by Susan Laine
Jimmy swallowed hard. His eager dick pushed against his zipper, and he had to adjust his position on the seat. He hoped Toby wouldn’t notice. Jimmy hadn’t come out in high school. When he and Toby had drifted apart over the summer after graduation, the whole matter had been laid to rest. Jimmy had figured he’d open up about his sexuality in college for sure, to others and for himself.
Life had taken him and his best friend down different paths toward different lives. Who’d have guessed their roads would converge again?
Chapter 3
“REMEMBER THAT tree by the mill?” Jimmy asked before shoving a piece of chocolate chip pancake, covered in glazed strawberries, into his mouth.
Toby started. He’d been staring at a dollop of sugary goodness resting over Jimmy’s lower lip, the full curve making him hungrier than the plethora of pancakes served at their stop at an IHOP. “Um, you mean Old Man Oak? Sure. We used to play there as kids—”
“And smoke weed there as teens,” Jimmy finished for him with a grin, finally seeming to remember to swipe the dark droplet of syrup from his lip with his tongue.
Toby chuckled. “Yeah, that too.”
For him, those days hadn’t been about experimenting with mind-altering substances. It had been time spent with friends, relaxing and unwinding, without his father’s incessant nagging. His brain had been at ease then. That had been a rare pleasure. Too many responsibilities for a teenager, too many expectations from a parent, too many duties waiting down the line.
“What about it?” Toby asked, clearing his throat to get the roughness out of his tone.
“Guess you and your dad don’t talk a lot, huh?” Jimmy commented, but it didn’t sound like a question. Before Toby could question the segue, Jimmy coughed and went on. “Anyway, there was a big spring storm two months ago. Lightning struck the oak.”
“Holy shit.” Toby gasped. That tree…. He’d climbed it many times, like all the other boys in town, on a dare, a rite of passage. It’d been there longer than he’d been alive, than his dad had been alive, his grandfather…. The thought of that tree burned down to a pile of ashes boggled his mind.
“Yeah, and that’s not the worst of it.” Jimmy exchanged serious glances with Toby, who felt apprehensive, wanting to know and not wanting to hear. “That damn oak shattered in the middle and fell on top of the old mill.”
“No shit?” Toby couldn’t believe the bad news. “The tree and the mill are both gone? What’ll they call the town now? Just… Grove?”
Jimmy barked out a laugh, which he cut short immediately. “Don’t fucking know.”
Toby frowned. “There were times back in the day when I wished for that blasted place to burn down so we’d all get to leave. The town, I mean. But I never thought it’d actually happen. The mill’s been a museum since forever. Tourists come to see it on their historical tours. Now what does the town have left to celebrate?”
Jimmy shrugged. “Dunno. Ruins? I hear those are all the craze in Europe.”
“God, you’re nuts,” Toby praised, chuckling.
Jimmy grinned back, irreverent as ever. It was strange for Toby to remember that he and Jimmy had only met again this morning. They’d fallen back into familiar roles with such ease. It felt like days had already passed. He chuckled inwardly.
For a while they ate in companionable silence. The International House of Pancakes wasn’t one of Toby’s favorites, but he had to admit the red-velvet pancakes weren’t half bad, especially with raspberry topping.
Watching Jimmy eating was a sort of delicious agony in its own right. Toby appreciated the sophisticatedly sexy man Jimmy had become. The classy clothes didn’t hide the playful boy underneath, nor did his trendy glasses conceal the cloud of freckles across his nose or the hazel eyes that observed Toby with a mix of adult acumen and mischievous mirth.
It didn’t hurt either that Jimmy now seemed to own the quality he’d cursed back in primary school, finally filling out the impressive height that in the bad old days had given him the look of a whip-thin willow tree. Now his expensive attire stretched over strong muscles, a man’s build that Toby longed to touch and caress.
He’d not had sex in ages. Recent events haunted his mind and body.
“You know,” Jimmy murmured in between and during mouthfuls as if table manners were unknown to him. “I once thought I saw you in Boston.”
“Oh?” Toby was intrigued because he knew for a fact the two of them hadn’t crossed paths in the big city.
