by Savana Jade
As I’m slouched down in the larger stall, I listen to a few of the girls chatting.
“Oh my God! Did you see the band Live Today is here?” the deeper voice says. I actually begin to smile when I hear them talking about us.
“Mhmm. Sure did, I plan on going home with one of them too.” Says the higher pitched friend. I find myself rolling my eyes at that statement.
“Ooh, which one. I see Danielle is already with the darker one, Gabe I think is his name.” I squeeze my eyes shut. Here comes that ice pick again. I don’t want to be listening to this anymore, but I’m also stuck here until they decide to leave. Shit.
“Yeah, that’s Gabe. He’s a real player from what I hear. She got lucky! The other’s you have to work a little harder for.” Are you shitting me? She cannot be serious. I stand up suddenly. Rage is pouring out of my skin when I open the door and storm out of the bathroom. I run into Justin as I turn the corner.
“I was just coming to find you. Are you okay?” He asks. I take a deep cleansing breath, nod and smile up at him.
“I will be, once you get me back on the dance floor.” I lean up and kiss him on the cheek. His grin widens at me in return.
“Well, let’s go then.” He says as he places his hand on the small of my back and leads me to the center of the dance floor. We try to make small talk between songs; I met a few of his friends. Some of them look at me the same way Gabe and Brennan have been eyeing Justin all night. I simply shrug it off. It’s not as if I plan on going to sleep with him tonight anyway. So, let them look. Let them glare. I am letting loose, and I work on fulfilling another promise I made to Will. I’m going to live in this moment and live for today.
Our bodies are molded together as the music acts like glue linking us to one another. Drew has come up to us a few more times, trying to get me to go to the table. Each time, I have declined. He’s brought two glasses of water and another Malibu & Coke. The alcohol has taken its place within my bloodstream, and for the first time in months, I feel great.
Justin and I move our bodies as one. Sometimes we take up a new partner, but as we dance, we can’t seem to get our eyes off each other. He has a large fan base. Not a girl by him has gone unnoticed under his eye, especially the one that had her lips all over Gabriel; however, they make their way back to me with a smirk. I find myself shaking my head at him and laughing. He makes his way back to me, nuzzles his head in the crook in my neck as we begin to dance slowly and smoothly to the more upbeat music.
He takes my hips and turns me in his arms so my back is to his front. I close my eyes as I rest my head on his chest as I bring my arms up over his head, lacing my own fingers together, keeping our close contact. I can feel his breathe at the base of my neck. His hands glide to the front of me, and his thumbs find their way at my belt loops. I can feel his hands spread across the front of me when he grinds himself up behind me and his lips make their way just under my ear. Suddenly, he says, “Don’t move.” I nod. “I’ll be right back.” I simply nod then I feel him let loose of me.
I dance alone freely for a few minutes until a set of hands return to me. I lean against him once again, but realize it’s not him. Immediately I freeze just before I can feel the tingle of his fingers on my hands. Only one man has ever made me feel this sensation before. His lips make it to my ear. As much as this feels right, I try to create some space between us. I begin to open my eyes.
“No, don’t.” He says. “Keep them closed.” I let the alcohol make the decisions and do as he asks and melt into him while we become one. He runs his hands along the sides of my body, his thumbs run along the base of my breasts as he rests his hands on my ribcage leaving a trail of tingles on my skin. “You look so beautiful right now Jems.” He says. Keeping my head rested on his chest, I crane my head towards his as I slowly open my eyes; his lips are only inches away from mine.
“Where’s Justin?” I ask, not really wanting to know the answer but I feel like I should at least ask. The sensation of Gabe close to me is what I crave more than anything right now. He stiffens a bit, looks up and nods in the direction of the table.
Justin is sitting on a stool; a brunette, the same brunette, is snuggled nicely between his legs. His eyes make their way up to mine as his tongue is inside her mouth. He shrugs an apologetically way. Immediately, I turn in Gabe’s arms and lean into his body. I can’t be sure if I feel anger or relief. After all, I am in the arm’s I’ve been longing for. “You okay?” he asks.
