Lost Together

by Cynthia Knoble

  After tossing the container in the sink, she grabbed her cellphone from the table, and called Tansy. When her sister answered the phone, Saffron’s thoughts rushed out through her mouth.

  “Tansy, I love you dearly, you know that, but you have got to get away from Tymyn. He’s no good for you, and, for the life of me, I cannot see how someone who claims to be an egalitarian can think he’s better than everyone else. He’s toxic and, quite frankly, he’s turning you into a bitch. Ditch his ass, and find someone who deserves you.”

  Undaunted when dead silence answered her, she continued. “Now, I need your help. I screwed up with Rory big time, but I know how to fix it, and I need your help to do it.”

  Chapter 55

  Three weeks had passed since his release from lockup, and Rory couldn’t be more miserable. June had arrived, complete with glorious weather, days filled with sunshine, and flowers in bloom everywhere. Summer had always been his favourite season, and he could never tire of the warm weather, nor the stunning sunsets of the season. Yet none of it pleased him now, and he found comfort in nothing past Zandra’s presence. She’d fussed over him so much when he was first released that her coddling had become oppressive, but he’d let her do it, knowing how worried she’d been when he was locked up. Having calmed considerably, Zandra was back to her usual self, and he was back to his pre-Saffron existence, with nothing but Zandra’s company to cushion the blow of not working. He missed the alpacas, the ranch, and though he’d tried to convince himself he didn’t miss Saffron, he did, terribly so. Resigning himself to the fact she wasn’t the one for him—and had made it painfully clear to him—he tried to dismiss thoughts of her, but, as always, couldn’t.

  His attempt at a smile failed as Zandra joined him on the porch, and passed him a glass of lemonade. After sitting beside him, she sighed deeply. “I can’t stand to see you moping about. You miss her. Go to her. Listen to her. She can explain things to you.”

  “Explain how she had no faith in me? How she thought I was a drug dealer? How she actually believed I pretended to love her, to get close to my stash? That kind of explaining?”

  Zandra’s lips pursed. “Well, you need to do something. You’re miserable.”

  At the sound of tires on the gravel drive, they both looked to see Cole’s truck pulling up to the house, a small trailer behind it.

  “That’s weird,” Rory said. Cole had never been to their place, and his appearance now was baffling. Then he felt a flicker of good humour twitch the corners of his lips. Maybe Cole had finally worked up the nerve to ask Zandra out.

  Moving with his usual quickness, Cole leapt out of his truck, and rushed up the porch steps, a huge grin upon his face. Barely having time to stand before Cole was before them, Rory saw his sister’s face flush as she looked Cole over. When Cole smiled warmly at her, causing her blush to deepen, Rory wanted to scream at Cole to just, for God’s sake, ask Zandra out.

  “Hi Zandra,” Cole said with what sounded like more than friendliness to Rory’s ears.

  Smiling broadly, Zandra tilted her head shyly. “Hi Cole. How are you?”

  “Great, thanks, how are you doing?”

  “Good, thanks.”

  They stared at one another a minute, and then Cole, after glancing at Rory again, stepped closer to her. “Zandra, would you like to go out for a coffee sometime?”

  As Zandra’s face broke out into the biggest smile Rory had ever seen, he held back from fist-pumping the air. Finally!

  “I’d love that,” she responded.

  “Great, how about tomorrow? Is that too soon, or is that okay?” For shit’s sakes, just tell her you’ll pick her up tomorrow! Rory used an astounding amount of restraint to keep quiet as he looked back to his sister.

  “No, tomorrow is perfect. What time?”

  “I have a break in my schedule around ten in the morning. Unless there’s an emergency, I’ll pick you up then.” He sounded more confident now, and Rory felt like patting him on the back.

  Zandra nodded, her face glowing like a 100-watt bulb. “I’ll be ready.”

  With what looked to Rory like a great deal of effort, Cole tore his eyes from Zandra, to turn to Rory. “I have something in my trailer for you.”

