Going Dutch

by Katie Fforde

  ‘Too much choice,' said Tom firmly. 'Just put marmalade on it. Or peanut butter, my own favourite.' He winked at Jo and then started buttering alongside Dora.

  Jo put another four slices of bread under the grill.

  ‘Just the one loaf should be enough,' said Tom and Marcus laughed.

  ‘I don't want anyone going hungry,' she said calmly, 'but maybe I won't do this lot until the first lot has gone. Marcus, are you going to take some to Carole, or doesn't she eat toast?'

  ‘Hm?' Marcus looked up from his charts. 'Oh, I'll take her some, if you insist, but I don't know if she'll eat it.' He got up, took a plate from the drainer and put a couple of slices of toast on it.

  ‘Who's that getting breakfast in bed?' asked Ed, appearing from the bathroom, slightly damp and full of enthusiasm. 'Oh, young Carole. Sleeping with the boss has its advantages.’

  He laughed so cheerfully that no one could take offence; in fact, Dora thought, no one appeared to notice, but he'd said what she, and probably Jo and Tom, were thinking. Jo was appearing to debate whether or not to make yet more toast.

  ‘I'll eat another bit,' Dora said, 'and Tom will.’

  Tom, who had his mouth full, nodded.

  ‘OK, all hands on deck,' said Marcus, putting down his tea with a thump.

  ‘OK, Skipper,' said Ed. 'High water's at seven?'

  ‘Yes, we should get going. Can you start the engine, Ed? I just want a final look at the weather map before we lose our Internet connection.'

  ‘Wonderful these modern fandangles,' said Ed, going up the steps. 'In my day we just used to check the seaweed hanging outside the wheelhouse.'

  ‘He's joking,' said Tom to an open-mouthed Jo and Dora.

  ‘We knew that,' they said in unison a moment later.

  The engine juddered awake and a vibration that was both new and unnerving to Jo and Dora rumbled through The Three Sisters, turning her from a comfortable suburban home into a thing that moved, travelled, and possibly bucked about a bit.

  ‘You go and help Tom,' said Jo to Dora. 'I'll do the washing-up.' She didn't want anyone to notice how nervous she felt. This was it. They were finally about to leave the safety of the mooring.

  ‘No,' said Marcus firmly. He did have an uncanny ability to read her mind. 'You go up on deck. You're bound to get sick if you're down here all the time. Wait until you've got used to being on the move. The mugs will wait until the next round of tea is required, which in Ed's case will mean in about ten minutes. Don't bother to ask him if he wants one, just bring it every time you can bear to make it. Three sugars,' he added, then disconnected Jo's laptop and leapt up the steps.

  ‘Lucky Carole,' said Jo.

  ‘What, being allowed to stay in bed?' asked Dora, washing mugs too quickly for proper hygiene, but not caring.

  ‘Mm,' said Jo, being non-committal.

  *

  'Here, hold this fender,' said Tom as Dora arrived beside him. They had now left the safety of the mooring and were out in more open water. They were waiting to be allowed into the lock. Docks were always at a higher level than the river, Tom had explained, so they had to lock down. Dora had decided life was too short to ask him how a lock worked and hoped she'd just learn as they went along.

  ‘I don't know what to do with it!' Dora protested, taking the fender's rope as if it was a poisonous snake.

  ‘Just hold it between the barge and the side if we look like hitting anything. And when we get into the lock you might need to hold it a bit higher.' Tom was very calm. 'Just watch me. It's easy. Trust me, even Carole could do it.'

  ‘Don't be nasty about Carole,' said Jo as she appeared. 'I reckon she has a hard life.'

  ‘Being shacked up with Marcus?' asked Dora.

  ‘I don't imagine he's easy to live with,' said Jo.

  Later, as they eased their way into the lock without having hit anything, or indeed gone nearer anything than was absolutely necessary, Tom said, 'Man, that Marcus can handle a ship!'

  ‘I should jolly well hope so,' muttered Jo. Nerves were making her edgy and she still hadn't quite forgiven him.

  ‘Did you see the way he turned the corner? A gust of wind came just at the wrong moment, but he had the wheel over before it could do any damage.'

  ‘I thought there wasn't supposed to be any wind,' said Jo. 'I thought the whole point of waiting for ever to get this thing over was to get a period of settled weather, with no wind.'