I close my eyes and smile up at him. Then stiffen immediately. “Oh God Gabe, Brennan!” He chuckles and leans in just below my ear.
“Don’t worry about him. Drew took him home.” He sends a trail of kisses at the base of my neck. God it feels so good. “He’s coming back in a little while to get us and Matt.” I nod in response simply because I don’t want to move. The music changes to a slower song. My body tenses as I know without a shadow of a doubt Gabe has requested this song. “Do I” by Luke Bryan.
“Dance with me Jenna.” He asks softly. I know this song well. He’s sent it to me so many times. My eyes gloss over as I take a step closer to him. So now we are flush, and I rest my head on his chest. We begin to sway back and forth. He holds me close to him, I move my head to the crook of his neck, and he immediately drops his head to mine. We barely move our bodies as we listen to the lyrics that we both know so well. He quietly begins to sing to me. I know this is wrong. Brennan will not allow it for one and my brain keeps telling me to stay away, but it’s my heart that keeps deceiving me.
I run my hands up his back, resting them on his shoulders as if I’m hugging him. He holds me close, trailing the finger of one of his hands up and down my spine as his other hand rests at my pant line tucking his fingers between my lower back and my jeans. As the music stops, I begin to pull away only to find him pulling me even closer.
“Stay with me Jenna.” He whispers in my ear as another song begins. Jason Mraz “I Won’t Give Up”. My breath hitches. “Just listen to the song angel.” He says as I wrap my arms around his neck. He pulls me in, lifts me up in his arms and holds me in the air as we dance. His head rests in the crook of my neck, and mine in his as he keeps me in his arms during the duration of the song. My hands make their way into his hair.
We remain in each other’s arms until Drew returns. I’ve had more than a handful of drinks by this time and am not sure of my surroundings. Gabe refuses to leave my side. He even went out of his way to stand outside the bathroom stall while I went pee to assure no one got close to me. He had told me that his eyes did not leave the bathroom door the entire time I was in there earlier. This protective instinct I’m sure is natural due to what had happened last time at the club. By the time we made it to the car, I could barely keep my eyes open. The last thing I remember is saying hi to Drew.
I wake up the next morning in my bed with an arm around my waist. My body immediately freezes as I open my eyes and look down. I release the breath I didn’t realize I was holding, when I notice that I’m fully dressed. Looking over to my left, a sleeping Gabe is also fully dressed. What happened last night? The last thing I remember was dancing, lots of it with Gabe. Slowly I get out of bed, making sure I don’t wake him. I make my way to my bathroom to shower quickly.
The water runs down my body as I begin to remember the night before. I remember dancing, drinking, Justin and Gabe. Visions of Gabe run through my head as I remember the dancing, and Gabe’s hands. Oh God, what have I done? I have crossed the line big time with him. I know nothing technically happened but we might as well have been fucking in public with how we moved together and touched each other. I need to get out of here.
I need just a few days to think, maybe a week. God, I don’t know. I need to get Gabe out of my heart. If Brennan ever finds out how attached we actually are, he will kill both Gabe then me. I finish washing and step out quietly, hoping Gabe is still sleeping. With the towel wrapped around my body like a vice, just in case he’s awake, I gently turn the knob to the bath
room door. I remind myself to buy a bathrobe just in case something like this happens again.
Pulling the door open, I peer over to the bed. He hasn’t moved. Slowly and carefully, I tip toe and make my way to the side table to pull out a handful of panties and bras. As I slowly walk over to the dresser, I toss the panties and bras on the floor of my walk in closet. My duffle bag is still on the floor from my drive up here. I’ll just throw everything in there while Gabe sleeps. Gathering the clothes I need from my dresser, I hold them to my chest and walk into my closet, quietly closing the door behind me. I dress quickly before loading the bag with necessities. Whatever I forget to bring, I can just buy wherever I end up.
