Come Together

by Madelynne Ellis

  ‘Then explain yesterday. You weren’t thinking of Dani while you had me pinned on the floor, and I didn’t imagine the hard-on you were sporting.’

  Xane took a pace backwards, knowing that if Luthor touched him he’d be hard again, and the clingy underwear he had on wasn’t going to hide anything. ‘There can’t be anything between us, Luthor. Like I said, I’m an addict, and sometimes it gets the better of me. I’m not denying that I want to fuck you. I do … I do, because you’re willing and eager, not because I want to date you. Do you understand? I’m sorry, I’m not prepared to sacrifice my relationship with Dani for you.’ Not when it felt more secure now than at any time since the start of the tour.

  ‘If I mean nothing, then tell her the truth.’

  ‘I did, last night.’

  ‘And how was she?’

  ‘She understands that it was in the past.’

  Luthor shook his head, disturbing his blond hair so that Xane could see his fascinating eyes. Anger brewed within them more than disappointment. ‘You mean you told her about the first time. That’s only half the truth, Xane. Maybe I should tell her the rest.’

  ‘Are you so very determined to wreck my relationship? Just back off, Luthor. For God’s sake, back off.’

  He was the one moving, though. It seemed safer than standing still. The fact was, he knew himself too well, and if he stood still next to this guy too long, when tensions were running this high, he’d do something stupid. Exactly as he had yesterday. It wouldn’t be intentional. It’d simply be a reaction. When pushed, when stressed, he panicked. And when he panicked, his body responded in the way it’d been trained.

  ‘Want to know why I want you?’ Luthor asked, pursuing Xane but without being aggressive about it.

  ‘Not really.’

  ‘Because I never managed to forget you,’ he said anyway. ‘You’re the only person who ever made me burn up like that. I was on fire for days. I think I snapped thirty drumsticks trying to work you out of my system. It did shit.’

  The admission stopped Xane dead in his tracks. ‘You’re a drummer,’ he blurted. How the heck had he forgotten that? The guy’s physique ought to have been clue enough, and yes, now he actually opened his mind to the memories, the fact that Luthor had been wearing that T-shirt, the one about banging, was why he’d first noticed him.

  Oh, God! This had to be some sort of omen. He desperately wanted another drummer. Iain irritated the fuck out of him, but at the same time employing Luthor would be like signing a death warrant on his relationship with Dani. Stuff would happen. It might not happen now or next week or for years, but eventually they’d end up drunk somewhere together and … ‘What happened to your band?’

  ‘Denna Rädsla are … were my band. The guys whose van you were hanging out in last night. I’m not with them because Ulf insisted I needed to be on tour with you.’

  ‘Ulf did? Why?’ But he knew the answer without having it spelled out. Ulf hadn’t hired a new roadie, he’d meant to bring Luthor in as their new drummer, only then Ash had sprung Iain on them. ‘Why the fuck didn’t he say anything? Why didn’t you?’

  Luthor pulled a fake cheery face. ‘Hi, I’m Luthor,’ he announced. ‘I’d like to be Xane Geist’s fuck toy and by the way I can drum a darn sight better than Iain Willows. I think you should give me a tryout.’

  Xane couldn’t help it. He cracked a smile.

  ‘The thing is,’ Luthor said, dropping the theatrics, ‘I know I’m making things awkward for you with Dani, and therefore I’d prefer not to make things awkward for you with Ash and the rest of the band. I’m also painfully aware, unlike Iain, that I can never really replace Steve.’

  ‘You’re right, on all counts,’ Xane agreed. Making Luthor part of Black Halo would be an act of sheer lunacy. He ought to send him on his way right now, thus eliminating any possible discord between himself and Ash over firing Iain, and instantly dispersing the storm brewing over his relationship with Dani.

  The thing is, the Iain issue was going to have to be addressed eventually, and as for his relationship … he really ought to be cooking breakfast right now. ‘I wouldn’t be part of the deal,’ he said. ‘I’d make that contractual if I had to. No flirting, no physical intimacy, no trying to cajole my girlfriend into sharing me.’

  ‘Are you serious?’ Luthor asked.

