Shifted By The Winds

by Ginny Dye

  “That’s the gist of it,” Robert answered.

  Carrie reached out and grabbed his hand, stricken by the look in his eyes. She pushed aside her anger. “Why didn’t you tell me when I was here in August?”

  “I wanted to. When you were called back early, I didn’t want to dump it on you right before you left.”

  Carrie could understand that, but her heart ached for her husband. Her anger melted beneath the weight of her sorrow. He had lost everything during the war except his burning passion for horses. His great hope had been to start over and raise the finest horses in Virginia. “Someone will buy them,” she said. “It’s just not possible that every horseman in this state is a bigoted idiot,” she snapped, her anger surging back as she talked.

  “It might be,” Robert muttered.

  Carrie stared down the road, her mind racing. “What have you been doing with this year’s crop of babies?”

  Robert shrugged. “Training them. If a miracle happens and someone actually buys them, they are going to be more than pleased. Clint is truly gifted, and Amber has a natural ability I’ve never seen in anyone else but you. All of the colts and fillies are coming along incredibly well.”

  “And the mares?”

  “I bought more in the spring before I realized no one would buy their offspring. All of them are bred and due in the spring. Come March and April, there will be twice as many that no one wants to buy,” he said ruefully.

  “What does Polly say?” Carrie asked.

  Robert shifted in his seat to look at her better. “What does Polly say? What difference would that make?”

  Carrie smiled and shrugged. “She seems to know things. Just like Sarah did.” She saw a smile begin to form in Robert’s eyes. “So what did Polly say?” she repeated.

  “She said somebody with sense in their head is gonna come buy these fine horses.”

  Relief flowed into Carrie. “Then someone will,” she said with confidence.

  “And if she isn’t right?”

  Carrie grinned. “Have you ever known her to be wrong?”

  “Well, no, but…”

  “If I were you I would just keep on training those babies. When the right person finally shows up to buy them, they are going to be so thrilled they’ll spread the word like wildfire. You probably won’t even have enough in the spring to fill the demand. You’ll have to start a waiting list for the following year.”

  “Time will tell,” Robert muttered, but his eyes were more hopeful.

  Carrie remained silent for several minutes, the pieces clicking together in her mind as they cantered down the road. When the final piece had snapped into place, she slowed to a walk, motioning for Robert to move closer. “So people are displeased with what is happening at Cromwell. That means everyone is in danger, and all of you have to be extra careful. The vigilantes are becoming bolder as the elections draw nearer because they know the South is soon to be without support from President Johnson.”

  Robert stared at her, and then a bemused smile spread across his face. “That would be the issue in a nutshell,” he replied. He told her quickly about the last incident at the school.

  “They didn’t return?”

  “No, but it’s just a matter of time,” he said. “I think things are rather chaotic right now because of the elections. There is a last ditch effort being made to strengthen President Johnson, but I don’t believe it will work.”

  “It will fail. Matthew has been keeping us abreast of the news. Things are about to change radically.”

  “For the better?”

  Carrie hesitated. “I hope so. It will take some time to implement the changes the Republicans vow to initiate, but it will take even longer to truly change the attitudes in the South. It’s going to require great courage and persistence from both whites and blacks to make that happen.”

  When Robert didn’t reply, she looked up and was surprised to see they were almost back to the house. She put all the troublesome talk behind her as she saw the crowd of people waiting on the porch. “Rose!” she yelled, pushing Granite into a gallop for the last hundred yards. Rose laughed joyfully as Carrie leapt from her saddle and hurled herself into her arms.

  “I missed you,” Rose cried.

  Carrie gazed up at the ring of faces on the porch and knew she was truly home. She always enjoyed returning to the plantation, but never had she felt the connection so strongly. Never had she feared her heart would rend in two if she dared to leave. The feeling both thrilled her and confused her. She believed so strongly she was meant to be a doctor. What could this mean? She caught Abby’s eyes as she peered up at the porch. The message was loud and clear. You don’t have to know now. The words, silently whispered on the breeze, released the vise around her heart.

