Shifted By The Winds

by Ginny Dye

  “But I want to see it!” one of the children cried. Every other head was nodding vigorously.

  “I do, too,” Felicia responded, “but we don’t always get what we want.” Her voice grew very serious, and her eyes darkened with an understanding far beyond her age. “We can hope for the best, and then figure out how to live with what actually comes. I’ll be sorry if we don’t get to see the Leonid Shower, but I can still choose to be happy. ”

  Louisa was speechless. Felicia’s words resonated in her soul. They gave her courage, but they did far more than that. She could almost see the wall erected around her heart and mind. Her morning with Annie, June and Polly had started it’s dismantle, but her time here was causing the bricks to tumble ever faster.

  Felicia turned back to the class. “The Leonid Meteor Shower has the very fastest meteors. That means they are very bright, and when they streak across the sky they have a excessively long tail. I read that some of the ones in 1833 lasted for several minutes!”

  Louisa oohed with the rest of the class before she caught herself. Falling bricks or not, surely she still had an image to maintain. She straightened and composed her face, but she caught the knowing smile lurking in Rose’s eyes. Louisa stiffened, and then forced herself to relax as she realized it was nothing more than an automatic response – nothing that she actually felt. Jasper was having a wonderful time, and she had just learned something new. Without even thinking about it, she smiled at Rose.

  Rose’s eyes widened with surprise, but the smile she sent in return was warm and genuine.

  Louisa stood in the doorway of the school as she watched the children play outside, dashing through the trees in a wild game of tag. Jasper raced freely among them, his wide smile indicating his delight. His laughter was easy to pick out from everyone else’s. White children playing with blacks was nothing new to her. There were times she had played with the plantation’s slave children when she was growing up, but her parents had been very diligent about letting her know she was better than they were, and as she grew older it was not allowed. What had confused Louisa when she was younger, simply became the way things were. She had felt affection for some of their slaves, but she had easily drawn the lines that separated them. It was effortless because she understood they were different.

  Louisa watched Jasper thoughtfully. He had never been taught any of those things. Growing up on the farm, he rarely saw other children, and certainly none of them had been black, because there had been no slaves. She had been watching him with John since they had arrived on the plantation. When they became best friends, she had pushed aside her discomfort, thinking she would be able to teach him the truth when they left Cromwell. Now she wasn’t sure she knew the truth at all.

  “It was good to have you here today, Louisa.”

  “Thank you, Rose. It’s been a very interesting day.”

  “Interesting in what way?” Rose asked.

  Louisa cocked her head, seeing something in Rose’s eyes she couldn’t quite interpret. Suddenly she realized all this had been planned. Rose had known seeing Felicia teach would challenge who Louisa thought the little girl was. When Jasper had insisted on coming, Rose had seen her chance. To Louisa’s surprise, she didn’t feel angry—merely impressed that Rose had found a way to corner her.

  Rose seemed to realize she had been discovered. “I did believe you would find school interesting,” she said with a quick smile. “I’m sorry if you feel manipulated.”

  “Managed, perhaps,” Louisa murmured, “but I wouldn’t say manipulated. You’ve been talking with Polly and June.”

  Rose didn’t deny it.

  “You knew listening to Felicia teach would show me how wrong my beliefs are,” Louisa continued, realizing that it had. It shocked her to see a big pile of the bricks from her wall laying tumbled at her feet.

  “I was hoping it would,” Rose admitted.

  “Why do you care?” Louisa demanded, wanting very much to understand why Rose, Polly and June weren’t treating her the way she certainly would have if the roles had been reversed.

  Rose took a deep breath and met her eyes squarely. “Because of our children.”

  Louisa stared at her. “I’m not sure I understand.”

  “You and I grew up in a different world. Your family owned slaves. My family were the slaves. All of us were taught different things that allowed us to live in the world we were born into. I’m sure you liked your world much more than I did,” Rose said, “but the point is that you weren’t born with your beliefs. They were taught to you. If you hold on to your beliefs and pass them on to Jasper, he’s going to have a hard time living in the world the way it is now. It’s the same with my John. I can’t teach him about how to survive as a slave. I have to teach him about how to make the most of his life as a free man.” Rose paused. “And, I have to do what I can to change the thinking of white people so that the world John grows up in is better than the one I did.”

  Louisa listened carefully, struck by Rose’s wisdom.

  “There were times when I was growing up that I hated everybody in my world who was white,” Rose said. “It took me until I was in my late teens to let go of that hate and try to see people just as people. I can’t change how most white people see blacks, but I’m hoping I can help you change, Louisa. The only way I can do that is to let go of any resentments I still have, and just see you as a person who is scared of the future and trying to make the best decisions for her family.” She took a deep breath. “Responding to prejudice with prejudice will never do anything to change how things are in our country.”

  Louisa considered her words. “How did you become so wise?” she asked, still trying to process what she had heard.

  “My mama,” Rose said, her eyes bright with love. “My mama was the wisest, most loving person I ever knew. She helped me quit hating, and she taught me how to live. I owe everything I am to her. Whatever wisdom I have, it’s because of her.”

