None too soon, either, because Kaufman turned onto the road to Mrs Shumaker’s
shortly thereafter. He pulled into her drive and slammed on the brakes, and Todd braced himself for an ass chewing.
Kaufman got out, his beady eyes narrowed until Todd didn’t know how he could
possibly see anything other than the back of his eyelids. Todd forced himself not to tense, to keep his posture as casual as he could instead of cowering like he wanted to.
“Sheriff—” he began but Kaufman slashed a hand through the air and Todd snapped his mouth shut.
“Where’s the fuckin’ wolf, Todd?”
Despite his best effort not to, Todd gulped. He tried to cover it with a cough as he chided himself. Why should he let this jerk terrorize and intimidate him? Kaufman was about as low on the human DNA chain as a person could get. He was a bully, and yeah, Todd had been bullied a lot, but he didn’t have to keep taking it, did he?
Kaufman moved another step closer and stabbed a finger against Todd’s chest with each word he spoke. “Where. Is. The. God. Damn. Wolf.”
Todd knew he was going to have bruises from each jab. He tried to put on his best, lazy grin as he shrugged. “It’s gone—”
“Shut up! I don’t want to hear whatever bullshit you’re fixing to say.” Kaufman sneered as he backed off. “It’s gone, my ass. Like it just up and disappeared, boy?” He didn’t give Todd the chance to offer any kind of explanation. “Get. I’m just gonna go have a chat with Mrs Schumaker, see what she has to say about all this.”
If he was lucky, at all, maybe Mrs Schumaker hadn’t seen Adam and Gabe when they’d been there. She hadn’t come outside or anything, so there was a chance she wouldn’t have anything to tell Kaufman.
But he seldom had that kind of luck, and his stomach twisted with worry as he nodded.
It was too late to offer up the truth now, and he wouldn’t narc on his friends even if he could.
Whatever shit storm he’d landed himself in, he’d have to deal with. Todd got in his cruiser and left.
Chapter Eight
Getting woken up via a phone call from a panicked Gabe made Todd’s head want to just explode. How the heck had Gabe lost the wolf? What did he want Todd to do about it?
He’d got reamed by Kaufman yesterday for calling Adam about the wolf, and now that wolf had run off. Of course mean Mrs Shumaker had had to tell the sheriff all about the wolf and the handsome vet and, even worse, she had mentioned Gabe being there.
Todd had had to do some quick thinking to explain Gabe’s presence. He told Kaufman
Gabe was helping Adam out part-time. It was the best he could come up with, and even then Todd was still in deep shit. He told his boss he thought wolves were endangered or protected or whatever—the more vague he could sound, the stupider Kaufman thought he was. And, therefore, the more likely he was to buy Todd’s babbling. Kaufman had never been shy about telling Todd just how stupid he was.
So there’d been that bit of hell, along with Todd getting only a short bit of time near Adam. They hadn’t even got to talk, which might have been a good thing. Or not, Todd just didn’t know.
But then, as a capper to his hellish day, Kaufman had called Todd’s father and told him all about the day’s events and Todd’s part in them. At least this time he could hide the bruises, although he was sore as all get out and hiding that would be difficult. What he couldn’t hide was the anger building inside him. He was afraid it was going to boil over, and he’d do something he’d regret. Todd understood how someone could snap after years of abuse.
He was terrified he was going to be one of the ‘someones’ who did unless he found a
way to extricate himself from the abusive people in his life. Those were huge steps to take, though, and he wasn’t sure how exactly to take them. He did know he had to start, soon.
And maybe, even though he was carrying so much fear inside him it almost suffocated
the anger, Todd could learn to accept and love who he was—but first he’d need to discover that. He also had to figure out what to do about the feelings he had for Adam. The kiss they’d shared had been seared into his memory. Every sound Adam had made, the way he’d felt beneath Todd’s hands, his taste—None of those things were going to fade away, Todd knew it. He couldn’t walk away from Adam like he thought he could his parents, or
everyone else in this town except for Gabe.
Adam was… Todd pressed the heels of his hands to his temples. Adam was like a part
of him, and Todd thought it’d hurt like hell, worse than any beating he’d had, to give Adam up.
