Resilience

by Bailey Bradford

  “I love you, Todd. I am so sorry I hurt you. No—” Adam held up a hand when Todd

  opened his mouth to protest. “Just, just let me say it, okay? I know you don’t blame me, you don’t even blame Spiegel. You are the kindest, most loving person I’ve ever known, and I hope to live up to deserving that. Because, no matter what you say, I’m not as good a person as you are. I can only strive to be the man you deserve, and I will cherish being able to do even that.”

  Todd’s eyes gleamed and Adam had to kiss him, had to feel those smiling lips beneath his own. He kept it light, kept his heart and mind open, bathing Todd in all the adoration he had for the man. When Adam sat back up, his heart was racing, and he felt at peace in a way he hadn’t since this whole nightmare had begun.

  “You calmed it, you know, this thing inside me.” Adam touched his own chest. “I couldn’t. Shania thinks it’s because of how I was…changed, that I was too busy freaking out to let my, um, spirit or whatever merge with the shifter one. Our consciences or whatever. It was only hearing you, seeing you, touching you that has made me able to accept what has happened to me. I didn’t want this wolf in me, knowing what I’d done to you because of it.”

  Todd shook his head, just once, slowly. “Wasn’t intentional. On either part.”

  On Adam’s or the wolf’s, he knew Todd meant, and that was true enough. Although

  there was the bite when they’d been having sex…

  “Don’t.” Todd squeezed his hand and placed it over his heart. “’S’ mating bite. Claiming.”

  It was, and Adam’s stupid cock tried to firm up when he thought of that, but he

  wouldn’t let himself hurt Todd again. “We’ve claimed each other for years, so there was no need—”

  Todd, obviously hurting from trying to talk, cut Adam off with a thought that both

  thrilled and terrified him. “But you’re gonna have to change me, too, Adam, because I won’t let you do this alone. We do it together, and we’ll claim each other, do what a couple of shifter mates do. So don’t keep kicking yourself over this bite on my shoulder. I plan on making you mine in the same way if that’s what we’re supposed to do when you change me.”

  Then Todd closed his eyes and sank into sleep with a suddenness that would have

  scared Adam had he not known it was a healing sleep. Todd was exhausted, and he trusted Adam to stay by his side and keep him safe.

  Shania came in later and checked on Todd. She seemed pleased with what she found,

  though she scolded Adam about not resting himself. Adam was on the verge of dozing

  lightly when the bedroom door creaked open. His heart stuttered in his chest but a wave of power thrummed through him and he knew Marcus had entered the room.

  Adam didn’t like the whole being a subordinate wolf part of this shit, because he’d

  never been a subordinate anything. So, if he glared a little hostilely at Marcus, who could blame him?

  Marcus arched a brow but merely looked very amused. “I can smell the attitude,” he

  said quietly, “and understand it,” he added before Adam could get a full-on mad going. “I know you don’t know me at all, really, and I hope that will change during your and Todd’s stay with us.”

  It was only then Adam noticed Nathan behind Marcus. He’d been so focused on not

  cowing to the more powerful wolf he’d ignored Nathan.

  “I don’t do the whole follow the alpha thing or whatever,” Adam growled softly,

  glancing at Todd. “I only ever let one man have power over me.”

  “That’s fine, that’s all I wanted you to know, Adam.”

  Oh, but, damn it, he couldn’t not look when Marcus addressed him. It was almost like a pain in his gut to refuse, and Adam didn’t see the harm in giving in. Marcus smiled and suddenly he seemed to be just a man. A big, muscular man, but just a man.

  “I don’t make anyone follow me, but I would very much like for all of us to be friends.”

  Marcus held out his hand and Adam shook it, then shook Nathan’s as well. “I am sorry for how you came to be one of us—against your will, unaware of it—but am glad to have you be a shifter, if that makes sense.”

  It kind of did. Adam nodded and some of his tension eased. For the first time since he’d thought he was being ripped open from the inside out, he thought it just might be…well, not okay, exactly, but not hell, either. And if he and Todd got to run through the forest together, got to experience a freedom neither had ever thought to have, then their life together might be even better than okay.

