The Widow of Papina

by Katie Hamstead

She leaned back and clasped my face to look into it. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  I trembled as I forced my emotions into submission. “I didn’t want to worry you. Forrest will show up.”

  Her head dropped as she cried. “How long has it been?”

  “Eight weeks . . . ” Had it really been that long? I hurried to look at the calendar in the kitchen. It had actually been nine. I sank into a chair. Nine weeks? How could Forrest leave me for so long? Our wedding anniversary was coming up, he’d come back for that, I just knew it.

  When Mom touched my shoulder, I launched to my feet and flicked the calendar to the next month, pointing at our anniversary.

  “He’ll be back by then,” I said. “He wouldn’t miss it.”

  “Bray.” She sank into the chair I just vacated. “Honey, do you really think he’d leave without a trace for this long? Sweetheart, as much as I don’t want to say it, but maybe you need to start facing the fact he’s—”

  “Don’t!” I yelled. “He’s coming back.”

  “Bray—”

  “Mom, he’s just doing something, I don’t know what, but he’s just . . . but he’ll come back. The deputy has his jacket and promised he’d give it to him when they find him. He’ll be so grateful because it’s been so cold and snowy.”

  “Bray, honey, I don’t think he’ll need his jacket.”

  I collapsed onto the chair beside her. My head fell into the crook of my elbow as I leaned over the table. “Yes, he will. He’s coming back. He has to come back.”

  But, she was right. Nine weeks? We hadn’t spent more than two days apart since we started dating. I knew there was no way he’d just run off, so he had to be . . . he must be . . . I couldn’t even think it, but I knew. I sobbed into my arm while Mom stroked my hair.

  “Sweetheart, you can’t keep on like this,” she whispered after several minutes. “I think maybe we should have a memorial service for him.”

  “Not yet,” I whispered. “He could still show up.”

  “Bray, I know it’s breaking your heart, but if you keep holding onto this hope that he’s alive, you’ll never allow yourself to grieve and move on with your life.”

  “I won’t move on,” I snarled. “He’s the love of my life.”

  She sighed. I looked up at her as tears streamed down her face. She ran her fingers through my hair. Up until that moment, I didn’t consider how anyone else felt. But, she must have been up all night travelling to be with me, to comfort me when she, too, loved Forrest.

  From behind her, something caught my eye. Nova stood tucked behind the door listening in the hallway. She was traumatized by something, I knew that much, so maybe she saw Forrest die.

  My head sank back onto my elbow as I cried. Mom was right. I needed to face the reality that Forrest wouldn’t just leave me, so he must be dead.

  I cried and cried, allowing my hope to seep out, let reality take hold, and my grief to wash over me.

  When my tears dried up and I couldn’t cry one more, I noticed Sarah beside me. At some point, she’d set a hot chocolate down for me and sat staring blankly ahead while she sipped her own.

  I sat up, my eyes puffy and my nose runny as I glanced between them. “Mom, you’re right. I want to believe he’s still alive somewhere, but I know he’d never . . . ”

  My voice caught and I forced myself to swallow the lump. “We should hold a memorial service, and I should contact his sisters.”

  Mom squeezed my hand. “Leave that to me.” She stood and turned, and jumped when she saw Nova tucked behind the door. “Oh my! Who’s this?”

  “Nova,” I said. “Meet my mom.”

  She scowled and dashed back upstairs.

  Mom swung to face me. “Is she the girl who disappeared the same time as Forrest?”

  I frowned. “How much did the sheriff tell you?”

  “Bray!” She rushed back to me. “She could have murdered him. I can’t believe you brought her into your home.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I don’t think a girl that size could do anything to Forrest.”

  “Have you heard of a gun?”

  I froze. The sheriff said she knew how to use a gun, and had one count of armed robbery on her records. But, I knew how she felt about Forrest, and I knew enough about her from the last few weeks to know that, despite her rough and foul attitude, she wasn’t a killer. “She didn’t kill him.”

  Mom rolled her eyes and shook her head. “I’ll call his sisters.”

  She left the room and Sarah grasped my hand. “Since your mom is here, I might move back to my place, unless you want me to stay?”

  I shook my head. “You should go home. You’ve been here for a long time, and as much as I’m truly grateful for everything you’ve done, I can’t expect you to stay.”

  She squeezed my hand. “I will if you want me to.”

  “I know where I can find you if I need it.”

  She shuffled closer and wrapped her arms around me. “Everything will turn out, and I’ll be here for you no matter what.”

  I pulled back. “I know you will, but I haven’t been there for you. Did you go on that date with the sheriff?”

  She blushed and shook her head. “It was supposed to be the Friday night two nights after Forrest disappeared, so we cancelled.”

  “Sarah, I’m sorry.”

  She raised an eyebrow. “You don’t need to be sorry. This is way more important than a stupid date.” She stood. “I’ll go pack my things and I’ll collect them after work.”

  She left me sitting alone in the kitchen. Realizing how cold I felt, I made my way over to turn up the heater. As I swiveled back around, I jumped at Nova standing right behind me.

