"Let him rape you?" Tom was furious. "Dear God, B'Elanna. You didn't -let- him do anything. You fought him to with-in an inch of your life. You should have 'let him'. I begged you to 'let him'. I almost LOST you because of your damned Klingon honor. What he did was meaningless. But you were willing to give you life for it. Where is the -honor- in that?"
"Meaningless? How can you say that? He took what was yours alone, and I let him. How could you -ever- want to be with me again?"
"Because it doesn't matter to me. It's not important, I won't make him important. He isn't worth it. The only thing that matters is you. You are the reason I live for. I'm not about to let some animal take that away from me."
Tom reached forward and pushed the hair away from her face. Caressing the ridges on her forehead with his thumb. He had to make her understand. Cupping her face in his hands he leaned forward and kissed her softly on the lips. Just brushing them with his own.
B'Elanna pushed him away and got up off the floor. She walked over to the window and stared, unseeingly, out at the stars. Tom sat back on his heels and watched her for a moment. Noting the stiffness in her spine and the death grip she had on the window ledge. Getting up he crossed the room to stand behind her. He reached out to put a hand on her shoulder, but thought better of it and let it drop to his side.
"I just want to be alone for a while. Please, Tom." Her voice was so quiet he had to strain to hear her.
He turned and headed out of the quarters. Stopping just before the exterior door he looked back at her and said: "I'm here for you, you know that, right?"
B'Elanna's shoulders slumped and she just nodded in reply. Not turning to him. With a sigh, he left her alone.
*****
Tom walked into the mess hall. He wasn't hungry but he didn't feel like sitting alone in his quarters. Both the holodeck's were being used for private programs, this was the next logical place. Being well past the dinner hour there was only a couple of crewmen sitting at a table discussing some maintenance schedules. Neelix came out from behind the kitchen and greeted Tom.
"Hello, Tom. Can I get you anything?" He was uncharacteristically subdued in his greeting.
"No, thanks. I just wanted...." He paused, not sure what he wanted.
"Why don't we sit down. I'm done for the night. We can have something to drink. I'll get it." Neelix indicated to an empty table with his hand. Tom sat down as Neelix went to the replicator.
"Two Aldervan Whisky's." Neelix instructed it. The glasses appeared instantly. He took them over to table and sat down across from Tom.
"Here, you look like you could use this."
"Thanks, Neelix." Tom took a drink and smiled. "The real stuff, huh? I look that bad?"
"Well, maybe not to everyone else. But I've known you quite a while, Tom. I can tell when you're bothered by something." Neelix paused to take a drink, and then continued in a somewhat shaken tone. "It's hard, isn't it? Accepting the fact that another man has forced his way into your lives. Violated your relationship. Hurt the one you love. It's the helpless rage that gets you the most. You can't fix it. You can't make it better. You just have to be there for her, so she can work through it herself. It's the hardest thing you will -ever- have to do, my friend."
Tom looked at Neelix in shock and sympathy.
"Kes?" He asked.
"There were things about Kes that only I knew. The Kazon were not kind to her when they held her. Why do you think I was so desperate to rescue her? Jabin hurt her like B'Elanna's been hurt. I know what you're going through. I just wanted you to know you can talk to me about it."
"Thank you, Neelix. I appreciate it. But right now I need to focus on B'Elanna. She needs to come to terms with the rape and stop hiding from it. I don't know how to get through to her." There was desperation in his voice.
"Tom, she is going to have to do this in her own time. You can't force her to deal with her emotions before she's ready. Just be there for her. Once she feels safe again, she will be ready. Tuvok will help her. All you need to do ....is love her."
Tom finished off his drink and resisted the urge to hurl the glass across the room. How could he show her he loved her if she kept pushing him away.
"Go ahead. It'll help." Neelix said.
"What?" Tom hadn't heard him.
"Throw the glass. Toss a chair or two. It will help." Neelix told him.
Tom looked at his friend in silence for a moment then chuckled quietly.
"Maybe later, my friend. I think I'm going to go and get some sleep. It's been a -long- day." He was bone tired, physically and emotionally.
"That sounds like a good idea, Tom. You could use some rest. I'll see you in the morning." Neelix stood up and took the empty glasses back to the replicator.
"Thank you, Neelix." Tom said just as he was leaving.
"You're welcome, Tom."
*****
She was calling to him...
"B'Elanna!" Tom cried out as he awoke. He sat up in bed, shaking and breaking out in a cold sweat. Throwing back the blankets he left his quarters. Not even bothering to grab a robe. Barefoot he ran though the corridors of Voyager in only his pajama bottoms.
"Deck 9, Section 12." He told the computer as he entered the turbo-lift.
"Computer override security lock out to Lt. Torres' quarters. Medical Authorization Paris-beta-2." He gave the command as the turbo-lift took him to deck 9.
