Style and Disgrace

by Caitlin West

  I fell to my knees as nausea welled up from my abdomen and filled my head. Dizziness hit me so hard I thought I might pass out. A tremor started in my hands and spread to my limbs until I felt as though I had just gone overboard on a long workout. Despite the fact I had just been attacked, all I could think over and over was please don’t throw up.

  Peripherally, I heard a car pull up and footsteps moving toward me. “Abby?” Sammy called, hurrying up the steps. She crouched in front of me, her hands on my shoulders. “Hey, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

  “The guy…” I gasped. “He’s…out there…did you see…where is he? Be careful…”

  “What guy?” Sammy asked, glancing over her shoulder. “There’s no one, hon. Are you okay?” She hesitated. “I think I should get you to the hospital.”

  “No!” I lashed out and grabbed her hand. “I just…I think I had a weird hallucination…or …something.” I took a deep breath, a sense of ease falling back over me. The street was empty. The man who had attacked me was gone…if he had ever been there in the first place. “Last night was really rough on me I guess.”

  “Let me help you up.” Sammy hoisted me to my feet. “We have to talk about this and you’d better be pretty convincing if you don’t want me to take you to the ER.”

  I felt my face and, to my embarrassment, was relieved I hadn’t sweat. Vanity is going to be the death of me. I managed a grin and motioned toward her car. “Can we go somewhere else? Just for a drive even?”

  “Anything you want. Just…I’m worried about you, Abby.”

  “Yeah.” I nodded, locking the door and engaging the alarm. “You and me both, Sammy. Let’s get the hell out of here.”

  Chapter Three

  Confession

  More advice from Abigail Wright: Never wear white when pink is an option, pick your destination before you get in the car, and never talk to monkeys at the zoo. They have an agenda you want no part of.

  —Abby’s Facebook

  We drove in silence for nearly a mile before I could tell Sammy was a little impatient to hear my story. She was too respectful to press, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t wild with curiosity. I felt selfish for taking comfort in her presence without opening up to her immediately, but I needed the few minutes before I could talk about it…any of it.

  Then there was the dilemma of specifically what to say. Did I tell her about the Sphere? Did I tell her about Ian? Or did I just tell her about my crazy-ass mother showing up? Any one of those things on their own was weird enough. All of them at once had been overwhelming to me, so I couldn’t imagine how someone new to the situation would react.

  “So…you’ll never believe this.” I realized anything I told her would start out like that and it was likely true. I hesitated for half a moment before deciding on the lesser of all the evils. “I was having a fantastic date with David last night…dinner…meaningful glances…”

  “Don’t tell me he did something stupid,” Sammy interrupted. “Seriously, I’ll put him down.”

  I grinned despite the situation and put a hand on her arm. “Thanks for the concern, but he really wasn’t the problem. In fact, we were…escalating our relationship a little.”

  Her eyes widened. “You mean you…”

  I nodded. “Yeah, and it had started out with one hell of a promise.”

  “I’m not sure why I’m surprised, you treat third base like most people treat buying tickets to the park.”

  “Sammy!”

  “What?” She gave me a sidelong glance. “I’m not saying you’re a slut, but you certainly don’t have inhibitions about getting physical.”

  “Anyway,” I said, diverting the conversation back to the point, “we were in bed and before anything really interesting could happen, there was a knock at the door.”

  Sammy’s brow furrowed and she nodded, signaling me to continue.

  “I went down there and, I’m not kidding, it was my mother! Standing on my doorstep at midnight twelve years after the last time I saw her! Just bold as brass, hanging out there in all her entitled glory.”

  “You’re right, I don’t believe it. What did she want?”

  “Some cryptic crap about my birthday and something my father wanted her to give me. She was out of control, too. You wouldn’t believe the way she acted!” I shook my head. “I eventually kicked her out, but she didn’t even have an explanation for where she’d been all this time!”

