“Really?” I ask. I’m kind of surprised at this answer, and feel like I may have overreacted. I built him up to be this silver tongued douche bag in my head, when, really, he was still the same kind and caring person I had gotten to know over the past couple months.
“Really,” he replied.
“That still doesn’t explain why you still need to see them, when you can do that stuff with me. I just want to know I’m not like, this huge disappointment for you,” I added.
“I don’t need to see them. We’ve talked about this before-“
“Okay then it doesn’t explain why you want to see them,” I interrupted.
“It’s just… different, Lilly. It’s not better or anything. It’s just a different experience. But, it’s done. I’m done. I want you. I lo-ike you a lot,” he stammered.
“Seriously… you lo-ike me a lot, huh,” I teased.
“Shut up. Yes. But, shut up. I want to… be… with you. Just, all the time. You’re all I think about,” he admitted.
“Does that mean you want to be my fucking boyfriend?” I tease.
“Yeah. It does. I want to be your fucking boyfriend. Can we stop saying that now please, it doesn’t sound like real words anymore,” he laughed.
I climbed into his lap and buried my face in his neck.
“How many of them are there?” I asked.
“Currently? Four,” he replied.
“When is the next time you’re supposed to meet with one of them?” I ask.
“It doesn’t matter,” he promises, “I’m just gonna send out a group email, let them know I’m out. I told you, it’s not very romantic.”
“Yeah, but when was the next appointment?” I push.
“Saturday, I’m supposed to meet with Claire. We meet Saturday mornings, and some weeknights,” he reluctantly answered. That explains where he was the morning he snuck off and left me asleep in bed. I wonder if she was the reason he cancelled our date, too.
“Keep that appointment. Let me come and watch. I want to see why it’s so different. Maybe I’m being closed minded to think you have to stop to be with me. I won’t know until I see it. I mean. Probably don’t keep four concubines. But one might be okay. I don’t know. I need to see,” I said, tripping over my words.
“I don’t know if Claire is the best session to sit in on. But, I mean, I guess we can ask her. It’s up to her, really,” he explained.
“I thought they had to do whatever you tell them,” I stated in confusion.
“They’re still people, and the entire arrangement is based on respect. They only have to behave in a scene, she has the right to refuse whatever she wants,” he adds, “she’s gonna be pissed when she finds out I have a girlfriend again. But, we’ll see what happens.”
I tried to ignore what this implied about Claire, and decided to focus instead on the fact that he called me his girlfriend.
Chapter Fourteen
I couldn’t sleep for shit Friday night. I kept thinking that maybe I didn’t want to meet her at all, let alone watch him with her. This was a bad, bad idea. Cash said if he asked her about it before hand, she wouldn’t come, so we’d just confront her when she got here. That sounds like a recipe for disaster, I wouldn’t want to be ambushed like that. He assured me it would be fine, and that her bark was worse than her bite. I didn’t particularly feel like being barked at.
I shifted nervously on Cash’s couch as we waited for her to arrive.
“Relax. It’ll be fine,” he assured me. My anxiety bubbled inside of me. This was a terrible fucking idea. There was no knock on the door to announce her arrival, no signal to give me a few moments to prepare myself. Claire walked straight into the apartment in a flurry of blonde hair and mile long legs.
“What’s going on here?” she said playfully, motioning to me with her sunglasses in her hand, “do we get to have a play date today?”
“No. Can you have a seat?” Cash motioned to her to sit down.
“What is this,” she asked, “a fucking intervention?”
“No, we just need to talk to you,” Cash replied.
“We? Who the fuck is ‘we?’ Jesus Christ, Cash. You have a ‘we,’ now?” she spit, angrily.
“Yes, there is a ‘we,’ situation, but-“ he started, before being interrupted by Claire.
“So you’re gonna stop seeing me now? This is Madison all over again. Don’t expect me to be here when this one runs off. We could have done this over the phone. You know I have to take three buses to get here, right? Three. Not cool, I think you need to pay for my cab fare home,” she said, extending her hand.