  Chapter Fifty-Two

  Talk about feeling like the odd one out. Todd didn’t particularly look different—in general—from most of the people gathered in the big dining hall. Anyone unaware of the fact wouldn’t be able to pick him out as the sole human amongst the shifters. He’d heard there’d been another human here a while back, some Harley guy, but not now.

  “We can eat in our room,” Adam offered, his arm tightening around Todd’s waist just slightly as Todd was still very tender. “Shania only said you needed to try to move around more. She didn’t specify—”

  “Stop.” Todd pressed a finger to Adam’s lips, more because he loved the feel of any

  part of Adam than because of a need to silence him. “I want to eat here. These people are…”

  Todd stopped, glancing up at nothing as he tried to figure out how to say what he was thinking. It was more of a notion than an actual thought, but he tried to force it into words.

  “They’ve got something in common with you that I don’t, and I want you to be easy

  with who and what you are. Easier than you have been.” Todd still didn’t move his finger from Adam’s lips, instead tipping his chin at the table. “Look at them. They’re just people, when you get down to it. I was thinking how someone unaware of shifters’ existence

  wouldn’t be able to pick me out as the human in this bunch. We all look the same on the outside, and maybe, where it counts, we’re the same inside. We just want to love and be loved, to find a measure of peace.” Maybe he wasn’t the odd one out, after all. Maybe no one here was.

  Still, there was something that had been bugging him more and more each day, but he

  tried not to let Adam know. No reason to stress the poor man out when he was still dealing with being something he’d never asked to be. Guilt was an issue—Adam had days where he couldn’t seem to forgive himself for Todd’s injuries. Todd always tried to soothe that burden when he knew Adam was struggling under it.

  “Let’s sit over there.” Todd pointed and Adam grunted an assent. They walked to the table and Adam helped Todd ease onto the long bench. Todd’s side throbbed and he bit his bottom lip to keep from whimpering.

  “Here, let me help you,” the young woman beside him said. She helped him get his legs around and held him steady as Adam sat beside him. “My name’s Lala, and you must be

  Todd,” she nodded at him, “and Adam. It’s great to meet you both.”

  Lala had a firm handshake and a bright smile. In no time at all, Todd’s pain was

  forgotten as he enjoyed chatting with Lala and Adam. Dinner was served and the roast was perfectly cooked. Todd had to restrain himself from gorging on the feast.

  “How much longer are y’all going to be here?” Lala asked as she cut off a spoonful of lemon pie.

  “Only three or four more days. We have jobs we need to get back to.” Todd was

  actually getting antsy. He enjoyed spending so much time with Adam, but he worried about his job, his town. Their town. Their people—although, these people were kind of Adam’s people now, too.

  “They’re not. I haven’t been around them, and won’t be, enough to care about them like we do the people of Shasta. Well, most of the people,” Adam corrected.

  Todd knew that may be the case, but there was still a bond, even if it was just a

  supernatural one, between Adam and the other shifters that Todd could
n’t have with Adam.

  Not yet, at least.

  “Todd, “ Adam growled beside him, nudging Todd’s hip. “Nothing else matters but

  you.”

  Lala was gracious enough to turn and begin talking to the person on her other side.

  Adam stroked Todd’s shoulder and Todd had to look at him, had to see those dark eyes and the love that reflected so clearly in them.

  “Can we go back to our room? We need to talk.” Adam wasn’t using code for fuck,

  either, which was kind of sad. They hadn’t had sex since the whole mess back at Maarten’s.

  Todd was beginning to wonder if Adam was too afraid to fuck him again.

  “Not even,” Adam muttered, standing and helping Todd up. They said their goodbyes

  and left the dining room, waving to Marcus and Nathan as they went. “You’ve been too injured for sex,” Adam began as soon as they cleared the dining room doorway. “You

  couldn’t even get out of bed until a couple of days ago. And maybe, okay, maybe I’m a little anxious about it, but I know I have my wolf under control now. We…there’s peace here.”