  ‘Can you play “Fatal Error”?’

  ‘I rock “Fatal Error”. It’s the first song of yours I learned. I love the tempo shifts in it.’

  ‘Then I’m serious.’

  ‘Yes!’ Luthor raised his clenched fist in the air. ‘I fucking love you.’ He smacked an unexpected kiss on Xane’s lips and ravaged his mouth, sending a throb of lust straight to Xane’s groin.

  ‘Sorry,’ Luther murmured, backing off but still grinning. He did a ludicrous little jig.

  ‘Don’t do that again,’ Xane insisted. ‘I meant it about it being part of the deal. There can’t be any more …’ Xane raised his hands, clutching for the right words. ‘It ends right now.’

  ‘Mmm hmm.’ Luthor stole another deep, hungry kiss that mashed their bodies together and set their tongues duelling. ‘Agreed,’ he said when he withdrew. ‘I won’t ever kiss you again, and I won’t touch this again.’ He curled his fist around the erection Xane was now sporting. ‘I’ll content myself with memories.’

  ‘You do that.’ Xane pushed him away before this escalated. Goodbye kisses were risqué enough. He didn’t want to end up being manipulated into providing a goodbye shag too. Or even a welcome-to-the-band shag. ‘I’m going to make breakfast,’ he said, and bolted for the stairs.

  Chapter 35

  Dani wasn’t very good at waiting. Or rather she was bad at lounging in bed doing nothing. It felt wasteful, somehow, to just lie and stare at the ceiling. Maybe she ought to have just asked for toast and yogurt instead of anything more complex. At this rate it’d be lunchtime before Xane returned. Anyway, she wasn’t very comfortable lying here in the nude with the door unlocked. It wasn’t as private as her bunk, since it was a shared area. Any of the guys could walk in at any moment. The windows and sunlight weren’t helping either.

  Dani fished around for her dress, taking care to stay below the windows. Once she was covered, sans panties, she ventured into the bunk room. Considering where she’d had her fingers, they needed washing before she contemplated breakfast. Knowing Xane would protest if she came downstairs and spoilt his attempt to pamper her, she dived onto her bunk and searched for a packet of cleansing wipes and some disinfectant gel.

  There, all better. Making Xane buck like crazy was fun, but hygiene was important too.

  As she wriggled into a fresh pair of panties, she exposed the envelope she’d stuffed under her pillow back in Amsterdam. She’d never felt brave enough to investigate it, on the few occasions she’d had enough privacy to do so, but how bad could it be? It wasn’t as if she didn’t know Xane had fucked guys in the past. He’d even admitted to sleeping with Luthor. She hoped this wasn’t a bunch of pictures depicting that.

  Dani ripped open the envelope but, instead of the photographs she’d expected, found an unmarked DVD.

  Video footage of Xane shagging other people? Christ! What was wrong with Elspeth sending her this stuff? Was she really so bitter and tormented she needed to sabotage other people’s happiness?

  Dani contemplated snapping the disc, but ended up sliding it into the DVD player. Whatever was on it, surely she was better off knowing and dealing with it than imagining endless possibilities.

  The recording opened with a blue title screen and the words ‘… and he claims that he loves you.’

  He did. That wasn’t up for debate.

  The blue screen faded to black, and Dani braced herself, her finger poised over the pause button. She was genuinely surprised when the image presented wasn’t a naked male bottom. Instead, the footage was of Xane and Spook talking. She couldn’t hear what they were saying because of the background noise, but the location was startlingly
familiar. It was the Paradiso in Amsterdam.

  Warning bells started going off, when she realised the recording was from their recent visit. The Black Halo tour posters in the background gave it away.

  Xane left Spook and hurried into the gent’s toilets, with his anonymous cameraman in pursuit. OK, that was enough. She wasn’t sure she wanted to see him entwined with some pale-arsed fanboy, which had to be where this was going. However, the screen turned white as the camera phone focused on a cubicle door.

  ‘She can’t know that we’ve been together,’ Xane said clearly.

  ‘Why not just tell her you’ve had me.’

  Dani hit pause and rewind.

