Apache Heart

by Miller, Amy J

  “Wow…complicated is right.” Lynette glanced at Randi from the corner of her eyes. “I heard you went fishing with my cousin Lee.”

  The switch of subject caught Randi off guard. “Yeah, he showed me a good trout hole.”

  Lynette’s brother yelled and waved for her to come as a couple of other kids were piling into his little car. “The natives are restless,” she joked, “I better go.”

  “Lynette—you are always welcome to talk to me about anything, but talk to your mom and your aunt, and your Uncle Russell too. From what I can tell in the short time I’ve been around, your family really cares about each other.”

  “Yeah,” she nodded in agreement, “They do.” She turned to leave, then suddenly added, “Don’t listen to what some people say about Lee. It’s not true.”

  “What do you mean?” Randi asked, but Lynette had already taken off to join her brother.

  ###

  Back at the hospital, Randi stood in the parking lot, staring at her car. She wondered if Harold’s garage could do anything to help her with that. She heard footsteps on gravel behind her, and whipped around to see Elan.

  “Didn’t mean to startle you.” He held up his hands in a pacifying gesture, “You have every right to be a little jumpy.”

  “Yeah, I guess I am a little on edge,” Randi admitted.

  “How’d it go with the kids?”

  “Oh great, like you said, they are a really good bunch. They worked their tails off.”

  Elan laughed, “Dr. Bitch might have been tougher than I am.”

  Randi had to laugh, “Somehow I have a feeling that I am always going to be Dr. Bitch. I’m thinking maybe I should spray paint Dr. Wonderful on the other side.”

  “You are Dr. Wonderful. Anyone that can persuade Mrs. Miles to take her blood pressure medicine properly is okay in my book.”

  “How do you know that she is?”

  “Her daughter called to give you a thumbs up. Apparently her mom told her you were a lot nicer than the last Yankee doctor we had.”

  “That’s a compliment, right?” Randi laughed.

  Elan slipped an arm around Randi’s waist, “How about some enchiladas in town without too much commentary about the tortillas and the green chili? Or we could go to the diner. They make a good burger.”

  Randi hesitated, but she was starving. “Do you think Harold is still at his garage? I want to see if he can do anything about my truck?”

  “Let’s call him and see.”

  A moment later, Elan clicked his phone off. “He’s staying late tonight anyway, doing bookkeeping. Said if we’d drop it off, they could start it tomorrow, have it ready for you to pick up some time on Saturday. Have you even called your insurance company?”

  “Crap, no, how stupid am I? But how am I going to manage without a car for the next couple of days?” Randi started digging in her purse to find her insurance card. “I’m supposed to have dinner with Lozen and her family tomorrow, and I’m on duty here Friday night. Is there any place to rent a car in Rio Blanco?”

  Elan put a hand on Randi’s arm, “I told you, you can come stay with me.”

  Competing emotions welled up in Randi. On one hand, being with Elan sounded safe and comforting…and on the other, it sounded like a recipe for ‘full steam ahead’ on the relationship front. “Elan…I don’t know, I thought we were going to spend some time getting to know each other, take things slow.”

  “Man, I can’t do anything right when it comes to women. I’m either not doing enough or doing too much.” He scuffed his foot in the gravel, but before Randi could ask anything else, he said, “Let’s go by Harold’s. Maybe he has a lead on a car. And then I’m taking you to eat. You have to be starving after working out. You can make up your own mind about the rest.”

  “Thanks.” She lifted Elan’s bangs away from his face with a finger, “I appreciate everything you’re trying to do…I really do.”

  When they pulled into Harold’s garage twenty minutes later, Randi felt a little calmer. The workout had helped with her stress, and all the events with Joe seemed to be fading into the distance. Even the ‘Dr. Bitch’ scrawled on her truck was starting to seem more funny than frightening.

  “I guess you do need a paint job,” Harold said by way of greeting.

  Randi laughed. “The only problem is that I need a vehicle. It’s going to be tough to leave it here without some replacement wheels.”