  Adam tapped his chest. “I won’t do anything to hurt you. I won’t.”

  Todd didn’t really need the assurances. He knew Adam. “I didn’t think you would. I

  just wasn’t sure if you knew it.”

  Adam stopped in front of their door and framed Todd’s face in his hands. “I’d die

  before I hurt you like that again. I know, I know I couldn’t control what was happening to me then, but that knowledge just can’t negate the guilt. Because, intentionally or not, I did hurt you. Todd, I almost killed you. I can’t just say ‘whoops’ and let it go!”

  As much as Todd wanted to argue, he understood, and, besides, if he’d been in Adam’s shoes, he’d probably never have forgiven himself. “Okay, but you can’t beat yourself up over it. Sometimes it feels like the guilt is just about to crush you. When that happens, remember—I love you, and I forgave you.”

  Todd took a gentle kiss from Adam then stumbled and only managed to keep upright

  because of Adam’s quick reflexes. “Tired,” he mumbled before Adam could start peppering him with questions. He’d overdone it today and knew it.

  “I should have insisted we come back sooner.”

  Todd might have felt weak, but he had enough energy left to shake his head hard

  enough to rattle his brain into action. “No, I needed to do that. See the others, and understand they aren’t so different from us.” Adam was a shifter, sure, but he was first and foremost the same man Todd had fallen in love with. Now there was just more to love, but Todd had to strengthen their connection. “I want you to change me. Tonight.”

  Adam froze, hand on the doorknob. “W-what?”

  “You heard me. Do it tonight.” Todd pushed a little more when Adam just stared at him. “Think of how fast a shifter heals. I bet I wouldn’t be hurting anymore after you bit me.”

  Adam finally opened the door and pulled him inside. “You know Marcus wanted us to wait, and he would do the ceremony—”

  “I don’t want the ceremony, I don’t want his blood.” And he sure as hell didn’t want some dead shifter powder. “I want you to do it, if you will. Only your blood, your cum in me, making me a true mate for you. I don’t want Marcus to be the reason my body responds to the order to shift. I want it to be you I can run with, learn with. I just want to be closer to you.”

  Adam gulped loudly—if his eyes had got any bigger they’d probably have fallen right on out.

  Chapter Fifty-Three

  Adam’s hands shook as he set out the supplies. Just because there had to be biting and blood didn’t mean there had to be pain involved. He hoped.

  The topical anaesthetic should do the trick. They just needed to be careful and only use a tiny bit of it, otherwise there’d be no coming as everything would be numb. Even if there was some pain, it couldn’t be anything like what he’d experienced when he’d been turned.

  Adam would rather die than put Todd through that. And he’d hurt Todd, badly, even if he hadn’t meant to. That was going to haunt him forever, Adam figured. Todd was the gentlest man he knew, which might have been contrary to him being the sheriff, but it was the truth.

  Of course, they were fixing to do something else that would potentially cause pain, but this was at Todd’s insistence. Adam would love the man endlessly whether Todd was human or shifter.

  Adam straightened the stack of gauze and wished he wasn’t so, well, fucking terrified.

  But how could he not be, given what he had to do?

  Adam’s borderline panic was almost enough reason for Todd to call the whole thing

  off, except…except he really wanted to be what Adam was, not because he thought it would be cool, but because he couldn’t stand the difference between them. And, yeah, the idea that he’d have to inflict pain on Adam made Todd want to puke, but he was really, really hoping that numbing stuff would work great.

  Surely there wouldn’t be any permanent damage, and the small incisions would heal

  instantly, wouldn’t they? Considering the speed at which shifters healed? Todd thought so, and the fact was, as nervous as he was about what they were going to do, he was even more excited.

  This would bring his and Adam’s relationship to a new level, one they’d never have

  attained in human form. The mate bond they now shared was incredible, bringing them

  closer and allowing them to understand one another in a way they’d not been able to before.

  And, sometimes, Todd was just astounded by the depth of Adam’s love for him. Not

  just the love, though, but all the admiration and respect and—well, Adam sure thought a lot of him. Todd wasn’t at all certain he deserved it, but he’d try his damnedest to be worthy someday.

