by Savana Jade
“Hit what?” Matt asks, not affected by my attire. Of course he isn’t for the simple fact that he helped me pick out the bikini and he has seen me in much less. One day, Brennan had forgotten to lock the front door, Matt came upstairs to grab something from Brennan’s room and I came out of the shower, buck naked thinking I was home alone, plus I had forgotten to grab a towel out of the dryer. I screamed, he laughed and that was the end of it. “Gabe, earth to Gabe.” He yells, grabbing Gabe’s attention.
Shaking his head to compose himself, Gabe says. “Never mind, I think I’m going to stay in tonight after all.” Looking down at the float I’m about ready to jump into, I smile at myself.
Resting on a noodle watching Brennan, Matt and Drew play water basketball at the shallow end, Gabe catches my eye as he’s walking through the back sliding glass door, phone in hand, and a smile on his face. He had gone upstairs to change into a pair of swim trunks a little while ago. He looks up from where he sat his phone down and notices me watching him. He winks and jumps into the water and swims towards me. Coming up to surface, he rests his arms on the side of my noodle that isn’t occupied. We float in complete silence. I refuse to look at him, and I know from the corner of my eye that he hasn’t taken his eyes off of me. Good. I can see him looking down into the water and observe my tiny bikini. After what seems like forever, I finally cave.
“What do you want Gabe?” I ask as I crane my head in his direction.
“Nice bikini. Is it new?” He asks.
“Nope, sure isn’t. As a matter of fact, Matt helped me pick it out.” I watch the rage in his eyes. He looks over to Matt who in defense shrugs and puts his hands up in surrender.
“Guess who that was?” He asks nodding over to his phone, knowing I don’t want to know the answer. I know the game he’s playing and I have been playing along until now. “Come on Jenna. Guess.”
I whisper to myself. “Fuck this.” I turn to him and say “You know what Gabriel. I don’t care who it was. All I ask is that you don’t bring her or any other one of your whores into my house. Okay?” I push off the noodle and swim towards the Jacuzzi. I take two steps up and hear a chuckle from him before stepping over and into the hot bubbling water and sitting furthest from him as possible.
Jealousy is not one of my best features, and for some reason, I feel like I am full of jealousy when it comes to Gabriel. I made this decision and now I have to live with it. However, I refuse to have to deal with it in my house. God I feel like I need something in the worse way. I look over to Drew, and notice he’s looking over at me as if he knows what I’m thinking. He shakes his head and swims my way. Great.
“You okay?” He asks. I silently whisper no, looking down at the bubbles coming up from under the water. I am so mad at myself for being so upset. “Jems.” I look up, knowing he wants to make eye to eye contact with me by the tone of his voice. “You know he’s fucking with you right?” I move my head to the side, raising an eyebrow looking over his shoulder to Gabe who has now taking over Drew’s place in the game. Drew steps out of the pool and into the Jacuzzi and sits next to me. “He was talking to his baby sister.” I follow Drew’s eyes with confusion with mine.
“Emily?” He nods.
“Mhmm. I overheard him saying her name when you were making your way upstairs to change. He’s trying to get you upset, just like you are trying to get his attention with your bikini. And by the look of both your and his face, it’s working for both of you.” Well, what an asshole he is, trying to get me upset. I can’t believe I fell for it. As mad as I am at him for trying to upset me, my chest tightens a bit knowing he wasn’t really calling anyone, at least this time he wasn’t.
“Thank you.” I nudge my shoulder with his, watching our feet float to the surface. I have to admit, I do feel a little bit better about today knowing how much Drew has helped me.
“Always babe. What are friends for anyways?” He chuckles and shakes his head. “If you only knew…” He halts immediately. Only knew what? They have all been saying that. What’s going on?
“Knew what?” I finally ask. He just smiles, and looks at the guys. I glance in the direction and see a curious Gabe staring at us. His look was one that’s visually threatening someone. What the hell is going on? “Drew, if I only knew what?” I ask again. He says nothing as Gabe joins us.
“What’s going on here?” Gabe asks as he sloshes his way into the hot water. His eyes don’t leave Drew’s face.