  ‘You always get the odd stray gust,' said Tom con fidently. 'Right, now, Jo, cop on to this fender and move it if you need to.’

  Tom bounded up to the wheelhouse, wanting to be in on the action.

  ‘I wasn't supposed to be doing anything boaty,' Jo grumbled mildly. 'I was supposed to be keeping everyone fed and happy.'

  ‘And keeping Ed supplied with tea.'

  ‘Exactly. I wasn't supposed to be holding fenders and deciding whether or not to move them. Oh, look, Dora. I think maybe you should shift yours a bit more to the front.’

  Dora laughed. 'I think the expression is forrard.’

  At last, The Three Sisters had been lowered down to the level of the river. Marcus could be seen in the wheelhouse, turning the wheel first one way, then the other, and then they were in the Thames, the great artery of England and centuries-old trading route.

  ‘It is quite romantic,' said Jo. 'If a bit scary.'

  ‘Mm,' said Dora. 'I think I might get to quite like boating.'

  ‘Well, that's a relief,' said Tom, who, having taken their fenders from them, was now making sure there were no stray bits of rope anywhere to be tripped over.

  ‘No danger of a cup of tea, is there?' said Ed, appearing behind them. 'The boss wants one.’

  Dora laughed. 'And would you like one too?'

  ‘All right then, if you insist.’

  As Dora made to go with Jo, Jo held up her hand. 'You stay here. I can make the tea on my own.’

  Dora stayed. There was plenty to see: all sorts of barges, converted lifeboats and tugs. Over on the other side of the dock was a tall ship. It was new and all its masts and spars caught the morning light.

  ‘That's a sail-training ship,' said Tom, appearing at just the right moment to answer Dora's unspoken question. 'It's aluminium. Light but strong.' He looked at her specu latively, in a way that suddenly made her feel nervous.

  ‘No time to get me to go up the rigging, Tom,' she said, trying to sound unconcerned.

  He laughed. 'You're all right, I know that.'

  ‘I feel I should be doing more to help.'

  ‘There's nothing much you can do at the moment. Just beready with the fenders and take them to wherever looks like hitting.'

  ‘I think I can manage that.'

  ‘Are you enjoying yourself?'

  ‘Oh yes! More than I expected to, really. There's so much to see! Look at the garden on that boat. It's like something you'd see at Chelsea.’

  Tom gave her a look that made her realise he probably didn't regularly watch the Chelsea Flower Show on television. She laughed. 'I'll give Jo a hand with the tea now. She won't manage it all in one trip.’

  *

  Carole was in the wheelhouse when they got up there with the tea. She was cuddling Marcus. 'Ooh, tea!' she said. 'Can I have a cup?'

  ‘I'll make it,' said Dora, sensing Jo's reluctance to go back down below so soon.

  ‘I'm sure Carole's quite capable of making her own tea,' said Marcus, disentangling Carole's arms from around his waist.

  ‘Oh, Marky!' Carole's reproachful eyes gazed up at him. 'Don't bother. I'll do it,' said Dora. 'I might find a biscuit.'

  ‘Oh, biscuits. Now you're talking,' said Tom.

  ‘Biscuits have hydrogenated fat in them,' said Carole. 'Not these, I checked,' said Jo and then hated herself for sounding smug.

  ‘It's a lovely day,' said Carole. 'I slept really well in that bunk.’

  Jo waited for her to thank her for giving it up for them but then decided life was too short to wait that long.


  ‘I'm going to get my shorts on and top up my tan,' Carole went on.

  ‘But it's still a bit chilly, isn't it?' Why do I have to treat everyone as if I was their mother? Jo chided herself. Why would she care if Carole got cold? Carole sprang back down to her cabin a few moments before Dora arrived with the tea. Dora knocked on the door. 'Do you want me to bring it down there?'

  ‘Oh. No thanks. I've just had some water. I'll be fine,' Carole called up.

  ‘There's a spare cup of tea,' said Dora, showing, Jo thought, remarkable restraint.

  ‘Ed will drink it,' said Marcus.

  ‘I'll go and put sugar in it,' said Dora.

  ‘I'll do it!' offered Jo, who didn't want to be left alone with Marcus. She still felt odd about him and didn't want to have to analyse why just yet.

  ‘No, you stay up here.' Dora was firm and beginning to treat Jo much like Karen did.