  Harold nodded knowingly, “Yeah, I don’t guess you have any horses, do you?” He smiled. “That’s what some folks around here depend on when their truck is in the shop.”

  “No four-legged friends, sorry.”

  Elan stood back, letting Randi negotiate things on her own, trying not to pressure her.

  “I do have an old beater in the back that I’ve been known to loan out on occasion…to my special customers.” Harold’s mouth pursed into a little smile, “And since you’ve been here twice in four days, I’d say that qualifies you as a special customer.”

  “I don’t mind renting it from you,” Randi offered.

  “Nah, just bring it back with a full tank. I appreciate the business. Let me get the keys.”

  She turned back to Elan, “So I’m thinking a burger.”

  A few minutes later, Randi was driving away in a mid 80s era station wagon. The interior had seen better days, but it drove well enough, a testament to Harold’s mechanical skills, Randi thought.

  “You look good in that car,” Elan teased as they got out in the diner parking lot.

  “It beats telling the whole world that I’m Dr. Bitch,” Randi said, rolling her eyes. “Forget riding a horse, I could totally eat one right now…come on, giddy up.” She playfully swatted at Elan. He grabbed her hand, swinging her around. “Hey…no horsing around,” Randi said laughing at her own stupid pun.

  As she finished her second revolution, she looked up to see three men coming out of the diner, one of them was Russell, one of them was a man she’d never seen, and one of them was Lee. Immediately, she felt silly, and shook herself loose from Elan.

  “Hi Russell, Lee.” She nodded.

  “You okay, Randi?” Russell asked. “Heard about your truck—this is Lynette’s dad, Wynn.”

  “There aren’t any secrets around here, are there?” Randi remarked.

  Lee echoed what he’d said the morning they went fishing, “Not many.” He eyed Elan.

  “I’m okay, just trying not to worry about it.” Randi wanted to change the subject away from herself. “Lynette had a great work out today. She’s going to be a great runner…but you all probably know that.” Suddenly Randi felt self-conscious, standing in some kind of no man’s land between Elan and the Yahnakis.

  Wynn rescued her, “Yeah, we’re real proud of Lynette. She’s doing good in school, and she cares about tradition too. You’ll like her brother Bobby too, when you get to know him.”

  Russell chuckled a little, “Bobby is a little more of a cut-up, but a great kid. Good dancer—you’ll see him Fourth of July. Lee too,” he elbowed his nephew.

  “Fourth of July? Is there a powwow on the 4th?”

  “It’s the Sunrise Ceremony, coming of age for the girls. It’s Lynette’s time. We haven’t had any girl’s from our family in the ceremony since Maggie, so it’s been a long time, what, like twelve years?” Wynn looked at Lee.

  “Yeah, something like that.” Lee said, his voice soft.

  “How is Maggie?” Randi asked, aware that Elan had been completely silent during her exchange with the other men.

  Lee looked at the ground; his shoulders were slumped in a way that Randi had never seen. He was clearly discouraged.

  Russell took his cap off, and scratched at his short, cropped hair. “That’s…what we’ve been talking about. Joe showed up with a big bouquet of flowers and a lot of pretty words, and she packed her bag and went home with him.”

  “Crap…I’m so sorry.” Randi let out a breath. “Are you going to press charges against Joe?”
>
  Russell rubbed his jaw, “What happened Sunday was clearly in violation of tribal law, it’s assault and battery, pure and simple, and for once, we have a witness.”

  “But Joe will find some way to bail himself out, one of his meth cooking buddies or something, and Lee is of the opinion it might put both Maggie and you in harm’s way.” Wynn added.

  Elan couldn’t contain himself any longer, “For god’s sake, Randi hasn’t even been in town a week. She doesn’t need to get pulled into this any more than she already is…we just need to find a way to keep Maggie…safe.” Elan’s voice broke, and Randi realized his emotion wasn’t because of her.

  “Elan, I think you just need to stay out of this. Randi is her own woman, and you don’t get to speak for Maggie.” Lee’s eyes narrowed and Randi was hearing subtext all over the place, she just didn’t know what it meant.