“Yeah. I was at the mall, at Copley Place.”
“Never been.”
“Anyway, I saw this guy about to go down the escalator. I swear he was the spitting image of you. From behind, you understand.”
“Why do I have a bad feeling about where this is going?”
Jimmy went beet red. Toby felt sympathy for the obviously embarrassing memory. “Well, you’re not wrong. I was going to hug you—uh, him—from behind. At the last second I changed my mind and clapped him on the back, calling out your name. The guy—who wasn’t you—started and swiveled around so fast that my bracelet caught on a button on his jacket collar.”
Toby cringed in empathy. “Uh-oh.”
Jimmy waved his wrist about where the friendship bracelet Toby had given him before their graduation ceremony still rested. It was a mix of blue and brown, the colors of their eyes, tones they liked. Now Toby wasn’t sure if he had made the right move with his showpiece of lasting friendship or delivered the biggest mistake of both their lives to his unsuspecting ex-best friend.
“Well, my foot slipped, and I fell over him,” Jimmy muttered, grimacing and blushing. “He shouted and toppled forward—taking two young girls next to him along. So we plunged all the way down to the bottom of the escalator in a heap of limbs. We were lucky we came out of it with no broken bones. It was bad enough as it was.”
“Jesus,” Toby whispered in awe. “Then what?”
“I was bleeding from a head wound. See?” Jimmy lifted a few strands of his hair off his forehead, revealing a white scar close to his hairline. “I had a concussion. That might account for my utter stupidity as I got to my feet and said something brilliant along the lines of ‘Oh, you’re not Toby.’ Didn’t even apologize at first.”
Toby blew out a breathy chuckle, unable to restrain it. “That must have gone over well.”
Jimmy shook his head, snorting. “The girls were screaming at me, and the guy was crying. You see, he’d been carrying one of those huge cups of coffee from Starbucks. It was all over him, probably scorching him as well as ruining his clothes. Then the mall cop came and… and I spent hours in his office explaining how I was the dumbest, but not the most evil, person on the planet.”
“You didn’t get, like, charged with anything, did you? Maybe assault?” Toby asked. A part of him felt sort of guilty since Jimmy had behaved like a nutcase because of him. It was silly, but he couldn’t shake the emotion. Perhaps it was because it paired up so nicely with an existing feeling.
“No. Wasn’t even banned from the mall. But I did pay for the guy’s dry cleaning and a new coffee—and probably a couple of therapy sessions too.”
“What about the girls?”
“Sisters, one of them the guy’s fiancée. God, it was such a horrible fucking mess. Lucky they didn’t kill me on the spot. Their looks sure tried. I was absolutely mortified. Buried myself in my apartment for the rest of the week.”
“Poor baby,” Toby commiserated with a smile hidden behind his hand.
Jimmy rolled his eyes. “Go on, doofus. You can laugh out loud. I’ve learned to do that. If I didn’t, that memory would be the end of me.”
“I’m sorry it wasn’t me.” Small consolation, Toby felt, but the best he could offer without a time machine.
“Me too.” Jimmy was silent for a time, frowning and staring at his almost-finished meal. “Me too. Guess I hoped it’d be you. Missed you after I came to Boston.” He looked up and locked gazes with Toby, who could’ve sworn he saw an ac
cusation in the hard glint. “Why didn’t you tell me you came to Boston too? You knew I’d be there. All I ever raved about was law school. Fuck, I suspected your dad had you shipped off to some foreign hellhole to fight some stupid war or shit like that.”
Toby bit his lip to prevent himself from spilling too much. He wasn’t going to reveal all his ordeals at IHOP, for fuck’s sake. He leaned over the table. “Not here. Let’s get back in the car.” He slumped then. “Unless you wanna ditch me by the side of the road.”
Jimmy harrumphed, clearly hurt by the insinuation. “Of course not. Dumbass.” With a sigh he straightened up, shoved the last forkful in his mouth, stood, and tossed a few bills on the table as a tip. “Let’s go,” he mumbled out of his still half-full mouth.
