by Savana Jade
I’ve never been one to dream big, the stars were too far away.
Life is as cruel as it will ever be,
But with you by my side, there’s so much see.
You hold me like you want me to stay.
You’re like a drug that I can’t control. You push these feelings away,
I hope you understand. I’m no good for you, I don’t know why you stay?
I don’t think we can hide this anymore.
But when you take me by the hand.
You turn my world upside down, leaving me so confused.
Something has to give, I hope you understand.
The beating of my still heart, is now in overdrive
My soul was empty til I met you. And now I feel alive.
You’ve opened me up to what could be, when the world see’s someone else,
You see beyond what they all see, the only one you see is me.
I wasn’t sure what love was, I still don’t think I know.
My mind gets weak, my thoughts get blurred, whenever you are near.
I thought I was lost, but now I’m found.
You’re the drug I crave, the one I can’t live without.
With your fingers on my skin, you’re the high I can’t put down
The beating of my still heart, is now in overdrive
My soul was empty til I met you, and now I feel alive.
I get scared when you’re not near.
Craving you is the only thing I fear.
I wasn’t alive til I met you.
You’re a rush I can’t get enough of.
If this is a dream, I don’t want to wake.
I just want to believe, that this feeling is real.
I’m scared of this feeling I feel.
Stay by my side, don’t let me go
Take my hand and watch me shine.
This high will end soon, and I still don’t know
That when this is all over, will your hand still be in mine?
“I hated him for kissing you that day you know.” Brennan is now standing in the hallway at the entrance of Gabe’s room.
I begin to smile as I turn to walk towards him. “Yeah, I remember.” I say as I close the door behind me. “How long have you been here?”
“I just walked up. I wanted to charge my new phone.” He smiles. “Thank you by the way, you didn’t have to.”
“I know I didn’t, but I wanted to.” I pat him on the chest as I open my door. “I think I’m going to take a nap. I’m kind of tired.”
Leaning in to kiss my forehead, he says “Get some sleep babe. The guys want to go out tonight and hit a few clubs. If you’re up for it, great, but if not, then I can stay back with you.”
Shaking my head, “That’s just stupid Bren. I will be ok, but I’ll let you know how I feel afterwards.” I say, and then suddenly I think of Justin. “I can send Justin a text and ask him where some good places are since he was familiar to the area.”
He thinks about it then nods. “Yeah, maybe that’s a good idea. Sleep well sis.” He says as he closes the door behind him.
I pull out the top drawer of my dresser and pick up my old phone. I haven’t been able to transfer the numbers yet, so I crawl onto the center of my bed and begin to fidget with the numbers. I decide to send Justin quick texts asking him were a great place to hang is.
I thought you forgot all about me?
Yeah, new # and sorry, one of my band members deleted your text.
Oh I see, you always let people see your phone?
Is this twenty questions? Because if it is, don’t worry about the clubs.
Chill babe. There’s Fire’s, The Glasshouse and Three Brothers. Let me know which one you choose and I’ll meet you there. ;)
How about Fire’s? Nine cool?
Sounds good. See you there.
He sends me the address and I thank him before transferring my contacts. I’m almost done when I hear a soft knock at my door. “Come in” I say without looking up.
“Good timing I guess huh?” Gabe says with his phone in his hand. I forgot we were going to go through our contacts together.
I smile up at him and answer “Guess so.” He walks over to the side of my bed and begins to sit next to me. I scoot over automatically making room for him. “Didn’t the store load yours though?” I ask.
“They did, but I need to clear some of them remember? Will you help me?” He asks in return. How can I tell him no, especially after I dropped his phone in the pool? I set my phone on the bed before taking his.
“Geez Gabe, you have more women on here than Hugh Hefner has playgirls” I say jokingly. The man seriously has a long list of names, most of which are women.
“Get rid of them all. Please?” He asks sincerely.
“Why would you want that done?” He shrugs. “Oh, I know. You want to make room for the new school of fish right?” I tease him again.