“What happened to your car?” Cash asked.
“My boyfriend needed it for work. Don’t change the subject. Are we.. is this done? Can I go?” she asked.
“Okay, no, I didn’t bring you out here to break things off, don’t jump to conclusions. But yes, this is my girlfriend, Lilly,” Cash said, motioning to me.
“Awww, your girlfriend. How fucking sweet. When did you move in here, Lilly? How’d you find out about us? Snoop through his phone? Or did you stumble across his toys?” Claire hissed at me.
“Uh, neither. I actually live next door,” I replied.
“Oh, that’s amazing. Then you probably recognize me as, ‘Ah, Oh, yeah, Come on Daddy, harder’,” Claire moaned.
“Knock it off,” Cash said, rolling his eyes. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.
“So are you guys in love,” she mocked. “Did Cash tell you that we used to be in love? Until we discovered that love isn’t fucking real and life’s too short to live some bullshit fairy tale.”
“No, that’s not what happened, you were a coked out whore with no capacity for emotion, don’t self deify,” Cash retorted.
“Tomato, tomahto. What the fuck am I doing here, then?” she asked.
“I wanted to see if you’d be comfortable letting Lilly sit in on our session,” he stated, matter of factly.
“Seriously?” she turned to me, “you want to watch him fuck me? You realize that’s what happens, right? That’s what this is all about?”
“Yeah, she’s aware. She just wants to see what we do. To try to understand why we do it,” he replied bitterly.
“Oh, so is our fate in her hands? Let’s put on a good show then,” Claire said, standing and walking towards the guest bedroom. This was a terrible fucking idea.
Cash shrugged his shoulders and looked at me apologetically. This is awesome. Not only has he been doing this much longer than he let on, but he used to date this girl. I grind my teeth. I followed him as he rolled his desk chair into the bedroom. He pushed it towards the window and motioned for me to sit. Claire kneeled on the ground near the nightstand, and produced a bag of white powder from her designer handbag. She poured some on the bedside table, splitting it into three lines. Cash took a twenty out of his wallet and rolled it into a tube. He bent down and inhaled a line of powder, handing the bill to Claire. She sucked up her line beneath a wall of curly blonde hair, and extended the bill to me.
“Is that cocaine?” I asked.
“No, it’s floo powder. We’re gonna go fuck in Diagon Ally. Yes it’s fucking coke. Do you want some, or not?” she asked.
“That’s not how floo powder works,” I replied. She twisted her face into a grimace, and looked at Cash.
“Where do you find these bitches?” she asked, inhaling the last line.
The sad thing is, in different circumstances, we could probably be best friends. If we met in any other situation, I would be enamored. We’d be fast bitches. She was funny, and vulgar, and unapologetic, with absolutely no fucks to give, and we might have been kindred spirits. Cash must have a type. Clair licked the residual coke off the table and her credit card. “Well, let’s do this,” she said, standing to pull her dress over her head, hanging it from the banister. She wasn’t wearing anything underneath it. She held her hair up as Cash fastened a glittery sliver necklace around her neck.
“What is that?” I ask
ed.
“Please save all questions for the end,” Claire snapped. Cash grabbed her face and pushed her head into the wall behind her.
“Nobody asked you to talk, bitch. If you want to keep speaking out of turn, I can break out the ball gag,” he breathed. He wasn’t kidding when he said he became a different person in here. He turned to me and said, “Fly on the wall, babe. We’ll talk when it’s over.” He turned back to Claire. He moved his hand from her cheeks to her throat to allow her to speak.
“What do you say?” he barked.
“I’m sorry, “ she whimpered.
“You’re sorry, what?” he prompted.
“I’m sorry, sir,” Claire choked. He had been tightening his grip on her throat. He let her go and she gasped for breath. He walked to the dresser and grabbed a cloth bag out of one of the bottom drawers.
“How many smart ass, out of line comments have you made so far today?” he asked her.
“I don’t know, sir,” she replied.
“If you had to venture a guess,” he pressed.
