One

by Mari Arden

  After what he's just given me, how can I not? "Yes."

  He presses a kiss to my mouth. "Now," he says in a teasing tone, "I seem to remember something about a surprise…?" Just like that the thick blanket of tension in the air lifts, disintegrating into nothing. I hope it never comes back.

  I gasp. "I can't believe I forgot!"

  "My love making skills tend to make girls forget everything but me."

  I ignore him. "I have something for you." I make a move to get off the bed.

  Pax groans, tightening his grip. "I was hoping the surprise involved you naked and some whipped cream."

  I make a mental note of that in my head, and then crawl away, laughing. "You'll like this," I say, inching backwards. He lets me go, watching me move away, probably because I'm making a show of it. I see his eyes on my chest and I'm torn between blushing or arching so he can see more. "Stay here."

  I walk out, but find myself very conscious of how my backside moves as I walk. I want to wrap a towel over myself but I can't find one. "Where's your laptop?" I call to him.

  "On my desk. Why?"

  "I'm getting it and bringing it over." I do just that, opening his laptop and turning it on before joining Pax in bed.

  "My laptop's my surprise? You shouldn't have."

  "Hush, you," I swap his hand away. "I need it for your surprise." I settle comfortably into his arms. He kisses my shoulder and I almost sigh. I take out the CD I brought and stick it inside. I press my cheek to his. "I know Hearts of Love helped you out after your accident." I swallow because I have a better understanding of how much this organization must have meant to Pax when he was going through his grief and guilt. "You always talk about what they've done for you. Now I want you to see what you've done for them." His confusion is palpable. "All that time last week you thought I was painting? Well I wasn't. And remember the shift at Maddie’s I suddenly had to take last Sunday? Well I didn't go to work. I did this instead." I moved the cursor over and pressed play.

  Instantly, a black screen appears with a picture of little kids holding up a picture of Pax and his jersey number- one. He gasps. I smile as I wait for him to watch the rest.

  The first person seen is Mrs. Aberthy, the main volunteer coordinator and the person Pax works with the most. She's the one I contacted to help do this, and once she knew it was for Pax she instantly agreed. She, as well as the rest of the women, wanted to schedule a time to make sure they were looking their best. Pax has that effect on a lot of people.

  Mrs. Aberthy is an older woman with mousy brown hair, circular glasses and a small smile. "Reid Paxton, you are a godsend to this organization. We thought you were another person who needed a little help to get back on their feet, but you turned out to be so much more. You've given back so much more than you ever took. Thank you for all your help. Your parents would be proud."

  Next, Mrs. Patterson, an elderly woman who helped found Hearts of Love grins broadly into the camera. She never wears lipstick and had worn a bright red coral for the occasion. "Reid, you are an amazing young man. If I was half a century younger, I'd have a taste of you for myself!" Pax chokes, unable to believe she'd just said that.

  "She was a hoot," I tell him, smiling.

  "But alas, fate has ordained us to be born decades apart, only to meet near the end of my life and the beginning of yours." Mrs. Patterson sighs dramatically. "Nonetheless, I know you will help as much as you can, even if that means taking off your shirt so an old lady such as myself can feel alive again, I know you'll do it. You'll always do the best for others because that's the type of young man you are- the best." She smiles and we notice half her teeth are gone. She doesn't bother with dentures. "Lucky in the sack, Pax," she winks.

  We lose it, laughing so loudly Pax's neighbor pounds on the wall behind us. "Keep it down," an angry male voice yells. We look at each other. I cover my mouth as I giggle. The next people are easier not to laugh at. They're children, kids Pax has visited. All of them talk about how they're going to play football in the future. They hold up the jerseys and balls that Pax signed. Their faces are so pure and innocent that tears prick at my eyes.

