Unforgiven

by Rebecca Shea

  “So talk to me; what are you doing these days?” I ask, curious to catch up with my old friend.

  “A little of this, a little of that. I’ve been teaching some online classes. English,” she says, “And also taking some classes in social work.”

  “Social work?” I question. “That’s a far cry from broadcast communications.” She nods her head and twists her fingers around each other.

  “I don’t know if Landon ever told you…”

  “He never told me anything about you two,” I interrupt her. She looks away from me, her attention focused on the mantle that hangs above the gas fireplace. “I’m not sure exactly what went down with the two of you, but Jess, he loved you and respected you. He never discussed what happened.”

  “Nothing happened,” she sighs, “except he helped me find myself again when I was lost,” she says quietly. “I was in a pretty dark place, and I’ll never be able to repay him—for loving me the way he did.” Her voice cracks.

  “What happened, Jess?” I shift on the couch and pull a pillow into my lap.

  “So much.” Her voice trails off. The smile on her face slowly fades. “We’ll talk—before I leave, but not right now. I just got here and I want to see this amazing condo and hear about you.” She clears her throat and swallows down her emotions. “I mean, look at this place, Lindsay. Holy shit,” she says, trying to sound excited.

  I can’t help but smile. “I know. I’m so embarrassed by the mess, though,” I stand up and begin picking up all the throw pillows that are all over the floor. I arrange them neatly on the couches and the oversized chair.

  “I don’t care about the mess. Tell me about you. How’s Matt?” And there it is. A knife directly to the heart.

  “Ah, we’re not together anymore.” I stand up straight and turn around.

  “What?”

  “Yeah, we decided long distance wasn’t our thing.”

  “Christ, Lindsay.” She places her hand on her heart and her face twists into a frown. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

  “No, it’s okay. It’s hard. So hard,” I admit.

  “How’s he handling it?”

  “Not well. I’m pretty sure he hates me.” I rearrange the pillows on the couch again so I can avoid looking at her.

  “He doesn’t hate you.”

  “No, I’m pretty sure he does.”

  “When’s the last time you talked?”

  “He called me a couple of weeks ago. It was short. Formalities.” I shrug.

  “Well, if he called you, he surely doesn’t hate you.” I sit down next to Jess on the couch and fold my hands into my lap. Thank goodness the Oxy has kicked in and I’m no longer shaking or nauseous.

  “I made the biggest mistake taking this job,” I admit to my friend.

  “No, Linds, don’t say that. It’s scary and new and you’re navigating this alone. Be proud of your accomplishments.”

  “Would you leave Gabe for a job across the country?”

  She laughs quietly. “I kind of did that, remember? Circumstances were a little different, I’m going to assume, but we made it.”

  “I’m not holding my breath that we’ll be as lucky as you and Gabe,” I acknowledge. “In fact, I’m pretty sure we’ll never recover from this.” I lean my head onto Jess’ shoulder and close my eyes.

  “Don’t give up,” she whispers quietly as a tear slides down my cheek.

  Jess and I sit at a small table on top of one of the hotels in downtown Phoenix that has a restaurant that spins, giving us a three-hundred-and-sixty-degree view of the Valley of the Sun. It’s gorgeous and offers amazing views of the mountains, downtown Phoenix, and the stunning orange and pink sunsets that have graced the skies lately. We toast to our friendship and eat an amazing dinner. Well, Jess ate and I picked at a piece of grilled salmon.

  “So tell me about the wedding,” I ask Jess as I sip on my Appletini. She spins the simple, yet large princess-cut diamond around her ring finger. “It’s going to be small. Just our families and close friends. You’ll be invited.” She smiles and sips on her drink. “I think we’re looking at March. March in California is beautiful. It’ll be in Santa Barbara for sure.”

  “Beach wedding?”

  “God, no. Gabe’s family would kill us if we didn’t get married in a church.” She rolls her eyes, but a smile tugs at the corner of her lips. I know she’d do anything Gabe asked her to. “They’re Mexican, strict Catholics.” She laughs.