“Ten?” she offered.
“Let’s call it twenty, then. You’re gonna wear them,” he stated, pulling clothespins from the sack, attaching them to her breasts and abdominal skin, “every one of these is one of your bitchy little comebacks.” Once he had them all pinched in place, he flicked through them with his fingertips, as if they were keys on a piano. Claire winced and squirmed. He wrapped his hand around the back of her neck and led her to the middle of the room. He pushed her to the floor, facedown. He walked into the closet and pulled out a springy plastic switch. Claire lifted her head to look as he approached her, and he stepped on her hair to pull her head back to the ground. He grabbed her hips and pulled up, bringing her knees under her, and pushing her ass into the air. He snapped the switch across her back, leaving a bright red stripe where it made contact with her skin. He stepped closer to her scalp to put more tension on her hair, and cracked the switch again, in the same spot. Claire screamed. It shot right through me; there was no mistaking it. She was the girl I heard through the wall. She begged him to stop. I felt nauseated.
Cash laid the switch into her back twenty five times. I counted. He stepped off of her hair and ordered her to get up. He pointed to the bed. She laid down, and he climbed on top of her, flicking the clothespins.
“Have you been a good girl this week? Can we move on to the fun stuff or am I gonna have to punish your cunt, too?” he hissed at her.
“I need punished, daddy. I was a bad girl. I let my boyfriend fuck me three times,” she whined. What the fuck is wrong with these people. I don’t know how much more of this I can watch.
Cash clicked his tongue. “You know what we have to do, right?”
“No, sir,” she replied.
“We’re gonna have to fix your pussy so he doesn’t want it. Nobody wants a worn out slut,” he said. He drew back on his knees and opened her legs. He slid two fingers inside her, and worked them until her breathing got quicker. I didn’t understand how this was punishment. He slid in a third finger, and she moaned. He wriggled in a fourth. I think I understand now. You have got to be fucking kidding me.
“Who does this pussy belong to?” he asked.
“You sir,” she replied.
“That’s right, slut,” he boasted.
“I’m your slut, sir,” she moaned.
Claire cried out as the rest of his hand disappeared inside her. I covered my mouth to keep myself from gasping in shock. He wriggled inside her, rubbing her stretched clit, until she screamed her way through an orgasm. She was definitely a screamer. He slowly pulled out his hand as she whimpered. There was a streak of blood across his wrist where her skin had torn to accommodate his fist. He licked it off, climbed up her body, and spit it directly into her mouth. I accidentally let out a small laugh. This was ridiculous. He looked at me and held a finger to his lips. She showed me her middle finger behind his back.
Cash climbed over her to the nightstand and grabbed a bottle of lube out of the top drawer. Claire flipped onto her stomach, pushing her ass into the air. He laid a firm smack across it before squeezing lube into his hand. He rubbed it over her ass, and she gasped when he popped a finger into her asshole. He unbuttoned his jeans and slid them off, kicking them off the bed. He pulled his cock out the top of his boxers and rubbed it down with lube. She dug her hands into the mattress as he forced himself inside of her. He wrapped his hands around her throat, and choked her and pumped his dick into her ass until he came rather unceremoniously.
He unhooked her necklace, and dropped it on the nightstand.
“Thanks a lot, asshole, I’m not going to be able to fuck right for a week,” she exclaimed.
“That’s kind of the point,” he retorted, laughing. I cleared my throat. I’m starting to see that the necklace marks the beginning and end of her obedience. Cash pulled his jeans back on, and helped Claire remove the rest of the clothespins. She wriggled back into her dress and turned to me.
“So that was fun, huh?” she asked, sarcastically.
“Sure,” I dismissed.
“So, do you...” she held her fingers up to her mouth in a V and flicked her tongue between them.
“No thank you,” I replied.
She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and pulled me into her. “Cash,” she said, “we need to get her liquored up and show her a good time. The three of us could have a lot of fun.” I pulled away from her and stood up.