  Rather than make stilted conversation, Jo speculated on how Carole could be so completely self-centred when it came to everyone else, and yet be so devoted to Marcus and his comfort. Love, she supposed, had a lot to answer for.

  About ten minutes later, Carole appeared in a canary-yellow bikini designed to reveal a maximum amount of flesh and to prove the myth that some women's legs went from waist to feet without any connecting hips. She was carrying a large beach bag.

  ‘You don't need anything, Marky?' she asked him as she passed by. 'I'll just be out there if you do, but I'm sure Jo or Dora will get you anything you want.’

  Having made this announcement, she climbed up on deck. Before everyone's fascinated gaze, especially Tom's, Dora noted, she laid out a huge beach towel and sat on it. Then she produced a sunhat, sunglasses and several bottles of suncream. She applied the cream in a thick layer,rendering the surface of her skin almost white, and then rested her head on a life belt. But only for a moment.

  ‘This is a bit hard, can you throw me a cushion?' she called.

  Jo and Dora both leapt to obey but Dora got there first. 'Why don't you do a little sunbathing?' Jo suggested to her, 'if you're going out there anyway?'

  ‘I haven't got anything suitable to wear,' Dora said. 'I left my dental floss in the bathroom.’

  Tom and Marcus shot her confused glances and Jo frowned. 'Well, just get a bit of sun while you can,' she said firmly. She didn't think it was fair to make disparaging remarks about Marcus's girlfriend in front of him. Especially when he didn't understand the reference.

  ‘I wonder if Ed would like another cup of tea?' said Jo rhetorically and went off to make one, in spite of hearing Tom's protest that he'd been given one only moments before.

  Jo decided that Ed would be her source of information. She would have used Tom, but he was in the wheelhouse, steering, and Marcus was with him, making sure he could do it, she presumed. Ed obligingly drained his mug and took the full one that Jo offered.

  ‘So, what's going on, Ed? I don't want to distract Tom.’

  ‘It looks like he's making a good job of steering. Marcus will be pleased.'

  ‘Tell me where we are, and everything.' Jo felt she could reveal her ignorance to Ed without being embarrassed. 'You've watched the Boat Race on telly, have you?' Jo nodded.

  ‘Well, we'll pass the same landmarks, Harrods Depository, all the bridges. We'll be down in Westminster in a couple of hours, that's where we'll get fuel. It's grand seeing the houses of parliament from the water.'

  ‘Goodness me! Now that does sound exciting,' said Jo, still teetering between the near-phobic stay-at-home she had been before and the slightly more confident seafarer Marcus had made her. On reflection, it did explain why Marcus had been so off with her. If he'd really thought that she'd chickened out when he'd gone out of his way to make her feel less terrified – well, it would have made anyone grumpy, especially a man used to getting his own way. And he was disturbingly attractive.

  Ed was unaware of Jo's little revelation. 'You'll get used to being on the go,' he said. 'Although it must be a bit strange when your home just casts off and moves.'

  ‘It is! It's unsettling for someone like me who hasn't done much travelling, or anything. I got married too young,' she added, speaking her thoughts.

  ‘It's never too late to catch up. Young Tom was telling me how he plans to go travelling. Now, a handy person like him could get a lot of work as boat crew. I reckon that'd be a grand life for a youngster. I got married young too,' he added. 'Although I went to sea and everything, I always had a wife and family to support. I've got lots of grand children now.'

  ‘Oh, that's nice.'

  ‘It is. I don't envy Marcus,' he lowered his voice somewhat, but not, Jo thought, quite enough. 'That Carole takes a lot of upkeep, I reckon.'

  ‘Have they been together long?' Jo almost whispered. 'He doesn't usually bring her on trips, so I don't know.’

  ‘Oh.'

  ‘He doesn't really like women being on board at all. He says they panic and get in the way. Maybe because you and Dora had to be here, he thought Carole would be -company.'

  ‘I see.' Jo didn't know quite how to take this. Why, whenhe'd never felt the need of Carole on a trip before, did he decide to bring her this time? To warn her off perhaps? But he'd thought she wasn't coming. 'I wonder what time Marcus thinks we should have lunch?' she went on, saying the first safe thing she could think of.

  Ed grinned. 'It's not ten o'clock yet. You weren't planning on doing a roast, were you?’