  “We’ve gone over this before,” Sammy said. “Your mother’s a bitch. I’m not surprised that when she decided to show up, she wanted to prove it to you.” She reached over and took my hand. “And don’t think I’m saying you should’ve known that’s how it would be, I’m just reminding you of what you already knew.”

  “I know,” I squeezed her fingers. “I guess…she was always really good at guilting me. Somehow, things were always my fault even when I had no control over them. She was a master of all that.”

  “That’s kind of a mom thing I think. You should see how mine treats me.”

  “I’ll never forget the time I had gotten into a school play, something I wouldn’t even have dreamed possible. Rehearsals were every night for the month leading up to the performance. I rushed home and told my grandparents who were absolutely thrilled. I figured since they were mom’s parents, she would be, too.”

  “Not so much, huh?”

  “Not even close!” I scowled out the window. “She came in and I told her what happened, proud as I had ever been. She gave me this critical look, thought for a moment, and said, Well, it could be worse. You could have gotten into the choir.”

  Sammy hissed. “Ouch…weren’t you in the choir?”

  “Yes!” I nearly shouted I was so exasperated. “Drove me absolutely insane and now that she’s back, I swear she’s going to make a second go at pushing me over the edge.”

  “Doug told me something a long time ago and it’s really made a difference. Once we all graduated from college, he said, Just remember, she no longer has power over you. We were free from her influence, on our own, and pursuing our dreams. Mom could kiss my ass. The moment I really embraced that, all my familial stress melted away.”

  “Doesn’t she still try to ride you?”

  Sammy nodded. “Of course, but now I just tell her off and everything’s fine. I don’t take orders from her. I’m doing quite well without her.”

  “Sounds liberating.”

  “You had the luxury of your mother making the choice for you a long time ago. Now that she’s back, you just have to remember the same credo. It’s your life, Abby, and whether or not she’s part of your life will be entirely up to you.”

  I wondered if I should tell her the rest or if that would just confuse the matter. Talking about my insane mother coming out of the blue to bother me was easy. It was another thing entirely to discuss angels, hallucinations, and whatever the hell Ian Preiss was. Maybe if I hadn’t been so weird about him when he came around the first time, I’d have a leg to stand on, but any complaint would just sound like bad sportsmanship.

  I had to be tactful if I was going to fill Sammy in on any of the real dilemmas I was facing. Frankly, it didn’t feel like the time. I already had her sympathy and I could probably rant about family problems the rest of the day without argument. Any of the other stuff, especially that of a supernatural quality, was going to have to wait until I understood it better myself.

  We idly exchanged stories about our families and I tried desperately to not be distracted by the bizarre episode on my doorstep. I couldn’t be sure what I had experienced was real. Was that a hallucination or did someone actually attack me? Ian had warned about strange things and I had easily believed him on some level. Still, there was a skeptic roaming around in my head saying this was all bullshit.

  I needed to talk to Ian.

  * * * *

  Several hours later, I had Sammy take me home. I felt considerably more at ease and was ready to face the rest of my afternoon on my own. The im
pact of the incident in front of the house was lessened, the confrontation of my mother behind me, and all I wanted was a light lunch and a conversation with Mister Preiss.

  I called him as I walked up the steps, waving to Sammy as she pulled away.

  The phone began to ring and I paused. There was a sound off to the right, a soft classical melody playing on my porch around the corner. I lowered the phone and contemplated running. If I hurried, I might be able to flag Sammy before she got too far, but then, if this were something weird, that could involve putting her in danger.

  “Don’t worry.” Ian’s voice made me jump as he stepped into view, holding up his phone. “I was just checking around for you. I had a bad feeling this morning…thought I was just being paranoid. Then you weren’t here.”

  “You and I have a lot to talk about!” I pointed at him, more accusing than I meant to be. “Since you already seem to know all about it, how about you start talking?”

