by Leah Atwood
His arm tightened around her when she leaned in to him—he was certain she was unaware of her movement.
“I’ve failed Mark by selling the house.” Her fist clenched beside him.
“How do you figure?”
“The day we closed on it, he was so proud.” She fixed her stare to the house, but the expression in her eyes put her far away in a time long ago.
“Mark would understand.” He shifted his position so that he stood in front of her, removing his arm from her shoulders in the process. “More than that, he is gone, and you have to make the decisions that are best for your family.”
“You still don’t think I should have sold?” An eyebrow rose, accusing him of what they both knew already.
“I understand and respect your decision.”
The slightest glimmer of a smile showed on her mouth. “Such a cop-out answer.”
No way would he implicate himself further. He gave a short nod to the vehicles and handed Lyndsey the keys to his truck. “Let’s go and get this unloaded.”
With a final longing glance to the house, Lyndsey reached blindly for the keys. She went to his truck and sat in the passenger seat.
Shep climbed in to the cab of the moving-truck. Sticking his head out the window, he watched her adjust the seat and mirrors. Two minutes passed before she waved and pulled onto the road.
He followed her for twenty minutes to the other side of town. The route to her new apartment complex lacked the aesthetic views most of Maryville offered. Older homes, not well kept, were staggered on asymmetrical land plots. Residential homes tapered off, replaced by several industrial businesses.
A few miles later an older apartment complex appeared. The property possessed an inviting, if outdated, charm. A faded red banner with large block letters announced “Now Leasing” and brittle fallen leaves littered the driveway entrance. Turkey, acorn, and pilgrim window clings stuck on the windows of the building marked “Office.”
By all outward appearances, it seemed like an acceptable place to live. Too bad I know better. His chest squeezed as he drove to the rear of the complex, following Lyndsey. The further they went, the tighter it constricted. He knew the tenants’ wildness correlated to the distance from the office. Whether there was a legitimate reason for that or not was of no concern.
What did matter, was that Lyndsey seemed oblivious to that fact. Should he mention what his experiences here had taught him? He’d tried to warn her, but he’d been too vague—she hadn’t picked up his hints. Besides, she’d made it perfectly clear that she had to make her own decisions.
The brake lights illuminated. Lyndsey stopped and then she backed into the spot closest to a door. Shep did the same with the moving truck, only it required extra maneuvers. The large vehicle blocked the road, but the row of parking spots on the opposite side provided a clear path, should anyone need to pass.
He climbed out and met Lyndsey behind the trucks. “Which one is yours?”
“Over there—199.” She pointed to the windows on the left side of the door.
The urge to growl overwhelmed him and by sheer force, he kept the dissatisfied noise to himself. The top floor would have been preferable, even if it meant extra work carrying all her goods up several flights of steps. Higher risk of break-ins, noisy neighbors above, stray gun shots coming through.
Okay, maybe that last one’s an exaggerated concern. Or was it? Gun crimes were rare, almost non-existent in Calding County, even in the disreputable areas, but with the increase in drug activity, it wasn’t a stretch to imagine gun crimes would also go up.
Realizing Lyndsey was staring at him, he cleared his throat. “How about we go inside first and you can show me where you want everything.”
“We can do that.” She locked her fingers together, and she didn’t move. Wide-eyed repulsion took over her face.
Shep followed her line of vision. A rat sat directly in front of the single step to the door. “He’ll run off when we get near.”
She swallowed. “I know.”
“You’ll always have rats in an environment like this. Most never make it inside.” Except he knew of two apartments in the complex just last month that had encountered rats. Jerry Salude from 233 told him about the infestation two weeks ago when Shep spent a day here working on appliances.
Her mouth opened, then she snapped it closed without speaking. She squared her shoulders, unlocked her fingers, and marched to the door.
Behind her, Shep saw her back rise as she took a deep breath. He reached around her and opened the door.
Voices assaulted them right away. A woman yelled, using language he wouldn’t use against an enemy. A man shouted back and a crash on the wall followed a second later. The door to 198 flew open and a young girl—late teens, early twenties at oldest—burst out. She brushed past them, elbowing Lyndsey in the process. No apologies, no eye contact. Nothing.
Lyndsey blanched, and Shep saw her struggle to maintain fearlessness.
She deserved better than this. It was the same argument he’d had with himself for weeks, but hadn’t found a solution.
Her hands shook, so he took the keys from her without preamble and opened the door to her apartment. A musty smell lurched to his nostrils, sending a burning sensation through his sinuses. As he lifted his foot to step inside, the light caught on an object in the hallway.
Again, his chest tightened.
“Watch your step,” he told Lyndsey, pointing to the used needle on the floor.
She cast her eyes downward, shock registering on her face. Her throat trembled, her lips quivered.
When a door down the hall opened, Shep pulled Lyndsey inside her apartment for privacy. “You don’t have to do this.”
“What other options do I have?” Tears glistened on her face.
“Find another apartment.”
“They’re all out of my price range. The only other complex I can afford has no openings.” She cringed at the slamming of a nearby door.
“Then don’t sell your house.” I’ll get on my knees and beg if that’s what it takes to keep my promise to Mark. “Let me give you the money.”