  Russell put a calming hand on Lee’s shoulder, “Look, we didn’t mean to stop you from getting supper, and we certainly don’t intend to put a target on Randi. We just have to figure out how to reach Maggie—and soon. She’s due in a month. We’ll let you know if there’s something you can do to help, Elan.” He turned back to Randi, “You still have my business card?”

  “Yeah, right here in my purse.”

  “Next time somebody threatens you, you call me, you understand? I’m the one with a gun and a badge.”

  “Yes sir.” Randi knew he was absolutely right. Lee and Elan were both staring at their feet.

  “Good to meet you Randi,” Wynn said, “Wish circumstances were different.”

  “Same here. Thanks Russell, I’ll—I’ll call you if I need to.” She caught Lee’s eyes, and the energy that hit her felt like a thunderbolt. Her stomach had the butterflies she’d felt the day they’d gone fishing. She wanted to lose herself in those eyes, but there was so much about the man behind them that she didn’t understand. Lynette’s words fluttered through her mind, “Don’t believe what some people say about Lee.” But she didn’t know what people said. All she could do was whisper, “Goodnight, as they passed each other.

  Inside the diner, she and Elan slid into a booth. She flicked the plastic laminated menu open, hiding her face from Elan as she did. She pondered the way Lee made her feel; their gut connection was visceral, palpable. At least, that’s how she perceived it. Maybe she was fooling herself, she thought, looking for an excuse to keep some distance from Elan. Was she just another schoolgirl ditching the nice guy for the one with the bad boy vibe? Paramedic and fire fighter wasn’t generally the choice of profession for true bad boys, but maybe for adrenaline junkies. Talking to Lozen about the history between Lee and Elan had moved from a mere matter of curiosity to one that could impact her choices and perhaps even her safety.

  Elan pulled her menu down with a finger hooked over the top. “Are you hiding from me? I can’t imagine that anything on the Mescalero Diner menu is that compelling.”

  “No,” she tried to laugh. “I was just fantasizing about a milkshake. But with a burger and fries, that seemed just a little too decadent.”

  “I’ll split a strawberry one with you, then you’d only be a little decadent.” Elan tried to cajole her with a toss of his head, “Come on. We can split the fries too.”

  “Deal.” Randi shut the menu. She glanced out the window, and she could see Lee in animated conversation still with Russell and Wynn. With a woman’s safety, perhaps life on the line, romantic intrigue seemed a little selfish and silly, she thought. She would eat, and then she was going home—alone.

  Elan tried to persuade Randi one last time to come to his place for the night, but she begged off. “I can’t be afraid to go home, Elan. That doesn’t work for me. I’ll lock up good, and I’ll put my pepper spray and my phone by the bed as a precaution, but nothing is going to happen.”

  “Call me before you go to bed, okay?” His face was serious.

  “That I can do. Now promise me that you’ll stop worrying.” She gave him a peck on the cheek, “Goodnight.”

  The old station wagon made the trip up to Randi’s cabin without a hitch. She thought the idea of a strange car in the drive was a good thing, if Joe came back around, maybe he’d think someone was staying with her. She locked up the house, and made do with the ceiling fan in the bedroom. It had cooled off a bit, so it wasn’t uncomfortable. She went through a normal bedtime routine: washed her face, brushed her teeth, put on a nightshirt and grabbed a mystery. She gave Elan a quick call, but kept it brief, then crawled into bed and opened up her book. Reading before turning out the lights always relaxed her, and she was determined to have a normal night.

  Around eleven, Randi heard a vehicle on the road, but it passed on by. She started to yawn, and decided it was time to turn out the light when her phone rang.

  “Randi,” the voice was unmistakable. It was Lee. “Are you really okay?” There was nothing frivolous about his tone.

  “”Yeah, I am okay. How are you?”

  “I’m not so good, Randi, I—I really want a drink.”

  “I’ve got some bourbon. Where are you?”