  Her gaze lifted as she searched my face. I stood rigid, wondering what she was thinking and what she would do next. Then, her hand wrapped around mine and her head rested on my shoulder as she cried. My jaw fell, but I wrapped my arms around her and stroked her hair. Her arms wrapped around my waist as her sobs intensified. What a strange turn of events!

  Sarah walked in, but paused at the door, her jaw hanging. Our eyes locked and she nodded, backing out again.

  A while later, we all walked Sarah to work. Nova’s hand held tightly to mine the whole time, while Mom pushed the stroller for me. None of us spoke a word, but I kept catching Mom and Sarah stealing confused glances at Nova.

  We dropped off Sarah at Town Hall, and slowly made our way back. As we approached the grocery store, I said, “Nova, would you like me to buy that jerky for you? I need to buy some milk while we’re here.”

  She shook her head. But, when we stepped inside, she tugged me over to the candy rack and pointed at a chocolate bar. “You want chocolate?”

  She nodded.

  “Okay, put it in our basket.”

  She grinned and grabbed it.

  As we checked out, she rested her head against my shoulder again and sighed.

  Reba gave me an odd, confused look, but Nova didn’t notice. She just grabbed her chocolate bar and, once I paid for it, ripped the packaging open.

  “I feed her, I promise,” I muttered as Reba’s eyes widened.

  Nova paused and grinned.

  We headed back out to the street where we almost ran into the sheriff. His gaze fell to Nova’s hand still wrapped around mine before he tipped his hat. “Ladies.”

  “Hello, Sheriff,” I answered.

  Nova shuffled behind me.

  “Sarah told me your mother was here,” he said to me. “It’s good to see you again.”

  He tipped his hat to Mom.

  “You too, Sheriff, and I’m sorry for ripping your head off over the phone.”

  He smiled. “That’s all right. Mrs. Miller here has given me much worse.”

 
Mom chuckled, batting her eyes. “I don’t doubt it. I raised my daughter to be assertive.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “Well, you succeeded.”

  I grunted.

  He cleared his throat. “I’ll swing by tonight to help move Sarah out. Is there anything you need done while I’m there?”

  “I don’t think—”

  “Yes,” Mom interrupted. “I noticed some of the shingles have come loose as I pulled up, and I’m also wondering where her car is.”

  “Her car is still in the police compound in Bearville—”

  “Well, she needs it,” Mom snapped. “What if something happens and she needs to rush out of town? Or, it’s snowing and she needs to go out with Jackson? He can’t be exposed to the elements like that.”

  “I’ll see if I can get it released,” the sheriff said. “They should have done all the forensics on it by now.”

  “Good.” Mom nodded with stiff chin. “Oh, and she needs her dishwasher looked at. It’s stopped working.”

  “Mom,” I said. “He’s the sheriff, not a handyman.”

  “He offered.” She shrugged.

  “It’s all right, Mrs. Miller,” he said. “I’ll be off duty, so I’ll have some spare time to fix things up for you.”

  I huffed, slumping. “Fine. But, just this once. I’ll employ a handyman to fix anything else that comes up.”

  He tipped his hat. “I’m off at six, so I’ll change and come right over.”

  “Thank you,” Mom called as we went our separate ways.

  Once he was out of earshot, I hissed, “Mom! I really don’t want the sheriff around like that.”

  “Why?” Mom asked, tilting her head. “He’s a nice young man, and to be honest, your place still needs a lot of work which I know you can’t do, Cinderella.”

  “The sheriff and I don’t exactly see eye to eye on a lot of things, so I’d prefer to only see him when I have to.”

  “For a girl who was such a slut most of her years of college, you’ve become pretty uptight.”

  I slapped her arm. “Mom!”

  Nova giggled.

  “I wasn’t a slut,” I grumbled. “I just had a string of boyfriends, most of which I didn’t sleep with. But, when Forrest came along . . . ”

  There was a long pause before she said, “I’m glad you found him.”

  I stared at the stroller as Jackson wriggled under the blankets. “Me, too.” I sighed as tears surfaced again. “I miss him.”

  She ran her fingers through her hair. “I know you do.”

  I huffed, forcing back my tears. “It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this. We were going to have four children and grow old together.”

  “I know, but life doesn’t always turn out as you planned. You know your father and I wanted lots of children too, but circumstances prevented it. At least we had you, just like you have Jackson.”

  I smiled as I stared at my son. “As long as I have Jackson, I’ll still have Forrest with me.”

  She wrapped her arm around my waist and kissed my head. Nova squeezed my hand.

  Chapter 8

  Mom let in the sheriff and he removed his hat. “Hello, Mrs. Thomas.”

  She smiled. “Hello, Sheriff.”

  “I’m off duty, call me Paul.”

  “All right, Paul.”

  He glanced around, resting his hands on his hips. “Where should I start?” I walked down the stairs and he nodded. “Braydon.”

  “You really don’t have to do anything,” I said.

  “I saw those loose shingles you were talking about,” he said, turning his attention to Mom. “I brought my own ladder and tools so I can start there.”

  “But, it’s freezing out there.”

  “Bray.” Mom turned on me, giving me a fierce glare.