  We order one last round of drinks before we decide to head back to the condo. We giggle and loop our arms together as we balance on each other and walk back the four blocks to my condo. Even at nine o’clock in the evening, the Phoenix heat stings my face. We reach the twenty-second floor of my building and walk past Jonah’s condo and I can hear the music blaring through the door and into the hallway.

  “Is your neighbor always that loud?”

  “Only when he’s being a dick.” I insert the key into my door and push it open.

  “Ladies,” Jonah’s voice echoes through the tiled hallway. I step inside the condo quickly, doing my best to avoid him. I look back over my shoulder and see that Jess has stopped in the hall and is shaking hands with Jonah. He turns his head and peeks into the condo, but I look away, avoiding eye contact with him. They spend a minute chatting before Jess finally comes inside and closes the door.

  “That is your neighbor?” Jess giggles.

  “That’s him,” I say sarcastically.

  “He’s hot, and he invited us over later.”

  “Jess. You’re engaged. You’re not allowed to think other guys are hot. And we’re not going over there.”

  She rolls her eyes and laughs. “Uh, yeah… I’m allowed to look, and it might be fun. We should stop by.”

  “We’ll see,” I mumble as I pull the cork from the bottle of wine that was chilling while we went to dinner.

  Jess and I spend the next few hours indulging in wine and reminiscing. For the first time in weeks, my heart is happy. In between glasses of wine, Jess and I make progress on cleaning the living room and kitchen. While I grab the sheets from the dryer, Jess carries her bags to the bedroom and I meet her there with an arm full of clean sheets and pillowcases.

  I toss the sheets into the middle of the bed while Jess kicks piles of my clothes into one large pile in the corner.

  “Good God, woman.” She laughs at me as the stack of dirty clothes continues to grow.

  “I know. I need to get to the dry cleaners and wash some clothes.”

  “We’re going to start tackling this tomorrow.” She laughs and shakes her head. I see her reach down and pick something off the floor as I begin making the bed with the freshly washed sheets.

  “Lindsay,” she says quietly as she approaches me.

  “Yeah.” I turn my head toward her as I tuck sheets under one side of the mattress. She stands holding a condom wrapper. I stop what I’m doing and stand up, brushing the hair out of my face that’s fallen from my messy bun. She watches me with contemplative eyes.

  “Here.” She places the wrapper in my hand. “You might want to toss that.” I nod and close my fingers around the wrapper. Jess goes back to quietly piling my clothes and tossing my shoes into the closet, before she starts unpacking her overnight bag. The giggling and laughter is gone, replaced by an uncomfortable air of sadness.

  “All done,” I let Jess know as I pull the down comforter back onto the bed. “At least I washed the sheets,” I say, cracking a joke. Jess smiles at me and stops unpacking her bag. She has a small pile of clothes on the nightstand. She walks over to me and pulls me into a hug.

  “I know you miss him, Linds. I can see it. But please be careful. I don’t know what you’re doing, but don’t do anything you’ll regret.”

  I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat. “I already have,” I whisper. There is a loud commotion out in the living room and some whoops and hollers. “What the hell is that?” I grumble, jumping up from the bed and running toward the li
ving room.

  “Who is that?” Jess asks as I move toward the door.

  “Take one guess?” I snap. “Guys, didn’t your mothers teach you it’s rude to just let yourself into someone’s home?” Dominic stands at my refrigerator with the door open and his head stuck inside. I met Dominic in the hallway as he was knocking on Jonah’s door one afternoon, and two other guys I remember seeing at Jonah’s stand at the kitchen island and talk to each other animatedly. All three turn to look at me as I approach.

  “Hey, beautiful,” Dominic says as he shuts the refrigerator door and strides over to me. I glance over my shoulder and find Jess leaning against the bedroom doorjamb with her arms folded across her chest, assessing the situation. “Jonah said he invited you and your friend,” he nods at Jess, “to come over. We came to personally walk you there—you know, make sure you get there safe and all.” He winks at me and a smile crawls across his face that makes my stomach turn.

  “It’s next door. I think we’ll be fine.” Dominic smiles at me and moves closer—way too close.