“Give it back.” He reaches over for his phone angrily, but I pull it further away. “Give it back Jenna. I’ll just do it myself.” I continue to hold it in the air out of his reach laughing now. He smiles his wicked smile and oh no, I went too far. I try to get off the bed, but before I can even get a foot over the edge, I’m being pulled onto my back my hands are held over my head as Gabe has his body laying completely over mine. “I said give it back.” He says with a lust in his voice. My heart is racing at his closeness. I try to push it away, but he knows it’s impossible. As much as our minds tell us no, our body wants to deceive us every step of the way.
“If I remember correctly, I bought it, so it’s mine.” I say with a hoarse breath. He trails his eyes down to my lips before moving them back up meeting my eyes. Immediately, I bite my bottom lip to try to control my breathing and the sudden hot sensation between my legs.
“True, but you do owe me a phone since you broke mine last month.” he says as he pushes the phone out of my hand and replaces the empty space with his, intertwining our fingers. I don’t realize how unbelievably close we are to each other until I can once again feel his excitement resting on my leg. My skin is tingling from his touch.
“You deleted my text that day.” I try to get out between pants.
“You don’t need him.” He growls as he leans in closer.
“I’m meeting him tonight.” I whisper rolling my eyes with pleasure of his closeness.
“You are lying.” He says. I don’t have a chance to argue with him because he presses his lips down on mine. All my senses are in overdrive. A light moan escapes my throat as he runs his tongue along my lips. As I open my mouth to argue, he takes it as an invitation and oh God. Can this man kiss or what? He deepens the kiss as our hands do their own dance above our heads, I am completely his at the moment and I couldn’t be happier. Until we hear a knock on the door.
“Jenna?” Brennan says.
“Fuck” Gabe whispers as our mouths are still connected. He rests his forehead on mine. We both try frantically to get our breathing back to normal.
“He knows you’re in here.” He grumbles in agreement, takes a deep breath and rolls off me. I sit up and lean on the back of the headrest trying to gather my wits and dull the sensation in my gut before telling Brennan it’s ok to open the door. Gabe takes his place now at the opposite side of the bed, but he is facing me so he can hide his face from the wrath of Brennan.
“Come in Bren.”
He opens the door with a look of disgust. “I thought I would find you here.” He says sardonically towards Gabe.
“I asked Jenna this morning to help me with my phone.” He says as he keeps his eyes on me. I look up to Brennan and give a shrugging nod.
“I thought you were sleeping.” He says to me. Brennan is a great brother, but man. When his protective instincts kick in, watch out. “You said you needed to sleep.”
Sighing, this is so annoying sometimes. “I tried. But then I got to texting Justin and.”
“Oh, yeah, you mentioned talking to him.” He says it rudely rubbin
g it in. I glance over to Gabe who’s now looking down at his phone. His teeth are clenched tightly. I told him but somehow I feel like shit.
“I told him you wanted to know where some decent clubs are around here. He gave me a handful. I told him we would go to this place called Fire’s” I’m keeping my eyes on Gabe who’s obviously still not pleased.
“I told the guys to be ready by seven. I was thinking of taking us all out to dinner first. If that’s alright with you and Gabe of course.” God, Brennan can be such an asshole. Gabe stands up quickly and walks out.
“Fine by me, I’ll get ready now.” He closes the door to his room a bit harder than needed.
“Was that necessary Brennan?” I’m beyond pissed off now.
“Jems, he needs to know you’re off limits.” He walks over and sits in the same spot that was once occupied by Gabe.
“We weren’t doing anything Brennan. Why can’t you see that? I’m a grown woman you know. Who are you to say who I’m off limits to?”
“Exactly, Jenna. You are a grown woman that is beautiful, talented, but sometimes not all that smart. I want better for you.” He says.
“Really? Look around Brennan. This house didn’t just pop up out of nowhere. While you guys were wasting your money away, I was the one saving every penny. So how can you even say I’m not smart?” now I went from beyond pissed off to livid.