  One thing, it was harder now to sneak up on each other, accidentally or not, so the fact that he was able to stand half a dozen feet away and watch Adam fiddling with the stuff he’d laid out on the nightstand—that said something about Adam’s state of mind. Todd would have known anyways. He could feel Adam’s turmoil and fear, and, even more, the almost crushing guilt because Adam really wanted this, was moved by Todd’s desire to have only Adam involved in turning him. There was more in the mix, but Todd wasn’t going to give Adam any more time to dwell on it all.

  After all, Todd was standing there, bare-assed naked and his cock hard despite

  knowing what was going to happen to it in a few minutes. Or maybe because of that

  knowledge. It was difficult to say. Todd had never been huge on pain for many reasons, but this was different.

  He straightened from where he’d been leaning, hip cocked against the doorframe. He

  needed to stop thinking and just do. To that end, Adam was overdressed and thinking entirely too much. Todd could definitely help with that, and, honestly, the sooner they got this whole thing moving, the sooner they’d both be healed up and happier. He wasn’t going to believe any different.

  Todd pushed a thought at Adam, a mental image, really, of him pinning Adam to the

  bed and slamming his cock into the tight confines of Adam’s ass. Adam wheezed, like he’d choked on his own spit or something right before he began coughing as he spun around. One hand pressed to his throat and the other slapping at the nightstand, Adam was a confounded and beautiful picture of arousal even if he was sputtering. Todd could feel Adam’s desire, felt it hit him in a sudden rush, like that first slap of wind when a storm blew in.

  There was no need for words, not when Todd felt the warmth of arousal swelling between them. He took a couple of slow, sinuous—not goofy-looking, he hoped—steps, letting his hips move as if to a beat only he and Adam heard. The soft thump of his cock against his belly sent a sweet spiral of heat through his bloodstream. Todd’s eyelids grew heavy and he let them slide almost shut before he stopped beside the bed.

  Across from him, on the oth
er side of the wide mattress, Adam trailed his hand down

  from his throat, now that he’d stopped coughing, to tease at one of his pert nipples. As he pinched at the nub, Todd’s cock twitched, tapping lightly as anticipation shortened his breath.

  Adam’s smile showed not a trace of nervousness as he pulled off his shirt and tossed it aside. He ran his hands over his chest, nails scraping skin and streaking it with pink trails Todd longed to lick.

  “Go ahead,” Adam finally said, digging in and marking his tanned skin. “Lick me, bite me, make me yours.”

  “You are mine,” Todd replied without hesitation. He knew what Adam meant, but the

  claim was out, his stake declared before a second’s silence had passed between them. “Strip.”

  Adam liked the command in his voice, that was evident by his sharp inhale and the rip of material as he tore at his sweats. There was an awkward hopping scene, then Adam tipped forwards. Todd leapt onto the bed and caught Adam, not that he’d have been hurt, but still.

  The undignified sprawl they landed in sent them both into a fit of laughter. Then Todd looked down into Adam’s sparkling eyes and nothing else existed except the need to kiss his man.

  So Todd did, pressing his lips to Adam’s parted ones, sweeping his tongue in to claim the sweet space inside. Adam’s eyes closed and a low moan spread from him to Todd as Adam clutched at him. Adam wiggled and Todd lifted, then he was right there, his cock pressed against Adam’s, the rigid heat of their cocks maddeningly perfect as they rutted.

  Todd forgot about everything else but Adam and the love thrumming between them,

  tangled with the thick pulsing of their desire. He thrust, body driven by the promise of exquisite pleasure only Adam could bring.

  Beneath him, Adam drove up, rapid, hard jerks that slid his dick against Todd’s.

  Adam’s glans caught the underside of Todd’s just right and his orgasm tore through him in a surprise wave of ecstasy that drove a shout from Todd. Cum spilled between them as Adam bucked and writhed, then his garbled yell nearly shattered Todd’s eardrum. Goose bumps pebbled Todd’s skin as he felt awash in pride at driving Adam out of his mind in such a way.