  “I missed you too,” Carrie whispered. “Oh, how I missed you.” Only she needed to know that the missing encompassed everything she could see, hear and smell.

  A loud whinny attracted her attention. She grinned when she looked over and saw Amber clinging to the pasture fence, a horse’s head resting on her leg. Robert had told her about Amber’s reaction to their gift. “That’s a fine looking filly you have there, Amber.”

  “The best in the world,” Amber declared, her eyes glowing with warm happiness. “Thank you,” she said shyly, her expression expressing her gratitude far more than her words ever could.

  Carrie smiled as she walked over to stroke All My Heart’s silky head. “The two of you belong together. Just like Granite and I did.”

  Amber sucked in her breath. “That’s just what I thought,” she whispered. “Did you know right from the first moment?”

  “Right from the first moment,” Carrie confirmed. She laughed when Granite, his reins hanging free, trotted over to nuzzle her shoulder and then touched his nose to the filly’s.

  “Granite is helping me train All My Heart,” Amber confided. “She adores him. She copies everything he does.”

  “She couldn’t have a better teacher,” Carrie replied. She felt a fierce desire not to miss one moment of it, but now was not the time to ponder what she was feeling.

  A movement on the porch caught her attention. She felt herself tense, but saw Amber’s surprised look and forced herself to relax as she turned around. “Hello, Louisa,” she called, glad when her voice came out warmly welcoming.

  “Carrie!” Louisa called. She ran down the steps and across the yard.

  Carrie watched her with surprise. She had never seen Louisa move any faster than a sophisticated southern woman’s stroll.

  “It’s so wonderful to have you home,” Louisa said just before she wrapped her in a big hug.

  Carrie saw the wide grin on Robert’s face over Louisa’s shoulder. Stunned, she returned the hug and then stepped back to peer into Louisa’s face. “It’s so good to see you.”

  “Oh, you probably don’t mean that right this minute,” Louisa said blithely, “but I hope you will soon.”

  Carrie searched for a response but came up empty. Her mouth almost dropped open when Rose strolled up next to Louisa and wrapped her arm around her waist.

  Louisa laughed. “I told you she wouldn’t know what to think.”

  “It takes time to undo the past,” Rose said, sounding exactly like her mama. “I predict it won’t take too long, though.”

  The sound of squealing children broke through Carrie’s shock. She watched as John and a bright-haired boy that could be no one but Louisa’s son raced across the yard, chasing the last fireflies of the season. It was easy to tell they were the best of friends. She shot a look at Louisa, mesmerized when she saw easy affection on her face as she watched the boys play.

  Carrie let out a long breath. “Well…” she managed. Rose and Louisa stepped up next to her, wrapped their arms around her waist, and pulled her toward the porch. Carrie smiled when she saw Moses, Simon, Matthew and Perry sitting together on the porch talking easily. Jeremy was pushing Marietta in the swing that hung from the branch of the oak tree pos
itioned outside her childhood bedroom. Thomas and Abby reclined on the porch swing as Annie stepped out with a new tray loaded high with cookies. June’s voice, calling from the kitchen, floated out into the night air.

  Suddenly she knew, truly knew, that she was home. More importantly, she was looking at proof that miracles really did happen.

  “Robert! Robert!” John dashed from behind a tree, Jasper close by his side. “You can’t catch us!”

  Robert leapt off the porch to give chase. “I’ll get you!” he called. His laughter rang through the still evening as he ran after them, making sure to let them remain just out of reach.

  Carrie’s step faltered as she watched her husband cavorting with the two young boys. She summoned a bright smile when Rose squeezed her waist more tightly, but she suspected her best friend was not fooled.

  Carrie knew Rose would be waiting for her as she slipped out onto the porch bundled in breeches and an even thicker coat than she had worn that afternoon to ward off the chilly evening air. Both of them should be sleeping, but neither could wait another moment to be alone. The evening of nonstop talk and laughter with everyone had been wonderful, but now she wanted nothing more than to talk with her best friend.