A long sigh preceded her argument he knew would come. “We’ve been through this. I need a long term solution.”
“Then marry me and move into my house.” His suggestion didn’t register to him until he saw Lyndsey’s jaw drop.
“What did you say?”
He ran a hand through his hair, buying a few seconds. How could he backtrack, take back his words? Or did he have to? The impromptu proposal wouldn’t have come out unless he’d thought of it subconsciously, and it did have merit. “Let’s get married. You wanted a permanent solution, there it is.”
“You can’t be serious.” Her nervous, high-pitched laugh cut off further statement.
“I am. Give me one good reason why it’s not a good idea.”
“Where do I begin?” She raised her hand, tapping on each fingertip as she spoke. “First, no offense, but neither of us are in love. Second, marriage is a commitment that takes a lot of work, not an easy way out. Third, one day you might meet someone and fall in love again, and I won’t be your trap. Not to mention the obvious that it’s crazy.”
“I’ll grant that we’re not in love, but we have a solid friendship. Marriages have begun and thrived with much less of a foundation.” His ready response further convinced him that he’d thought about this more than he cared to admit. He eyed her carefully, measuring her response. “And I know marriage is a commitment. We’ll both have to adjust, but we can make it work. To answer your last rebuttal, I wouldn’t fall in love with another woman. I loved Miranda wholly, and I’m not sure I even have what it takes to love again.”
Lyndsey nodded. “Same for me about Mark.”
He took her hands. “More than that, I wouldn’t give myself an opportunity to develop affections for another woman. Regardless if our marriage would be one of convenience or based on love, I would keep my vows and honor them.”
For several moments, he watched her face, witnessing the arguments in her head play out in her expressions.
“How would this work?” She pulled away from him, leaned against the dingy tan wall.
“We go to the courthouse, file for a license, plan a wedding.” He winked when she rolled her eyes. “And at some point discuss the details of a life together.”
Another yelling match ensued nearby.
Glancing around at the stained carpets, bug-filled light fixtures, and toward the door with a used needle outside of it, Lyndsey shivered. “I’m not saying yes, but I can’t bring Josh here. I thought I could, but I can’t put him in this environment. Maybe because I was desperate, but it didn’t seem so bad the first time I came to look.”
His stomach chose an opportune time to growl. “It’s almost lunchtime. Why don’t we get out of here and discuss it over lunch at Bixby’s Diner, my treat.”
“Should we take one vehicle?” Her eyes travelled to the window, out of which the moving truck was visible. “Is it safe to leave one behind?”
“It would probably be fine, but let’s drop it off at your house first anyway, so that we don’t have to come back here.”
“I’ll have to turn the keys in.” Her hand flew to her mouth. “Oh no, what about my lease? I’m locked in for six months.”
“Not a year?” Tilting his head, he twisted his lips with curiosity.
“I had a burst of optimism in the midst of my despair.” A wry smile crept along her lips. “It gave me hope.”
“There’s always hope. Regarding the lease, we’ll talk to the office on the way out. Since you just signed the lease, they might be more willing to break it without penalty. If not, we’ll figure out something.”
Chapter Five
Lyndsey twisted her straw wrapper into a knot. Across the table, Shep drank tea from a frosted glass. They hadn’t said more than a handful of words since dropping off the moving truck at her house.
In the hour since Shep’s unexpected proposal, the air between them had become increasingly uncomfortable. When he’d first suggested marriage, she hadn’t thought him serious. Once she realized he’d meant it, the idea grew on her. She finally accepted that she needed help, that maybe God was telling her something. Shep had been placed in her life for a reason, and though unconventional, maybe there was a greater plan. Nevertheless, she wasn’t without reservations.
Marriage was so…personal.
Her thoughts took a trip down memory lane, to the first months of her marriage to Mark. They’d been so in love, so naïve about life. Even so, it was an awkward time as they adjusted to sharing a home and fully opening their lives to each other.
She didn’t doubt Shep had the same train of thoughts, recounting his own memories of Miranda. Those were the memories which strung the tension between her and Shep. Because, inevitably, they led to imagining scenes between the two of them. Gone was her friend, replaced by a potential husband.
Someone had to break the ice.
She took a sip of water. “Thanks for getting me out of the lease.”
“No problem.” His fingers curled around the glass.
“How’d you do it? The manager was dead set against it until you spoke to her privately.” Back to toying with straw wrappers—she grabbed Shep’s this time.
“Let’s just say when I mentioned calling the safety inspector, she became much more amenable to breaking your contract.” He flashed a wink, a brief smile.
“I appreciate it.”
Another reversion to silence.
The waitress brought their food and refills.
Lyndsey munched on her chicken Caesar wrap, appreciating something to keep her senses busy, until the first few bites disappeared and she realized she couldn’t taste a thing. From the corner of her eye, she caught Shep watching her. He’d set down his French dip and ceased eating.
Her breath caught in her throat and the dining room shrank. They’d danced around the topic long enough. If they did this, they’d need to learn open communication.
“I’m not so hungry after all.” He tapped two fingers against the laminated plastic tabletop.
