Good Gracie

by Ines Saint

  He nodded slowly. That was exactly it. It looked like a place where you could get away from it all, even though it was minutes away from everything and near the corner of a run-down street, reminiscent of the ups and downs and changing tides of a town and city. “Tell me about it,” he said.

  “It was the judge’s house. They say his wife wanted a house that reflected the glamour and romance of the 1920s but that looked like a home, too. A place where her husband could get away from the realities of the job. Except the job followed him home. The house is actually where one your courthouse ghosts, Clyde Cupcake, died.”

  “This is the judge’s house? Where Clyde Cupcake came to plead his innocence?”

  She turned to him. “You sound surprised.”

  Josh shrugged. “Clyde gets around—he’s been leaving messages in pink frosting on bathroom mirrors over at the courts.” Gracie laughed, which made him smile. “Well, I’m sure whoever owns it would rather have Clyde stay at the courthouse. I’m guessing that’s why it hasn’t sold. Most people are probably afraid of a haunted house,” he said.

  She grinned. “No, that actually draws people to houses in this town.”

  “Really?” It was his turn to laugh. “I guess I can see that, too.” They both stared up at the house. “Why hasn’t it sold, then? The rest of the town is looking so nice and it’s a gorgeous house.”

  “The houses on this street are so big and so run-down and outdated that they’re more expensive to renovate. They wouldn’t be valued at what it would cost to bring them back.”

  Josh considered that. He wouldn’t mind having a house appraised at less than it cost him if he knew he’d be staying in it and enjoying it forever. “It’s funny . . . I’ve been wanting to buy a house I can settle into and I saw this one online a while back. I keep coming back to it. It’s on my list.”

  “I guess now it’s off.”

  He looked back at her. “Why?”

  He watched her throat work. “You’d be living right next door to me. People looking for a way to hurt you would find a way to distort it,” she said.

  Josh swore under his breath. Likely she was remembering how his fiancée had accused her of trying to get into his pants and had accused him of merely waiting for the case to be over to let her. She’d said it right in front of Sherry, Paige, and Hope. He’d had to hold them all back, though Linda would’ve deserved the lesson Hope had promised. “I’ll stay away if that’s what you want, Gracie, but for no other reason. If I were afraid of the nasty people in this world, and what they say and do, I wouldn’t be running for county prosecutor. When the words and actions of ignorant jerks dictate your own, they win.”

  “That’s true,” she said on a broken note, and then, “But it’s an awfully big house for one person.”

  “It is. But I grew up in a big house. I’ve been missing that. And I’d like to have a family someday, but I’ll need my alone time, too. I had that growing up. These new, open-floor plans aren’t for me.” He looked back at the house and his heart sped up, the way it did whenever he made an important, game-changing discovery in a case. The pictures on the inside showed lots of rooms, and each room could have its own purpose. That was what he’d been looking for. A house to grow into . . . “Are you trying to say you don’t want me next door to you?”

  He watched as Gracie took a deep breath and held it before letting it out. “I’m only going to be here for one more month. After that, I’ll just be doing short follow-up visits,” she said, as if she’d been calculating it all during her deep breath. Josh gave her a look because that wasn’t an answer. “Well . . . I’ll see you around,” she said, ignoring his look and turning to walk away. “And don’t worry about making me uncomfortable. I know you’d never do anything to hurt me.”

  He stared after her, feeling like her last sentence had said much more about her than it’d said about him.

  Chapter 4

  Gracie sank onto the couch. Being back in Dayton had been a roller coaster: anxiety followed by a measure of acceptance followed by sudden fears followed by determination. Over and over again. But talking to Josh as equals—as friends, even—had been mostly nice. Mostly because the awareness she felt brought about adrenaline rushes that energized her one moment and drained her the next. How would she deal with it if she kept running into him? Energy was welcome. Depletion was not.

  Thankfully, a knock on the door put a stop to her wayward thoughts. The fact that she hadn’t had to buzz anyone into the lobby first narrowed the possible visitors to nosy ones, and this time she was happy about the nosiness. They’d want to know about her day, and that would allow her to focus on work. She opened the door and Paige and Hope swept in and took turns hugging her.