  Ian raised his brows. “Really. I felt the attack, I came here as quickly as I could, and you were gone. I don’t think you need to get uppity with me because I didn’t catch you on your way out to the supermarket.”

  My cheeks burned. “What was it then, Ian? What attacked me and how the hell did it get thrown back? I half thought that was you saving me for a minute, but clearly I was wrong.”

  “Didn’t I tell you you’d change? Didn’t I warn you you had potential? I bet you felt sick after whatever you did, am I right?”

  I nodded, scowling.

  “Remember? Your body will change to adapt to your gifts.”

  “I remember…”

  “Are you sure? You seem to have forgotten the part where I said it would get worse before it gets better.”

  “I didn’t forget I just…I thought I had more than a day or two. I mean, when you were talking to me before I had a vision of weeks…months…a year.”

  “Make no mistake, when you turn thirty, it’s only a matter of months before it’s all over. The transition has to be swift or you’d just be killed outright. If I weren’t around to help you, like so many others, then you’d have to acclimate by yourself and quickly. You’d have no choice and most people in that position don’t make it. They don’t even know that there is a way out…that they could leave it behind until it’s too late and they’re already on one side or the other.”

  “That’s awful.” I leaned against the wall and ground my palms into my eyes. “So what did I do? What was that thing?”

  “It was gone by the time I got here, but the impression it left behind was easy enough to discern. Some kind of low-level fiend. I haven’t seen one precisely like it before, but that’s not saying a whole lot. They’re as varied as fish in the sea, truth be told. I’m not sure what it specifically wanted with you, but I intend to find out.”

  “How do you plan to do that?”

  “I know plenty of people on this side of the game, Abigail. Don’t worry, my contacts will point me in the right direction.”

  “There’s something else we need to talk about,” I said, shoving off from the wall to face him. “My…my mother came here last night.”

  He tilted his head curiously. “Oh?”

  “Yes, she said my father wanted her to give me something on my thirtieth birthday, but she lost it a long time ago. She had something to tell me but…well…” I flushed.

  “You didn’t want to hear it.”

  “I haven’t seen her in over a decade! She’s so far beyond absentee she makes abandonment sound like a family weekend at a theme park.” He frowned and I shook my head emphatically. “Don’t give me the disapproving look. She’s a royal bitch with an emphasis on the royal part. Seriously, if there were a hierarchy of shrews, she’d be empress. Mommy Dearest would come seeking advice, she was that screwed up.”

  “That sounds a bit like hyperbole.”

  “Call it whatever you want, I wasn’t going to let her waltz into my life like that.”

  “I assume she managed to say something that made bringing her up relevant?” Ian asked.

  “Yes, she said…” I hesitated. “When I tell you this, you’ll understand just how much I trust you and how little faith I place in my mother.”

  “Okay…”

  “She said…you…you had something to do with my father’s death.”

  Ian straightened, his expression turning pensive. He glanced out at the street, heaving a sigh. I felt my heart race in my chest as I watched him, practically holding my breath for his response. He plunged his hands in his pockets and paced toward the stairs, keeping his back to me.

  “I wonder how precisely she knows any of this,” he muttered, “considering your father never wanted to tell her anything. I find it difficult to believe he would have imparted information to her without letting me know…”

  “Was there any truth to what she said?” I couldn’t believe I asked the question. I certainly didn’t feel like I had the courage for it, but out it came regardless.

  Ian nodded slowly, looking at me over his shoulder. “Yes, Abigail…it’s true. I don’t know how your mother found out or who told her, but I was responsible for your father’s death.”

  Chapter Four

  Parental History

  I just read an article from a famous pop star whining about their amazing tour bus. This thing supposedly has two decks, a kitchenette, full bar, and enough beds to sleep fifteen. Listen up, Silver Spoons, come talk to me when you’ve had to go cross-country in a van with no heat and one wool blanket to share for three. Till then, just do your blow and get over yourself. Meow!