“Aw. You’re no fun. Well, we’ll cuddle later. I have shit to do. Later bitches. Text me about next week,” she said as she walked out. I walked towards Cash, and he backed away.
“Let me go take a shower. We can talk afterwards,” he said. My stomach turned.
I went into Cash’s room and sat on the edge of his bed. I never wanted him to talk to me like that. Ever. Claire seemed to be into it. I almost found it comical. It was odd to me that he had an aversion to me calling him “sir” in bed, but demanded it from her. I wondered if he still loved her. If this was some twisted, perverse way to still be with her and to make her pay for hurting him. I walk out into the kitchen and pour myself a drink. Cash sneaks up behind me.
“It’s not even noon yet,” he whispered in my ear, stealing the glass from my hand and setting it on the counter.
“I just watched you do coke. Don’t think for a second you’re in any position to question what substances I put into my body,” I scold, grabbing the glass and chugging the whiskey inside.
“I only do that with Claire. It gets me pumped for the scene. You haven’t fucked until you’ve fucked on coke,” he explained.
“I would probably have to be high to be into half that shit too, I mean, fuck,” I uttered. Cash’s face flushed red.
“Yeah,” he replied, “That got a little, uh, intense.”
“The hardest part for me to sit through was the way you talked to her. The rest… I mean… I might not want it done to me, but to each their own. But the way you talked to her… I never want you to talk to me like that,” I quavered.
“And I promise I never, ever will. That’s just kind of our dynamic. She gets off on being degraded. I get off on degrading her,” he explained. It left a bad taste in my mouth.
“There’s probably something deeply, fundamentally wrong with that. Like. Psychologically,” I reported.
“Maybe,” he said, “but it’s not hurting anyone.”
I shrugged. Maybe it isn’t. Still doesn’t sit well with me.
“Why does she call you daddy? That’s fucking disgusting.” I say, shaking my head.
“I don’t know. She’s into it. It doesn’t bother me. Did you see what you needed to see? What knowledge did you gain from this experience,” he laughed.
“I don’t know how I feel about you doing this. I mean, I definitely understand now. What you mean when you say it’s different,” I said.
“I already told you I’d stop. You’re the one that wanted to see this. You have no argument from me. I’
ll text them right now, “ he suggested.
“No, don’t do that yet. I just don’t know how I feel about you doing it with her, specifically,” I admitted.
“Yeah, I know, she’s kind of a nutcase. She just really gets into the role and doesn’t break character no matter what I throw at her. She’s never thrown out the safe word, she just takes it, that’s why I keep her on even though she’s a fucking psycho,” he said, not making eye contact with me. I could tell he was reminiscing.
“I don’t want to hear about it anymore. I’m not talking about her personality. Why didn’t you tell me you guys used to date?” I asked.
“Because, it was a long time ago, and it was nothing. I didn’t think it was worth mentioning. We decided we were better like this, and that was the end of it,” he explained, “if I was going to pick just one, it would be Claire. If you’re not comfortable with it, you’re not comfortable with it. You don’t have to try to be,” he said. I shrugged.
“Why’d you make it seem like you only started doing this to get over your ex girlfriend. Claire made it pretty clear that you’ve been doing it longer than that,” I queried.
“All I said was that it helped me get over her, not that I started it to get over her,” he sighs.
I guess he didn’t really lie. I just misunderstood. I feel like I’m kind of justifying him being a shitty person at this point. I guess it wouldn’t really be cheating if I gave him the green light to keep seeing a sub. I know I wasn’t comfortable with doing any of what I saw today, and Claire was. I think she made my skin crawl because she made me feel like shit about myself. She was all legs and tits and lips and eyelashes. Like the kind of girl I would stalk on social media and try to recreate her make up of the day. Everything else aside, I need to know what brand of highlighter she uses. I’m a pretty confident person, but girls like Claire put my superiority complex to the test. I can’t tell if the idea of him being with someone else like that bothers me or if it’s specifically Claire. Is it fair that I only want him to stop because of the damage to my own self-esteem?
Ricochet Page 7