Once they’d cleaned up with napkins, paid the cashier, and headed out the door, Toby couldn’t help but think he’d gotten out of the frying pan and into the fire. He didn’t want to have this talk with Jimmy. He didn’t want to do this with anyone. Even if Jimmy had once been his best friend.
“Think that looks like a storm brewing?” Jimmy asked then, a hand over his hazel eyes as he stared at the horizon. Dark clouds gathered there, blocking out the sun that would go down in a couple of hours.
“That’s just twilight,” Toby offered with a self-confidence he didn’t feel.
Perhaps summer storms lay ahead on their course west. What could Toby do to avoid them? Nothing as long as he traveled with Jimmy, who was a stark reminder of the past. And the past already weighed Toby down something fierce.
Depressed and anxious, Toby slouched to the car Jimmy had already filled up with gas earlier. There was nothing left to do but get moving. But where to?
Chapter 4
“LOOK, I’M sorry.” Jimmy knew he’d pushed Toby too hard after they’d sat in the car for a good half hour without exchanging a word. “Forget it, okay? You don’t owe me anything, not a single explanation. It’s your life. I’m sorry I was so… insistent.”
For a time it was eerily quiet. Jimmy felt a chill dance along his skin. Toby’s silence made him nervous. He wanted his old friend back. Jimmy needed a friend now more than ever. But he knew he couldn’t force the issue. Friendship, trust, and truths had to come naturally.
After what seemed like forever, Toby sighed. “I had a lot of reasons for cutting ties with you. The simplest was the fact that you reminded me of the past, the town, and… and my dad, and I wanted to put it all behind me. Forget and start anew elsewhere.”
Jimmy shifted on his seat. He’d been aware that Toby’s relationship with his father was precarious at best, abusive at worst. Not physically, not to Jimmy’s knowledge, but emotionally. Toby’s old man never stopping reminding his son what his responsibility was, which was joining the military. That was why it had been Jimmy’s first thought when Toby withheld details about his future.
“I… I’m sorry, Toby. I really am. Please forgive me. I shouldn’t have pushed.” To regain the upbeat mood from earlier, he added in a perky voice, “Hey, remember that party at Cole’s place when we got so drunk that you—”
“Listen, Jimmy, I’d rather not talk if that’s okay with you?” Toby sounded tired, too tired for twenty-three.
Jimmy gulped. “Yeah, yeah, sure. I’ll drive for a few more hours, okay? We could stop in, like, Cleveland or something. I mean, I think that’s where this road’s headed.” He frowned. This was I-90, wasn’t it?
Toby crossed his arms, slid down in his seat, and made himself comfortable, his intention to rest. “Whatever you want. Don’t drive too late into the night. I’d rather not end up wrapped around a tree ’cause you refused to get some sleep.” He glanced at Jimmy, who squirmed under the perceived scrutiny. “I can drive tomorrow. Give your feet and hands a rest.”
“Sounds good.” Jimmy glanced at Toby and smiled. Toby responded with a short smile of his own, but Jimmy couldn’t help but notice the dark circles around his friend’s eyes. That haunted look rendered him an apparition, a pale and worn ghost of himself, hovering somewhere between life and death.
Jimmy wondered what the hell had happened to Toby. Then he pondered whether he even had a right to ask. Clearly Toby had wanted to sever the link between his past and his future, and Jimmy had no place in that liminal place. Did anyone?
Toby looked so alone, so desolate. Jimmy’s heartstrings tugged painfully. Could he somehow remind Toby that despite all the water under the bridge he still had a friend in Jimmy?
“SORRY TO wake you up, but I figured you’d sleep better in an actual bed.” Jimmy kicked the red door of the motel room closed once they’d both entered, their first day together on the road at an end. The old paint was blistered, and a few flakes knocked loose at the hard shove.
Toby blushed. “Thanks. I already have a bad crick in my neck. It’ll be good to relax, take a shower, and feel a warm bed underneath me.” He rubbed his nape and grimaced, so it must have hurt.
Jimmy almost offered him a neck massage, but that might have made things weird. Instead he bounced his hand on the closest single bed to check the mattress. “Yup. Just what I figured. Hard and lumpy. But better than the car.”