  “No, you don’t understand…I’m…an alcoholic. I’ve been sober for a long time, but this thing with Maggie…” His voice trailed off.

  “Where are you Lee? I’m getting dressed and coming to you. You’re okay, you don’t need a drink.” Randi was already throwing back the sheet on the bed.

  “I’m parked on the road outside your place.”

  “Well then, I’m getting dressed and you’re coming to me.” Randi grabbed some jeans and slid them on under her nightshirt. She ran and unlocked the door as Lee walked up on the porch. “Come in Lee, come on, it’s okay.” He followed her to the kitchen. “I’ll make coffee.” Randi opened the cabinet and got down a canister. “Do you want something to eat?”

  Lee tried to smile at her, “Not if it’s tuna noodle casserole.”

  Randi smiled back, “How about some chips and salsa?”

  He shook his head, “Thanks but I’m not really hungry. Coffee and company, that’ll help put me right.”

  “You know it’s normal to feel like this when you’re under a lot of stress. I’m glad you felt like you could come to me.” Randi poured water into the coffeemaker.

  “My whole family is torn up over this thing with Maggie and Joe, and I can’t have them worrying about me too. And I don’t want anyone at work to find out, and you know…”

  Randi cut him off, “No secrets on the rez.”

  “Not many,” Lee confirmed. “ But me falling off the wagon is about the worst thing that could happen right now. I’m sorry Randi. You’ve already got one drunk Indian making your life miserable, but I didn’t know where else to go.”

  “Well you’re not drunk, and you’re not going to be. I don’t care if we have to sit here all night drinking coffee. Tell me about your sobriety. How long since you quit?”

  “Five years, four months, nine days,” he glanced at his watch, “And fifteen hours.”

  “That’s a real accomplishment. Did you do a twelve step program?”

  He shook his head, “Not exactly, I let the elders help me, devoted myself to the spiritual path. I fasted and prayed and danced and ran. I learned about herbs and about healing, and that helped me decide to go train as a paramedic, and then as a firefighter to protect our community and the land. Some burn is natural, but too much—that’s human interference. Anyway, I’ve devoted myself to my culture and my family and my community.”

  The passion in his words drew Randi in, that spiritual connection to everything around him, that was what she felt whenever they connected. “That’s good Lee,” she said simply.

  “The thing is, in shutting down the booze, I shut down a lot of other desires too.” He got up and opened a window, letting the cool night breeze roll through the little cabin. He stared out the window into the night. “Until I saw you changing that tire.” He turned and looked across to Randi, as he half sat on the windowsill. “Saturday was…the nicest day I�
�ve had in a long time.”

  Wordlessly, Randi got up and went to Lee, sliding her arms around him, and cradling his head against her, letting him think his own thoughts. Lee let out a soft sigh, and just wrapped his arms around her. They stayed that way for a few moments, and then Randi gently slipped away, “The coffee is ready.”

  They sat back at her little kitchen table, “Lee, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to you, but…”

  “Elan?” he said.

  “Well, yes Elan, and Maggie, and Joe, and Russell and soon, half the rez. I want to be here. I want to live here and be accepted in this community, and hell yes, I want a lover. But everything is happening so fast, and I can’t get involved with anyone until things settle down and I have a chance to really get to know someone. I don’t want someone wanting to be with me just because I’m new and different. I want someone to be with me because they want to be with me—and because I want to be with them.”

  Lee voice was thick, but he tried to laugh, “That’s not really what I was wanting to hear right now.”

  “You know that alcoholics need tough love more than anybody. How could you ever respect me if I wasn’t honest with you? I’m not saying never, I’m just saying not yet, because we’ve got to know it’s the real thing.”

  “That speech sounds like maybe you’ve said it before.”

  “Maybe I have. Let’s—let’s just go to sleep Lee. Come curl up with me, and let’s go to sleep. I know one thing, I feel safe with you.”

  “I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep my hands to myself.” Lee looked dubious. “I’m not really used to sleeping in my clothes.”

  Randi gave him a push toward the bedroom. “You can take your shirt off, but the pants are staying on.”