It was all such a jumble in his head, what he wanted, what he thought he could do,
what scared him so bad he thought he’d pass out. He couldn’t figure it out right now, and maybe he didn’t have to. He should just do what he told Gabe he’d do and go to the clinic.
Talk to Adam, see what happened. Adam might want to pretend they’d never kissed.
Todd’s heart sank as he realised that was probably exactly what was going to happen.
Adam hadn’t ever given him any more attention than he’d had to before that kiss. Probably Adam had just been exhausted and stressed and—
And I need to quit making up crap and go do what I said I would. What happens, happens. I’ll come home and fall apart after, if I need to. And I am not opening my door for anyone once I’m home.
It was the weirdest thing. Adam would swear he knew the instant Todd had walked
into the clinic. Adam had been in the back, but he’d heard the chime of the front door, and he’d experienced an unpleasant hot flash. Unpleasant, because he’d started sweating, something he hated doing unless he had a damn good reason to be doing it. Like mind-bending sex or hiking, or playing with the dogs in the fenced clinic yard.
He was bitching to himself about it still when he heard Todd’s voice. He couldn’t make out what Todd said to Jade, but it didn’t matter. Todd was there and Adam just about swooned like a fool. He slapped his cheek hard enough to jar himself but it knocked the sense right back into him. By the time he heard Todd heading toward the back area, Adam was sure he had his shit together and sealed up tight.
Then Todd stepped through the doorway, his soft green eyes barely meeting Adam’s
gaze, and Adam knew he’d been an utter idiot to think he had anything together where Todd was concerned. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, when he noticed Todd
seemed to be holding himself…weird.
Adam cocked his head to the side and frowned. “Are you hurt?” There were a lot of
things he wanted to say, chief among them, ‘Come here and kiss me again, you big, sexy stud’
(Corny, but what the hell? It was his fantasy) yet the nurturer in him prevailed over everything else.
Todd turned a bright shade of pink and looked mortified. “I-I’m n-not—”
“You are,” Adam said impatiently, waving off Todd’s protest. He glared at the deputy.
“Don’t lie to me. You’re favouring your left side. What happened? Do I need to—” Adam just stopped himself from saying kick someone’s ass, sure the implication Todd couldn’t take care of himself wouldn’t go over well. The thing was, Adam thought Todd was a big, gentle sweetheart, which meant he probably wouldn’t take care of himself in certain situations. “Do I need to examine you?” he finished, unable to keep a hint of eagerness from his voice. He wanted to help, and he wanted to see Todd shirtless.
“No!” Todd yelped, moving back and whacking a surgical tray. He yelped again and
pressed a hand to his side, turning big eyes on Adam. “I’m okay?”
As if Adam was going to believe that when even Todd didn’t. Adam’s amusement and
his libido both vanished. He wasn’t thrilled about seeing Todd shirtless now, because he was afraid instead. “You’re going to let me look at you.” Adam used his firmest tone and Todd nodded instantly, a reaction Adam filed away to peruse later
.
“Now, do you need me to help you? I know you got here on your own, but since then
you obviously hurt yourself on top of whatever’s going on under your shirt.” Adam glared at the baggy thing as if it was offensive. Well, it kinda was. He had never been a fan of red and white checked anything. Ick. But Todd made it look cute anyways.
“I got it.” Todd stood up almost completely straight, gasped a little, then walked with a shuffling gait towards the surgery room when Adam pointed him that way.
“I’ll want you to sit on the table to start,” Adam began explaining. “I doubt there’s really anything I can do, but you can’t… You can’t just be hurt and expect me to ignore it, Todd. Especially—” Adam took a deep breath, exhaled and hoped he didn’t send Todd
running again. “Especially not after the way you kissed me.”
Todd stumbled and Adam rushed to slip an arm around his waist. The way Todd
sagged against him scared Adam, almost as much as Todd’s silence. He got Todd to the table and was about to have a full-fledged panic attack when Todd turned and faced him, this time meeting his eyes without hesitation.
“Do you regret it?” Todd asked, his voice so soft Adam had to strain to make out the words.