“Because you can’t see what’s going on here Jenna.” He stands. “Gabriel Gonzales wants in your panties and he will do anything he can to make sure it happens. And by the way, half of the money for this house came from the old house. Don’t forget that Jenna.”
I stand and get right in his face ignoring the money comment. “If that’s what he wants, then maybe I should let him.” He takes a step back as I stand tall holding my ground. I can see the blood rush to his face as he steps towards me again.
“If he lays one fucking finger on you, the bands done.” He says through gritted teeth.
Standing taller, trying to match his height, “It’s. Not. Your. Choice.” I begin to yell. “If I want to fuck all of Seattle, I will do so. With our without your approval.”
“Over my dead body you will. I also made a promise to Will. I promised to protect you which I by the way have been doing since before dad left.” He points to Gabe’s door. “You don’t see what I see with him. Stay away from Gabe, Jenna.” He warns before turning and walking out of the room, slamming the door in the process.
Fuck! I just want to scream! I know he has a point, I’ve seen the texts Gabe gets. But Damn! What right does he have over me? I march into the master bath, strip off my clothing before stepping into the shower to cool off. Gabe has my senses hot and bothered by his kiss and touch, and Brennan has my blood boiling in anger. Ugh, sometimes I wish I lived alone.
Getting Away
Dinner was excellent. I stayed quiet for the majority of the night. Gabe sat across from me, not making eye contact with me whatsoever, I’m not sure what bothers me the most, his dismissal or Brennan’s smile knowing he’s put a wedge between Gabe and I. But sadly, Brennan is right, there needs to be some type of distance between Gabe and myself. My leg shakes from under the table, my hands rest on my lap while I stare at my uneaten desert. Drew leans over, places his hand on my leg to stop it from shaking and whispers in my ear.
“Let it go.” I lean into him and respond.
“Get me out of here Drew. I will end up killing someone.” He nods then sits back and suggests we leave for the club. The guys all agree its time. I excuse myself and find my way to the car before the others. As Drew, Brennan and Matt lean on the railings outside of the restaurant for a cigarette break, Gabe decides to make his way over to the Escalade and lean on hood next to me.
“Can we talk?” he asks. I turn my head in his direction to see his face, he looks broken. Is he suffering the same way I am?
“Now you want to talk? You would not even make eye contact with me in there earlier Gabe.” His shoulders sink as he lowers his head to stare at our feet.
“I know, I am sorry Jenna.” He turns over and rests his elbows onto the hood of the car. He watches his fingers as they bunch up in fists. “Look, I heard you and Brennan arguing.” He did? Great! He chuckles and continues. “Yeah, the walls aren’t that thick.” He answers as if he was listening to my thoughts. He looks back down to his hands before he finishes. “Look, I, um. I’m sorry for causing any issue with you and your brother. It’s just that, I wanted to tell you…” An arm is slung around Gabe’s shoulder. He stiffens immediately before rolling his eyes. What was he going to say? Damn it. Frustration sets in me. I refuse to break eye contact with Gabe until he finishes.
“Are we ready to party?” Matt asks with excitement. Gabe looks up to me with sorrow in his eyes. I wish he could have just come out and said what he wanted to say. He stands straight up, pats Matt on the back and walks around the car.
“Let’s do this! I need to let off some steam.” He jokes. What the actual fuck just happened? With anger building up inside me, I make my way to the passenger side of the car and jump in, making sure I slam the door loudly.
The music is pumping, the lights are flashing. I haven’t been at a club since the night of the accident. I told myself the entire drive here that I could do this. I have my sponsor with me for support. He must know I need him badly because he slides his hand in mine. I squeeze it like I’m holding on for dear life. I look over to Brennan, who’s watching me closely.