  “In your trailer? What is it?”

  “Come see.”

  Rory practically trotted to keep pace with Cole as he made his way to the trailer, and opened the back. In the trailer’s dim interior Rory saw a cria, a baby alpaca. It was white, with brown markings, and had a huge pink bow tied around its neck, with a pink envelope attached to it. As Cole took the lead and led the cria out of the trailer, Rory gaped at her, assuming, with the pink bow, it was a she. She was beautiful, and, as he spotted the small heart-shaped marking over one eye, his throat went dry. Reaching out to grab the envelope, he opened it, and read the handwritten letter within it.

  Rory,

  Boone told me I should show you how sorry I am and I hope little Lucy here can get my message across. You guessed it, I named her Lucy after the alpaca you loved, the beautiful girl with the heart over her eye.

  I tried to tell you I was sorry, but I failed miserably. You think I don’t trust you, but it isn’t true. I do, more than you can know, and I know I didn’t show you I did. I allowed uncertainty to rule my heart, and I’ll regret that mistake for the rest of my life. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

  Why did I send you an alpaca? You’re the best owner any alpaca could hope to have. I know you’ll adore her, and meet all her needs. Just like you did for me, but, unlike me, I’m sure Lucy is smart enough to support you in return.

  While looking for a way to apologize to you, I thought about many things. You and me, of course, but also everything you told me about you before we met. How you needed to be with animals, that you needed that connection, and the comfort they provided. I realized that’s what you provided me with. You comforted me, supported me, and I always felt safe when you were with me. I wanted you to know that, and also that I’ll always love you. I know I screwed up, and I understand if you can’t forgive me for what I did, but I wanted you to have Lucy. I ruined your chance at being around alpacas and their comfort, so I wanted you to get a little comfort back.

  With love,

  Saffron

  Folding the letter, he replaced it, and then put the envelope in his pocket. He untied the bow from Lucy’s neck, and then scratched her behind the ears. “She shouldn’t have dressed you up like that, sweetness, you’re perfectly beautiful without it.” Lucy snorted, then head-butt him, and he laughed. “I knew you hated that thing. Women, right?”

  When Lucy bobbed her head as if agreeing with him, both he and Cole laughed. Rory lifted his chin at Cole. “Can you give us a ride?”

  “Saffron’s ranch?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I figured. Little Lucy belongs there.”

  “Yes, she does,” Rory agreed. The baby alpaca did belong with her own kind, but there was another reason to head to the ranch. It was time for him to face Saffron. He had much to say to her.

  Chapter 56

  Nervously, Saffron watched Rory lead Lucy out of the trailer. Her stomach clenched brutally, and her heart pounded. He still hadn’t said anything to her—in fact he hadn’t looked at her—and she worried he might be returning her gift, and not coming back to her as she’d allowed herself to believe when she’d seen him arrive. Then, he turned to Cole. “Thanks for the ride.”

  Her heart soared. He’d come back to her.

  “Of course,” Cole replied. “Take care.” His eyes met Saffron’s. “You, too. See you both later.”

  Cole returned to his truck, started it up, and then left. She stared at Rory as he watched Cole’s departure. When Cole’s truck turned from the driveway onto the road beyond, Rory looked at her, and her tears started.

  “I’m so sorry,” she blurted. “So sorry. I know I hurt you, and I never wanted to do that. Please, please forgive me.” He opened his mouth, and then closed it
. A low moan flowed over her lips. “Please, Rory, I know you’re upset. I know how much I hurt you, and I tried to fix it. I wanted you to know that I realized what I did to you, what I took from you.”

  “You didn’t support me when I needed you to. You just stood there while Myles arrested me. You didn’t say a damn thing.” All she could do was nod. She hadn’t been there for him when he needed her to be, and she couldn’t deny it. He blew out a breath. “Then, you sent this alpaca to me. I suppose you thought she would—what? Instantly erase everything you did?”