  When I had come up with this idea a week ago, I wasn't sure what to expect, only that I wanted it to be a surprise. I needed Anna's help and brought the idea to her. She shocked me with how much she was willing to do. Apparently, she's not always icy cool, not with Pax anyway. He seems to be every woman's weak spot- young or old. I suspected she knew how to get a hold of people working in Hearts of Love and I was right. Anna informed me they held many events at Maddie's. She let me borrow the company camera and allowed Alex to go with me (unpaid) to help me record. It wasn't necessary since Nat was coming but Alex wanted to help do this for Pax. He respected Pax a lot. Shooting this video was a great bonding experience for the three of us. We laughed and cried and had an all-around amazing time. We also left with profound respect for the organization. They were willing to do a lot of things. Think Make A Wish mixed with Children's Hospital with a dash of all the ingredients used with a celebrity foundation- parties, fundraisers, and over the top events. Basically, there's no limit to what they'll do. Anyone who has been physically hurt can apply for the charity. It's on a first come first serve basis and they are willing to do anything to help make the road to recovery a successful one, including helping you meet your favorite star, making a wish come true, etc. For Pax, what he needed was something to pour his emotions to. He was filled with it and the organization saw his potential and gave him a leadership role, helping him do things for others to get over what had happened.

  Pax kisses my cheek and I'm pulled out of my thoughts. I blink when I realize who is coming on next. It's a little boy with muscular dystrophy whose greatest wish was to meet someone "big and strong and a little famous" and to eat cupcakes every day for a year. Hearts of Love made both come true.

  "Hi," a little boy with blonde hair smiles into the camera. "I'm Alan. You've visited me a couple times. I want you to know I've gotten a little bigger. Maybe in a few years I'll even be as big as you!" he grins proudly into the camera and I see his two front teeth are gone. "You're a really nice man. And my nurses say you're handsome like Ben Affleck-"

  "Ben Affleck?" Pax interrupts.

  "Yeah," I reply without taking my eyes off the screen.

  He makes a strangled sound. "Isn't he almost forty?"

  "So?"

  "I'm twenty- one!"

  I roll my eyes. "Just watch this, will you?" We focus our attention back to the laptop.

  "…So they want you to visit again. I do too. Thank you for helping me." He waves and Alex pans the camera out to encompass the rest of the kids in the hospital Pax has visited. A few of them are holding a poster with Pax's jersey number on it and it reads: "Pax, number one, always."

  The movie ends, fading to black. I hold my breath. What does he think? Suddenly I'm worried it's a little too corny for him. What if he didn't like it?

  Pax's comes around me, hugging me gently like a mama bear. "I love you, Jules." I turn back to look at his face. His eyes are shining again, but it isn't from sadness.

  "You're like a phoenix, Pax. You rise from the ashes and become something better."

  He kisses me on the mouth. "So do you."

  We kiss, we make love, and we fall asleep with peace in our hearts.

  CHAPTER 26

  "Well, well, well, look who's making the walk of shame this morning."

  I close the door behind me, feeling a sense of relief that Pax had gotten me home without any further incident. There had been no sign of Braidon anywhere, but I know that it doesn't mean he's not around. "Good morning, Nat."

  "I haven't seen you in two days. Don't you sound awfully cheery this morning."

  Maybe because I'm alive? "I sound exactly the same." I fix my blanket covers.

  "Mmm-hmm." She sits next to me, pouncing on my bed like a kitten. "So give me the details. Is he as good as I think he is?"

  "What?" I ask. She wiggles her eye
brows suggestively. Suddenly, I understand. "Nat!" I shoot her a look, a blush slowly taking over.

  "Ha!" she shrieks. "I knew it! You can tell that boy is hung thick as a whale."

  I make a face. "A whale? Gross."

  She makes her eyes wide. "Girl, a whale can have up to an eight feet penis and they shoot out 200 gallons of semen in one shot!" She sees the expression on my face. "I had to do research on a whale once," she explains. "If I had to be reborn as an animal I'd want to be a female blue whale. The men are studs. They'd show you a good time in the water for sure," she says seriously.

  "Oh my God. That's just wrong on so many levels."

  "Whatever. You're not a virgin anymore. Don't act like such a prude." She sidles closer to me. "So what's he like?" she wiggles her eyebrows shamelessly.