“You tell me. You’re the one that decided to interrupt our conversation.” I reply with venom in my voice. “Go back and play.”
“I was getting a cramp.” He says as he still eyes Drew and sits right next to me. Great. I can feel the electricity between us begin to come alive already. “Thought it would be a good idea to come and relax it a bit.” I roll my eyes at him. “What?” he asks smiling down at me now.
“Nothing. And knock it off with your stupid smile.” I say as Brennan and Matt enter the Jacuzzi causing the water to slosh over the edge. I know I need to talk to Brennan, and I should do it in private, but with all that’s happened today. I think here is the perfect time. This affects us all in the end doesn’t it?
“Bren?” I ask, grabbing his attention as he reaches over to grab his beer he left on the poolside.
“Yeah?” he asks before sitting back down.
“I really don’t want her money.” There, I said it.
“Can I ask why, Jems?” He seems heartbroken with my response. “Could you just imagine what we could do with money like that?” he asks. “A new tour bus for the band and one just for you. New equipment for us all. We can even make our own studio with that kind of money. We wouldn’t have to actually work so hard outside of the band for it.” He explains his reasoning. All are good reasons and each one makes sense, but what he doesn’t realize is it’s not our money, it’s hers.
“But it’s not our money Bren. It’s hers, and I want no part of her.” I try to say my peace without crying. I notice the others have gone completely silent, looking down at the bubbles coming from the jets to prevent making eye contact with either of us. “She left us Brennan. She disappeared and we never heard from her again. This money,” I huff, “This money means nothing to me.” I swallow the lump and continue. “I did not know her like you did. You had a mother. I didn’t. And now here she is, all up in our lives throwing her money at us. It’s like she’s come back to make up for lost time. But it’s too late, dead or not, it’s too late for me.” I say as a solo tear escapes my eye. Ever so softly, a hand covers mine. I look down through the water at it, then look up to the eyes whose hand has softly interlocked his fingers with mine. It’s not a sign of anything but support, support that I needed more than anyone else, Gabe’s.
“It’s ok, I got you.” He whispers so softly that even I have a hard time hearing it. Allowing my fingers to entwine with his, I squeeze his in a return of gratitude.
“I know.” Brennan says softly. “You’re right. I did get to have her as a mother. I remembered all the good times with her. But you know what Jenna?” He says harshly. “I remember it all. I remember the nights that she never came home. And I remember Dad drinking until he passed out waiting for something that would never happen. I remember more than you can ever imagine.” I’m now squeezing Gabe’s hand so hard even my fingers hurt.
“So yeah, Jenna, sometimes I wish I didn’t remember her. I wish I didn’t remember the fights she and dad use to have when they thought we were in bed. I wish I didn’t see her come home sometimes with someone when dad was at work. There is so much I wish for Jenna. But the entire time, I chose to keep you from it all. If I had to see it all, I sure as hell did not want you to see it too.”
I close my eyes and let the tears fall. Shit, I’ve been so self-centered that I didn’t even realize how he’s taking this. “Brennan.”
“Look Jenna. I know you don’t want the money. And I accept your reasons behind it. I really do. But,” He looks at each of the members of our sma
ll dysfunctional family. “I am taking it. I’m taking it for us, all of us. Matty can give some to his kid. Drew can help his dad’s church out with his part. Gabe can even buy his girlfriend’s shit with his part.” Gabe’s the one squeezing my hand now with a huge angry huff. “And you know what? I’m taking that money for me. You want to know why? She owes me for leaving us. She owes me for taking care of you all these years. She owes me!”
Tears seem to be flowing more fluidly at this point when I ask softly. “Do you regret it?” I shift my eyes up from the bubbles up to his eyes. I want an honest answer he knows when I look right into his eyes, he cannot lie to me. “Brennan. Do you regret taking care of me, ever?” The knot that’s formed in my throat has grown twice in size as I hold my breath waiting for his answer.
“No! God, No Jenna! How can you even ask a question like that?” He pushes away from the side and pulls me into his arms. “Sis. I regret a lot of things in my life, like loving mom and dad when they didn’t deserve to be loved. I regret not giving you more when you were still growing up. Heck. I even regret not going to college sometimes. But don’t you ever, ever think that I regret taking care of you.” He holds me tighter as I sob in his arms, letting it all go. The fights I’ve had with him, the fights with Gabe, moving here, even losing Will. But most of all, I cry for Brennan. “Shhh. It’s okay Jems.” He tries to calm me.