The final bite in her mouth took twice as long to chew. “Me either.”
“All the way here, up until now, I’ve been thinking of reasons why a marriage between us is a good idea.” He took a deep breath, looked at her as though seeking permission to share.
“Which are?” She’d thought of her own, but wanted to know his.
“The obvious, that you need a place to live. There’s also companionship. I’ll admit, too often my life is lonely. We get along and could fill that void for each other.”
“I do hate the nights, especially once Josh is in bed.” Loneliness filled her more than she cared to admit, but it came further down her list of reasons.
“Josh is my next reason. Every boy needs a father figure in his life. If we marry, I’d treat him as my own.” His breath hitched, then he spoke faster. “I know I can’t replace Mark, but if we marry and you’re willing, I’d like to formally adopt him, so he never doubts he’s loved.”
“You…you would do that?” Overcome with emotion, she blinked away tears.
“In a heartbeat.” The solemn expression told her it was true.
Of course, Shep never said anything he didn’t mean. He was a man of integrity, who meant what he said and said what he meant. A rarity in today’s world.
She clenched a fist to her chest. “Josh is my heart, my joy. Your willingness to accept him to such a degree, it means the world to me.”
“Together, we can give him a great life.” He reached over the table and covered her other hand with his. “You can even stay home again, like before Mark died. I’m not rich by any means, but I make a comfortable living.”
“What if I still want to work?” She dreamed of being a stay-at-home mom again, being there to see Josh more, but she knew Shep to be old-fashioned in many ways—she wanted to know her career choice was theirs to make as a couple, not dictated by him.
It was a sore topic as it was one of the few subjects on which she and Mark had disagreed. He’d firmly believed once they had children, she should stay home to raise them. Once Josh came, it became a non-issue as she couldn’t imagine not being with her baby all day, but she always knew she’d return to the workforce one day. When the time came, she wanted to have her husband’s support. Life ultimately made that choice for her, but if she had the opportunity to stay home again…
“Then you still work.” He shrugged, as though it was a silly question.
They discussed the arrangement further, conversed about parenting and life philosophies. By the time the waitress brought the bill, Lyndsey knew her answer. Shep would be a great father to Josh, and that was the biggest selling point. He was a good man, with similar ideas and values to hers. Compatibility didn’t seem to be a problem between them, and they knew neither looked for a love match. Each of them was fine with a marriage of mutual respect, admiration, and friendship.
He’s also easy on the eyes. Sure, she’d noticed peripherally that he was attractive, most women would, but she hadn’t dwelled on the fact more than as a passing thought. She liked how his blue eyes contrasted with this dark hair, and how they changed in brightness depending on his mood. Did he know his eyes told on him?
Whenever he smiled or narrowed his eyes—which he did a lot lately—creases formed at the outward corners. If they’d always been there, she’d not noticed, but they gave him an air of wisdom. He was only thirty-three, a couple of years older than her, but had life experience most people didn’t. And shouldn’t.
The bitterness edged its way into her musings. Help me, Lord. Help me to be thankful for all you’ve given me, not angry about that which was taken away. Thank you for Shep and bringing him into my life when you know I’d need him as a friend. Please give me wisdom to know that I’m making the right decision.
“The bill’s paid, and I saw the Armacosts from church pull in
.” Shep’s eyes shifted to the door. “I thought you might want to get out of here now before they spot us.”
His continual intuitiveness touched her. She’d forgotten how it felt to have someone look after her, consider her needs. “Good idea. I’m sure there will be lots of talk soon enough if we get married, but if they see us out together, rumors will be flying by dinnertime.”
Shep laughed as he stood. “Similar to last year when Dan and Stacey ‘eloped’ when they went to Vegas, except everyone forgot they were second cousins and the trip was a funeral for their uncle?”
“I’m glad everyone can laugh about it now.” She chuckled and moved toward the door. “I’ll never forget Pastor Dean’s sermon on gossip the week after.”
Putting a hand to her back, Shep guided her to the door. “The Armacosts are seated now. We should be in the clear.”
“Good.”
Once outside in Shep’s truck, the good humor faded. They still had much to discuss, but remained quiet until reaching her driveway. She didn’t get out, wasn’t sure where she’d go. Her house was empty, devoid of everything to make it a home. After unbuckling, she turned in her seat to face him.
“What would you gain from this marriage?” she asked, gripping the handles of the purse in her lap. “From my view, Josh and I get all the benefits, all to your financial loss.”
Taking a slow and steady deep breath. Shep simultaneously clenched his jaw. “Money is money. What good is it if I can’t help a friend in need? I’ll get plenty from this marriage.”
“Like?” Nerves lodged in her throat, rendering her inquiry a croaking sound.
“Companionship. Home-cooked meals. A son. You.” He reached over and brushed a hair from her face, allowing his fingers to linger.
She couldn’t breathe for the suddenly charged air between them. “Wou…would this be a real marriage?”
It was the question they’d avoided, perhaps the most important.
His hand dropped from her face, ran it through his hair. “I hadn’t thought that far. I mean, I should have. It’s an obvious facet of a marriage that needs a decision. But I…” He trailed off, a hint of pink tinging his cheeks.