  "Why do you want to know? I don't ask you about your sexual escapades."

  "You can." She sits up. "What do you want to know?"

  "Um… nothing."

  She shrugs. "See? Fess up."

  "It was…" Magical. "Perfect."

  "Don't give me that Disney bullshit," she snorts. "Did it hurt when you bled? Is his penis circumference big? Because that can-"

  I cover her mouth with my hand. "Nat! It was a good night, okay?" I rub my forehead, suddenly tired. "I don't need to talk about that stuff. I don't regret my decision," I say softly. I didn't. It was the best night of my life.

  She rolls her eyes. "Fine. But if you ever need to talk, I'm here. Now that your cherry's popped and cleared, you can come with me to Xylers. They have this new dildo in called Monster-"

  "Ugh!" I cover my ears. "I don't need to hear that, Nat!"

  "What?" she says innocently.

  She knows exactly what she's doing. I narrow my eyes. "Why do I put up with you?"

  "Because every woman needs a sister, and I'm yours."

  I open my mouth to respond, then stop in mid motion. Sister? I remember wanting a sister once. Then Mom left and I knew it'd never happen. I moved on, but in this moment I realize the desire was still there, buried deeper than I thought.

  Sister.

  Something warm is glowing inside me. I swallow, blinking away the moisture at my eyes.

  Instinctively, Nat knows to look away. "Xyler's not so bad," she says casually. "They have nice lingerie and they even have a candy section. If you're not comfortable, of course you don't have to come. I just thought you 'd want to experience something different together like…"

  "…sisters," I finish.

  "Yeah," she whispers.

  I look at her. My heart is bursting with a warm fuzziness. Sister. I say the word in my head. It becomes stronger as each second ticks by.

  Sister.

  I reach for her hand. She reaches around to hug me. We stay like that for a moment. Did I ever think this would happen four months ago? If anyone had told me I'd find the love of my life, and a sister who'd drive me crazy, I would've walked away without a second glance back. I would've pitied them with their illusions. I had dreams, every girl does, but I was smart enough to know they could never be real. My life was harsher than most.

  Yet as I feel Nat's bony arms around me I realize that this is the moment, the moment I couldn't believe would ever happen: the moment when reality is better than your dreams.

  * * *

  I don't like cops.

  Police took my mom away and even though she technically deserved it since she was breaking the law, it didn't make me feel any better toward them. Coupled with the fact that every policeman I've ever met has always looked down on Grandma and me like we were gum under their shoe, I don't have the fondest feelings for cops. I don't like them one bit and I sure as all heck don't trust them. So the fact that I'm here in the home of a police captain, having dinner with his family, makes me very nervous. And a little upset.

  I sneak a glance at Pax. I've never told him about my feelings toward police officers. People like him didn't have anything to fear from them. The people I've grown up with, however, didn't have that luxury. They could be shipped back to Mexico at any moment if an officer showed up. Sometimes police could be bribed. If you didn't have money, well, there were other ways to pay.

  I adjust the seatbelt across my chest, suddenly feeling as if it's too tight.

  "Is something wrong with the seatbelt?" Pax asks with concern.

  "No," I answer. His car is barely drivable with damage to almost every side of the vehicle. There is only one functioning door in the back, and we had to use it, wiggling our way to the front seats. Pax had a tough time maneuvering his large body through the confined space. It would be funny to watch him struggle if it didn't remind me so much of what had happened.

  "I'm sorry about the car," Pax apologizes for the hundredth time. "I checked the engine and it's in working order." The car makes a loud sound, like steel banging against metal. "Everything's just…shifted a little."

  "You need to get a new car," I tell him regretfully.

  "I'll be heading to the dealership with Cade tomorrow."

  "Did you tell your uncle and aunt yet?" I ask.

  "I told them some jerk face smashed into me and I'll be needing a new car, pronto." He steps on the brakes, and a strange hissing sound is released. "They weren't happy, but shit happens," he shrugs.