“Hey.” He says after some time has passed. He takes my face in his to look directly into me. “You may be theirs by blood. But you are my precious gem.” He smiles making me smile. He and Will always called me their gem, which is where Jems came from. “You’re a bright shining beautiful gem that lights up any room when you enter it. You always have had that quality. And I am so proud to be your big brother.” He pulls me into a bear hug again.
I open my eyes after a minute, still in Brennan’s arms and see a tear in Gabe’s eye. He looks at me, winks and looks away trying to hide it. I know he misses his family even though he won’t admit it. I pull away from Brennan, smiling at him with nothing but love and compassion for my guardian angel across from me. I look around the Jacuzzi and see the love of each member here. This is my family. This is what it’s all about for me, them. My life revolves around Matty, Drew, Gabe and of course Brennan. What I wouldn’t do without each of them. I never felt like I ever belonged anywhere.
But looking at each of them, I know now, that this is exactly where I belong. “Okay.” I say and look over to Brennan who’s wiping away tears from his own eyes. “I’ll do it.” I look around into the eyes of my family. “I’ll take the money.”
Matt coughs a little to clear his throat. “There’s just one more thing.” He looks over to me then to Brennan then takes a deep breath. “In order to accept the money,” He looks down into the bubbles and swallows looking up straight into my eyes only this time. “You need to all be present.”
“Okay?” I ask “Where do we go?”
“She’s in Florida. You must attend her funeral according to Mom.” He says looking over to Drew as if Drew knows something. I look over at Drew in confusion.
“Drew, do you know something about this?” I ask.
“I just found out today.” He says softly. “Dad got a call yesterday and was asked to conduct the service for your mom.”
My heart has officially stopped while my breathing seems to have picked up speed. “What?”
“I swear I had no clue guys.” He tries to exclaim. “I guess she knew about us being in rehab. She figured out who I was, and she came in contact with him. She had made arrangements long ago while we were still in. Why he didn’t tell me is beyond me. Maybe because he knew I would not allow it. But now that she is gone; he is bound by a contract to take care of her.” His voice is full of sorrow. “We will be meeting them in Florida.”
“You have got to be kidding me.” Brennan cries out. “Anything else we need to know?”
“Well, there is one more thing.” Matt says. “The signing needs to be done with a lawyer in California. I’m sorry Jenna. But your dad will be there to sign too.”
“What?” I ask.
“No fucking way.” Brennan is yelling now. “This is a sick joke right?”
“I’m so sorry guys. I’m not joking. I am not sure if he has to attend the service, but he does have to show up to receive his portion of her money.” Matt says.
“No!” Brennan says. “He is not going to be anywhere near my sister or me.”
“Brennan.” I cry. “Stop.”
“Stop?” He snaps. “I will not stop! That man made the choice to walk out of our lives, leaving us to fend for ourselves. As far as I’m concerned, he lost any right to see us. Period!”
“Bren, man. He has to be there in order for you to get the money.” Drew says.
“I don’t care! We can go and sign at different times. I will not have her happiness ripped to shreds again Drew. You didn’t see how she was.” He yells. Tears are pouring from my eyes. Gabe pulls me onto his lap and wraps his arms around me trying to calm me.
“She was a fucking wreck. Ask Matt! It took her months to get over him walking out on us. MONTHS! Will was the only one who could get her to even talk again. She was like a God damned zombie walking around the house. It fucking tore me into two knowing that I couldn’t do a fucking thing about it.”
My bloodshot eyes make their way to Matt. It’s apparent he is remembering that time in our lives. A few droplets escape his eyes. I had no clue this affected Brennan so much let alone Matt. He never let on that it bothered him as much as it did me. Or maybe I was so selfish and blind wallowing in my own sorrow to even notice it.
“Brennan, I am so sorry.” I try to get out through broken cries.
“Angel, it’s not your fault.” Gabe whispers in my ear.