  Jo laughed. 'No. Home-made pizza, brown rolls, cheese, salad. Tom said that's all anyone would want.'

  ‘Home-made pizza sounds grand to me. But not for a few hours yet.’

  *

  They'd taken on fuel and had set off again when Dora told Jo that the pizza should be served cold.

  ‘Heating it will make it go all floppy, and it's a lovely day. We don't need warming up, nor does the pizza. Carole will have salad on its own, I expect.'

  ‘Oh?'

  ‘We were chatting. She doesn't do dairy and has a wheat allergy.'

  ‘I wish Marcus had told me she was coming!'

  ‘She said that she gets annoyed when people take nut allergies really seriously, but think that wheat allergies are just faddiness.'

  ‘That does seem unfair.' Jo was frantically trying to think how to keep Carole alive over the next few days. Fortunately she was so slender she probably wouldn't need a lot.

  ‘I told her that having an allergy to nuts was really dangerous, just a sniff of one and you could die. I don't think the effect is quite so dramatic with wheat.'

  ‘I don't know,' said Jo. 'I just hope she doesn't have a problem with citrus. Fruit is about all she's going to be able to eat.'

  ‘1 think it's people with arthritis who should avoid citrus,' said Dora. 'I don't suppose Carole qualifies.'

  ‘I wouldn't mind, really I wouldn't. I want people to be happy, to have what they like to eat…' Jo lowered her voice, although they were in the galley and couldn't be heard on deck. 'But why isn't she down here telling us what she needs? Why do we have to second-guess all the time?'

  ‘She's put stuff on her hair now, for highlights.'

  ‘Can't remember when I last had my hair done,' said Jo. 'I might just buy a bottle of something.'

  ‘You could go to a hairdresser,' said Dora. 'That's what Karen would say,' she added, knowing this would have the desired effect.

  ‘Do you think so? Maybe you're right. I'm going to take this lot up. Do you want to bring those rolls and the salad?’

  Tom was in the bow when the food arrived in the wheelhouse, but it didn't take him many seconds to join it. 'Wow, this looks great!'

  ‘There isn't room for everyone in here,' said Marcus sternly. 'Why don't you take that lot outside, after Ed and I have had some pizza, of course.'

  ‘You could take the tray out to Carole, to see what she'd like,' said Jo to Tom. 'I'll get the lagers. You would like one, wouldn't you?'

  ‘Actually, have you got something soft?' asked Marcus.
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br />   ‘The skipper doesn't like us to drink while we're working,' said Ed, taking another slice of pizza with gratifying enthusiasm.

  ‘There's no reason why you lot shouldn't have a beer,' Marcus went on. 'But it's not professional to drink and drive.'

  ‘Don't worry, Jo, lass, we make up for it when we're safely tied up,' said Ed.

  ‘I'll go and find something non-alcoholic – or would you prefer tea?'

  ‘Tea for me,' said Ed, 'but I can wait until everyone's having a cup.'

  ‘I'll go and gather up the mugs,' Jo said, trying not to sigh, worrying that the huge box of tea bags – a year's supply in normal circumstances – might run out. The gallons of milk might not hold out either.

  Jo rinsed out approximately twenty mugs, wishing she had a teapot, to save on tea bags. She also wished that Carole would occasionally do a tea round. Dora and Tom had been assiduous about taking turns, but Carole just lay on the deck in her bikini, lightening her hair, complaining about the food, being high-maintenance eye candy. Trust Marcus to have a trophy girlfriend, he was just that sort of man, she thought crossly. And then felt even crosser with herself for minding.

  She had just fitted the mugs on to a tray when Dora came dashing down.

  ‘Oh my God! The River Police have just radioed – they're coming aboard!’

  Tom came down behind her, a lot calmer.

  ‘What does this mean?' demanded Jo, her little sins crowding her mind – heat magazine, the miniature of whisky, various other weaknesses that might contravene some unsuspected by-law.

  ‘Well.' Tom spoke solemnly. 'I think it may mean more tea.’

  Chapter Eighteen

  A second after this serious pronouncement, Jo threw a tea towel at Tom and he put the kettle on again.

  ‘What will really happen?' asked Dora.

  ‘They'll check the papers and the boat for explosives and what not, and it'll all be fine. I gathered from what they were saying over the radio that they know Marcus. I suppose they would. Ooh, cake.’