Adam looked at Todd, at the features he had memorised, the face of the man who’d
grown to mean so much to Adam, and, so slowly, the emotions sneaking up on Adam
stealthily and in small bits and pieces so that Adam was hooked before he knew to stop it.
Did he regret it? Any of it?
Chapter Nine
What was Adam thinking? Todd wished he knew, because that serious look was different from any he’d ever seen before. But maybe he’d be better off worrying about what he was thinking, and doing, for that matter. Because here he was, letting Adam check him over…or out, whatever. Todd didn’t know what was going on, why he was going along with what
Adam said.
Well, yes, he did. Because he always went along, didn’t he?
“Take your shirt off,” Adam instructed, still watching him with that same intense
expression. “Or do you need me to help you?”
Todd’s mouth went dry and he hitched his butt up onto the cold surgery table. He
couldn’t look away from Adam, weird considering so often he had a difficult time meeting the man’s eyes. Todd reached for the placket of the red gingham western shirt he’d had for years. Gabe’s grandma had given it to him, and, when Todd needed comfort, he often put the shirt on and pretended things were different, he was different.
His hands were shaking, he realised, and his fingers were stiff, his palms sweaty. The material slid from his grasp and he gulped, because Adam chose that moment to slowly lower his gaze, down, down, down to Todd’s hands, and to walk, his steps jerky as if he wasn’t even aware he was moving, over to stop in front of Todd.
So close, so close I can feel him but— Todd watched the way Adam’s chest heaved, as if breathing were a tricky thing. Adam touched him then, just a caress over one of his shaking hands, and that touch pulled a sound from Todd, a pain-filled sob that felt like it was ripped right up from his gut.
“Todd,” Adam rasped, and Todd couldn’t look at him, couldn’t find the courage when
he was afraid he was breaking there on that table, all because of one brush of fingers, one show of compassion or caring, Todd didn’t care which. He tried to turn his head aside but Adam stepped in between his spread legs and framed Todd’s jaws with his hands. “Don’t.”
With that one word, Adam’s breath wafted over Todd’s chin and cheek, setting off a riotous beat of his pulse. Then Adam rubbed his cheek against Todd’s, the slight scratch of stubble a sound Todd had fantasised about hearing, but he’d had it wrong in his head.
Now he knew, just like he knew how Adam tasted, how he smelt. How right he felt in
Todd’s arms…
Ahhh, fuck! Adam didn’t regret anything, not pertaining to Todd. How could he when Todd trembled so perfectly? When he’d seen, for months now, Todd’s kindness, his
compassion? His loyalty to Gabe and the rescued animals? Todd risked his job, and fuck knew what else from his nutjob of a boss, all to do what he thought was right.
But Todd wasn’t out, and Adam had to wonder why. Did Todd think being gay was
something that was wrong, and therefore had to be hidden or denied? Granted, Adam hadn’t been waving a rainbow flag, exactly, but he’d intended to be alone. He’d never planned to find a sweet, sexy man who’d steal his heart.
Todd’s breath hitched then, and Adam pulled back just enough to bring his lips to
Todd’s. Without resistance, Todd opened for him. Adam took his time exploring Todd’s mouth, teasing and suckling on Todd’s lips, then his tongue. Todd rumbled, a questioning sound, or maybe a curious sound, Adam didn’t know, but Todd clutched at his shoulders and Adam looped his arms around Todd’s waist and—
Todd hissed and jerked back even as he tightened his grip on Adam, almost painfully
so. Then Todd released him and looked like he was trying to figure out how to escape, but Adam wasn’t having it. Todd’s shirt had pearl snaps, and Adam gripped the material and jerked before Todd could even try to scoot away.
“No!” Todd yelped. He grabbed the edges of the plackets and pulled them together, but Adam had already seen enough to turn his stomach.
In fact, he felt like his knees had turned to jelly and he had to grab onto the table, his hands on either side of Todd’s hips. There’d been fresh bruises on Todd’s torso, two or three that Adam had seen.