“Jenna. No.” Brennan cries. “Gabe’s right. None of this is your fault Jems. It’s his and hers”
“I know, but I was so selfish Bren. I didn’t even think about you.” I cry.
“Hey, I knew it was coming. I saw the signs. I had Will and Matt to help me out. They got me by, and their parents.” His voice softens.
“So what do we do now?” Gabe asks. “Obviously, you want the money. But on the other hand, you don’t want her to see your dad. Do you think she can sign at a different time?”
“I don’t know Gabe, but I will not allow him to set eyes on her after all these years.”
“Don’t I get a say?” I ask. Their eyes fall onto me. “I will do it Bren.” He shakes his head and begins to argue. “Shut up! Let me talk.” His eyes widen and he sits back. “I have gone through so much in my life. We both have. This money means a lot to you Brennan. So, this is what we will do. We will go to Florida so you can say goodbye to her. I will be there for you and you alone. I did not know the woman, so it means nothing to be there. Then, we’ll go to California. I will sign the necessary papers and we will come home. If he shows up, then he shows up. You know he will because if it was the money that was the only thing keeping him at the house, we know he will be back for the money. I’m not worried about it. I have you guys.” I try to smile. “I know you guys won’t let anyone hurt me.”
Gabe squeezes me tighter. “You have got to be one of the strongest women I know angel. Do you know that?” I sniffle and smile.
“You bet your ass you have us babe.” Matt says. “We are like your own personal body guards.” He laughs “Except for Gabe, he couldn’t hurt a fly.” I begin giggling.
“Fuck you man. I’m a lover not a fighter.” Gabe looks down at me and I laugh harder. “What’s so damn funny Ms. Munson?”
“You.” I say as I rest my hand on his chest. I know Brennan probably has smoke coming out of his ears, but I don’t care. Gabe has always been here for me, regardless of how we feel for each other, I know he always will. He looks down at me, laughs and shakes his head before pushing me in the middle of the Jacuzzi causing me to sink. They all begin in a fit of laughter. “Ass” I say when I come up and splash him.
<
br /> “So.” Matt says between laughs. “Are we doing this or what?” I take my seat between Gabe and Drew once again and make eye contact with Brennan. His face is worrisome. I offer him a weak smile and a nod. He looks around the group then rests on Matt.
“When do we need to be there?”
“Well, she is being cremated so there isn’t a rush according to Mr. Johnson. Mom and dad plan on flying Dani out with them at the end of the week and will stay until the service.” He says.
“My mom and dad will be there in a few days. He has to get his sermon prepared mom said. I guess they will be staying with Matt’s parents too.” Drew says.
“So there’s no rush?” I ask.
“I don’t think so, why?” Matt asks.
“Well, since both your parents are going out there this week, and they are waiting on us, couldn’t we drive?” My eyes stay on Brennan as I ask. “Well, we can park Gabe’s and Drew’s in the garage and take the Escalade and my car.” I shift my attention over to Gabe. “Couldn’t we stop at your parent’s house for a few days?”
His eyes bulge out and all the blood runs from his face. Not the expression I was looking for by any means. “Um. I guess so yeah.” He stutters.
“Is that a problem?” I get the feeling there is as I ask. He answers a little too quickly.
“No, no. No problem at all. I would just have to call my mom to make sure it’s ok.” He answers with a shaky voice.
“Then it’s settled then.” Brennan claps causing Gabe and I to jump a bit in our seats. “We leave in two days.”
Too Close
We are about an hour from the house. The last few days were hectic with phone calls to Drew and Matt’s families. Neither one of them have had any contact from my father which is a good sign. Brennan and I are hoping he stays out of Florida. The Escalade is filled with the guys’ bags and guitars and mine only has my two travel bags and my guitar.
We decided to split up and write out drive times between us all. We are hoping not to stop for the night, but by the looks of it, we will end up at a hotel. Drew is riding along with me and offered to drive first, I am thankful for that. I don’t think I slept more than two hours max all night last night. Brennan must have felt the same way because around three in the morning, he came into my room, crawled into my bed and held me to sleep. Not a word was made, no words were needed. I just knew what he was telling me with just him being there.