Toby placed his backpack on a chair and peered into the adjacent bathroom. “Mind if I hop in the shower first? I promise not to use up all the hot water.”
“If a motel runs out of hot water after one shower, then it isn’t a very good motel.”
“Where are we again?”
“Erie, adjacent to the lake with the same name. This was the closest motel to the interstate, so….” He glanced at Toby, who was busy undressing. “This place okay with you?”
Toby stared at him in amusement. “I doubt any room and board open at this hour will be a five-star experience. One motel is very much like the next. This is fine.”
He pulled off his shirt, showing a lean body and an expanse of white skin. Jimmy could have counted the guy’s ribs, proof that Toby had indeed lost weight since high school.
“Man, you need to get some meat on you. I’ve seen beanpoles more robust than you.”
Toby stopped and went awfully still. He ducked his head and stared at the floor, fiddling with his shirt. “I haven’t had much appetite lately.”
“You need to take better care of yourself.” Jimmy gentled his tone, not wanting to press Toby too much or upset him. But the guy was underweight. “You’re not, like, anorexic, are you?”
Toby chuckled and shook his head. “No. Just… you know, life. Been a bit down and out as of late. Guess that’s reflected in my eating habits. Hey, I promise I’ll eat a horse tomorrow, okay?”
Jimmy let the matter slide. “I’ll hold you to that.”
As Toby continued to remove his clothes, Jimmy spied on the guy surreptitiously. Toby had short dark hairs between and around his pecs like a cloud of powder, and a thin trail descended past his belly button and below his belt. Toby’s muscles were defined clearly now, tight like a racing hound’s, and Jimmy wondered what it would feel like to follow their curve and test their strength.
When Toby started to unbuckle his belt, Jimmy turned away in a flash, his cheeks heating.
To get his mind back on track, he focused on the room. Two single beds ruled the small space. There wasn’t much else to look at. A flat-screen TV hung on the wall above a dresser, and two bedside tables stood by the bunks. Dark gray flowers dominated the peeling wallpaper—or were they layers of dust? The rug beneath his feet felt coarse even through his socks, and an odd smell floated in the room. The air-conditioning unit whirred at the back, out of sight, an occasional louder screech disturbing the hum.
At least it was cool in the room. The car had heated up quickly after Jimmy had switched off the air conditioner in preparation for their arrival at the motel. He took off his own clothes and folded them on the back of a chair. He wouldn’t remove his socks and put on his cheap little flip-flops until the shower was free.
Jimmy sat heavily on the bed in his underwear and wondered what he’d gott
en himself into. At first the idea of bringing his old best friend along for the ride had seemed like such a good plan. First of all, he yearned for company, the more familiar the better. Second, Jimmy had a lot of unanswered questions. Now Jimmy was having doubts. It was obvious Toby was going through something serious.
Should Jimmy try to help, or butt out? He knew what a best friend would do—but that was not who they were to each other anymore.
“Shower’s free.”
Jimmy started. Toby stood on the threshold, a white terry-cloth towel hanging low on his hips as he dried his hair with another. Jimmy could see the enticing V-shape astride Toby’s lower abdomen, and his hands itched to touch the bony form and smooth surface.
Clearing his throat and turning away, he nodded. “Cool. Thanks.”
“Don’t worry. There’s hot water, and it’s not dirty in there.” Toby moved aside to rummage through his belongings, hopefully in search of pajamas and not tight undergarments.
Jimmy ducked into the bathroom while Toby had his back turned. He closed the door, only then daring to breathe. While Toby wasn’t in the best shape possible, emotionally or physically, he was still a hot guy. Back in school Jimmy would never have had the audacity to proposition a guy he knew, let alone a friend. And he still couldn’t. Too much history between them.
Shrugging off the bleak thoughts, Jimmy removed his boxer briefs, socks, and glasses, placed his worn flip-flops close, and jumped into the tub for a shower. Toby had been right. No mold or weird oozes or stench, though a couple of older, yellowish stains appeared on the porcelain tub. All in all, not bad.