  “How was your day?” Paige asked as she sat on the corner of one armchair and Hope settled into the other.

  Gracie shut the door, seated herself on the sofa in front of them, and offered up a sincere smile. “It was good.”

  They chitchatted about the particulars, and though Gracie could tell they were interested, she could also see they were getting ready to drive the conversation in a new direction. They kept exchanging what they surely thought were furtive glances.

  “Did you run into anyone you know?” Paige asked.

  “No.” It was the truth.

  “So you didn’t run into Josh . . . again?” Hope asked.

  “Again?” Gracie repeated, as if she didn’t know where they were going with it all and as if buying time or playing dumb would help her in the least. How shortsighted of her to consider their visit a welcome distraction.

  “Yes. Again. Why didn’t you tell us you ran into Josh, alone, last night?” Hope finally got to the point.

  Gracie didn’t bother asking how they knew. “It didn’t seem important,” she said. It was an easy, common enough excuse, but it was also a lie, and she’d always been a terrible liar. She dropped her gaze.

  After a moment Paige went to sit next to her. “You know we’ll all love that man forever, but it must’ve been strange for you to run into him when you were trying to get your bearings, first.”

  Gracie shrugged. “It was fine.”

  “Gracie . . .” Hope began, her voice so sweet sirens went off in Gracie’s mind. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

  Proceed with caution. Be honest. Deflect. “Because I knew you’d ask tons of questions and I wouldn’t have satisfactory answers. It seemed like an exercise in futility. I’d much rather tell you about my plans for the building. In fact, you’re both free to stop by sometime so I can explain my vision. Explaining it out loud to different people and having them ask questions is how I identify problems and areas for improvement.” Brilliant. So good she could end it with a confident smile.

  “I would love that,” Paige said. “Now spill.”

  Gracie drew in a breath and held it for a count of three. The situation called for more thorough honesty and more effective deflection. “Josh was working late. He was in the hallway. I was at the end of it. He was on his way out when he saw me. I was evaluating storage solutions. We chatted about what my job entailed and how bad the building needed the renovations, and that’s it. It was great for me to get a head start because I was prepared the next day. My team took to my leadership immediately.” There; she’d answered who, what, where, when, how, and then deflected. She picked up her phone and hit her calendar app to wrap it all up. “Tell me when you can come in so I can make time for you.”

  “But was he surprised to see you?” Paige wanted to know. “And how did he recognize you? You’ve changed.”

  “Has he changed? Is he still good-looking?” Hope leaned in.

  Gracie’s heart sped up. “Yes. I don’t know. Not much. I—” Her throat went dry when she tried to answer the last question. “I guess.”

  Hope squeezed Gracie’s thigh. “We’re not trying to make you uncomfortable, you know. We’re trying to be here for you.”

  Gracie sighed. “I know you mean well, but you’re making me
talk about something I don’t feel like talking about. You know it couldn’t have been easy for me to run into him, especially when I went there at night so I could get my act together before facing that part of my life again.” There. Full honesty. Maybe they’d finally back off.

  Paige got up to hug her. “It wasn’t our intention to start an inquisition.” She then leaned back to look Gracie in the eye. “We’re curious because Ruby, Rosa, and Grandma said Josh was smiling when he told them he ran into you. Grandma Sherry thought he also looked amused.”

  “Amused.” Gracie’s face heated. Of course he was amused. He’d caught her hiding in a closet.

  “Yes,” Hope answered, watching her a little too closely. The hair on the back of Gracie’s neck prickled. She felt like the cheese in a grilled cheese sandwich. “He said he was surprised to see you, but he recognized you instantly. They also said he’s only gotten better-looking. Ruby mentioned that age has added an edge to his preppy looks.”

  “Rosa said he exudes an aura of control that most women would find very stimulating,” Paige added.

  Gracie squirmed. Ruby and Rosa sure knew how to pick their words. “Keep mentioning them and all three will magically appear.”

