One

by Mari Arden

  She laughs at our role reversal. Secretly I think she's glad to be relieved of me. You can only be with someone for so long before you start to go crazy. "All right. I'm grabbing us Chinese tonight so don't bring anything home."

  "All right. Love you."

  "Love you, too. Bye."

  I watch her skinny back, remembering how thankful I am she's in my life. I need to get better at that: remembering the good things and not just focusing on the bad. I turn back, walking briskly toward Maddie's. The weather is perfect today. It doesn't feel like winter. I'm wearing a light coat, but the breeze is gentle. There's a family of birds near some trees. I stop, fascinated. There shouldn't be birds. They should've migrated already. Something tiny and yellow catches my eye. I gasped. A baby bird. It's small and round with stick legs that wobble every time it walks. There's an acorn at my feet. I pick it up.

  "Do you want this little birdy?" I coo. I laugh and move closer as he makes a sound. "I'll bring it over if you promise not to have your mommy and daddy stab me with their beaks," I say, eyeing the other birds carefully. I move forward cautiously, holding out the acorn. "Come here," I say softly. "Come closer…" He hops forward, getting nearer to me. "Good," I encourage with a wide smile. "Good boy." He hops again. Yes, I think. A little closer…

  "Gotcha."

  Suddenly, without warning, I'm pulled back roughly, jerked against something hard. My instinctive scream is abruptly cut off with a brutal hand to my mouth. "I thought I told you already."

  I gasp. I know that voice. My knees start to shake.

  "There's no one but me."

  Braidon.

  He has one arm around my waist and another over my mouth, pressing with vicious force. The shock of feeling him momentarily paralyzes me. Then reality crashes in and I start fighting, kicking with my legs and scratching his arms with my nails. He's immovable. He's a rock and everything I do seems to hurt me more than him. He doesn't even flinch when I attempt to gouge his eyes with my fingers. That's what was always scary about Braidon: sometimes a switch goes off and he's like a robot, unfeeling and unbending. I was the only thing that came close to humanizing him, but I'm also the only one that can drive him over the edge.

  We move forward and I start panicking. I scream, bellowing at the top of my lungs. Someone, please hear me! My screams sound like whimpers through his fingers. A black car is nearby. I recognize that car. It's the same car that tried to run Pax and me over. There's even a dent on the side where Pax pushed him. As we get closer, I notice the trunk is open. Adrenaline kicks in and I pull back hard, hitting him with my elbows. When did he get so strong? I think, gasping for air as his fingers curl around my face.

  I attempt to kick back, hopefully hitting him in the balls, but Braidon side steps my efforts, jerking my head back with such force that I'm momentarily knocked breathless. I stumble, and one shoe comes off. He takes advantage of this and lifts my body from the ground. One hand moves away from my waist and I'm suspended in air, held up with his other hand over my neck.

  It hurts.

  He's choking me.

  I can't breathe. I gasp, but there isn't an ounce of oxygen I can take in. Soon colors start to fade, becoming blurry and gray. Just as suddenly as his hand left moments earlier, it returns, coiling over my midsection like a snake, hugging me close to him. I feel his wet mouth on my cheek.

  "I love you, Jules."

  It sounds like a death sentence.

  He puts something soft over my face. The smell hits me fast. He covers my mouth and nose with it. Braidon holds me tightly, diffusing my desperate attempts to escape. It's as if there's steel wrapped around my body, slowly tightening with each passing second.

  "Hey!" someone shouts. "What's going on here?"

  Braidon moves his hand from my body. I can't see anything anymore. I’m completely blind. The sound of a gun going off is the last thing I hear before I'm drowned in darkness.

  * * *

  Everything hurts.

  My eyelids flutter as I try to open them. I wince. Even blinking hurts. I groan. You know you’re in trouble when blinking starts to hurt. My whole body feels tight as if I've been stuffed into a tiny box and taken out again. The thought startles me because suddenly I remember. I remember Braidon. I remember his black car. I remember the gunshot. Questions start to form in my head. Are we in Minnesota? How long have I been out? What's going to happen to me?

  Am I dead?

  No. The afterlife shouldn't hurt so much, but then again who knows? Maybe I'm in Hell. It's where criminals like me belong.