Gabe is still asleep when I open the door. I carefully open the drawer of the side table he is sleeping near and pull out my notebook I keep close by for writing. Gently I decide to run my fingers through his hair so softly, he didn’t budge. I decide to take a leap of faith and lean down by his ear and whisper goodbye to Gabriel and kiss his cheek. He only rolls over in response softly saying my name, making my heart flutter and cringe at the same time.
Taking my notebook, and bag, I walk into his room and leave him a note and lay it on his bed.
Gabriel,
I’m not sure what’s going on between us, but I think we have gone too far. Things are getting too confusing for me. We need to try and keep a safe distance from one another to keep the band from falling apart. Last night shouldn’t have happened. The feelings I have for you are getting stronger and I need to stop them before something drastic happens. I love you more than I should and it truly scares the shit out of me. I don’t want to be another notch on your belt. Please forgive me. I’m sorry, but this cannot happen again.
Always,
Jenna
I can hear the guys messing around in the pool this morning as I make my way downstairs. Since Gabe’s bedroom door and mine were both closed, they probably assumed we were in our own beds. I grab my bag that I packed as quickly as I could, take the note I made to Brennan when I was up in Gabe’s room saying:
Bren,
I know it’s sudden, but I seriously need to clear my head. Give me a few days, maybe a week or two. IDK!! I'm all fucked up. Don't look for me, I won’t be found. There's a book in the studio with some work for you guys to tweak. I look forward to working on it when I get back. I'm sorry. Give me time. No drugs, I promise!
Love you
Jems
I take the note, fold it up. I walk back upstairs to tape it to his door with the letter B on the outside. Walking downstairs, I look out the glass window to the pool. A tear escapes my eye as I see my boys having a good time. Whispering "I love you guys" I continue to make my way to my Kia Soul, load the back with my bag and guitar. I take my seat behind the wheel and take a deep breath, clenching my hands around the steering wheel before exhaling and putting it in reverse.
I get about 30 minutes away when my phone pings, automatically I know its Brennan. I pull to the side of the road and pick up the phone and read the text, surprisingly I have two texts. I must not have noticed Gabe’s. I decide to read Gabe’s before Brennan’s.
Jenna, Call me. You can’t just leave things with a note. I don’t know what’s so confusing. If two people have deep feelings for each other, isn’t that enough? Please call me angel. Gabriel
I get it Jenna. Please promise me you'll check in morning and night. One week is all I will allow. Don't make me go grey before 30 Jems. We will work on your lyrics and will be ready for you when you come back. ILY!!!! Bren
I know he is waiting for a response, but I just can't seem to muster up one. Powering off the phone, I pull ahead onto the interstate and continue my way to wherever I'm headed.
The concierge gives me my room key. He’s a handsome young boy who is trying his hardest to flirt with me. Sadly, I’m not in the mood for it, so I decide to ignore him.
"Do you guys have safety deposit boxes here?" I ask him.
"We do, it is complimentary for our special guests." He says with a mischievous smile. I find myself rolling my eyes at him.
"Great." grabbing my phone from my purse, I hand it to him so he can put it in for me, giving me enough time to get away...
"Will I have access to it at all times?"
"Yes Ma'am," he hands me another key which is to the box "through those doors, is the safety boxes. You can come and go at your leisure."
"Perfect" I grab my keycard and make my way to the elevator. Holding the keys in my hands as I make my way to my room, I walk through the door letting it close on its own behind me. I place my bag and guitar on the love seat by the door and walk straight to the kitchen. I grab a bottle of vodka and cranberry that’s waiting for me. At least they got my request right since I called ahead just after leaving the house.
Lying on the bed, drink in hand, I decide to turn on the TV. I flip through the stations until I come across something worth watching. "Dirty Dancing." With a slight shrug, I toss the remote to the foot of the bed and watch the movie. I know I'm going to get shit for not telling Brennan where I am or that I'm okay, but he will live. I need this time for me. Losing Will, Rehab, moving up here, it’s all just so much change in such a short time. And now Gabe. I just need to find my inner Zen so I can get this record done that I promised Will that we would finish.