  “Is he single?” Hope asked, ignoring her.

  “Don’t know; don’t care,” she answered lightly, fixing her eyes on the window and trying not to fidget. Hope was drop-dead gorgeous. Now that they were all older, Josh would probably take one look at her sexy, confident sister and lose his aura of control.

  “You know, maybe I should visit you at work,” Hope mused. “Let’s take a look at that calendar.”

  Gracie shot up, saying, “I’m so sorry, but I didn’t sleep well last night and it’s catching up to me.” She walked to the door and tried to twist the knob, but her palms were so sweaty, her hand slipped.

  “Honey, what’s wrong?” Paige asked.

  “Nothing. I just—” She tried to run a hand through her hair, but it got stuck because she was wearing a braided bun. A boring bun. She closed her eyes. Where had that thought come from?

  “We’re only teasing,” Hope said from the couch.

  Gracie released a short sigh. Teasing. Of course they were. Normally she’d have noticed. Her sisters knew her well. And though it didn’t always seem like it at first, it always ended up being a good thing. They were thicker than thieves; they were sisters. “I need help,” she admitted when she opened her eyes.

  “Why? What happened?” Hope’s normally cool eyes reflected a mix of fear and concern.

  “Nothing bad.” She forced herself to spit the words out. “I’m just—I’m having these . . . feelings. And I don’t want them. They hurt, in a way. I want them gone.”

  Hope and Paige traded another glance. Gracie took two steps and plopped back down next to Hope. “And you knew all this, didn’t you? How did you know?” The thought that Josh, too, might have noticed hit her. Was that why he’d been smiling so much? “Please tell me I’m not that obvious.”

  “You’re not,” Paige said as she moved to sit on the coffee table directly in front of her. “We just found it odd that you didn’t tell us you ran into him, so we assumed it must’ve been uncomfortable. We decided to come over to be supportive in case there was anything you wanted to talk through.”

  Hope nodded. “When we got here we saw him leaving, and then found it odd when you again didn’t mention him. But then when we mentioned him and you blushed . . .” She let her voice trail off.

  Gracie didn’t know what to say. This was all a whole new layer of sensations on top of everything she’d been feeling about being back and leading her first project. She didn’t need it and wished it would go away.

  “We’ll be quiet and let you gather your thoughts,” Hope said.

  Her sisters, quiet? Gracie smiled despite herself. They’d keep badgering because they wanted to help. And they probably could. They had more experience than she did. Most people had more experience than she did.

  Gracie shook the thought off, took a deep breath, and let it all out. “Something about him is making me feel like a silly teenager all over again. I’ve been thinking it’s because I haven’t felt anything for anyone in years, but he’s someone I trusted in the past, when my feelings became . . .” Her throat felt dry as her thoughts caught up to her words and she had to swallow. “Stunted, I guess. And so when I see him, I go back to that time and those feelings I once had for Brad.” She paused. His name still had the power to deflate her. It was something she’d been working on. “Except maybe I’m transferring them onto Josh because he feels safe.”

  Paige and Hope were quiet. Too quiet. “I poured my heart out to you, do you mind letting me in on your thoughts?” Gracie lowered her head and propped her chin on her hand. “I need to figure this out so I can work with a clear head. This project is so important. My whole future depends on it.”

  Paige bent her head until she was at eye level with Gracie. “We can help, but only if you’re willing to listen.”

  “I can’t listen if you don’t say anything,” Gracie mumbled.

  Hope lowered her head, too. “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re emotionally repubescent, that’s all.”

  “Repubescent?” Gracie repeated.

  “It does kind of sound like you’re rediscovering feelings of attraction.” Paige bit the inside of her cheek, which usually indicated she was weighing something in her mind. “And maybe you’re right and Josh is inspiring those feelings only because you trust him and he feels safe . . . but have you thought that maybe your feelings are about Josh? That if the past had never happened and you randomly met him, you’d have been attracted to him anyway?”