  My eyelids flutter again, straining to move, desperate to be alive. I give a mental snort. Always a survivor. Even now when I just want to close my eyes forever, my body is rebelling, trained to keep going, unwilling to stop.

  Unbidden, pictures of Grandma float to the top of my mind. I see her smiling at me, proud with how well I picked my first bushel of tomatoes. I'd earn two dollars and twenty-five cents for that. I was a natural, she'd said. A very quick learner. I was three.

  Next, I see her sneaking me an apple. She rubs it under her shirt and hands it to me. It was red and shiny and the most perfect apple I'd ever seen. I ate it all, even swallowing the seeds. I naively thought an apple tree might grow inside me and I'd never be hungry again.

  Then I hear Grandma's voice. I can't hear what she's lecturing me about, but it doesn't matter. It's been years since my mind has been able to recall it. I bask in it. Her voice was throaty from too many cigarettes, but it always soothed me. Yes, I think. Please let me hear more.

  Soon the voice fades and it's replaced with an image and sound. We're at another farm. It's nighttime, and she's rubbing my hands to keep them warm. She's asking me if I'm okay. She sounds concerned just like Pax was earlier.

  Pax.

  I choke on the name. For weeks, I've blocked memories of him out, not wanting to relive how he made me feel. But now my mind unleashes those thoughts in full. I see his face as he kisses me. I remember the feel of his arms as he catches me, telling me he'd always catch me. I remember riding him. I remember rolling down a hill, and instead of seeing a starry sky, I saw him. The most perfect face I'd ever seen. Like an angel.

  My angel.

  I most certainly am not with angels right now. Braidon's face flashes into my mind. It doesn't matter if I'm dead or alive; wherever I am now is Hell.

  "Time to wake up, sleeping beauty."

  I feel something pinch my skin. It's small and sharp. I want to swat it away, but it's over in seconds. I become more aware and hear movement around me. My body is still frozen, but there's a tingling in my legs.

  "That adrenaline shot should be enough to wake her up."

  "Gracias, tio."

  Something warm touches my face, pressing gently. I'm pretty sure someone just touched a bruise. I wince, the movement slight. "Julianna," Braidon whispers. "Te quiero mi angel hermosa…" He'd called me his beautiful angel. I'm so disgusted I make a sound. It's soft, and I hear him lean in closer. "You will wake soon," he whispers into my hair. "Everything will be all right, you'll see." His accent is thicker now than before. Maybe he went back to Mexico. Maybe he hasn't been around white people since I left. Why do I care? It doesn't matter. I need to get out of here!

  The thought is enough to start my struggle. I might have been thinking about death moments earlier, but now that I feel Braidon beside me, the only thing I think about is fleeing.

  "You'll never leave me again, Jules." It's like he can hear my thoughts. It makes me sick. Then I remember that he's the sick one, and he'll turn me against myself until I'm weak enough for him to swallow whole.

  "What are you planning to do with her?" I hear someone ask.

  "She will stay with me. Forever."

  Silence greets his words. My heart clenches painfully.

  "And how will you do that, nephew?"

  Jose. I picture him in my mind: light brown skin, artificial white teeth, and small brown eyes.

  "The same way father kep
t mother," Braidon replies in a flat voice. "She was American just like Julianna. And father kept her in the house, always she was with him…"

  A prisoner. He's going to keep me locked inside a house somewhere, and I will never see anyone I love again. Briefly, I wonder if his mother is still alive. Was his father mentally ill as well? Did he rape her? Instinctively, I begin to struggle, and that's when I realize my hands are tied behind my back.

  "Braidon," his uncle begins cautiously, "there are many women for you in Mexico. Leave this one behind. She is not worth the trouble, si?"

  "No!" The word erupts with such force that I tremble. "No. There's no one for me but Julianna. No one."

  If crazy had a voice, it was speaking right now. Braidon alternated from being flat to emotional in moments, switching swiftly like Jekyll and Hyde. I'm trying to move my body, and I'm able to shift a fraction of an inch, slithering like a snake. I need my eyes to open. I need to search for an escape route.

  "There is no one that will search for her, tio. She is all alone."

  Pax face drifts into my mind. I see Nat and Alex, Bill and Gail. I even see Anna. I send prayers into the sky. Please find me. Please come after me. Please, please, please…

  "What about her American boyfriend? The footballer?"