  They linked arms but remained silent as they walked out into the night, illuminated by a moon that was just shy of full. The cold fall air had silenced the frogs, but the hooting owls and coyote yips more than made up for them. Carrie shivered as the house disappeared around a curve. “Are we safe?” She hated to ask the question, but she had been sensitive to the unspoken tension all night. She peered around, searching the shadows for any unexpected movement.

  Rose shrugged. “We all listen and watch carefully.”

  Her simple statement alarmed Carrie. She had wanted Rose, even expected her, to deny there was any reason for concern. “Are you really afraid?”

  Rose turned to look at her. “Every day,” she admitted. Her beautiful face tightened with a frown. “I abhor feeling this way, but it’s the only way I know to take care of everyone. I feel if I relax for even one minute that somebody might sneak past my guard and harm those I love.” Her voice was a mixture of bitterness and pain.

  “Robert told me about the latest incident at the school.” Carrie was horrified by the fear she saw shining from Rose’s eyes. She had so hoped the end of slavery would mean the end of this kind of terror.

  Rose sighed. “Talking about it won’t change it. Just for tonight I’m going to pretend all is well because my best friend is back where she belongs.”

  Carrie stared at her. “Is this really where I belong?” Her heart surged with longing and hope at the same time her mind protested what she was thinking.

  Rose stopped walking and turned to look at her. “Talk to me, Carrie. What is going on?”

  Carrie sighed. She was growing weary of telling her story, but Rose deserved to hear it all. She pushed sleep from her mind as she filled her best friend in on all that had happened.

  “Well…” Rose murmured when she finished. “That’s a lot.”

  Carrie laughed. “Leave it to you to encapsulate almost two months of life-changing experiences into three words.” She hooked her arm through Rose’s and kept walking. Just being with her, strolling through the moonlight, made her feel better. Even though she was tired of talking about all that had happened, each time she did it seemed to shave a little more of the heavy weight from the burden.

  “You’re not sure you should go back to Philadelphia.”

  “Yes,” Carrie admitted, wondering if the moonlight was working some type of enchantment on her. The angst in her heart seemed to lift and disappear. “I haven’t changed my mind about being a doctor, but for some reason my soul can’t imagine leaving the plantation again right now.”

  “Your gut is telling you to stay,” Rose stated calmly.

  In the clarifying gleam of the moon, it all seemed so simple. Carrie suddenly realized it was true. No matter what her mind was telling her, her instincts were telling her to stay. She drew a quick breath.

  “You don’t have to know why, Carrie.”

  Carrie stopped again and swung Rose around to face her. She inspected her friend’s eyes in the light of the moon, envying the peace she saw radiating there now. “How can you say that? All I’ve ever wanted to do was be a doctor. Now I’m walking away. I want to know why.”

  Rose shrugged, a smile playing across her lips. “And I’m saying you don’t have to know why. I’ve learned God works in very mysterious ways. I couldn’t believe I was coming back to the plantation after the war. I thought it was going to keep me from accomplishing what I was meant to do.”

  “And you don’t feel that way anymore?” As much as Carrie’s heart was urging her to stay, her mind was shouting at her that she could be making a decision that would be fatal to her future.

  “No,” Rose answered. “I wouldn’t have been able to say goodbye to Sam if I had left. I wouldn’t be a mother to Felicia. I wouldn’t have seen Perry and Louisa change before my eyes, and I wouldn’t have the joy of watching John ride out into the fields with his daddy every day.” She took a breath. “Even though I’m frightened, I love teaching my students. I realize if I had left when I wanted to, that I would have missed so much that is actually preparing me for the future. I don’t know what is going to happen between now and next spring, but I’m quite certain I don’t want to miss any of it.”

  “Well…” Carrie murmured, struck by the intense certainty in Rose’s eyes. “That’s a lot.”