  “I brought a jacket,” he said. He pulled his hat back on and walked outside.

  I rushed down the stairs. “Mom, please don’t encourage him.”

  “I don’t see why you don’t like him. He just wants to help.”

  I huffed. “He thinks Forrest ran off with Nova and now he’s hiding out.”

  She scowled. “Oh.”

  “Yeah.”

  Nova jumped down the stairs landing beside me, her eyes wide as she shook her head.

  “Nova, what is it?”

  She pointed at a picture of Forrest on the wall then at herself, shaking her head.

  “You’re saying he didn’t run off with you?”

  She nodded.

  “I know.” I touched her hair. “What happened?”

  She pursed her lips as tears burst from her eyes and she sprinted back up the stairs.

  “She knows,” Mom muttered. “Why doesn’t someone force it out of her?”

  I rested my hands on my hips. “She’s fourteen years old and already she’s so scarred she refuses to talk. Forrest was working with her and I’m not going to let his work be in vain by making her regress.”

  “Does she have a psychiatrist? You know if you can get her to talk, all this will end.”

  I drummed my hip with my fingertips. “Maybe a psychiatrist might help where I can’t. I just don’t have the means to cover that, and I’m not sure my insurance would cover her.”

  “Won’t the tribe—”

  “They don’t want anything to do with her. They think she did something to Forrest as well.”

  “Oh, Bray.” Mom took my hand. “I know you don’t want to think she did it because you know everything that happened to Forrest and you believe in his cause, but maybe this one time—”

  “She didn’t do anything to him,” I snarled in a low voice.

  Mom flinched back.

  “I’ll find a way to get a psychiatrist.” I turned to walk away.

  “We’ll help you pay.”

  I paused and turned to her. “I’m sorry?”

  “We’ll help you cover the costs. I’ll do anything to end your suffering, to end all of this.” She came forward and caressed my face. “You’re my daughter and I’d do anything for you, and this just kills me. I want it to be over so you can grieve, let it go, and live your life. I want to see you happy again.”

  A tear escaped my eye. “How can I ever be happy again?”

  “You will. One day you’ll know in your heart that Forrest would want you to be, and you’ll be happy again.”

  I smiled at her and threw my arms around her.

  A guy cleared his throat behind me. “I’m sorry.”

  I jumped and looked at the door. “Sheriff?”

  “I’m off duty, Braydon,” he said. “I assessed the situation on the roof and I’ll need to replace some shingles. But, right now, it’s getting slick so I’m going to leave it for the weekend. Is there anything I can do in here?”

  “Yes, the dishwasher.” Mom grabbed his arm and rushed him into the kitchen.

  I followed them in, knowing I needed to make dinner. Mom told him what was wrong—pretty much it didn’t turn on—while I pulled out the ingredients. He yanked out the dishwasher to look it over, while Mom dashed upstairs to get Jackson.

  I felt awkward alone with him. I tried to feign indifference, but when I glanced over, I caught him looking away. I cleared my throat and tried to focus on cooking.

  “What are you making?” he asked.

  “It’s just chicken alfredo,” I answered. “I’m not even doing it from scratch.” I lifted the jar of sauce.

  “You know, I was wrong about you taking in Nova.”

  I turned to him surprised, and tucked my hair behind my ear. “What?”

  “She’s responding to you. At first, I was sure you’d give up, but when I saw a change in her . . . ” He stood and slipped a piece of pa
per from his jacket. “This is your certificate for proof that you’re her legal guardian.”

  I snatched it from him, looking it over. “Really?”

  “If anyone can do it, it’s you.”

  I clutched it to my chest. “You sound just like Forrest.”

  “How’s that?”

  “Thinking I can save the world. But, he was always the one who . . . ” I trailed off and looked at the certificate. “What do you think happened to him, really? Do you think he’s dead?”

  He frowned and dropped his gaze. “We’re going to keep looking.”

  “But, for a body now, right?”

  “It’s been more than two months.” He looked up and met my eyes. “Yes, we’re looking for a body now.”

  My chin quivered, but I nodded. “Thank you for being honest with me.”

  “Braydon.” He shifted closer and caught my elbow. “I know you think I don’t like you, but that’s not true. Forrest had become my friend, and I think at times my own feelings about his disappearance passed onto you. In a way, I think I blamed you.”

  I pulled away. “Blamed me?”

  He dropped his eyes. “Yes, because I haven’t had the best luck with women, so I thought you drove him away.”

  My emotions swelled in my chest. “What?”

  He huffed, rubbing his neck. “I’m not really doing a good job at this. Here’s the thing.” He glanced toward the door before focusing on me. “I know how much he loved you, to be honest, getting him to shut up about you was difficult, but there are times when you just remind me of . . . ” He sighed. “You remind me of my ex, especially when you get stubborn and dig your heels in. So, I just thought you’d drive him away like she did to me.”

  I wrapped my arms around myself. “But, I’m not your ex. I’ve always loved my husband and I’d never do anything to hurt him.”

  He leaned back, his eyes wide as he took a sharp breath.

  “Is that why you’re always kind of awkward to be around? You see me as your ex?”

  He scratched the back of his head. “No, not—”