing that calmed me down was the bars and alcohol. Sex.”

  “And you’re still seeing a therapist?”

  “I have my last appointment soon. That was as much about the alcohol as it was Tyler.”

  “Does it bother you to discuss it? Could we talk about this again?”

  “You’re the first person I’ve talked to, other than the psychiatrist. Actually, it feels good.” Jordan straightened, surprised. “There’s one more part to this. I can’t carve anymore. It’s just gone. Remember what you said about your writing? That’s how I feel about carving. I’m a blank.”

  Brie didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She pulled her legs up to her chin and wrapped her arms around her legs. Jordan’s words had hit her like a freight train. Here was someone who got it, who understood.

  “Did you ever go to a survivor’s group?” Brie said.

  “I went to one meeting.” Jordan shook her head slightly. “They were like the emotional Nazis.” Jordan looked at her. “I’m sorry. That was mean. It works for some people.”

  Brie rested her forehead on her knees with an almost profound sense of relief. “I’ve wondered why I haven’t done something like what you described. The bars and a lot of women. Maybe it was the trauma of being shot, the long healing process.” She shrugged. “Maybe they shot my hormones too?”

  “Shot your hormones?” Jordan said with a quick short laugh and got to her knees. “Show me. Where you were shot.”

  “Below my left shoulder blade.” Brie twisted and lifted her shirt.

  “Oh, I saw those two marks.”Jordan rubbed the raised edges of the scars with her fingers. She let the shirt fall back, but left her hand protectively over the rough skin as they both settled back into the big rock. “How long did it take to heal?”

  “Over a year and lots of physical therapy. The muscle damage and left lung were the most serious.” Brie pushed against Jordan’s fingers, enjoying the feeling and thinking about what Jordan had told her. Something rustled in the tall grass next to the beach and they both turned. An enormous raccoon waddled toward the water.

  Jordan put her hand over her heart with a little half-laugh. “Startled me. By the way, why did you look so spooked earlier?” She scooted closer to Brie.

  “I thought I heard Niki say something to me.”

  “Does that happen often?”

  “Not so much anymore, but enough. That and very occasionally, the damned dirt bikes.”

  Jordan shifted closer. “Dirt bikes? The day we had the accident in the park, you mentioned a dirt bike.”

  “When we were shot, I heard a dirt bike. I could even smell the exhaust. My therapist says I’m hyperaware of them now. The bikes aren’t real. It’s just something I imagine.” She exhaled. “Remember, the other night, at Patrick’s? I told you that it was a rough session with the therapist.” She hesitated, debating how to tell Jordan more of this.

  “Look what I just told you,” Jordan said and urged her on.

  “I know. One of the issues is Niki’s clothes. I can’t seem to let them go, and worse, I get into this strange place in my mind where the only safe place is in the closet. If I close the door… Niki’s scent’s in there.”

  “And?”

  “The worst. I can’t remember the shooting. I remember the dirt bike and then…waking up in the hospital. It’s dumb. I mean, my mind wants to know if it hurt. Did she see me get shot? Did she say anything? Something else. What if I did see something that might be important to the police that would help them find the murderer? Stupid mind.”

  “Did she die, there at the scene?”

  “No, they kept her alive for almost two days on life support so I was with her when sh
e died, officially. Dr. Wolfe somehow managed to put us in the same room and I tried to stay conscious but couldn’t. The few times I’d come around she wasn’t…there. There was never a response, according to the hospital.”

  Jordan put her arm around Brie. “I think this is something we share. They didn’t find Pete for four days. At first they wouldn’t tell me if he was alive. Later, I understood that they didn’t know. Then they got the fire out and found Pete and three other men. I used to lie awake at night and wonder about those things too.”

  Brie turned in Jordan’s arm to see her face. “Do you still think about that?”

  “No, and you won’t either, eventually.”

  “It just wears me out.”

  “Stick with me,” Jordan said and cradled Brie back into her shoulder with an arm around her waist. “We’ll figure this out.”

  The smell of lake water and sun on skin drifted into Brie’s senses as she relaxed her head against Jordan’s shoulder with a sigh.

  “How did you meet her? Niki?” Jordan asked, her breath warm against Brie’s ear. “You’ve said little bits and pieces, but what about the special things?”

  Brie began telling the story of the restaurant and Mary Kramer. Before she knew it, she was sitting up on her knees, laughing over the details of that afternoon. Her own humiliation, followed by the surprise and delight of Niki. She giggled. “I just remembered how I used to tease Niki about that moment. “That I was frock fucked that afternoon, done in by a yellow dress!” Brie moved back against Jordan as they laughed a little.

  “Wait a minute. Are you telling me that woman went into the restroom at the Inlet and…at lunch?”

  Brie grinned. “Yep.”

  “Good Lord, where have I been? I mean, I know it’s easy to pick up a guy there. I’ve done it, but I didn’t know about the women.” She tipped her head back, looking at the stars. “And I’ve been to the Crow’s Nest, seen women together…”

  “The Crow’s Nest? For a beer after the game?”

  Jordan nodded and sat up. “Did you ever do guys?”

  “Hey.” Brie’s head snapped up. “What kind of question is that?”