  Louisa had loved her mother, but they had never been close. Her mother had taught her how to live in a white world and how to be a capable plantation mistress, but she certainly never taught her about loving and living. In the end, her mother had simply given up on life because she couldn’t figure out how to live in the new world that had been dumped on her.

  Louisa shifted her eyes to the schoolyard, watching as Jasper disappeared around a tree while a little black boy chased him in wild pursuit. Jasper’s laughter made her smile, and it also made her realize the stark truth of what Rose was saying. “Do you hate being black?” she asked.

  Rose considered her question for a long moment. “No. I don’t hate being black, because this is the way God made me. I’ll admit there are many times I think about how much easier it would be if I was white…if Moses was white…if my children were white…but I don’t hate being black. That would be like saying God made a big mistake. I guess I don’t believe he did.” She paused, a funny look crossing her face before she continued. “Besides, I’m only half black.”

  Louisa gasped. “What?”

  Rose nodded. “As long as we’re talking honestly, you may as well know that Thomas Cromwell is my half-brother. His father raped my mother. I was the result.”

  Louisa simply had no words. No idea of what to say. The first thought that flitted into her mind was that a white man could not rape a woman who was his property, but just as suddenly she realized how sick the very thought made her feel inside. Looking into Rose’s warm, intelligent eyes, she had a clear picture of how terrified her mother must have been when she had been violated. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, perhaps more surprised than anyone to realize she meant it. Then she had another thought. “That’s why Moses owns half the plantation,” she murmured.

  Rose’s eyes narrowed. “Moses is half owner of Cromwell Plantation because he is the best tobacco farmer in Virginia. Thomas knew his profits would increase if he put Moses in charge.”

  Louisa felt an immediate flash of embarrassment. “I�
�m sorry! I didn’t mean…”

  Rose held up her hand. “It’s all right. I realize you didn’t mean it the way it sounded. And while Moses is the best tobacco farmer in Virginia, it’s also true that Thomas did such a radical thing because Moses is my husband. He deeply regretted the pain my family suffered because of his father’s actions.” She smiled. “It’s going to take all of us some time not to respond with knee-jerk reactions. White people do not hold the monopoly on prejudice,” she admitted with a twitch of her lips.

  Louisa nodded. “Being here has turned my whole world upside down,” she confessed.

  “Even more than the war?” Rose asked.

  Louisa considered the question and then nodded again. “Actually, yes. I knew how to think and feel during the war. I was fighting to protect the only way of life I’d ever known. Now, that way of life is gone. The only thing left are the feelings and beliefs…” Her voice trailed off as she struggled to examine her thoughts honestly, shocking herself when she no longer saw it as appalling that she was doing it with a black woman. Somewhere along the way, without even realizing it, Rose had simply become a woman. “Those feelings and beliefs no longer have a place in my life,” she said, smiling with relief when she realized her words were true.

  Rose gazed at her. “I believe you mean that.”

  Louisa nodded and grinned. “I believe I mean it, too.” A feeling of freedom swept through her as the remaining pieces of her walls crumpled under the weight of her new beliefs. She reached out and took Rose’s hand. “Thank you,” she said softly.

  Rose smiled, grasped her hand, and nodded toward a nearby tree. “Look at them,” she said.

  Louisa glanced over, her heart melting when she saw Jasper and John, their heads almost touching as they knelt down to examine something they had discovered under the tree. Jasper’s blond hair glowed in a stunning contrast to John’s curly black hair. The game of tag had ended. The other children were resting in the shade and eating their lunches. Their two boys were off on a new adventure. “We’ll help them navigate a new world,” Louisa vowed.

  A sudden clattering on the road caused Rose to stiffen and turn around. The chattering children all went still—even little John, who stood up and turned to watch.

  Louisa watched as a group of horsemen galloped down the road toward them. Her stomach tightened, though she couldn’t have explained why, when they began to slow. They craned their necks to glare in the direction of the school, and Louisa saw several of their eyes widen when they caught sight of her. Her stomach clenched even more when their eyes narrowed into angry glares. She didn’t recognize any of the men, but that didn’t mean they didn’t recognize her. She hated the idea that it bothered her.

  “Go inside,” Rose said.

  Louisa, ashamed of herself that she wouldn’t stay and stand her ground beside Rose, turned and entered the school. She hurried to a window and peered out as the horsemen pulled to a stop, talking among themselves. Several of them were waving their arms, but she couldn’t make out what they were saying. She didn’t need words, however, to know they were angry.

  Rose remained on the porch, her slim body erect as she gazed out at the road. A simple motion of her hand had all the children filing silently into the school. All of them took their seats except Amber and Felicia.

  The two little girls slipped out the narrow door built into the back of the school and broke into a run, the woods swallowing them in just seconds. Louisa realized they were running to the plantation for help. The knowledge made her throat go dry. Visions of the school in flames filled her mind, but she pushed them aside. Without knowing how, she was suddenly certain the men were angry because of her. The thought terrified her.

  The children were all sitting at their desks. Their eyes were wide with fright, but no one made a sound. One of the older boys stood and moved next to the door leading into the woods, his eyes trained on Rose through one of the windows. Louisa was certain he would help evacuate the children if the men took one step toward the school.