  Now she couldn’t even nod. She’d been wrong. He hadn’t come back to her. He was here to tell her what he thought of her, and hadn’t wanted Cole to overhear it. Stealing herself for his next harsh words, knowing she’d earned his hatred, she wiped away tears, but new ones slid down her cheeks in their place, as if marking her as the betraying bitch she was.

  “It worked.”

  Sucking in a startled breath, she gaped at Rory who smiled slightly at her. “I’m not going to deny that you hurt me, that you made me so damn mad. You didn’t believe in me. Worse, you didn’t believe in me when I most needed you to.” Then he shrugged stiffly. “But, really, who am I to condemn someone for making a mistake?”

  Finding her voice, her next words left her on a trembling breath. “I didn’t just make a mistake. I really screwed up, and I’m so sorry for how much I hurt you.”

  “I know.”

  He took a few steps closer to her, Lucy keeping pace with him, and the pair stopped before her. She longed to hug and kiss him, but didn’t know if she should touch him, or drop to her knees before him and beg for his forgiveness.

  “Saffron, I owe you an apology. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you needed me. You were attacked by Bart, and must have been terrified.”

  “You weren’t here because you were in jail. Because of me.”

  “No, not because of you. There wasn’t anything you could have done to stop Myles from arresting me, but you should have—” he shook his head. “I’m still sorry I wasn’t here for you.” He looked to Lucy, and then back at her. “I’m going to put Lucy in a pen, and then we need to talk.”

  Rendered speechless again, uncertain again of his intentions, she merely watched him walk away. Returning after a few minutes, he suggested talking over coffee, and they entered the house. A short time later, they sat at the table, with mugs in hand, and she hesitantly met his eyes. He didn’t appear angry, but she braced herself for his next words nonetheless.

  “I was so angry with you,” he began. “When I was locked up, and when I refused to talk to you the morning I was released, I was furious, I really was. I was so hurt, and I didn’t want anything to do with you ever again.”

  “You had every right to be that angry with me.”

  “You’re goddamn right I did. Even so, I was miserable without you. These past few weeks, I’ve done a lot of thinking. The one thing I kept coming back to was that talk we had, well actually the lecture you gave me, you know, the day that prick Kevin was here. I kept coming back to that because I changed that day. You made me realize how damaging my behaviour was to me. You were absolutely right, and, had you not made me realize it, I might never have changed.”

  After shrugging awkwardly, he continued. “If I hadn’t have changed, I wouldn’t have survived that time in lockup. I mean sure, physically I would have, I wasn’t in any danger, but emotionally I wouldn’t have. I never would’ve gotten through that if you hadn’t made me stronger.”

  He placed a hand over hers, and her heart swelled. “You didn’t just make me stronger, you made me a better man. If you hadn’t opened my eyes, I never would’ve been able to love you the way I did, and I wouldn’t give up the time we spent together for anything.”

  While elated by his words, they also gave her pause. He sounded like he was thanking her for what they’d shared, as if that wouldn’t happen again. As she blinked at the sting of fresh tears in her eyes, he squeezed her hand.

  “I want—” He blew out a breath, and then nodded, slowly, as if encouraging himself to go on. “I want to start over. Well, I guess we can’t, but I want to try again. Us, I mean. I want to be with you, and I know we have a lot to work through, but I want to do it. I want to get through it because I want to be with you.”

  “Oh, Rory, that’s all I want. I just want a chance to prove to you that I do believe in you. Because I love you, and I want to be with you too. I am so sorry for everything I did. I don’t know how to fix things, but I want to try.”

  “You already have,” he assured her as he entwined his fingers through hers. “Before all that happened, you already fixed me. I told you that. You made me a better man.”

  “And being together made me a better woman, you know, before I screwed everything up.”

  “Again, I’m upset about that, but I can see how you’d have doubts. Myles didn’t help, outlining what a criminal mastermind he believed me to be.”