We are supposed to go on tour soon, actually, we were supposed to be already touring but I just cannot take that step yet without Will. I know soon enough, I am going to have to pull myself together and stand back on that stage, and I know I’m stalling by prolonging this album. This is the only time I will be able to get away. No men, No phones, No nothing. Speaking of no men, I make a mental note to make sure I delete Justin from my phone. Then I need to decide what to do about Gabe.
"Ugh Jenna, get a grip! Stop thinking and just relax!" I tell myself. Pouring myself another glass and grabbing the room phone, I confirm my appointment for a full body massage first thing in the morning and place an order for lunch and dinner. A complete day or two or maybe even three is exactly what I need. I make myself comfy on the bed and watch the show until I end up falling asleep.
Gabriel
Walking into the lobby from the pool at the hotel, I take my key to the safe from my handbag and make my way to my box. It’s been a good week since I’ve been here. I decide to check my messages. Taking my phone from the safety deposit box, I power it on and check my messages as I walk back to my room. In the elevator, I see texts from Brennan, Matt, Gabe and Drew. The ones from Brennan are the typical “Hey, call me when you can, I’m worried.” Or “Jems, I’m freaking out here, please at least text me!!!” I just don’t get it, I told him I would be away for a while. It’s barely been a week and he’s already sent me over fifty texts, calls and voicemails. Not even bothering to read them all, I shoot a quick text:
Bren, damn, you would think I left the planet or something. I told you I needed some time. Chill a bit ok? No need to put my face on a carton or anything stupid like that. I’ll be home soon. ILY… Jems
Scrolling thru my other texts, I come upon Gabriel’s as I make it into my room and lounge on the sofa.
J, your bro is flipping the fuck out. Call or text him please!
And
Jenna, where the fuck are you? Now you have me worried! You didn’t even give me a kiss goodbye! I miss your lips.
OK. I was kidding about your lips. I actually miss your smile, your body and your, um, well I just miss you!
Rolling my eyes at that one, I keep scrolling:
Jenna, Oh Jenna… We can’t record without you! Come home angel! Oh yeah, check this link out
It’s the link to Justin Timberlake’s song “Like I Love You”. So I send him a reply laughing:
Gabe, when will you realize it will never happen between us? I thought you liked your testicles?!? I miss you too, nice song. Be home soon. I’ll text when I leave here okay? Xo Jems
Instantly my phone buzzes:
One: Your lips on mine last
week said something completely different about us.
Two: I only need one testicle to create a child…… AND
Three: OH EM GEE... Did you just send hugs and kisses? YES!!! I do have a chance!!! Haha. Where the hell are you anyways? I will meet you there! I know you’re all wrapped around that douche you met, but he isn’t here for you! I am.
Shit, I have done my best to not think of anyone. Now he has me wondering why I even bothered checking my phone in the first place.
Still Waiting Jems……… and waiting….
Laughing at him I reply
I’m at a spa, and I am in Seattle. That’s enough info for you! You rat on me, and you WILL have No testicles left, and Brennan will have nothing to do with it!!!!!
Oooohh kinky! I like it! Ha
Followed by:
No seriously, come home soon or I will come and get you!
Geez, he never stops does he? Tossing the phone on the other side of the sofa, I walk my way to the kitchen area, grabbing a drink from the mini fridge and think back to the day I met Gabriel Gonzales.
Sitting at the kitchen table, pen in hand, writing some lyrics down, the front door opens, “Jenna! Where the hell are you?” is all I hear, without even looking around for me.
“I am in here, God, what’s wrong?” I ask almost concerned, knowing he is probably bluffing with his excitement like he always does.
“Are you decent?” I hear him ask as he pokes his head in the kitchen. Really? When am I ever not decent? “Good you are.” He walks in and following him is um, wow. Looking from the floor up, I see a pair of Doc Martins. Trailing my eyes upwards, I follow a set of ripped blue jeans fitting nice and snug, black belt. Noticing the tightness of his white shirt around his chest, I think my chin literally drops as my eyes slowly make their way to his face. The smirk looking back at me, eyeing me up in return makes me shiver.