As soon as the doors opened he sprinted to her quarters, entering at the push of a button.
She was having a nightmare. Screaming for him. Tom went to her bed and pulled her into his arms.
"Shhh...It's okay. I'm here now. You're safe." He rocked back and forth as he held her.
"Tom?" She was disoriented from just awaking. She trembled in his arms. Tom held her tighter. Kissing her on the top of her head.
"Yeah, it's me. You were having a nightmare. Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, concerned.
"I don't remember it, really." B'Elanna evaded.
"Why don't you tell me what you do remember." He prodded.
She paused for a moment. It was hard to describe what she had dreamt about.
"It was dark, I couldn't breath. I couldn't move. I needed you and you weren't there. I just kept calling for you, but you weren't there!" She was sobbing now.
"I'm here, now. I won't leave you." *But I wasn't there when you needed me, was I?*, he thought to himself.
"Stay with me. I'm sorry I sent you away before. I do need you." B'Elanna admitted. It was hard for her to show weakness. But she didn't want to be alone anymore.
Tom crawled into bed next to her, holding her close. Wishing he could take all the pain away. Knowing there was nothing he could do.
"I won't leave you. Go to sleep, you're safe now."
*****
Tom sat at the conn. An uneasiness nagged at him. He couldn't quite put his finger on it. Something dark hovered at the edges of his mind. It was cloying and terrifying at the same time. Reaching out to him, pulling him closer...
"No!" He cried out.
The entire bridge crew looked at him in concern.
"Paris to Torres." He ignored the questioning looks of his friends.
No reply.
"Tom...." Chakotay but was silenced when Tom raised his hand.
"Computer. Locate Lt. Torres." Tom instructed
--Lt. Torres is in her quarters--
Tom looked up to Tuvok.
"Get a security detail down there -right- now." He told him.
To his credit, Tuvok didn't hesitate. With in seconds a security team was enroute to B'Elanna's quarters.
"Mr. Paris! What is going on!" The Captain had lost her patience.
"I'm sorry, Captain. I don't have time to explain. I need to get to B'Elanna -now-"
"Tuvok, Chakotay, go with him." She had learned to trust this man over the years. If he said B'Elanna was in trouble, she believed him.
They arrived at B'Elanna's quarters to find the security team just standi
ng in the hall.
"What's wrong?" Tuvok asked them.
"She's erected a level 10 force field around her quarters, with an encrypted lockout. We can't get any closer." The guard told them.
"Chakotay to Kim"
--Kim here--
"B'Elanna's put up a force field around her quarters, can you lower it?"
--I've been trying, Commander. It's encrypted, it's going to take a while.--
"We don't have a while, Harry!" Tom broke in.
--I'm working on it, Stand by--
Tom flung his body back against the bulk head in frustration. He should have realized what she was up to. She had been so calm this morning. Agreeing to see Tuvok and start counseling. Telling Tom exactly what he wanted to hear. He had failed her, again. And now he was going to lose her because of it.
*****
B'Elanna sat on the floor of her quarters. Candles and incense burned, illuminating the room.
She picked up the ritual blade used for the Hegh'bat ceremony.
Normally a family member would hold it for her, but she had no one on Voyager who would help her do this. She would die alone, disgraced.
Placing the knife over her hearts she began the ritual. She could feel Tom's desperation. It would be difficult for him to accept her decision. She hoped he wouldn't blame himself. A vision of him swam before her eyes...
It's all right, I've got you.
B'Elanna? What have they done to you?
No, I can't let you do this.
Oh, believe me, I'd like to. But I know this isn't really you.
Maybe it will show me how to make your heart quicken.
I'll throw you over my shoulder and carry you out of here, if I have to.
You picked a fine time to tell me.
B'Elanna...shut up.
I love you.
The memories crashed like waves upon the beach. One right after the other. Pounding away at her, beating her down. She dropped the knife as they continued. Tom angering her. Tom rescuing her. Tom irritating her. Tom holding her. Tom loving her. A cry of utter agony left her lips.
She couldn't hurt him like this.
"Computer. Lower force field on Deck 9, Section 12. Authorization Torres-epsilon-7-7-1-gamma." She instructed the computer shakily.
Tom was there in seconds. Gathering her in his arms and holding her tight. He was shaking as well.
Chakotay nodded to Tuvok and the security officers. Sending them on their way. The door closed and the couple was left alone.
The next few months were hard on both of them. B'Elanna was counseled by Tuvok individually and they saw him as a couple as well. There was tears and pain, anger and a lot of broken objects. They rode the storm out together, in each other's arms.
They never discussed moving in together again. Duplicates of Tom's personal items were left in her quarters and she did the same in his. Sometimes they would sleep in his bed, and sometimes they would sleep in hers.
Never again, however, did they sleep alone.
Klingon Hearts 02 Violations - Battered and Bruised Page 3