  —Abby’s Facebook

  I could’ve been knocked over with a feather. There were so many stunning revelations in his confession. One, he was involved in my father’s death. Two, I still felt like I could trust him. Three, and by far the most absurd of them all, was the fact my mother wasn’t lying. That right there was a miracle of biblical proportions and, sadly, the one thing I had a hard time believing.

  “I assume you have some kind of explanation you’d like to offer…some kind of…story?”

  Ian sighed and averted his gaze to the ground. “Like I said before, your father was an active agent for the Sphere. As I’m sure you’ve gathered, I worked for the Pillar. I was just an early agent, above a minion, but not quite a knight. Your father was at the top of his game back then and the one time we clashed, I was soundly defeated.”

  “But he let you live…” I whispered, afraid speaking too loudly would prevent him from continuing.

  “Ultimately, there’s hardly a difference between the two factions. Both fight random supernatural incursions. Yes, there are different overall goals, but where we deviate the most is how we go about our activities. Where the Sphere shows mercy, the Pillar…well, they do not.

  “It boils down to motivation. The Pillar leadership threatens its members with entry into their plane of existence, hell, if you want to call it that…the fear of punishment for failure drives them on to avoid eternal torment. The Sphere, on the other hand, protects their eventual destination because they want it to stay pristine and comfortable. They fight with passion to preserve their heaven, not to prevent themselves from suffering.”

  “You wouldn’t have let him live if you won that fight.” The statement was obvious, but I couldn’t help but make it. Ian nodded.

  “Correct.” There was something chilling about the way he said that. It was so final and so matter-of-fact. I hugged myself and backed away. “That first battle was just a precursor. We didn’t meet again for many years…until well after you were born. As I said, it was assumed he was out of the game and no longer operating. I suppose he would’ve stayed that way had it not been for me.”

  “If he was out of the game, why was I abandoned with my mother?”

  “To stay out of the conflict, a man like him would have to be on the move. Rather than drag you both all over the world, he decided to live light and help where he could in a less overt manner than fighting the supern
atural. He was a skilled healer and a harder worker. Before he and I met up again, he had touched a lot of lives and made a big difference.”

  “Great, my dad was off playing Highway to Heaven while I was stuck at home with Piper Laurie.”

  “Believe me, he was doing you a favor.” Ian cast me a look full of something I could only describe as raw, passionate rage. It made me gasp as I took a full step back. “I tracked him down, you see, and I had every intention of killing everyone around him. If you and your mother had been with him, you would’ve been fair game. I wanted payback for the one fight we had…I wanted to bathe in his blood.

  “But when I caught up to him, despite being out of practice, he defeated me again. This time, I was sure he’d end it all…that he’d kill me off. I even challenged him, demanded he do it, but his bloody compassion was too great and, instead, he saw there was something growing inside me…something uncontrollable driving me on beyond the imperatives of my Pillar handlers.

  “He fixed me up and over the course of two years he slowly cured the affliction claiming my heart. Throughout that time, I reminded him we weren’t on the same side, that he was aiding his enemy, but he always just gave me a knowing little smile…like he knew something I did not.”

  “Did he?”

  Ian smirked, but the expression faded quickly. “Yes, he really did. I remember quite clearly we had been staying in some backwater hole in Canada. I felt better than I had my entire life, but he cautioned me, even up to the Sunday morning when that thing showed up at our apartment.

  “It wasn’t Pillar or Sphere. Just as I said, there were plenty of creatures in the world and they’re often attracted to power. The two of us were too much of an opportunity to pass up, especially as we must’ve seemed like weakened prey. We had kept our powers so low-key, it made sense we would eventually be attacked by something exceptionally dangerous.

  “The battle was brutal. It destroyed the apartment building, leveling it completely. Your father saved everyone inside before nearly being crushed himself. I narrowly finished off the beast, sending it back to wherever it came from. By the time I reached him, it was clear he was on the way out.”