He knows Drew is my best friend and my sponsor. He also knows that Drew is the only one that can understand the pressure I’m under right now. Drew makes his way to the bar with me in tow. He turns to look at me once we get there and asks me if I want a drink. He gives me a reassuring nod, letting me know its ok before turning to the bartender and ordering his beer and my Malibu & Coke. Once the bartender delivers the drinks, he turns to put it in my hand, leans in and tells me not to accept drinks from anyone that’s not family. I nod and follow him to where the rest of the band is taking up residency at a corner table. Brennan takes a worried glance my way then calls me over.
When I reach him, he pulls me into a big bear hug. “You’re doing great Jems. I completely forgot about the last time you were at a club. I’m right here if you need anything alright?” I hug him back letting him know I will be fine. Then Gabe slides over one, so I can sit between the two of them. I look over to Drew, who knows I need to be near him for support. He gives me a reassuring smile letting me know that he is just on the other side of the table and relaxes in his seat.
“Jenna!” I hear a familiar voice; I follow the sound to see Justin walking through the crowd towards the table.
“Hey!” He leans and kisses me on the cheek.
“Glad you could make it.” I smile up at him.
“I told you I would.” Looking over my shoulder to see four set of protective eyes glaring at the man besides me. “Um, Justin, this is my family and band members. Brennan, Matt, Drew and Gabe.”
“What’s up?” He says before looking at me. “So, which one of these assholes deleted my text?” Oh no.
Before I know it, Brennan stands up leaving Gabe just as shocked as the rest of us. I think my jaw just hit the floor. “Does it matter?” Brennan asks, standing taller.
“It does to me.” Justin replies. This is not going to end well. I swallow down what’s left of the drink, as I feel the burn slide down my throat. I set the now empty glass down on the table and begin to pushing Justin away from the group.
“Brennan please behave. Drew, can I have another.” I look between the two, trying not to look at Gabe. I quickly turn to Justin. “Want to dance?” I ask. He takes his tattooed hand and wraps it around my waist as he glares at the men sitting at my table before guiding me to the dance floor. Once we find an open spot, he turns me around, places his hands on my hips and we begin moving. “Sorry about that. My brother can be a bit over protective at times.”
“Yeah, no shit.” He says as he glares
at the table. Looking back down to me and smiles, “I’m glad you came though.” I don’t say anything, just simply smile in return and begin to relax in his arms. We move in silence when he leans down. “We’ve got company.” Quickly I turn around to see what he’s talking about. Drew has almost made his way over onto the dance floor. I almost forgot about requesting my drink.
His hand is reaching out to me with a glass from the bar. “I was told to bring you your drink.” He says with frustration in his voice when he made his way to me. My eyes make their way to the table where Gabe and Brennan sit minus a Matt. My eyebrows scrunch up as I return to Drew.
“Oh, I bet you were.” I take it and realize I’m actually really thirsty. I glance over at the table again to see two angry set of eyes on me. “Where’s Matty?” I yell out over the crowd. He points to my left. Matty has made his way out onto the dance floor too. I smile and nod. Taking a few gulps of my drink.
“Hey, easy there!” Drew says as he eyes my glass.
I simply shrug my shoulders, finally letting go all of the frustration from today. “I’m fine. I want to dance!” I hand the empty glass back to Drew and turn back into Justin’s arms. I instantly wrap my arms around his neck and say. “Let’s dance.”
His eyes began at the table of the men staring in our direction, and lands back on me. He leans in just under my ear and I can feel the heat of his breath and the scent of his cologne. “Your wish is my command.” He says as he wraps his hands around my waist and pulls me closer to him. Drew must have walked away, because I didn’t hear from him again. I have no doubt Brennan sent him to bring me my drink to me and to stop me from dancing. This is just another reason why I always went clubbing alone.
After a few dances, I look over to the table only and find that Gabe is missing. I look around the club and find him at the bar flirting intensely with some brunette. My heart stops just before my body follows. It feels like someone pierced it with an ice pick. His eyes shoot up as if he knows he’s being watched and he smiles at me while she begins kissing his neck. I think I’m going to be sick. I excuse myself as I make my way to the bathroom.