  “I brought you a little incentive.” He pulls a baggie from his front pocket and dangles it in front of my face. I snatch it as quickly as I can to hide it, but he pulls it right back out of my hand. It’s a baggie full of pills.

  “Put it away,” I snarl at him through clenched teeth.

  “Everything okay?” Jess asks as she comes into the living room, leaving the safety of the bedroom behind.

  “Everything’s fine,” I tell her, giving Dominic the look, the one that says get the hell out of here.

  “Everything’s great!” Dominic says, shoving the baggie of pills into his front pocket as he leans around me to address Jess. “We’ll see you in just a little bit. Right, Lindsay?” He tips his head to the side and licks his lips. I look back at Jess and she shrugs.

  “Yeah, we’ll stop by for just a few minutes.”

  Leaning in, Dominic whispers in my ear, “You’re cute when you’re pissed. Find me and they’re yours, sweetheart. My treat.” With a wink and a devilish smile, he steps away from me and turns toward the door. “Let’s go, guys. The ladies will be over in just a bit.”

  The door shuts behind the guys as they leave, and I look at Jess. “We don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

  “No, let’s just stop by. It’ll be fun,” she says with a smile.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. It’ll be fun.”

  After a quick change of clothes, Jess and I head next door. “Anytime you’re ready to leave, just say something or give me a look,” I inform her as we stand outside Jonah’s door. We can hear voices inside along with music.

  “Deal.”

  I push the doorbell and wait for Jonah or anyone to answer the door. The door opens and Jonah stands just inside, holding a bottle of beer. He steps aside and opens the door further, welcoming us.

  “Lindsay.” He tilts his head and looks at me funny.

  “Hi, Jonah. You met Jess earlier,” I reintroduce her as we step into his condo. I’ve never been inside his place; I’ve only seen it from the open doorway. It’s the typical bachelor pad with exposed brick walls, wood floors, black leather sofa and loveseat, and an entertainment system that rivals that of a movie theater.

  “We did meet. I’m glad you guys stopped by,” he says, bringing me back to the present.

  “We’re not staying long. Just wanted to make an appearance.” I scan the room, looking for Dominic. I find him in a corner of the living room, pressing a woman against the wall, his lips to her neck, all while managing a bottle of beer in one of his hands—classy.

  “Everyone, this is Lindsay and Jess. Jess and Lindsay, this is everyone,” Jonah announces as he shuts the door. “What can I get you to drink? We’ve got beer, wine, vodka…”

  “Vodka cranberry,” I say, looking to Jess.

  “Water for now. I’ll have something else in a little while,” Jess answers with a smile.

  “Vodka cranberry and a water coming up,” Jonah repeats. Jess walks into the living room where people stand in small circles, talking. She walks right up to a group of two girls and introduces herself, immediately making herself comfortable in a sea of strangers. I envy her confidence. Working in a profession where I talk to strangers every day, I’m uncomfortable here in a room with strange people I’ve never met.

  “Having fun with Jess?” Jonah asks as he drops some ice into a glass.

  “Yeah. I’ve really missed her.”

  “She’s gorgeous,” he says as he tips the bottle of vodka and pours a small amount into the glass before he hesitates.

  “She is.”

  “So are you, Lindsay.”

  I let out a long sigh. “Jonah, can we please not do this right now.”

  “Do what? I can’t tell you you’re beautiful?” He sets the bottle of vodka on the island and turns toward me quickly. His large hands grip each side of my head.

  “Look at me, Lindsay.” His voice is commanding and his brown eyes search mine. “Last night wasn’t a one-time deal for me,” he whispers as he presses his soft lips to my jaw. With slow kisses, his lips travel up my jaw to the sensitive spot just behind my ear. He sucks lightly on my ear lobe and I feel my head fall back, giving him more access to my neck. “I will be doing that to you again,” he mumbles against my neck.

  “There won’t be an again,” I say gently, pushing him away.

  “What’s going on over here?” the husky male voice says and begins laughing. Jonah steps back and I rub the spot on my neck that he was nibbling on.