  Rose continued to stand proudly, her head held high. Louisa took a deep breath, certain Rose shouldn’t be alone. Humiliation that she was hiding in the school like a coward swept over her like a wave cresting in a storm. She lifted her head in defiance and moved toward the door.

  Just before she stepped out onto the porch, the men turned and galloped off. Louisa watched Rose sag against the column and realized how frightened she must have been. She slipped up next to her and laid her hand on her shoulder. “What was that about?” she whispered.

  Rose didn’t answer. She glanced toward the children staring out at them and shook her head. “Later,” she whispered back.

  Rose took several deep breaths and entered the classroom. “Everything is fine,” she said to her frightened students in a reassuring voice.

  “Them the same men who burnt our school?” one little girl called.

  “Are those the same men who burned our school,” Rose responded.

  Louisa was amazed Rose could still think to correct grammar after the fear of the last minutes. She was quite sure she wouldn’t be able to, yet she couldn’t even identify why she had been so frightened in the first place by a group of her own people riding by the school. There had not seemed to be an obvious threat, but she had a quick understanding that Rose, her children, and every innocent looking student in the school, must live with fear all the time.

  “Are those the same men who burned our school?” the little girl demanded with a quavering voice.

  Rose walked over to kneel down in front of her and took the little girl’s hands. “I don’t know, Bonnie,” she said honestly. “But I do know nothing is going to happen right now.”

  Rose couldn’t possibly know that, but Louisa watched the children gradually relax as they stared at the teacher they trusted. Her respect for Rose jumped by leaps and bounds.

  “Why are we hiding in the school?” Jasper asked. “Me and John wanted to play more,” he added, his little face set with petulant defiance.

  It was John who answered his question. “It’s okay, Jasper. There be some people in the world that don’t like black people very much.”

  Jasper looked confused. “I’m not black.”

  John thought about that for a moment. “But being with black people makes you almost black,” he explained.

  Jasper seemed to accept the answer with no trouble, but the truth of it hit Louisa between the eyes with the same force of the bricks that had crumbled from the wall around her heart and mind. She gasped, stark fear filling her. Suddenly she wanted to grab Jasper and run from the school so fast and far that no one could be a threat to them ever again. She began to tremble when she realized that wasn’t possible. What had she done by coming here today? Had she made herself and her family, including her innocent son, a target?

  Rose cast her a sympathetic look and stepped back to the front of the class. “I’m going to end school early today,” she said. “I don’t believe there is any danger, but all of you are far too precious to me to take a chance. You all know how to slip through the woods to get home safely. Stay off the road today and go straight home. If you hear anything, hide in the woods until you know it is safe. We will have school tomorrow.”

  Louisa watched as the children nodded solemnly. Their eyes were still fearful, but their faces were set with determination. This was obviously something they had practiced or experienced already. They all lined up at the back door, and then slipped through one at a time. Sibling groups joined together, disappearing into the woods quickly. She watched until the last child, except John and Jasper, disappeared. “They have done this before,” she said as she turned to Rose.

  Rose nodded. “There are times it has been necessary. Sometimes I do it just as a drill to make sure they are prepared when there is a need.” She knelt down next to where John and Jasper seemed to be frozen to their desk, both faces a mask of uncertainty and fear. “It’s okay, boys.” She handed both of them a piece of chalk. “Wo
uld you like to draw on the board?”

  John brightened immediately. “Really, Mama? Can we draw anything?”

  Rose nodded. “Anything,” she assured him. “We’re going to wait here until your daddy comes.”

  “Daddy is coming?” John asked in a delighted voice. “Promise?”

  “I promise,” Rose said.

  John nodded, all his fear disappearing at the promise his daddy was on the way. “Come on, Jasper. We can draw anything we want on the board! None of the other kids get to do that! We don’t have to be afraid. My daddy is coming!” Jasper, heartened by John’s sudden courage and confidence, nodded happily, grabbed the chalk from him and headed for the board. Moments later they were laughing and chatting as they drew pictures of the birds, rocks and trees they had discovered that morning.

  Louisa shivered as she looked out the window, praying Moses would suddenly appear. Some part of her understood Rose was afraid to walk back through the woods alone, but she tried to push that aside because it only made her more frightened to imagine what Rose might be attempting to avoid. “Are you afraid all the time?” She hated the fear turning her muscles to jelly, but she didn’t know how to fight it.

  Rose looked her in the eyes. “I wouldn’t say I am afraid all the time. I would certainly say I am aware every minute of every day that something could happen. I’m not responsible for only myself. I am also responsible for a classroom of children. I can’t ever let my guard down.”

  Louisa appreciated that Rose didn’t sugarcoat it. “Was John right? Did I put Jasper and myself in danger by being here today?” Sick fear pulsed through her when Rose hesitated. “Please just tell me the truth.” She didn’t want to hear it, but she knew she must.

  “Your family was at risk the moment you decided to stay on Cromwell Plantation,” Rose replied, her voice both direct and sympathetic. “You simply needed a safe place to stay, but I can guarantee you there are people who know you and Perry are living here. In their eyes it means you support what is happening at Cromwell.”