  I hear Braidon growl. It's the sound of an animal. Every hair on my body stands.

  "He will forget her," Braidon dismisses. "Or he will die."

  Grave silence follows Braidon's declaration. My eyelids are heavy like cement curtains. Even though I can't see, I slither an inch away from where I feel Braidon. His presence fills me with anger and desperation.

  "She is not well enough to travel to Mexico," Jose finally says.

  "We will leave tomorrow then," Braidon replies. "Will you arrange safe passage for us, tio?" he asks like a spoiled child.

  There is a pause before he answers. "Of course."

  I hear Braidon move away.

  My eyes open.

  The first thing I see is a brown hardwood floor. It's shiny as if someone has just cleaned it. If I look closely enough I might see my reflection. I try to lift my head up. It takes a few attempts, but soon I'm able to raise my head several inches, enough to scan my surroundings quickly. We're in a living room. There's a white sofa to the left of me and further down I see a small kitchen. Windows are everywhere, but it's nighttime and darkness penetrates through. I'm in a corner, tied to one of the columns. I see the back of a man move across my line of vision. Jose.

  He doesn't know I'm awake. I try to move again, but the rope is taut and I'm immediately pulled back. I hit my head hard against the column behind me. I cry out, but the cloth around my mouth muffles the sounds.

  Braidon's gagged me.

  More panic rises. I'm gagged and bound and my legs feel too heavy to move. I doubt I'd be able to walk. My fingers flex, indicating they've returned to normal. My hands will help me move. I raise my head again, looking for something sharp. I do a quick scan around my body, but I see nothing, only a shiny floor underneath me.

  Plan B then.

  I scream. The sound is muffled. I scream louder. I thrust my body against the floor. I use my legs to kick- hard. I hear footsteps. Good.

  "Julianna! Julianna, stop!" Jose rushes toward me, his voice filled with concern. For a moment, I let it calm me. Then I remember how he promised to help Braidon take me out of the country, and I'm desperate again, pounding harder on the floor. "Stop, Julianna! No one can hear you. We are the only ones here. Please stop hurting yourself!"

  I shout words through the cloth in my mouth: "I hate you! You both are psychotic, evil men! I hope you rot in Hell!"

  "Julianna, I can't understand a word you're saying. Here." He does exactly what I hope he's going to do. He takes off the gag. "Julianna…"

  I stop yelling. I move back, watching him wearily. "Jose." My voice is hoarse from my screams, or maybe from the drugs Braidon gave me.

  Jose notices and grabs a water bottle from behind him. "Here. Drink."

  The water is warm, but I swallow it greedily, loving the way the liquid spills into my body. "Please," I whimper, not hiding how weak I sound. "Can you untie me so I can drink?"

  Jose looks apologetic. "I'm sorry, I cannot. I will hold it for you." I close my eyes to hide the anger blazing there. I drink every sip, knowing I will need as much nourishment as I can get. When I've sucked everything I can, Jose steps back, holding the empty bottle in his hands.

  There is silence as I breathe. I take time to gather my thoughts. Finally I speak. "I heard what you and Braidon said." Jose doesn't respond. "He is going to keep me his prisoner, isn't he? He will take me to Mexico and I will disappear forever."

  "Si." He doesn’t bother to deny it. "It will not be a bad life," he adds. "You will have many servants."

  I can't help it; I spit on the floor. "I will be a prisoner, tied to a psychopath. Tell me, Jose, how did Braidon's father kill his mother?"

  He flinches, and I know my guess is right. Braidon's mother is dead, murdered by his own father. I want to vomit. "He will kill me, too, Jose. You know that. He is sick! He needs help!"

  "He will be safe in Mexico."

  What about me? I won't be safe anywhere Braidon is. I know it with every bone in my body.

  "Help me." My voice is soft, and as childlike as I can make it. "You told me your daughter is fourteen. I am only eighteen, senor. I don't want to die. Please." He stiffens when I mention his daughter. I press on. "What would you do if someone had Alondra like this? Wouldn't you want someone to help her?"

  "I would kill anyone stupid enough to touch her." The venom in his voice reminds me of Braidon and for a second I remain unmoving. My heart is pounding loudly in my ears. It's the sound of desperation.