“What happened?” he asked when he was able to speak. He’d had to wait until he was sure he wouldn’t be sick. Anger and fear were a nauseating combination—apparently resulting in rapid babbling. “Who did this? Are they in jail? Or did you shoot them? Because that would be an okay thing to do to anyone who hit you. Not that I’m advocating murder, well, I am but it’s not the same thing because you’re a cop and—” Adam had to actually bite his tongue to shut himself off, and it fricking hurt. But he did it, and looked at Todd expectantly.
Todd started trying to button up the shirt, and kept his gaze averted. His cheeks were flaming red, and Adam wanted to tell him it was okay, he didn’t have to answer any of those questions. Except Adam thought Todd kind of did, at least some of them. Those two kisses, and the current of attraction that was running between him and Todd? None of them was easily dismissed or ignored, and Adam couldn’t help but believe—because he wasn’t as cynical as he’d believed, was he?—each of those were unspoken promises. And he was
positive, now that he and Todd had begun to acknowledge the way they were drawn to each other, they’d never be able to ignore it again. So yes, he wanted answers, thought he had the right to them.
Adam caught Todd’s hands in his and, after a few seconds of hesitating, Todd finally allowed Adam to push the shirt back open. Then Adam slid his hands up to Todd’s
shoulders—God, how many times he’d imagined doing this, undressing his sexy deputy!—
and shoved the shirt down.
He was a pervert, he scolded himself, because he knew, he knew Todd was hurt, and yet Adam couldn’t stop himself from getting hard as he looked at Todd’s chest, milky white skin, red-gold hair covering his pecs, coral nipples hardening as Adam eyed them. There were freckles, on Todd’s shoulders and where the vee of his shirt had laid open over the years, and—
“Jesus.” Adam sucked in a sharp breath and darted a glance up at Todd before turning it back to the first bruise, the one higher up on his ribs. “Todd, tell me.” He touched it gently, relieved when Todd didn’t hiss or cuss or even flinch. It meant Todd wasn’t excruciatingly sore, for which Adam was grateful.
Todd shifted on the table, and startled Adam by cupping the back of his neck. When
Todd massaged the tense muscles there, Adam moaned softly, but he didn’t stop carefully tracing the bruises. “I don’t wa
nt to talk about it,” Todd muttered a minute or two later.
Adam looked up at him then and frowned. “Todd, can’t you trust me?” To think he couldn’t just hurt.
Todd swallowed nervously and he moved his hand around until he was cupping Adam’s cheek. “It isn’t that. It’s just… I’m s-s—” Todd’s stuttering was, Adam knew, a sign of his discomfort at the very least. But Adam couldn’t shake the belief that this was important. If it’d been just some criminal, Todd wouldn’t have been afraid to tell him, right?
Adam hated to make Todd so uncomfortable, it made his heart pinch, and he kissed
Todd again. He stroked Todd’s sides, warm skin and firm muscle feeling like perfection beneath his palms. Todd shook, or quaked, Adam wasn’t sure what to call it. Then Todd pulled him in, held him tight despite the bruises, so tight Adam could barely breathe, and took control of the kiss. He melted Adam, that was all there was to it. Adam went warm then hot inside, and he couldn’t suppress a moan as he leaned into Todd.
By the time Todd lifted his head, Adam had forgotten his questions. His body was aching for more, the craving he’d only begun to acknowledge swelling until Adam was ready to let Todd take him regardless of the fact that the clinic was open and employees were on the clock.
But Todd just held him and rocked them slightly, and rubbed Adam’s back with long sweeps of his hands.
Then he stilled, and Adam started to step back, but Todd tenderly pressed Adam’s head to his shoulder. “I can’t say it if you’re looking at me,” Todd said in a broken voice, and Adam had to seriously restrain himself from jerking back to do just what Todd didn’t want him to do. But then Todd wouldn’t be able to speak, maybe even wouldn’t trust him, so Adam kept still and waited.
“I’m ashamed, Adam, and you won’t…” Todd stopped and cleared his throat, but he
still sounded as if he’d swallowed gravel. “You won’t want someone like me. I’m so messed up. So messed up.” He laughed, a bitter cackle unlike anything Adam would have expected from Todd, and it scared Adam to his core. “What kind of man lets someone hit him?”
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