  “No, that didn’t help, but I shouldn’t have doubted you, no matter what he said, and no matter what prompted my doubts.” His brow furrowed, obviously confused by her words. “Rory, I should have told you what I’m about to, long ago. I didn’t because—never mind, it doesn’t matter, but I will tell you now.”

  She related how Doug had treated her, how he’d made her feel, and the resulting lack of self-esteem she’d had. Still had, really, but then told Rory how much he’d helped her with that. He swallowed hard when she told him how Doug had made her feel about her body, and she assured him he’d helped so much with that, too.

  Rory entwined his fingers through hers. “Why didn’t you tell me this before? You said it didn’t matter why you didn’t, but it does. Why didn’t you? I thought we shared everything.”

  “I couldn’t share that with you. I mean, I wanted to, and thought about telling you so many times, but—” She dabbed under her eyes. “You’ve been through so much, and I didn’t want to burden you with any more. I knew you’d react as you just did. I can see how much what I just told you upset you, and I just didn’t want you to be upset, not over anything. I only ever want you to be happy.”

  His eyes misted. “Saffron, shit, I … you were being selfless, trying to protect me, and it made me think—”

  “Don’t, please. Don’t blame yourself. This is all my fault. I made the choice to not tell you, and I was the one who didn’t speak up for you.”

  Holding his hand fiercely, she reached out her other one to stroke his forearm. “I know we need to work through what I did, and we will. You need to be here with me to do that though. I understand if you want to be in the bunkhouse for awhile, but, please, say you’ll stay here, on the ranch. That’s the only way we’ll work all this out.”

  “Of course. I want to be here. With you. There’s no place I’d rather be.”

  She pulled their conjoined hands to her and tenderly kissed his. “You know, this place was supposed to help others, but I think it’s helped us the most. You belong here, with me.”

  “I do. I was lost without you.”

  “And I was lost without you.”

  Even with eyes filled with tears, he smiled so sweetly, her heart felt as if it would burst at the sight. Her dear, sweet Rory was back. “Then marry me. We do belong together, and I want to start our life together right.”

  “What?” She couldn’t contain her shock. Overjoyed he’d come back, and wanted to work things out, she was floored he’d just proposed to her.

  “Seriously, marry me. Soon.” He shrugged his shoulders awkwardly. “Ah hell, Saffron. I can’t afford an engagement ring, and I can’t give you a big wedding. I can’t give you things other men can but—”

  Gripping his hand tightly, she pulled him to his feet as she got to hers. After kissing him tenderly, she met his eyes, seeing regret in them, shame, remorse. She saw a number of emotions there, but the one that shined brightest was love.

  “I don’t need all those things, and I don’t care that other men could give the
m to me. I’ve had things before, and they didn’t make me happy. You do. You’re all I need. Not some fancy engagement ring, a huge wedding, or a giant house to live in. None of those things matter to me. Only you do, and you’re all I want because you’re all I need.”

  “So you’ll marry me then? You didn’t say ‘yes’.”

  “Yes,” she proclaimed loudly. “Yes, yes, yes, I’ll marry you.”

  When his lips touched hers, they delivered an unspoken promise, one she felt profoundly. He’d give her everything he could, and would always love her. He was all she needed, and she deepened their kiss, pushing her tongue into his mouth, eager to deliver her answering promise, that she’d give him anything she could, and would love him forevermore.

  As they kissed, he held her close, and she raked her fingers through his hair. She’d missed the feel of him against her, and couldn’t get enough. They kissed for an eternity, or maybe long minutes, she couldn’t be sure as time seemed to stop the moment he enveloped her in his loving arms. He broke the kiss, took her hand in his, and led her out of the kitchen, and then up the stairs. When they entered the bedroom, she stopped so abruptly, he turned to her, a curious look on his face.

  “Healing Winds,” she said, almost breathlessly.

  His confused look morphed into one of understanding. “The ranch name. It’s perfect.”