  Rose laughed and tightly gripped Carrie’s hand. “You don’t have to know why, Carrie. You simply have to listen to God the best you can and follow your heart. At some point in time you will understand, but you can’t expect to understand when you make your decision.”

  Carrie turned her eyes up to gaze at the moon, wishing a shooting star would streak across the sky as a sign. The few glimmering stars bright enough to be seen in the moonlit sky remained stubbornly in place. She sighed and lowered her head. “And what if I’m wrong?”

  “Then you’re wrong,” Rose replied.

  “But…”

  “Oh, for heaven’s sake, Carrie,” Rose said in an exasperated voice. “We’re going to make decisions for the rest of our lives without knowing if they are right or wrong. All we can do is make the very best decision we can at the moment and then live with the consequences that come from it.”

  Carrie stared at her. “Your mama…”

  “What’s my mama got to do with this?” Rose asked in a puzzled voice.

  “Nothing.” Carrie chuckled. “You sound just like your mama. There have been other times when you repeated things your mama said, but this is different. You were speaking with your own words, but you sounded just like your mama."

  Rose smiled. “Nothing could make me happier. I doubt I’ll ever be as wise as that woman, but I sure hope I come close some day.”

  “I think that day is coming sooner than you think,” Carrie said, staring at her with admiration.

  Rose smiled again but remained silent. The two friends walked on through the night, their frosty breath weaving a white mist that floated up to the sky.

  Carrie gasped as the moon began to reflect off dancing crystals on the ground, grasses, and remaining flowers. “The first frost of the year,” she whispered, not wanting to break the reverent feeling the silence had wrapped around her.

  “Just in time for the Harvest Celebration,” Rose whispered back, her eyes gleaming with delight.

  Carrie stood and watched as the glistening frost seemed to float down from the sky to lay glittering diamonds on everything it touched. She was always sad at the end of harvest when the fields lay bare and empty, but the shining frost beckoned her forward. She caught her breath as she realized she was being pulled into a new season of her life. It was impossible for her to understand why she was supposed to stay on the plantation, but the peace that claimed her heart as soon as she uttered the words said she was making the right d
ecision.

  “I don’t have to know why,” she whispered.

  Rose remained silent but reached down to grip her hand. Carrie had lost track of time when Rose finally let go. The beauty of her world glistening beneath the moon while honking geese split the sky with their V formations had her mesmerized.

  “We should go back,” Rose said reluctantly. “The others are probably already worrying.”

  Carrie was loath to leave the magical night, but they still had a long walk home. “All right,” she sighed as she began to retrace their steps.

  “So are you going to tell me what else is bothering you?” Rose asked.

  Carrie blinked. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” So much peace was pulsing through her heart that she honestly couldn’t feel anything else.

  Rose grunted. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice how you tensed up when you saw Robert playing with John and Jasper?”

  Carrie felt her newfound peace evaporate. “I had hoped you wouldn’t,” she admitted. She truly didn’t know how to talk about her suspicions. More accurately, her fears.

  Rose remained silent.

  Carrie struggled with what to actually say, but she also felt a hint of relief that Rose was pushing her to give words to the thing that had sat tightly in her heart for months. “Robert was very sick after the war,” she began, her words slow and halting. “He had a high fever for a long time.”

  “I remember.”

  “No one knows for sure what a high fever for that long can do,” Carrie continued. She fell silent, suddenly unable to voice the fear she had been trying to ignore.

  “You’re afraid Robert can’t produce children,” Rose said gently.

  “I don’t know anything,” Carrie cried. Hearing the words spoken out loud was suddenly more than she could bear. “I could be completely wrong!”

  Rose stopped and turned Carrie to face her. “But that is what you are afraid of?”

  Carrie stared into her eyes for several moments before she nodded. “Yes. That is what I’m afraid of.” She had hoped saying the words would offer some reprieve from the haunting suspicions, but they seemed to only mold them more firmly in her heart where they now lay like a sodden weight. “I never thought much about children,” she admitted. “I knew I wanted them someday, but medical school was always what pulled me forward.”