  "Senor Jose, please, think about what you would feel if someone took your daughter from you-"

  "You are not my daughter, Julianna," he cuts me off. "You are no one's daughter."

  His words make me angry. I want to scratch his eyes out. I know the truth now: he will not help me. He is as cold hearted as Braidon.

  Plan C. The only option left.

  I will either die. Or I will live.

  "My boyfriend's uncle will come for me," I whisper.

  Jose sighs. "Julianna, there is nothing you can say that will sway what will happen. Comprende? You are going to Mexico with Braidon. Your life will be good. You will sleep and eat and play. There is even a pool." He sounds irritated that I object to such a life. Time is running out. Braidon will come back at any moment.

  "He's a cop," I speak fast. "His name is Bill Paxton and he's already contacted the FBI about the farm and the factory." I try to think about what Bill told me. He mentioned undercover cops. "Someone close to Gonzales is snitching, selling you all out. There might even be undercover cops," I say, praying Jose believes me.

  He becomes still as a statue, listening to me. His dark eyes are cloudy and angry- very angry. "You revealed the location of the drugs?" His hand is clenched into a fist, and he takes a step forward.

  "No," I lie, shaking my head. "They found out about me. I told you: you have a snitch. He's revealing former workers. The FBI got my boyfriend to get close to me so that I'll reveal the location. I found out today. I was crying and that's why I didn't hear Braidon come." I make my eyes wide. "They want to take this operation down. They know about the drugs and about… the other thing."

  Jose is still, completely motionless, shock evident on his face. No one knows about the other operation. It's a secret; one I stumbled into. I wonder if Grandma had seen it as well. I wonder if she died for it.

  "How do you know about that?" he asks with lethal softness.

  "I overheard them."

  There is quiet as Jose thinks. I can practically see the wheels turn in his head. Please, I pray. Please…

  "We need to go," he announces abruptly.

  "Where?" My voice breaks a little. Please work…

  "Gonzales."

  My heart pounds.
>
  Jose calls someone, speaking in Spanish. He gestures a few times toward me as he talks, becoming more animated by the minute. Anxiety and fear weigh on me, making my body heavy like I'm covered in cement. There's no turning back. I don't know what will happen, but I know my life will never be the same again. Finally, Jose ends the call. "He will see you."

  I should be happy. Everything is going according to plan. I feel only dread though. The only way this is going to work is if everyone does exactly what I hope they'll do. What are the chances of that happening? I start shaking.

  Jose studies me. "You should be afraid," he says almost sad. "Braidon wanted a beautiful life with you, and now that chance has slipped away. You will go to Gonzales and he will use you. You will pray for death before he is done. You have sealed your fate, little one," he shakes his head regretfully, and my heart races even faster. Fear is evident on my face. I don't hide it; I couldn't if I tried.

  "Uncle?" Braidon calls out. His feet are light on the floor.

  Jose's eyes catch mine. He sighs tiredly, regret etched on his face. "Braidon," he answers gently, as if speaking to a child. "Come here."

  "Uncle, we will need a passport for Jules…" Braidon voice drifts off as a smile appears on his face. "You're awake, my love." He walks toward me, bending down so his face is level with mine. He touches my lips with a finger. His eyes roam over me hungrily, and instinctively I shrink back. "You should not be afraid," he says instantly. "I will not hurt you."

  I want to bite his finger. He drugged and almost killed me on the road. How can anyone think this man is sane? How can no one love him enough to get him the help he needs?

  Braidon leans in closer. He's going to kiss me. Bile rises in my throat. This man shot someone. He is a murderer just like Gonzales. I see Jose move forward. If he doesn't stop this now, I will vomit in Braidon's mouth. I won't be able to stop it. His lips drift nearer. I smell something sour on his breath. I jerk, as my stomach starts to heave…

  One moment I feel Braidon's lips on mine, and the next air is kissing me. I watch in horror as Jose's arms circle Braidon in a chokehold. Jose has a cloth over Braidon's mouth, using the same trick that Braidon had pulled on me. Deep in my mind, I know there's a poetic justice to what's happening, but I can't appreciate it. I see an uncle choking his nephew, and the sight is horrendous to witness.