  ‘Why not just tell her you’ve had me. It’ll slip out eventually.’

  Luthor – the second man was Luthor. This was irrelevant. Xane had already told her that he’d had Luthor in the past, and that he’d asked him not to mention it, although clearly the person filming had intended to imply their affair was current and not something that had happened years ago. She refused to be riled by this. Refused. Xane probably ought to see it, though. He ought to know that someone was filming his private conversations. Also, she was no longer so certain Elspeth was behind it. Elspeth would have been noticed wandering into the men’s toilets, and anyway she’d been locked in her bedroom on the tour bus pretty much the whole night apart from the time she’d spent on stage. She’d got back to the tour bus before Dani had.

  ‘Xane?’

  The low sound of Xane’s voice drifted through from the studio.

  Seriously, had he not even made it to the kitchen yet? It dawned on her that perhaps he’d got sidetracked into penning another masterpiece. Dani opened the bunk-room door. The door to the studio stood ajar. She could see Xane through the doorway, still naked except for a teeny tiny pair of spray-on shorts that didn’t hide anything. As she watched, he stepped backwards, and she realised he wasn’t alone. He was talking to someone. Spook, she first thought, catching a glimpse of blond hair. No – Spook was in his bunk by her feet. It was Luthor.

  Oh, my God. Her heart threatened to burst as she heard him growl, ‘I fucking love you,’ and smack a passionate kiss right on Xane’s lips. Not only that. Xane didn’t push him away, he rolled with it. Or rather his hips rolled, as Luthor groped his cock through those ridiculously skimpy shorts.

  Bile in her throat, Dani turned away. She had seen enough.

  Xane had told her his relationship with Luthor was all in the past, but this wasn’t the past. This was now. They were kissing, making out at this very moment, while she was supposed to be patiently waiting for Xane to bring her breakfast, like it was some grand romantic gesture. Yeah, because two-timing her was really fucking romantic.

  She didn’t care to hear his explanation. Maybe that snippet of conversation in the toilets at the Paradiso wasn’t only about their past relationship either. After all, you didn’t need to hide in the men’s loos to have that sort of discussion – any quiet corner would do. No, they’d probably been making out on that occasion too. She remembered that night. Recalled what Xane had wanted to do. His mind hadn’t been on her. She’d imagined he’d been thinking about Steve, but no, he hadn’t. He’d been imagining fucking Luthor.

  Too irate to think sensibly, Dani charged down the narrow staircase. She came crashing into the kitchen area, which to her relief was empty of everyone except Elspeth. They glared at one another while Dani scooped up her purse.

  ‘He’s all yours,’ she said, marching past her to the door.

  ‘Aren’t you riding with us today?’ Cave Troll asked as she punched the door release button.

  ‘No.’

  He turned the ignition and the bus shuddered into grumbling motion, while Dani kept on walking away from it as fast as she could.

  * * *

  ‘Lovers’ tiff?’ Elspeth enquired when Xane staggered into the kitchen several minutes later. The ground might have dried out a little since yesterday, but it was still uneven, making it difficult to walk without being thrown about. Her gaze swept over him, taking in his state of undress. An ember of something sparked in her eyes. He recoiled from the thought that it might be lust. If he’d had a T-shirt to hand, he’d have pulled it on just to cover up a little. He didn’t like that she was imagining him and Dani falling out either.

  ‘No.’ Irritated by her presence, Xane headed for the cupboards and started pulling out the necessary food items and pans. He planned on making this the most magnificent breakfast Dani had ever had.

  ‘You’re cooking?’ she observed. ‘You do know you’re not supposed to use the hob while we’re in motion.’

  ‘So I’ll use the microwave.’ It was the all singing, all dancing variety, so he was sure he could make it work, and he refused to be thwarted in his efforts to provide Dani with breakfast.

  Elspeth shuffled towards him, clinging to the furniture to maintain her balance. ‘Are you sure you’re all right?’ She curled her fingers around his bicep. ‘It’s not as if you cook very often.’

  ‘I think we should try out a different drummer,’ he said, refusing to discuss his relationship when she was clearly trying to stir things up.