  “Just welcoming our guests,” Jonah says as he stirs the cranberry juice in my drink. “Dominic, have you met my next-door neighbor, Lindsay?”

  “Actually, it’s pretty funny. I was at her place earlier…” He laughs as if it’s funny. Jonah visibly tenses up when Dominic says that.

  “We met in the hallway one day,” I interrupt him. “He was knocking on your door and you weren’t home. I was just getting home from work. We talked for just a few minutes in the hall, and that’s how we met.” My answers are short and direct.

  “What she said.” He laughs and takes a long drag on a cigarette. “We exchanged phone numbers, we’re ‘friends.’” He makes with air quotes. The smoke swirls from his mouth and hangs heavy over the kitchen island. I swat it away from my face, and Jonah looks suspiciously at Dominic.

  “So you went to her place today? And you two exchanged phone numbers?” he questions him and looks at me.

  “Just stopped by and invited her to the party. Don’t worry, man. I’m not going to move in on your old lady.” He pulls a shot glass off the kitchen island and fills it with Jack Daniel’s and tosses it back, smacking his lips when he’s finished. “But it worked, didn’t it? Got your girl here.” He winks at me and saunters away back to the girl who is still leaning against the wall.

  “Stay away from him, Lindsay,” Jonah orders. He stares at Dominic as he walks away. His glare is icy and cold. “He’s bad news.”

  “Yeah, of course. I mean, he’s your friend…”

  “He’s not my friend. He’s Jason’s friend. I don’t like that punk. Delete his number from your phone.” I nod at him as he hands me my drink. Opening the refrigerator, he pulls out a bottle of water for Jess and walks it over to her where she still stands talking to two girls she walked up to minutes ago. Just then, there is a loud noise and glass shatters when a girl who was dancing drops her glass, shattering it on the wood floor. Jonah is visibly annoyed as he walks to the hall closet and pulls out a broom and dust pan.

  Jonah sweeps up the glass as people continue to dance around him, making it difficult for him to clean up. I turn around and quietly flip the latch on the sliding patio door and step out onto his balcony, closing the door behind me. It’s still miserably hot as I lean on the edge of the railing and prop my chin on my hand, watching the cars drive on the street twenty-two stories below.

  I can make out the stars in the clear sky and the crescent moon sits
high in the sky. Jonah’s patio curves around to the other side of his condo and there are patio doors into the master bedroom and the living room. The living room door slides open and Dominic steps out onto the dark patio.

  “There you are,” he says, the cigarette from earlier still hanging from his lips. I don’t say anything in return as he walks closer and leans on the railing next to me. “I was surprised to get a text from you,” he says and flicks the butt of his cigarette off the balcony. I watch the red ember fade as it falls to the street below. His hand reaches into his front pocket and he pulls out the baggie of pills and holds them out to me.

  “I could only get fifty,” he says, “but I should be able to get more later this week.”

  “Fifty is great for now,” I say, reaching for the baggie.

  “Hey now,” he says as we both tug at the plastic bag that holds the pills I need.

  “What do I owe you?” His bright blue eyes fix on me as he thinks. “Money isn’t an issue,” I tell him as I yank the bag from his hand.

  “I told you earlier: this is my treat. Plus, maybe it’s not money I want,” he says, rubbing his hand on my shoulder.

  “Dom.” Jonah’s voice is firm and the patio door slams shut as he steps out. I quickly shove the baggie of pills into the front pocket of my shorts and take a step back from Dominic.

  “What’s up, man?” Dominic asks Jonah as he approaches.

  “What’s going on out here?” Jonah is glaring at Dominic and I tentatively step back. Dominic pulls out another cigarette and rests it between his teeth.

  “Not much. Just talking to Lindsayyyyyy.” He drags out the end of my name. “You’ve got yourself a cute little thing.” He winks at me.

  “Fuck off, Dom. Stay away from her.”

  Dom laughs as he pulls out a lighter and flicks it, the flame roaring to life as he lights his cigarette. Jonah breathes heavily, balling his fists. His chest rises and falls dramatically.