  Gracie tried to let that sink in. The very thought of Josh’s mussed-up hair, dark sparkling eyes, and engaging smile made her tingle, and it wasn’t the Josh from nine years ago she pictured; it was the seasoned, stimulating Josh from the past two nights. Usually, whenever a man got anywhere near the sphere she considered her personal space, a powerful combination of distrust and shame made her step away and shut down. That didn’t happen with Josh, which had to be tied to the past—a past she’d worked hard to leave behind. Only she hadn’t really left it behind. Not when she still had negative reactions to men. Which meant . . .

  She sighed, not knowing what it all meant. “Maybe it’s a result of our history together... and maybe it’s not.” Slowly, she straightened, and her sisters followed suit. “The important thing is that I need all of the prepubescent—or repubescent—nonsense to stop. It’s physically uncomfortable and it’s constant and I don’t want it affecting my work.”

  Another glance was exchanged over her head. “Will you two stop that!” She turned to Hope. “You were brutal with Paige when you thought she had her head stuck up her butt. Be brutal with me. I need it. I need to get my head where it belongs. On work!”

  “No, not Hope. I’m the one for the job.” Paige clapped her hands on her thighs. “These feelings aren’t going to go away, and the more you fight them, the more consuming and uncomfortable they’re going to get.”

  Hope grinned. “I think you should trust the woman who fell for the FBI agent who handcuffed her and arrested her ex-husband. She knows what she’s talking about.”

  “Exactly!” Paige bobbed her head. “I mean, we all know it’s a lot more complicated than that, but when I pare it down, it’s also that simple. A strong physical attraction to an amazing man equals holy havoc, Sis. There’s no fighting it.”

  “Holy havoc?” Gracie’s shoulders sagged further. “That’s not helpful.”

  Paige lightly slapped her knee. “I’m not done. I said there’s no fighting it. I didn’t say there was no way of dealing with it. I had a lot going on in my life and exploring wasn’t an option, so I fought, and it made things confusing and painful. But you can explore what you’re feeling, and it’ll be scary, but it can also be fun. And as you yourself admitted, you’ll feel safe because this is Josh. I think it’ll help you heal. As l
ong as you don’t hurt him.”

  Gracie frowned. “How could I possibly hurt him? Other than stupid rumors coming back, I mean.” Her stomach roiled at the thought. It took steady breathing to keep that particular anxiety tamped down. “What are you suggesting I do?”

  “That one’s for the heeled crusader over there. She’s the love ’em and leave ’em expert.”

  Hope bobbed her head, as Paige had done, and said, “Exactly!” in the same enthusiastic tone. “We all know I get my kicks out of going out once or twice with players, to beat them at their own game. It’s good for them and fun for me. But I would never mess with a good man looking for a serious relationship.”

  Gracie frowned. “I’m still not understanding.”

  “Flirting can be a lot of fun—that’s how you explore these physical feelings. But if it looks like only one of you is actually falling for the other, then it’s time to back off,” Hope explained.

  “You think Josh could fall for me?” she fairly squawked.

  Hope gave her a considering look. “You’re smart, kind, funny, creative, and pretty. Of course he could. But a little fun rarely hurts.”

  Gracie shut her eyes against the feelings those words brought up. “You’re wrong. Fun can hurt.” Her throat felt thick.

  Paige sighed. “You wanted honesty, Gracie. Here it is. Just know it hurts me more than it hurts you.” She covered Gracie’s hand with her own. “What you felt for Brad was never fun. What you felt was the headiness of acceptance. Brad was in the Teflon crowd and being with him felt like validation. I know because I tried to marry into validation. And when it backfires it hurts all the more because deep down, it never felt right.”

  “And you think flirting with Josh will feel right?” Gracie put her hands over her stomach. “He’s going to take one look at me, remember how stupid I was, and think I had what happened coming.”

  Hope looked stricken. “No! And you know you don’t believe that. That’s memories of what Brad’s family said talking. Josh never treated you with anything but respect and admiration. No one except you expects you to go through life punishing yourself for once trusting a jerk. Because that’s what you’re doing, Gracie. You think you’re protecting yourself, and that might be part of it, but you’re punishing yourself, too.”