  She let go of him. ‘Do as you please. I’m not intending to be around after this tour.’

  Surprised, he faced her, to find tears welling in her eyes.

  ‘I can’t do it any more, Xane.’ She raised her hand to cover her face and let out a huge sob. Between her fingers he could see her mascara running. ‘It’s not the same without Steve.’

  ‘I know,’ he said, letting go of the bowl he’d been about to break eggs into. It promptly slid onto the floor, making a mess, and made her sob twice as hard. Dammit, he might not like her very much, and he’d never forgive her for what she’d done to him, but he’d spent too much time as a child desperate for someone to care not to offer support when it was so badly needed.

  He gave her a brief hug, then offered her a piece of kitchen towel so she could dry her eyes. ‘Elspeth, I miss him too.’

  Chapter 36

  ‘Sorry it took so long. I got sidetracked by people wanting to talk … Dani?’

  Xane stared at the empty bed in confusion. Where’d she gone? He knew he’d been a while, but … He put the tray of food down on the bed and backtracked into the bunk room. ‘Dani?’

  She wasn’t naked and waiting for him there, either. Confused and feeling a little panicky, he yanked back the curtain on all the other bunks too, just in case.

  OK, weird. She wasn’t here, and the only other place he could think she’d have gone was the bathroom. But to reach it she’d have had to walk right past him, and she hadn’t. Unless she was in the studio talking to Luthor. His heart sank. Hopefully things would be better now they’d made an agreement, but he was still discomforted by the other man’s presence and Dani’s fondness for him.

  He stuck his head around the door. Luthor was pulling on his clothes. ‘Seen Dani?’

  Luthor shook his head. ‘Not since last night. I thought you were making her breakfast in bed.’

  ‘So did I. She’s not there.’

  ‘Try the bathroom.’

  ‘Yeah, I will.’ But how could she be in there, unless she’d suddenly developed ninja stealth skills? Then it occurred to him that she might have gone downstairs ages ago, while he was in the studio talking to Luthor.

  ‘Oh, fuck!’ he blurted. His heart sank into his guts. The blasted door had been open, and they hadn’t just been talking, had they? Luthor had been rather exuberant about his welcome into Black Halo and had put his hands in several places he shouldn’t. He could picture it almost as if it were happening, Luthor smacking those kisses on him, and Dani on her way to the bathroom, frozen rigid by the sight of them together.

  She’d have seen his reaction too – he hadn’t exactly acted offended or pushed Luthor away.

  ‘Fuck,’ he swore again for good measure.

  Dani had her flashpoints and this was the big one, the possibility that he might rejec
t her in favour of some random guy. It was never going to happen. Not that he was wholly innocent, but he had to find her and make her understand this wasn’t what she feared. Luthor had simply been expressing his gratitude to Xane for offering him the chance to play drums. He’d been agreeing to back off, so there’d been no more touching, no more talk of threesomes or complicated relationships. Luthor wasn’t a threat to her any more. That was part of the deal.

  Yeah, Xane, like she’s going to believe any of that. Who the hell says thank you by wrapping their fist around your cock? What sort of idiot lets them?

  He did, the monumental sex-addicted idiot, the one who’d been walking the line of his relationship for weeks. The guys were right. They’d seen him at his worst, and Steve’s death had pushed him far closer to the tipping point than he’d realised. He might not have been out screwing other people, but he’d been using Dani to make himself feel better and lapping up Luthor’s attention at the same time, while pretending he didn’t want it or enjoy it.

  He was a god-awful excuse for a man, and he didn’t blame her for being pissed off at him.

  He prayed that she believed in second chances.

  Xane lurched forward and hit the stairs at a run, only to have his descent thwarted by Elspeth coming up. She wafted towards him, smelling of gardenia and sandalwood. What was she coming up here for anyway? The downstairs bedroom was her domain. ‘For fuck’s sake, get out of the way.’

  ‘“Excuse me” would work just fine,’ she retaliated. ‘And anyway I was looking for you. I wondered if we could talk some more. There’s stuff I can’t discuss with anyone else. Things about Steve. You’re the only one who truly understands. The others miss him, but they didn’t love him the same way we did.’