  We drive quietly, the silence only interrupted by sporadic sounds of metal pressing against machine. Staring out the window, I lose myself in my own thoughts. Why had I agreed to this? I remember when Pax had told me his plan. He'd kissed me the whole time he was doing it, taking my mouth after every few minutes, letting his fingers linger on my body. Bastard.

  Women are supposed to seduce men with sex, not the other way around. I should be ashamed of myself. I scoot closer to the door. Pax shoots me an amused glance. He knows what I'm thinking about. I want to slap the smirk off his face. Although, if I'm honest, what I really want to do is lick the smirk off. He's so gorgeous he can use his body to seduce women into giving him what he wants. Who can resist his charms? His dimple? His six-pack that makes every other guy out there look like a joke? Only a corpse can, that's who.

  "Don't be like that. It won't be so bad, you'll see." He takes my hand and even though I attempt to move it, he holds fast, refusing to let go. "Uncle Bill's a good man. He's going to do what's best for you…"

  I stiffen, angry. "And how does he know what's best for me? Does he know anything about me? What I've been through, who I am?" My voice gets louder with each word. "No, he doesn't. He doesn't know a single thing that will help me." That's a lie, but I'm so angry I believe it. How can Pax betray my confidence like this? How can he want to go to his uncle? Can't he see there's nothing that can be done?

  Pax doesn't react to my anger. Secretly, it's what I like the most about him; he's got a cool head under pressure. It's what makes him such a natural leader, and a great football player. Right now that fact annoys me like hell, and if I knew for certain I'd hurt him if I punched him, I'd probably do it. However, I've felt his body. I know he's harder than a prison wall, and I'd just hurt myself in the process. What's that saying? Cut off your nose to spite your face? That's all that would happen: I'd get hurt.

  "I love you, Jules," he says instead, determined to avoid a fight. I hate him because his words sound true. I hate him because I know in my heart he means them. "I promise no harm is going to come to you-"

  "No," I snap. "You can't promise that. I aided a criminal, knowing he was a criminal. By association, I am a criminal." I'm getting more hysterical by the second as the full reality of what Pax wants to do hits me. If I confess, I'll go to jail. I'll end up exactly where my mom is, and exactly where Grandma worked so hard for me not to be.

  "No," I shake my head. "No."

  "Jules," Pax begins patiently. "Hear me out. My uncle is a good man. He won't take any action without consulting with us first-" I snort. Pax ignores me. "He isn't a monster-"

  "A lot of men are monsters," I say dully, thinking about what I saw inside the room the night
I shot Gonzales.

  Pax pauses. "Not him." He clasps my hands tighter. "Not me." I stare straight ahead, refusing to look at him.

  "I just want you to trust me, Jules," he pleads softly. "I won't do anything that will get you into trouble-"

  "I'm already in trouble-"

  "And that's precisely why we need my uncle's help," he finishes, catching me in his trap. I glare at him. I'm so angry I wouldn't be surprised if his shirt suddenly caught on fire.

  "Jules, how can we do this if you don't trust me?"

  "Do what?"

  "This. Us. This relationship. How can we be together if you can't trust that I have your best intentions at heart?"

  I sigh, the fight going out of me a little. More than anything I want Pax in my life. He makes me feel like life is worth living; that things can sprout anew from a wasteland. "I know you have my best intentions at heart, Pax." I take a deep breath. "But that doesn't mean that the results will be what we want."

  "No, it doesn't," he agrees. "But I swear to you that the second I feel like something's up we'll stop."

  "How can you do that?" I ask, unable to believe how that would be possible.

  "I have my ways."

  "Please tell me you're not some sort of underground criminal, too."

  He laughs, but I don't. I'm completely serious. "No," he answers grinning. "It just means I know my uncle's weak spots and I'm not above exploiting them to make sure you're safe through all of this."

  I try to smile, but I shudder instead. Safe. I've only ever felt it with my Grandma. Suddenly, my breath catches. And with Pax, I realize. Looking at him intently, I know with all my heart he means what he says. He'd go down first before he'd let me fall.

  The thought should comfort me, but it only brings dread.

  CHAPTER 27